So-- 3 things. number one ZOMFR (zoh my fucking rowling) HOW GLAD ARE YOU THAT THE SITE BEING UP FOR SALE WASNT REAL AND WE STILL HAVE OUR BELOVED STORIES??? number two-- this chapter is a lot longer and less funny than the others. You know days when you just feel like shit? Yeah I was having one of those days-- I have no friends the world hates me why do my only few friends live out of state etc etc. thus, this somewhat depressing and whiny chapter was born. but there's some okay parts, I hope… well its very different than the other chapters so please please please tell me what you thought. number 3--how do you request a banner on TDA? gah im stupid.
P.S. sorry for the long wait, we moved and my new house didn't have internet for a while
“You okay, Bennet?” Black asked me, stopping me from adding crocodile heart before the frog spleen to our potion--again.
“Yes,” I replied, glaring. “Why do you care?”
Black shrugged. “I was being a kind human being. So sue me.”
I glowered at him. “Maybe I will, Black. My father’s a lawyer, you know.”
Black smirked. “Fine.”
“FUCKING PEACHY!” I yelled furiously. Black held his hands up.
“Whoa there, aqua cheetah,” he said silkily. “Don’t go all super villain on my beautiful arse, please. What, are you on your period or something?”
I growled. “Don’t fucking push me, Black, I am not in a good fucking mood.”
Black smirked. “What, did your friends hide your supply of candy?”
“Yes!” I yelled. “But no! That’s totally beside the point! I am angry for other reasons as well!”
“And why is that?” he asked smoothly, stirring our potion. I admired his toned arms. Hey, don’t judge, he may be my archenemy but I’m a teenage girl. I have needs. And I may be a little bit sexually deprived lately; I hadn’t had a decent snog, or any at all really, since summer.
Instead of answering, I just glared in the direction of Mickey. She was partnered up with Remus Lupin, the only decent marauder. As I watched, Remus whispered something into Mickey’s ear. Mickey blushed and laughed, shoving him gently. As she stirred the potion, Remus stood behind her and placed his hands over hers, moving the stirrer gently in circles. Mickey looked up at him and beamed. Remus leaned down and ever so gently kissed her cheek. Splash. The stick I had been using to stir my potion fell in.
“Did you see that?” I hissed at Black, poking him in the arm. Black just stared at me in shock.
“Are they seeing each other?” I asked him. Black shrugged.
“I dunno, Remus told us he was seeing someone but he didn’t say who. I guess it’s McClellan then, huh?”
“I guess it is,” I said with an evil grin. Looking scared, Black backed away slightly. I grinned even bigger.
“And Black? Just so you know, just because we went two minutes without killing each other, doesn’t mean we’re friends. We clear?”
“Crystal,” Black muttered, and if I didn’t know better I could have sworn he sounded slightly disappointed.
After Potions, I cornered Mickey. “MICHAELA LUCILLE-WHY-DOESN’T-YOUR-MIDDLE-NAME-START-WITH-AN-M MCCLELLAN! JUST WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU’RE GOING, HUH?”
Mickey looked suitably terrified. Hey, they hid my special supply of Jolly Ranchers and they must pay the price. “Um, lunch?” she asked meekly. I shook my head.
“No, Michaela. You are not going to lunch. Where you are going, is staying right here.”
Mickey frowned. “That made no sense.”
“Whatever!” I exclaimed. “It did in my head! Do you want to know why you’re not going anywhere but where you already are?”
Mickey looked like she was trying not to laugh. “Do tell, Cammie. Your brain interests me.”
“Because,” I said, poking her shoulder. “Somebody didn’t bother to tell their bestest friend-slash-sometimes lover that they were seeing someone! And by someone, I mean the lowest kind of someone ever. I mean a Marauder!”
“Oh,” said Mickey dully. “You found out.”
“Of course I did!” I said. “I’m not an idiot!” Mickey snorted. “Anyway,” I continued. “A Marauder, Mickey, really? That’s low. I’d even tolerate a gay Puffie, but a Marauder? Really? This sheds a whole new light on Operation FOWMNBIASHIHAS-OAM!”
Mickey looked totally perplexed. “Huh?”
I waved my hand. “Operation Find-out-who-Mickey’s-new-boyfriend-is-and-shun-him-if-he’s-a-Slytherin-or-a-Marauder. But that’s not the point! The point is that we didn’t think you’d actually date a Marauder! Where are your restrictions, Micksters?”
