Chapter 18 : My Hero
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Over the next couple of weeks, Sirius and I spent a lot of time together. We had agreed not to call ourselves a couple, but that didn’t mean that we didn’t act like one. Sure, we didn’t walk around holding hands and we didn’t kiss in the Great Hall, but we were pretty much inseparable.
Of course, I spent time with my friends too, but Sirius always managed to drag me away at least once a day. I didn’t complain though; I was perfectly happy with the way things were.
Our gang had started to hang out more too. I guess Sirius and I kind of brought them together. We often sat in front of the fire together, playing games or just talking. It was really nice; even Lily seemed to think so.
For the first time in many years, I felt happy. I didn’t walk around with a lump in my stomach like I had before, and my head wasn’t such a mess anymore. My brother still occupied my mind every now and then, but it wasn’t as painful as before.
Now that I was moving on, I could think about Nathan and feel happy. I could remember things we had done and smile, and not just feel awful because he wasn’t here anymore. There were times when I missed him and my heart ached, but it was probably always going to be like that. I was always going to want him back, but now when I had accepted that he was gone and would always be, the hurt was easier to deal with.
I still thought it was unfair that my brother wouldn’t be able to grow old and have kids, or watch me get married, but now I felt thankful for the time I had gotten with him. I missed him, and I would always do that, but I knew I would meet him again someday.
I was moving on; looking forward, and it felt so good. My dwelling and grieving had almost destroyed me; it had gone so far that I hadn’t been sure who I was anymore. I didn’t feel bad for letting go of my brother; he probably would have said that it was “about bloody time” anyway.
So despite my past and the fact that I had more homework than ever; life was good. Life was really good, and I actually couldn’t ask for more.
And that was something I hadn’t felt like in many, many years.
“So, are you and Sirius a thing now?” Sam asked casually as we sat in our favorite corridor. It was nearing curfew but we hadn’t hung out in a while, so we took our chances.
It was easier to be friends with someone who was in the same house. You could just sit in the common room. I had gone to the Ravenclaw common room a couple of times, but I didn’t really feel comfortable there, just as Sam didn’t like being in the Gryffindor common room. And there was always this problem when one of us had to go back; there was always the chance of getting caught. And even though it perhaps wasn’t past curfew, it still freaked me out a little to walk alone in the dark corridors.
So therefore we had found our own places, like this corridor for example. People rarely went here, so we could be sure that we were on our own.
“Um, I’m not really sure what you mean about that, but yes, we’re dating” I replied, leaning my head against the cold stone wall.
“So you’re his girlfriend?” he asked teasingly, and without looking I knew he had that stupid smirk on his face.
“No” I said and looked at him, and his smirk faded.
“You’re not?” he asked, surprised. “So you’re just shagging?”
I slapped his arm. “Sam!” I gasped. “We’re not… doing that.”
He laughed. “God Kae, you’re such a prissy sometimes. What do you call fucking? Making love?” he taunted.
I scoffed. “No, I’m not a prissy. I just don’t talk about those kinds of things.”
This just cracked Sam up. “THOSE KINDS OF THINGS!” he yelled, laughing loudly. “Just call it fucking, okay? Or shagging, that’s okay too.”
“I don’t think I need you to tell me what to call it.”
“It?!” he teased, clearly not letting this go. “This is just getting more and more hilarious. You’re really insecure about this, aren’t you?”
“I’m sixteen!” I cried. “And I’m dating a guy for the first time ever. I’m not… experienced, at all! It just freaks me out!”
Sam’s smirk disappeared. “Whoa whoa, calm down” he said, waving his hands. “I didn’t think this was actually a problem for you.”
I crossed my arms. “Well, it is” I said sourly.
He put his arm around me. “Oh Kaelyn, you’re so cute. Constantly worrying about everything. I swear, I have never met anyone so tense. Your mental age must be sixty or something.”
“I know” I sighed. “I’m always worried, and I always over react. I can’t help it.”
