Chapter 6 : Mental Insanity and Towers of... Hickeys?
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“How are you, James?” she asked.
Well, you cheated on me with the Slytherin Quidditch captain, and my best friends’ best friend is currently in love with me. How do you think I am?
“Fine.” I said simply.
She nodded, and looked down as she began fiddling with her hands, something she always did when she was nervous. As my eyes scanned her nervous state, old feelings began rushing back, and I found myself falling for her all over again. I completely forgot all about Victoria, and Desmond, as I became completely engrossed in Amelie.
Finally, she looked up, and I found myself staring into her familiar, soft, brown eyes. “James.” She gave me a small, slightly apprehensive smile. “Merlin, there’s no easy way to say this.” she whispered to herself as she ran one hand through her long, blonde curls. She took a step closer to me, and smiled again. “James, I want you back.”
For a second, I thought I was hallucinating. As I stood there before her, I honestly believed that I had gone bonkers and I was currently having some sort of lucid dream about my Amelie. But then her hand came in contact with my shoulder, and her scent filled my nose. This was no dream. This was bloody real.
“What?” I asked stupidly, blinking rapidly.
Her smiled widened. “I want you back, James.” She whispered as she came closer in a way that made my mouth water with an unadulterated amount of desire. “I never meant to hurt you—you know that.”
I gulped as her other hand met my other shoulder. “No, I don’t think I do.” I managed to say. I felt my willpower disintegrating under her touch and I felt incredibly stupid for being so weak-willed.
Since when did a Gryffindor ever succumb to a Slytherin’s will? God, I was such a shame.
“Come James. I know you’ve missed me. I’ve missed you too.. Terribly.” She rose on her toes, as far up as she could go. I felt her thin arms winding around my neck, which made me even more nervous than I already was. “All those lonely nights, in my bed... thinking about you, thinking about being with you… being on your bed, being on you. I’ve missed you, James.”
Shit. There was a big part of my brain that was telling me that she was probably lying. Even in another life, Amelie wasn’t the type of girl to remain a wallflower when she was extremely capable of finding a way to satisfy herself. In other words, if she wanted a new boy toy, there would be absolutely nothing holding her back.
She was feisty; a girl who knew what she wanted, which she made very clear during our relationship.
Lonely nights in bed my ass. She was probably out and about screwing every male with a well functioning penis and a good set of hands.
Her lips suddenly found the side of my neck, kissing and sucking my skin.
And that’s when I loss control.
I knew it was wrong. Every conscious thought in my brain was telling me to ignore the bitch and walk away. She cheated on me after all. After seven months of dating, she went right a head and fucked the Slytherin captain. For all I knew, she’s been cheating on me throughout our entire relationship. I had every reason to shove her away, and tell her to suck one. Unfortunately, my will power was weaker that I would have liked.
Before I could register what was happening, I slammed her against the wall and captured her lips in mine, just like she liked it. Kissing Amelie felt like heaven. Her lips were soft and incredibly plump. Her body was curved perfectly, and her breast—Merlin, I could bury my face in them all day. She was absolutely perfect—bloody beautiful, in fact. Any bloke would be fucking crazy to resist someone like her.
She pushed against the wall and pressed her body close to my own as she kissed me urgently. In turn, I gripped her hips tightly with one hand, while I used the other to unbutton her white, cotton shirt. My hands moved to her ass, gripping and grabbing every part of her I possibly could. I picked her up easily and her legs immediately wrapped around my waist. I began grinding our lower regions together and she moaned softly into my mouth. Fuck, it felt just like old times.
Her hands traveled up and down my chest before they finally rested on the buckle of my trousers. The moment I heard the sound of my belt unbuckling, Victoria suddenly popped into my mind.
Seriously? I was about thirty seconds away from screaming out of frustration. I’m so close to fucking one of the hottest girls in Hogwarts, and she comes into my mind?