Then Mickey did something I didn’t really expect. She got mad. “This is exactly why I didn’t tell you, Cam!” she yelled furiously. “Because you’re so damn immature! What is your problem, huh? Remus is a nice guy! Just because he’s friends with Black, doesn’t mean you can automatically hate him! You are so childish sometimes, Camilla Rosalie Bennet! CHILDISH! Maybe that’s why you don’t have any real friends, ever thought of that? We just feel sorry for you because you’re so childish and annoying! You’re immature, and awkward, and nobody can stand to be near you for long! You try too hard to be funny, and it just doesn’t work! Nobody really likes you! People feel sorry for you because you’re so delusional! Sometimes, I’m really not surprised that your family hates you! Just because you couldn’t get a decent bloke if your life depended on it doesn’t mean you have to take out your loneliness on your friends! Friends don’t do that to each other! But you know what, it doesn’t matter, because we’re not friends, Cam Bennet! Now goodbye, I’m going to go eat lunch with Remus.” And Mickey stormed away. My first thought was, Merlin, is she on her period or something? But then what she had said hit me. I sank to the floor. All my insecurities and worries had just been exposed in one angry moment, and I felt like shit.
What people don’t see is that despite how I may appear, I’m not happy all the time. I’m very insecure really. I can’t even count how many times I’ve felt self-conscious, or not good enough for my friends, or like a pathetic loser who will never have friends, or awkward, or annoying, or immature, and just too oblivious to notice that nobody really likes me. A few tears leaked out. Why does the world hate me? I thought Mickey was one of my best friends. I told her everything, even things I don't tell myself. To have her throw all that in my face in one moment of fury made me wonder if we were ever really friends. I began crying harder. What if she was right? Maybe I am just oblivious. Maybe I do go too far with my jokes. Maybe I’m not funny at all. Maybe people just find me childish and annoying. Hell, if Mickey feels that way, maybe Hallie and even Bree do too. I mean, Hallie is much too pretty and popular to be friends with someone like me. And Bree is—Bree. She’s perfect. Everybody loves her. Nobody thinks Bree is annoying. She’s Bree Cartwright. She’s charismatic, and beautiful, and funny in a way I will never be. She’s also smarter, something I would never admit. I am very sensitive about my grades. There are times when I feel like the nerdiest friendless loser at Hogwarts. Oh Great God of Jolly Ranchers, why must the world hate me so?
“I’m such a terrible person,” I said out loud to the deserted hallway, tears choking my voice. Not that anyone could hear. They were all at lunch, with their friends and boyfriends, not a care in the world or a thought for a lonely fifteen year old crying down in the dungeons.
“Hello?” came a voice from somewhere to my left. “Hello?” I looked up. Evans stood there, her red hair pulled into a ponytail and a book tucked under her arm. God, I hate her. She’s beautiful, and nice, and smart, and has a lot of friends, and is stalked by the second-hottest boy in the year. “Bennet?” she asked, walking closer. “Is that you?”
Head still between my knees, I nodded. I could hear Evans kneel down, and she placed her hand on my knee. “You all right?” she asked. I shook my head. “What happened?”
“I’m such an idiot,” I muttered, tears running down my cheeks.
“No, you’re not,” said Evans. “You’re the smartest person in the year. What makes you think you’re an idiot?”
“Because,” I mumbled, “Nobody likes me and I’m too oblivious to see that. They think I’m childish and annoying and not funny and an idiot.”
“Bennet, that's not true,” said Evans quietly. “Who told you that?”
“Mickey,” I muttered, looking up. Evans was biting her lip, looking concerned. “Why are you talking to me? I thought we hated each other.”
“We don’t hate each other,” said Evans. “At least, I don’t hate you, and I hope you don’t hate me. We’re just—academic rivals, I guess.”
“Academic rivals,” I said with a slight smile. “I can do that. But only as long as you call me Cam and I call you Lily.”
Lily smiled at me. “I can do that. Now, why would McClellan say that to you? I thought you were best friends.”
“I thought so too,” I said, a couple more tears leaking out. “But what hurt the most was, I tell her everything that I don’t tell anyone else. And to have her throw all the secrets that I trusted her with at me so-so angrily, and I just—“ I sighed loudly and burst into tears once more. “The worst part, though,” I continued. “Is that she said all the things I’m most insecure about, and I just- I just can’t help but wonder if they’re true, if she and my other friends really feel that way, and It’s just so h-hard—“ Then Evans did something I never expected. She pulled me into a hug. And I hugged her back.
“It’s just the worst feeling in the world, isn’t it?” she asked me. “To have someone you trusted and loved abruptly start hating you for something that isn’t your fault.”
I looked up at her. “W-who are you to talk?” I asked her. “Your life is f-fucking p-perfect.”
