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What Even is a Squib? by music_love_fred
Chapter 2 : The Disappointment
Rating: MatureChapter Reviews: 3

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We sit at the table in the morning together. Dad at the head with mum to his right. James on his right hand side. I sit next to my beloved mother on dad's left, while Albus sits next to James. We're all a little antsy as we eat our toast and eggs. This is the day I'll be getting my first Hogwarts letter! I'm so excited I think I might frame it.

When we were cleaning up, our owl, Fredrich, came. His goldish-brown feathers looked magnificent in the sun. I took that as a good omen. Dad took the letters and crossing my fingers, he gave one to James. Then Albus. I felt my breathing stop as he looked at me with nohing in his hands. "There must be a mistake," he said quietly.

I felt tears wet my eyes. James and Albus stopped their talking and looked at me. Dad said, "I'll visit McGonagall, she'll know what to do. Or I could write her. Maybe it was just a mix-up with the owls and-"

"Stop it!" I yelled, tears falling into my empty hands. I opened my mouth once more, but nothing came out. I ran up the stairs and to my small room. I threw my body onto my bed. My chest began hurting. Not just because of the hurt of not getting a letter, but because I was crying so hard.

I'm a... a squib? How could that be?

A few hours pass before I hear a knock on my door. I ignore it and kept on braiding my favorite doll's hair. The door creaks open. I glance towards it and see flashing red hair.

She sits down next to me and rubs my back. I sit up and stiffen when I see her face.

Mum's been crying. I haven't seen her cry since... Since. I don't even know. "Your father and I have talked," she says. "We've decided on sending you to a Muggle school. We know it'll take a while to get you caught up, but we're willing to get you a tutor." I look at her dumbfounded. "I know that this isn't what you were expecting. It'll be a big change for all of us. There's a nice school in town."

I turn away from her and she takes her hand away. "We're going to Diagon Alley tomorrow, if you're interested in coming," Mum says as she leaves. My throat dries up again, but no tears fall this time.



"No, no, and no!" yells Mr. Peters, my tutor. "A comma comes before: and, but, or or. You keep doing it wrong." He takes my pencil and erases what I just wrote.

"Can't we just switch to something else for a little bit?" I ask calmly. His face turns even more red with frustration.

"No. If we switch then you'll never get this!" He slams his fist down on the table. I jump back and he puts the pencil back on top of my notebook. With pencil in hand and tears wiped away, I try it again: I would love to take you to the dance, but my cat is ill.

"That's better," he half shouts. A few hours of pain and hate later, Mr. Peters finally leaves.

"That man is crazy," mum says to dad.

He laughs and says, "Maybe that young blonde bird would have been better."

"Or that dashing male with those bright eyes." Mum giggles as dad pulls her towards him. I make a barfing noise before leaving.

For three long years, I met with Mr. Peters. I lived through the yelling and screaming. All the frustration and even tears. He would even make me have fake conversations with the cat. Or he would make me describe a math equation to a stuffed doll, as though I was teaching it. I guess I did learn a lot with him. I couldn't have gotten through it all with out my mum or Aunt Hermie.

They were both there for me at all times.

Once every week I went out with mum and Aunt Hermie. Hermione became like a second mom to me. Occasionally my other aunt, Angie, would come. When I would visit with Hermione, she would tell me about public school. How different it would be. She said that the one I'll be going to still has a dress code. It's not like Hogwarts' though. I don't wear robes or a tie.

I dreaded the days when James and Albus would come home from Hogwarts. The Christmas and Summer holidays were the worst. They would regale us with stories about sneaking around Hogwarts. In secret James would talk to my older cousins about the more advanced spells he could perform. Maybe, I was jealous and angry. Who wouldn't be? I mean, James doesn't even respect his magical gift. It's a privilege and that's something he'll never understand.

But then, on my fourteenth birthday, I realized that that year would be the year I started high school. I was very scared and nervous. I'd be all alone at that school. My brothers wouldn't be there to keep bullies away. No cousins to hang with if I don't make friends.

All. Alone.

That was the birthday when I fully understood. Understood that my magic wasn't going to start at a random time. I really wasn't a witch. I guess all this time I kept waiting for my letter to come. I would read from James' old books and pray that this would somehow trigger it.

I truly understood.

My parents threw a party that day. They thought of it as a Oh-we're-losing-our-last-baby. They should have lost me three years ago. I didn't say that, of course. When all our family crowded the living room of our house, I snuck away. I slowly made my exit up the stairs and to my room. I didn't want to talk to Rose or Hugo. They'd only want to talk about their adventures at Hogwarts. They could be there because my birthday is during Christmas break.

I make it to my room unseen and sit on the edge of my bed. A feeling of lonliness eased its way into my body when I looked at the stack of Muggle school books on my desk. My breathing becomes short as I again, start to cry. God, I think to my self. I'm such a cry baby. I laugh a small laugh and smile. I wipe away my tears.

A knock breaks the silence. I look up at the door. Rose and Hugo are making their way into my room. "Are you okay?" asks Rose.

"We noticed you left and came to find you," Hugo adds.

I nod. "I'm fine." I stand up and go to the mirror hanging in my room.

"Ohmygod. have you been crying?" asks Rose.

I fake a smile. "No. Why would I?" I use the edge of my shirt to wipe away the dried tears and small amount of mascara I had on.

"Is it because of the party?" Rose questions. "Do you not want all this attention?"

"It's fine, Rose. I just had some-something in my eye. Probably just an eyelash or dust." I smile to show her I'm fine.

"Oh okay," she looks at the floor as she says this.

"Everybody's waiting for you. They want you to blow out the candles," Hugo says, oblivious.

I nod and follow them.

That summer I spent as much time as I could away from my cousins. I read Muggle magazines and tried to conform to how they lived. I even got a Library card and read some books. I actually did like some of them. I don't know how these people live without magic. I guess I'll know soon, because school is starting soon.




AN: Just another short chapter talking about Lily's thoughts on attending that dreaded Muggle school. The next time I update this, I'll have the warnings and ratings changed, because Lily will be at high school. There will be cussing and maybe some boyfriend stuff coming up. So yeah. Please. Pretty please with a cherry on top with chocolate syrup review. :3 Fanks ya.

         Love, Em

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