Chapter 6 : My Life is a Big Ball of Poopage
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SUPER SUPER SORRY for the late update. My beta and I had some catching up to do. School for both of us has been a bit busy and my sister just got married. Quite exciting really. And lots of hot guys. hehehe. Anyways, I'm probably going to start rambling now so you can just go ahead and skip to the beginning of the chapter. We shall see. Sorry for anyone who is waiting for chapter 7 of Matchmaker. We'll get around to fixing it. Eventually. We will start chapter 7 probably sometime next weekish.
Alright I'm done. ENJOY!. And don't forget to review! :)
Fantastic Chapter image by: kaileena_sands@TDA
“Hello, Liz! I was so looking forward to seeing you again! And Carter! You’ve grown up since the last time I saw you! Anyways, are you excited for you detention? We’ll have so much fun!” Yolanda gushed happily at us. Alice looked like she was about to barf. I knew there was a reason why she’s my best friend.
I don’t blame her.
“What are we doing?” I asked her bluntly. Does she have any pools for us to clean? I hope there are no more wads of hair. I shuddered at the thought.
“You will be doing my laundry, you ungrateful little bitch! Carter, you will be polishing all my leather boots.”
Fuck my life.
Do you know how many outfits and shoes Yolanda has?
647 outfits and 800 pairs of shoes.
She made me count them. She’s a bloody bitch.
“Get to work.” She chirped, then shoved us into her closet. I am not looking forward to this. I bet she is.
We were surrounded with blaring colors and the reek of bad perfume. A muggle washer and dryer were in the corner. I reached for my wand, but my pocket was empty. I heard a snicker come from behind me. Yolanda smirked.
“I’m not as stupid as you think I am.” She twirled our wands in her bejeweled hand. “Now, work. You have to get this done by midnight. Here’s the shoe polish.” A black bottle landed in Alice’s hands, and then Yolanda swept out of the room with a dramatic hair flip. Alice sighed, and reached for a pair of boots. I started shoving clothes into the washer.
“Ladies, we have guests.” Yolanda giggled as she stuck her head through the door again. I heard a bunch of familiar male voices.
The Marauders? Really? Whatever prank they had went to go pull off earlier in the evening must have really been bad if they got sent to Yolanda.
Karma’s a bitch. WHAT DID I DO???
The door slammed closed again.
“Well.” Black clapped his hands together. “We would love to stay here, but we’ve got places to be, pranks to pull and people to kill.”Potter pulled out his wand and waved it briskly.
Everything was suddenly squeaky clean and shiny.
“Let’s go!” They smirked at us, then tossed us our wands. “Thank Peter. He’s quite the pickpocket!” They trooped right out again, with a wave of raucous laughter.
What the fuck. They are so full of themselves. Forget my compliment about them being bloody geniuses, I take it back. They are wormless pratholes. (Yes, I did just call them wormless pratholes, don’t make fun of me) Whatever. I’ll deal with them later, I’m getting out of here before Yolanda comes back… or Alice decides the take her anger at the Marauders out one Yolanda’s clothes. Or me.
I still don’t get why she’s gets so peeved when they “help” us. Well, I guess I can see where she’s coming from since I myself use the term “help” very loosely. Actually, let me rephrase that, I can see why she gets so angry at them when they decide to show interest in messing with our lives. For example, 5th year they decided they were going to help teach us how to fly. Let’s just say neither Alice or I are getting on a broomstick any time in the near or far future. Or wearing dresses, or being near boys in general. Except, Alice has already broken that rule. Badly.
I never want to see them snog ever again! I mean it. I’ve been scarred for life. And possibly beyond. And that’s saying a lot since I had cleaned out a huge wad of Yolanda’s blond hair from the pool by hand only a couple of weeks ago.
Someone snapped their fingers in front of my face, and I flinched, jumping backwards into a rack of Yolanda’s clothes. This led to a domino effect of falling racks. Literally, that’s how large her closet is. It’s bigger than the library back at home. I watched in horror as her clothes toppled to the floor in a huge pile. Behind me, someone sniggered.
“BLACK!” Alice screeched, and immediately tackled him to the ground, wand already pulled out, sparks in her eyes. Merlin, I know she’s my best friend and all that, but I am so happy that I’ve never been on the receiving side of one of her raging fits.
Or at least the crazier ones.
I’ve usually been on the end where she eats extensive amounts of chocolate and ice cream. What? Somebody has to be the friend who offers tissues. Though I must say, more than a few of my shirts were contaminated with essence of Alice Snot. Not very nice.