I groaned and quickly detached myself from a fevered Amelie. Her feet found their way back to the floor as her chest heaved up and down as she steadied herself against the wall behind her. Her hair was tousled and her lips were red and swollen. Fuck, she looked so damn sexy—no, she looked downright tempting. “What’s wrong?” she asked breathlessly, while she reached out to tug on my trousers.
Merlin, I wanted this. I wanted this so badly. But how was I supposed to continue snogging her if I was suddenly thinking about Victoria’s annoying smile, and her obnoxious laugh?
I shook my head, and moved my hands from her body to the wall behind her. Fucking Victoria. Get the fuck out of my head.
Amelie leaned forward and began planting kisses along my collar bone, sucking and biting up my neck before she began nibbling on my earlobe. “James.” She purred in my hear. “What are you waiting for? Come on and fuck me.”
Here she was, practically throwing herself at me. Amelie Elkin; every man’s dream and fantasy.
I pulled Amelie tighter against me once I threw all thoughts of Victoria out of mind, and began kissing her once more. I smirked in satisfaction once I realized that I finally managed to focus on Amelie, and only on Amelie. My hands roamed across her body, paying close attention to her sultry breast. Her shirt was now discarded on the floor, which was soon joined by my own shirt.
Amelie moaned in pleasure again. “James.” She breathed as I sucked on the junction of her neck and collarbone—the sweet spot that drove her insane. “Oh, James.”
What the fuck?
“James.” She moaned again in the same voice that sounded disgustingly similar to Victoria’s. “Fuck.” She whispered.
Abruptly, I drew back, recoiling my arms back to my sides. Fuck, I was going insane. I could hear Victoria’s voice in my head, calling my name over and over again.
“James?” Amelie asked in a voice that was not her own. For some strange reason, there was a fucking filter in between my ears and my brain that suddenly turned Amelie’s voice into Victoria’s, and it was not going away.
Shit, this girl is driving me mad.
Amelie took a step forward, but I immediately backed away upon impulse. “James what’s wrong?”
I felt like Victoria was standing right in front of me, asking me these very questions even though the only person I saw was Amelie. What in the name of Merlin is going on with me? Amelie was practically throwing herself at me, and here I was, unable to shove Victoria Rose out of my mind.
“We’ll talk later.” I managed to say. I bent down and picked up my shirt off the floor before I carelessly threw it back on. Regretfully, I turned around and walked away, leaving a sexually frustrated Amelie behind.
I spent my walk back to the common room verbally assaulting Victoria in my mind. I was pissed beyond belief and in need of a good shag, which made matters even worse. Once I entered the common room, I found Desmond slouched against the red velvet couch with his History of Magic textbook opened on his lap.
“Did you find Victoria?” he asked immediately.
Why the fuck is everything about Victoria these days? Annoying little bint…
“What are you talking about?” I asked as I collapsed on an empty armchair in front of me. “Where is she?”
Desmond’s curious expression changed in less than a second. “Are you kidding me?” he demanded. “She’s been gone for more than two and a half hours! It’s almost midnight!”
I turned around and glanced at the clock that was perched on the mantle of the fireplace. It was almost eleven-forty five, way past curfew. “Where the hell is she?” I asked, sitting up abruptly.
“I sent you out to look for her!” he growled in response. “Fuck, James. I figured that you’d care about her enough to not let anything happen to her.” He angrily grabbed his wand from the coffee table and quickly strode to the portrait hole.
I dropped my head in my hands and gripped my hair tightly. “How could I forget?” I muttered to myself. I was supposed to look for Victoria. “Fucking Amelie.” I glanced at the clock again. I suddenly felt silly for hoping that the time would suddenly move back.
What if something had happened to her? Not that I cared… I just didn’t want Desmond beating me into a bloody pulp after he finds out that I was responsible for his precious Victoria getting hurt.
Fuck, how could I fuck up like this again?
Several possibilities ran through my mind; half good, half bad. Where the fuck could she be?
I groaned and picked myself up off the armchair, hauling ass out of the common room for about the hundredth time that day.