Lily snorted. “I wish. My sister, Petunia, used to be my best friend until I found out I was a witch. Now, she barely speaks to me, and when she does it’s only to call me a freak and tell me nobody would ever love a freak like me. We used to be so close, and now she hates me. I still have trouble making friends, because I worry that they’ll abandon me the way Petunia did.”
I hugged her. “I’m sorry, Lily,” I whispered. Lily shrugged.
“It’s no matter,” she said, not sounding entirely convinced. “Just—don’t believe anything McClellan says, Cam. I know we’re not exactly friends, or even like each other in the slightest, but you’re funny, and smart, and pretty, and popular. You have no idea how much I wish I were you. You always seem so confident. I wish I was as bold and unfazed as you always seem to be. No matter what happens, you can always laugh it off and you’re okay.”
“I’m not though, is the thing!” I said. “I make jokes to disguise how much it hurts, but it never really goes away! Each and every bad thing anyone has ever said to me has stuck to me, making me more and more insecure every time, and there’s nothing I can do to stop it, and I feel like one day people are going to stop feeling bad for me and there will be no more reason to be my friend, and it just kills me to think that! And besides, I know I’m childish and immature. Don’t even bother denying it.”
“I won’t,” said Lily, hugging me again. “Maybe you can be immature sometimes, but it suits you. That’s your personality. It’s one of the things that make you Cam. Your immaturity and ability to laugh at everything can brighten up even the darkest of places. Everybody’s insecure, but if there’s one thing I can promise, it’s that your friends really care for you. Yes, even McClellan. She’s just mad right now, but I know for a fact that Cartwright and Lee will never, ever, ever desert you. You do have friends and people who love you, Cam, even if you can’t tell. So stop being insecure, and let’s go get lunch.” Lily stood up, offering me her hand.
“Lily?” I asked tentatively as we walked up the stairs. She turned around and looked at me. “Are you my friend?” I whispered.
“Of course,” Lily replied. “There are some things you can’t go through without coming out friends, and I believe our heart-to-heart back there is one of those things.”
I beamed. “Thanks, Lily.”
“No problem,” she said, turning towards the Gryffindor table. “Bye, Cam.”
“Bye, Lily,” I said, sitting down at the Ravenclaw table between Bree and Hallie, determinedly not looking at the Gryffindor table where Mickey sat next to her boyfriend.
“Hey, you okay?” asked Hallie, looking at me. I quickly wiped away the tracks my tears had left on my cheeks.
“I’m fine,” I said, taking a deep breath and grabbing a sandwich.
“If you say so,” said Bree, not looking convinced. “Why did you walk in with Evans? Why were you crying? Why is Mickey sitting with Lupin? Why does she look like she was crying? Are you and Evans friends now? How did that happen? Where were you, anyway?”
“Mickey was crying?” I asked, looking at Bree, who shrugged.
“Sure looks like it. Care to tell why?”
“Later,” I replied carefully, trying not to start sobbing again. Bree’s innocent questioning just reminded me of what Lily had said, that my friends would never desert me. “Anyone else in the mood for dessert?”
Bree and Hallie looked at each other, then shrugged. “Sure,” said Hallie. “So, are you and Evans friends now?” I nodded. “How did that happen?” she asked. “I thought you two hated each other.”
“Not really,” I replied. “We were just—academic rivals, that’s all. She’s actually a very nice person, you know. Very understanding.”
Bree shrugged. “Okay, that’s cool. You want some chocolate? You look like shit.”
“Love you too, Beebee,” I said with a laugh, taking a bar of chocolate. “Thanks.” I turned around and saw Lily sitting slightly apart from her friends, looking pensive. She looked up at me and smiled, waving slightly. I looked slightly down the table and saw Mickey sitting next to Lupin, looking fairly depressed. She saw me looking and glared at me. I gave a slight wave. Mickey just glared harder. Hallie seized that moment to yell, “HEY! LOOK! A DISTRACTION!”
“WHERE?” I asked, whipping my head around, then cursing angrily. That’s the fourth time I’ve fallen for that! Hallie grabbed my chocolate out of my hand and took a massive bite.
“OI!” I yelled. “JUST WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING, LEE? THAT WAS MY CHOCOLATE! GIMME!” And then I levicorpused her cute little arse above the table and grabbed my chocolate, to laughs echoing around the Great Hall. Hey, I thought with a smirk in Mickey’s direction. Maybe I am funny after all. And I definitely have friends. So take that, McClellan. Who needs you? Right now, I just gots my chocolate. So—go cry in a corner like a sad little social reject for being a bitch to Cammie.
I'm not totally happy with this chapter…tell me what you think please???
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