Chapter 2 : Her
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She walked down the hallway, stone walls reminding her of her heart. She felt the smile fall off her face, dropping to the floor as a feather dropped from a bird would. Her eyes lost their usual calm and were replaced with an emptiness that belonged in the eyes of someone beyond hope, beyond anything or anyone but one person, one thing.
She laughed bitterly. She had, long ago, sworn that she wouldn’t think of that. She was, after all, ugly. Ugly and cruel, an abomination on the face of the Earth.
Then, appearing as if by magic, he was there. He was there, standing with another girl. He was there, his grey eyes giving away the pain inside. And she wanted to help him. She could feel him drowning in that pain, and she had to save him.
His grey eyes found her blue eyes, and she watched him for an agonizingly long second. She turned and walked away, feeling nothing but the emptiness. Nothing but nothing. She would have laughed, but she couldn’t. She couldn’t laugh, not when she took her mask off.
Sometime later, she was walking towards the shore of the lake. She didn’t know why, she just was. Then she heard him. He was drinking, she saw the moonlight flash off of the bottle. Didn’t he know by now? That won’t work.
She walked up to him, taking the bottle from his hands. She looked at it, looked at in the moonlight for a second that would last forever, for a moment that would stretch into eternity. And then she threw the bottle, watching it spin and flash.
She sat down next to him, all too aware of him, of his beauty, of his scent, of everything. Why am I feeling this when I should be feeling nothing? she asked herself, looking deep within her soul, her heart, but finding nothing. Nothing but the truth, which she wouldn’t admit, not now, not ever. She couldn’t let herself think that.
It doesn’t help, she said.
He said nothing. Nothing but silence.
Those girls won’t help either. I’ve tried that, too. Nothing works.
Then how can I escape? The words fall from his lips.
There’s death. But somehow I can’t bring myself to it. I couldn’t hurt the people who love me.
Do you love them? Another question.
Sometimes. She could tell him the truth, she felt. Nothing but the truth.
Silence. Silence that was full of emotion, boiling just underneath the surface of the lake of quiet. Silence that made her want to think of the one thing she refused to think of. No. No, don’t think of that. Better to just let it go.
Do you feel like a monster? He asks.
Yes. I feel empty. I feel I should be dead, but I’m not.
She looks at her hands, standing out white against black. She seems fragile in the moonlight, but she knows she is nothing but fragile.
I feel the same. Do you feel like you need someone to hold you together, but you can’t find them? I have found them. she thinks, but she quickly banishes the traitorous thought.
Yes. Do you feel that every set of arms that doesn’t work just breaks you farther apart? She says instead of the real truth. But how does she know it’s the truth when she won’t even speak the truth to herself?
Yeah. Why do hide it from your friends?
They can’t know. They’d worry about me if they did. That’s why I have to smile and act clumsy. They’d never figure it out until I’m dead with a note by my side.
Was she lying anymore? She couldn’t tell. The line between truth and lie was blurring.
So why don’t you?
I can’t. She’s not lying, she realizes.
She looks away and sees time. She sees future and past and present. And then she is back, and she is not lying.
Because I love you.
You do? His tone was full of wonderment. Maybe she was wrong to lie to herself.
Yes. Every time I saw you with another girl, I felt as though I could scream. I didn’t know what to think of it at first, but now I know. Nothing but the truth, she thought.
How could you love me? I’m a monster. I’m ugly and hollow. You deserve someone who is full. No, I deserve no one but you, for we are equals.
They wouldn’t be right for me. Only you are.
She looks into his eyes and sees him realize that she is right. She is right. Even she is surprised.
You’re right. She already knows she is.
Really? It’s been a while since I’ve been right about something like that. She is surprised anyways. She doesn’t know why. But then again, the only thing she really knows is her love for him.
I don’t know how you could not be right.
That’s good, isn’t it?
It’s very good.
When she puts her arms around him, she feels right. Whole. Full. And she realizes that, even thought she has never felt this way before, she has missed it. Missed being a true person. Missed not lying. And, most of all, missed having her other half. For that is what he is. Her other half.
Please leave a review to tell me what you think, and if you think the whole no-quotation-marks thing was too confusing or if it helped the “flow” of the story. I really like writing this, but it takes a special mood for me to be able to put what I’m thinking into words and then write them down (or type, in this case), so please don’t be upset it took me so long to get a new chapter up. I will write the third and final chapter of this sometime in the next month (hopefully), so be prepared. Thank you for reading!
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