It’s going to be a long night.
After fifteen minutes of running around the castle, I found myself standing in the middle of the Astronomy tower, staring right at the girl who has caused the majority of my troubles that night. She was perched on the edge of the tower, her head buried in a thick book. Her back was resting against the wall behind her while her wand hovered beside her head, providing the light she needed to read. “Victoria.” I growled angrily.
I wasn’t sure how I found her. After arriving at the third possible location, I guess I had some sort of epiphany. Where did Victoria always run off to whenever no one could find her?
She lifted her head abruptly, most likely out of surprise. “James.” And then she grinned. “Just couldn’t stay away from me, could you?”
I shut my eyes tightly, trying my best to compose my anger. She’s been gone for almost three bloody hours, and she has the nerve to be cheeky? “Why the fuck are you up here?” I demanded, completely failing at trying to sound calm.
Victoria looked confused. “Uh… I’m reading.” She answered slowly, holding up her book.
She was reading.
She was reading.
She came all the way up here to fucking read. She couldn’t read in her room? Was there something wrong with her room that prevented her from sitting on her fucking bed to read? Or better yet, if she wanted to read somewhere exciting, then she could have sat by her fucking window. I mean, she already lives in a tower! What more did she want? Having the possibility that if someone pushed her over, she could die? I could make that happen. Merlin, would I love to make that happen.
“Did it not occur to you to inform someone that you’re hiding out in the fucking Astronomy tower so you could read? Do you have any idea what time it is?” I sounded like my father reprimanding Lily whenever she snuck back into her bedroom at one in the morning, but I didn’t care. I was furious (still recovering from that little surprise Amelie sprang on me not more than an hour ago), Desmond was pissed, and it was all her fault. “It’s fucking twelve o’clock, and you’ve got Desmond about to pop a fucking vein!”
I guess I was overreacting.
I knew I was. But here was my chance to let all my anger out.
So I took it. On someone who does not even deserve it.
Like the big, fat asshole that I am.
Maybe she did deserve about a fourth of it.
She was Victoria after all.
“I’m sorry!” she exclaimed irritably, frowning at me. “I didn’t think any one would be worried. It’s not the first time I went missing in the middle of the night.”
I let out a frustrated groan and pinched the bridge of my nose as I shut my eyes tightly. “I’m sorry.” I heard her say softly. “I lost track of time. I was going to come back down at eleven, but—well—like I said, I lost track of time.”
I ignored her apology, and went to sit by the edge against the wall, opposite from Victoria. She watched as I made myself comfortable, and I remained quiet. I wasn’t in the mood to pick another useless fight with her. I was tired, and worn out. Her constant reappearance in my mind turned my fucking world around and it was messing with my head. All I wanted was peace and quiet, and for some strange reason, I was almost positive that I could find it here—here with her.
I sound like a bloody poof, but I was right.
For about twenty minutes, we sat in silence. I scanned the horizon while she read her book quietly. The only sounds that interrupted the blessed silence was the sound of her pages turning against the blue sweater that I recognized belonged to Desmonds.
My eyes left the view before me while I focused on something that, at the moment, was much more interesting. No matter how long I stared at her, she never looked up from the words printed on the page. I sat across from her, simply staring. I came to the conclusion that the only way to hush her up was to shove a book under her nose. It’s like giving a bottle of milk to a baby.
I smiled slightly, and rather unknowingly. I almost forgot that I hated this girl.
I can’t believe I just caught myself smiling as I watched Victoria read.
“Do you come up here often?” I found myself asking, consequently breaking the pregnant silence.
She didn’t lift her head. “When I’ve got a free night, yes.” She answered.
I turned my attention back to the lake below us. It was a beautiful sight. More beautiful than any of the girls’ I’ve encountered in my life. It was probably because nature was innocent and pure, while girls—well.. girls were a completely different story. “It’s nice, isn’t it?” I heard Victoria ask with a voice that was close to a whisper. “Sitting here and doing nothing?”