“But you can try to work with it. Like this with Sirius; it really isn’t anything to worry about. If he’s a good guy he’ll wait till you’re ready, and if he’s not… Well, then you tell me and I’ll kick his arse.”
I laughed. “Thanks Sam, but I’m not really sure if you’d be able to take Sirius down. He’s pretty… strong.”
“Oh but you haven’t seen my dueling skills. I’m awesome” he said and grinned.
I snorted. “Yeah, right.”
He raised his eyebrows. “I’m serious! I’m great. But that’s not the point, what I mean is that if you need to talk about something – anything really – or if you just need a friend, I’m here.”
I leaned into his chest. “Thanks Sam. I’m really glad that you found me that day, by the statue.”
He chuckled at the memory of me staring at an ugly statue, crying. “Yeah, me too.”
I looked at my watch. It was almost an hour past curfew. “We should probably head back” I said and sighed, before standing up.
Sam followed me and we began walking back to the tower.
“Kaaae…” Sam said slowly, and as I looked at him I saw that he had that look he wore when he thought he was really funny. He was trying not to grin but was failing miserably. “Could you do me a favour?”
“What?” I said suspiciously, narrowing my eyes. That look never ended with something good.
“Could you just say the work fuck for me?” He said, unable to keep the grin off his face.
I rolled my eyes. “No.”
“Come on” he whined. “Just say fuck, please.”
“No, Samson, I’m not going to do it” I said, deliberately using his full name because I knew it ticked him off.
“You did not just say that young lady” he said before throwing himself on me, tickling me.
“Sam!” I gasped. “S-stop!”
“Say fuck!” he said, tickling me even more.
“N-nooo” I gasped between my laughter, desperately trying to push him off of me. “Stop! Someone – might – h-hear!”
“Just say fuck then!” he yelled. “Fuck” he said, tickling my stomach. “Fuck!” tickling my neck. “Fuckity-fuck!” tickling my sides.
“It’s –not… funny!!!” I yelled, panicking. Tickling was the worst torture ever. I was probably the most ticklish person on earth too, which didn’t really help in moments like this.
“Fuuuuck Kaelyn!” Sam yelled and laughed, clearly finding this funny. Git. “Just say it –fuck – fuck –fuu-“
We both suddenly stopped. Sam’s hands froze at the side of my stomach, and he didn’t even finish his sentence. I stood completely still for a couple of seconds, my mouth hanging open.
And as I looked into the yellow eyes of Mrs Norris, there was only one ord that came to my mind.
“This is all your fault!” I yelled as Sam and I were running for our lives.
“Shh!” he yelled back. “You’re not exactly making this easier!”
“I don’t CARE!” I yelled back as we were passing another corner, not really sure where we were going.
He didn’t answer me, which just ticked me off even more. But I had no time to argue with him: we just had to keep running and pray that we wouldn’t bump into someone. Which wasn’t likely at all, seeing as there “only” were a bunch of prefects patrolling the corridors, plus some of the teachers.
Yep, we were probably going to make this with no problems….
As we rounded another corner I suddenly realized where we were, and we weren’t far from my common room.
“SAM!” I yelled. “We’re not far from the Gryffindor Tower!”
He didn’t get the chance to answer, because as we rounded yet another corner we saw one person we certainly didn’t want to see at the end of the corridor; Mr Filch.
“SHIT!” Sam yelled and we turned around again. “Cover your head Kaelyn, he might not see who we are.”
We heard Filch following us and yelling as we sped up even more. I wasn’t in the best shape but the adrenaline pumped through my body so I somehow managed to keep on running.
I don’t know if we were plain stupid for believing that we actually could make it, or if we were just brave to even try. But as we were running we suddenly heard a loud voice, enlarged my magic, booming through the corridor.
“Students out of bed! All prefects and patrolling teachers shall immediately start searching. I repeat, two students out of bed. Prefects and patrolling teachers are to look for them.”