I shook myself out of another reverie and watched as Alice wrestled with Black, who had a huge smirk on his face. Suddenly, I heard metal screech, and looked in wonderment as all the racks returned to upright positions and all of Yolanda’s clothes were put back in place. Looking around, I saw Lupin with his wand out.
“GET OFF ME YOU BLOODY ARSEHOLE!”
“Pads, come on. We gotta go.” Potter said with a smirk. “We don’t want Longbottom to come in here and see you in such a compromising position with his girlfriend now do we?”
I glanced at Alice and Black. Merlin, Potter was right. Alice’s hair was a mess and Black was holding both of her wrists above her head, straddling her legs so she wouldn’t kick him. I felt my jaw drop. Alice started.
“HE STARTED IT!” she pointed at Black.
“RICHARDS IS THE ONE WHO KNOCKED OVER EVERYTHING!”
“OI! DON’T PUT ALL THE BLAME ON ME!”
“EVERYBODY SHUT THE FUCK UP!” Lupin, the usually quiet and calm one of the group bellowed, a look of annoyance had replaced the amused one he had on before.
Jeez.It’s like it’s his time of the month or something. But he has a point. If we get any louder Yolanda’s going to find us and then we would really be screwed because she would notice that everything was done super quick. Of course, with her mind, she would only think that we work ridiculously fast and end up giving us another task before she realizes that Pettigrew stole our wands back for us.
I waved my wand at Alice and Black, and watched in satisfaction as Black was wrenched off of Alice and dumped unceremoniously at Potter’s feet. Then, Alice and I stalked out of the dreadful closet, Alice trying to recover what was left of her dignity.
She was failing.
Walking back towards the Gryffindor common room, we realized that the halls were empty. Everyone must have been at dinner. However, when we looked out the window, we realized that the moon was high.
There was no way. NO WAY had we just spent hours in that dreadful closet. Absolutely NO WAY that it’s past curfew. Is there?
Well fuck. There goes my beauty sleep.
Not that it’s going to do me much good.
Jeez. That woman has a crazy closet. I feel bad Richards, I mean that’s her step-mom. I would never want that woman in my life anymore than it already is. That prank we pulled on her was quite epic though, too bad Richards missed it. She probably would have gotten a kick out of seeing her step-mom running around frantically because her knickers were gone, which were placed (and still are placed) in an undisclosed location. Not to mention the entire jar of itching powder we bribed Peeves to dump down her robes this morning.
After Richards and Carter left, and Pads had untangled himself, we headed back to the common room. The minute I walked back in a letter popped in front of me.
To “Whoever You Are”
Yes, I’m a girl and also a 7th year Gryffindor. We probably know each other.
I follow quidditch a lot. My dad is a huge fan, and it transferred to me. But, I am deathly afraid of heights, due to a certain event that happened during my 5th year.
Why don’t I like her? WHY DON’T I LIKE HER? She’s a bloody bitch who shouldn’t be here. Not to mention her two daughters. How she even landed a job here is beyond me, Dumbledore is most definitely off his rocker. If I freaked you out by calling our “Professor” a bitch, I’m most sincerely sorry, but I definitely don’t take back what I said. So I hope you agree with me. If you don’t, well, PUT THAT IN YOUR JUICEBOX AND SUCK IT!
I agree with you though, those two girls most definitely DID NOT deserve that detention.
Favorite subject? Muggle Studies.
Favorite Animal? Horses. In particular, Gypsy Vanner horses. They are gorgeous. Sadly though, I don’t have one, I do have a beautiful white Arabian. I ride him as often as I can when I’m at home.
Since we are supposed to get to know each other, I guess I should ask you the same questions.
I’ve never had any super bad run-ins with Filch and Mrs. Norris, so no.
I’m sorry that you have such crappy neighbors. I guess you could say I got lucky with my neighbors, though I do feel bad for them.
~“A Random Person With Nothing To Do In Their Life”
P.S. I’m going to go by ARPWNTDITL instead of having to write that entire thing out. I get lazy. That’s me, Ms. Lazy Pants. Live with it.
ARPWNTDITL is out. PEACE!!
Hmm. That’s actually really long to write out too. Er… just call me whatever you chose.
Merlin, this girl can ramble. Even in a letter, I didn’t even know that was possible.
I have a hyper pen pal. Maybe a little mental too.
I want to meet her.
Like I said in the rambly intro, a review would be quite nice. :)
The box down there is getting hungry. Om nom nom.
BYEEEEE MY LOVELIES!!!!!!!! UNTIL NEXT TIME!
(sorry, we are both a bit hyper. I probably shouldn't have had that many bananas and my beta probably shouldn't have had cake... or pie. But nooooo, she had to go and have both.)
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