“Yeah, I guess.”
Finally, she looked up and smiled. “You can’t ever be bored just sitting here.”
I smirked at her, but looked away. I turned my head back towards the lake and took in the fading smell of summer.
“What is that?”
My peace was suddenly broken.
I turned back to Victoria, and I saw that she was no longer at peace either. She was currently pointing at me with an atrocious look on her face. “What’s what?” I asked.
“Is that a hickey?” she demanded as she leaned closer to get a better look.
As I remembered Amelie and what we had been doing not more than an hour ago, I scowled and pressed my palm against my neck. “It’s nothing.” I told her, looking down.
Victoria was suddenly on her feet and advancing towards me. She roughly pushed my hand away and examined the side of my neck as if she was my mother. “Who the fuck gave you that?” she questioned furiously, pointing to the dark spot on the side of my neck. “Answer me, Potter. Who the fuck gave you that hickey?”
Her unsteady attitude surprised me. One minute, she was calm and sweet, and the next, she was this obsessive, repugnant monster of a girl. “It’s none of your business.” I snapped.
I picked myself up and made my way to the door, but Victoria beat me to it. Her face was pink, and her eyes were blazed with anger. I could practically see the steam coming from her ears. “Tell me Potter, which slut were you fucking this time?” She demanded. “Some blonde Ravenclaw? Georgie Maults? Felicia Smith? Wait, Potter. Let me guess. I bet you went crawling back to your little whore Amelie, didn’t you?”
“Shut the fuck up.” I growled in a low, threatening tone.
“I knew it.” She replied. There was a mixture of anger and jealousy in her voice, and it angered me more than I ever thought it would. “How stupid are you, Potter?” she asked, walking closer and closer. “She cheated on you, and with the Slytherin Quidditch captain no less. And when she summons you with a bloody booty call, you fall right back at her feet, like a fucking moron.”
“Who the hell do you think you are?” I spat, incredibly furious that she managed to drag Amelie into this conversation. “My fucking mother? No let me guess, you think you’re my girlfriend.” I felt a new found anger rise in my body, bubbling in the pit of my stomach. “Well let me tell you something, Vicky. You’re not my fucking girlfriend, and you never will be. You think that you can just tell me what to do—who I can or cannot hook up with? You’re in no fucking position to judge me, Vicky.”
Her face fell. The moment the last word left my mouth, guilt washed over me, replacing my anger. Her shoulders sagged to its initial state, and her eyes softened. She looked… Merlin, I couldn’t even sort out how she looked. All I knew, was that it made me want to tear my bloody eyes out.
At that moment, the only thing I could feel was guilt. It was as if I had just killed an innocent puppy. As I stared at her face—into her eyes, I realized that I had done it. I had managed to effectively hurt Victoria, and it was eating me away.
I didn’t know what to say. I was angry—Merlin I was angry beyond belief—but then again, there was still that disgusting feeling of guilt that was left in the pit of my stomach. The type of guilt that I, somehow managed to develop after being friends with Desmond for about seven years and counting. I wanted to be angry—shit, I had every right to be. She was being controlling, judgmental and unbelievably annoying, and she wasn’t even my girlfriend. I hated feeling guilty. It was borderline foreign for me. James Potter doesn’t feel guilt. Guilt is subjected to those who care. But then there was those eyes, those fucking puppy dog eyes that slipped over the anger and just… stabbed me right through my fucking heart. It was the same look she had always given Desmond during those rare moments when he managed to make her cry. Fuck, I pray to God that she won’t cry. I can’t deal with the water works. It’s like dealing with a broken water pipe that no one really knows how to fix. So what happens to us? We fucking drown in it.
But before I managed to figure out the next (right, and appropriate) thing to say, she was gone.
I think it’s safe to say that Desmond will kill me.
He was right. I wasn’t his girlfriend. I wasn’t even his bloody friend. I shouldn’t care that his neck was filled with hickeys. I shouldn’t even care that he was snogging other girls. Potter meant nothing to me, and I obviously meant nothing to him.
Soon after Potter left me standing alone in the Astronomy tower, I made my way down the stairs and began walking back to the common room. All in all, I was distraught. I felt guilty and stupid for demanding an answer—an answer that I was not at all entitled to—from Potter, managing to piss him off for about the billionth time in my life. I wasn't even sure where it came from, whether it was out of anger or pure curiosity that just accidentally transcribed into anger. Perhaps it was because anger was the only form of emotion I knew how to express towards him. Regardless, I was out of bounds and I knew it very well.
But there was still a big part of me that couldn’t ignore how badly it hurt to see the mark of another girl on his neck. Arrow or not; after the past week’s events, I felt silly, stupid, ashamed, and any other adjective out there that relates to feeling like a complete and utter moron. I was the girl that had been running around like a silly, love struck teenager (minus all the obnoxiousness and cliché’s), while he was out hooking up with the next long-legged blonde that walked by.
That was James Potter. I knew him very well. Even though we spent the last six years hating each other until our mouths bubbled with it, I knew him. He was every type of dick there was out there. He walked around with his head held high as if he was the king of the entire bloody school and it’s the girls of Hogwarts to thank for all the arrogance pouring from the cracks of his extremely large head. He jokes with his two dimwit friends, flies right by school and snogs anything with boobs and an ass.
Therefore, I knew not to expect anything more from a class A arsehole.
So why did I even come close to hoping that he would stop with his playboy antics just to spare my feelings?
At this point, I wasn't sure what to do. I had the option of either apologizing, or riding it out just like I've always done. Of course, apologizing entailed the diminution of my pride. I wasn’t exactly too fond of that idea. Riding it out seemed like it was my only option. It was an adequate option as well. Potter and I always ended up arguing about something eventually, so silence never merged well with our relationship. It was all good... Right?
So why did I have such a bad feeling about this? Surely this situation wasn’t any different than all the arguments we've found ourselves in. In fact, it was quite similar.
Except for one thing.
One teeny thing that I found unmanageable to overlook.
This time, I was left speechless.
Tyler and Dominique seemed to be the only two people awake when I returned. Thanks to my quiet entrance, neither of them noticed my presence. I slowly entered while I observed them for a short while. Dominique was working on her essay, while Tyler sat beside her, lazily leaning back against the couch. I was surprised to find that his arm was draped across her back while his hands slowly ran itself through her curls.
It was the first time I've ever seen Dominique and Tyler interact in more than a friendly manner. The two looked content; more content than I've seen them in a while. Dominique was slowly humming to herself as she scribbled on her paper, and Tyler sat back and listened with his heart hanging on his sleeve. His affections were as clear as day; anyone form a first year to a teacher would be able to tell that he was irrevocably in love with Dominique Weasley.
What happens when the magic on Tyler's arrow no longer works and he finds himself falling out of love with Dom? What happens if Dom eventually falls in love with him too?
His affections seemed greater than my own. It became clearer and clearer the longer I watched, rooted at the spot. It looked as though he wouldn't—no, he couldn't bear it if even a single hair on her head was hurt.
Why was I able to still get angry at Potter, even after I was shot by an arrow?
In all honesty, no matter how much I appreciated the fact, I found it strange that I wasn't acting like an infatuated teenage girl, indulging herself in the idea of 'first love'. My feelings seemed to be controllable, regardless of the random, disturbing thoughts that related to Potter and my undying affections for him.
"Hey," the voice surprised me, but my body relaxed once I realized it was Desmond standing behind me. "Let's not bother these two lovebirds, yeah?"
I nodded before I followed him up the stairs and into his dorm. I've been in Desmond's dorm several times, so it didn't mean much to me at first. However, Potter, along with our previous argument, suddenly crawled into my mind like a raging ball of fire. Almost instantly, my heart began pounding against my chest as the familiar feeling of anxiety washed over me. My body went rigid, and the strange feeling of both hot and cold swirled through my chest. Would Potter be awake?
Desmond slowly pushed his door open, in attempts to be quiet and discreet. My eyes immediately flew to the spot where I knew Potter's bed was. It was the only bed that had the hangings drawn shut. "He's probably asleep." Des assured me as we stepped over the clothes, books and other objects that littered the floor of his dorm.
I settled myself on his bed, and he drew the hangings closed before casting a silencing charm around it. "Did you and James get into another row?" He asked almost immediately.
I blinked. "Did he tell you?"
Desmond shook his head and smirked. "No. I can tell just by the way you're acting. You were incredibly nervous and jittery while coming up here. Normally, you wouldn't really give a shit, considering you’ve been up here countless of times.”
“Well.. yeah I guess, we kind of did.”
My tone rendered more sadness than I realized since Desmond suddenly sighed and wrapped his arm around my shoulder. “I’m sorry, Vicky.”
“I guess I shot you with that arrow out of impulse… I am Cupid, you know?” he said.
“Whatever happened to all those speeches you’ve given me about staying single until the end of time?” I asked curiously while I snuggled closer to his chest. “Making me fall in love with Potter doesn’t exactly help. It’s actually the complete opposite of what you’ve been keeping me from since I’ve known you. James, who is practically the biggest playboy in this school.”
A low chuckle came from his throat. “No, it doesn’t, does it?” he asked contemplatively. “I trust James. He won’t intentionally hurt you.”
“But we hate each other.” I stated dryly.
“No, you love him.” I smacked his arm. “Alright, you used to hate him, but now you love him.”
My face scrunched up with distaste. “Thanks to you, you bloody git.” I growled.
He chuckled again. “I’m sorry Vicky. But you know, James isn’t so bad.”
“So you’re not okay with me dating other boys, but it’s perfectly alright if I fall in love with Potter?” I asked flatly, not understanding his logic. “It’s not like Potter is incapable of hurting me…” I muttered, more to myself than to Desmond. “He’s a smelly git-face.”
“I can’t believe you just called him a smelly git-face.” He said. “You haven’t called someone a smelly git-face since we were eleven.”
“But that’s what he is!” I exclaimed. “It’s the very first insult he’s ever gotten from me.” I paused, suddenly wondering where that piece of memory came from. “I’ve no idea where that came from… I thought I’ve forgotten everything before our third year.”
Desmond laughed. “Did he ever hurt you?”
I fell silent.
“He did, didn’t he?”
“It’s more my fault than it is his.” Before he could press further, I quickly asked him a question that’s been hanging in my mind for days. “Desmond.” I piped. “Why is it that I’m not acting like a love sick fool when I’m around Potter?” I asked.
He shrugged. “Maybe your situation is special. I’ve been wondering that myself.”
“All that changed is that I think about him more… These days it’s been easier to control whatever I do around him. It was more difficult when you first shot me.”
“Oh really?” he asked.
I nodded as I let my eyes shut, suddenly feeling sleepy. “I still love him.. I guess.” And it’s slowly killing me inside out. “But I can control it now. It’s become easier.”
He didn’t reply.
“Will things ever go back to the way they were? Before I ever fell in love with the biggest git on the fact of the planet?”
He chuckled. “Why? Can’t stand being in love with Potter?”
I nodded with a frown on my face.
“Don’t worry Vick. Something tells me that it will wear off before you know it…” he said. “But I can’t assure you that things will go back to the way they were before this whole ordeal happened.”
And that was the last thing I heard before I drifted off into a deep sleep.
A/N: so this just basically completed the previous chapter. i bet you're all hating on jamesssssss. hehe. maybe he'll make up for it and change his ways? maybe not.
by the way- there's been a change in the story. it's nothing major. Lily, Albus and James are not Victoria's neighbors. They met in Hogwarts, that's that. so yeah, kay :P
love gryffindorgirl :)
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