We both came to a halt, looking at each other.
Fifteen minutes later I walked into the common room, exhausted by our sprint. We’d been pretty lucky, Mr Filch wasn’t the one who caught us. Instead it was the seventh year Ravenclaw prefect, one of Sam’s friends.
Of course, he hadn’t let us go without punishment, but he only gave us one detention. Had Mr Filch caught us, it would have been a lot worse.
So really, we had gotten away easily.
As I entered the common room, almost two hours after curfew, I saw that it was almost empty. But only almost.
Sirius was sitting on one of the couches, probably waiting for me. He raised an eyebrow as he saw my disheveled state.
“What on earth have you been up to?”
I groaned as I sat down next to him, curling up to his chest. “Don’t ask, I’m so tired.”
He pulled away from me, smirking. “Has little Miss Rowle been up to mischief?”
“Ugh” was all I managed to say.
“Now I’m curious” Sirius said, his eyes sparkling with excitement. “What did you do?”
“Nothing!” I exclaimed. “Sam and I were just about to head back to our common rooms when stupid Mrs Norris saw us, and then we were chased around the whole bloody school by Filch, the prefects and the professors.”
Sirius laughed. “Wow, I didn’t think you were a rule breaker.”
I glared at him. “I’m not.”
“Well then why were you and Sam out after curfew?”
“We just lost track of time I guess. It tends to happen when we talk” I replied.
Sirius tensed a bit. “Hm” he said.
I pulled away, looking at him. “You’re not jealous, right? I mean, Sam and I are friends and nothing else. But he’s a good friend so I’m not going to stop spending time with him just because of you.”
“No, it’s fine. It’s just a bit weird. You didn’t know him until a couple of months ago, and now you’re practically best friends” he said, frowning.
“Well, we understand each other. He knew how to help me when no one else could. And besides, I’ve only known you for a couple of months, and we’re dating. That’s probably worse.”
He chuckled. “You’re right. I don’t want to lose you, that’s all.”
I put my arms around him, snuggling closer. “You won’t. I could never date someone like Sam – he’s far too annoying and loony. You should talk to him” I said. “I think you’d get along pretty well actually.”
Sirius kissed my forehead and I could feel him smile. “Yeah, maybe I should.”
We just sat silent for awhile, enjoying each other’s company.
“By the way” Sirius suddenly said. “Did you get caught?”
I groaned. “Of course we did. The whole bloody patrolling group was looking for us; it would have been a miracle if we’d been able to get away.”
He chuckled. “Maybe you aren’t a rule breaker after all. I should teach you a thing or two about being out after curfew without getting caught.”
“Well you guys have that stupid map, so it’s not really a surprise that you can sneak around without getting caught.”
I must have succeeded in offending Sirius with my comment, because he suddenly pushed me down on the couch, pinning my hands over my head.
“First of all” he said, his face merely inches from mine. “Do not call the map stupid ever again. It’s brilliant and you know it” he smirked. “And secondly, I think you’re forgetting that we made the map, which means that we know the castle better than anyone. There’s not a single passageway I don’t know of.”
“Well then, Mr Know-it-all, I guess you’ll just have to show me these passageways sometime.”
Sirius grinned. “Of course I will” he said before leaning in, pressing his lips against mine.
We lay there for a while, just feeling the touch of each other’s lips. Sirius was on top, but made sure not to put his weight on me. I put my hands in his hair as he deepened the kiss, and forgot about everything else as our tongues clashed.
Sirius pulled us up to a sitting position, putting me on top of him. I straddled him and quickly found his lips again, feeling the need to be close to him. His hands were on my hips, and I could almost feel his will to lower them. A part of me wanted him to do so, but another part wasn’t quite ready yet.
I broke apart before things got too heated, and couldn’t help but notice that Sirius’ eyes were a bit dimmed. I leaned my forehead against his and tried to calm my breathing.
“I should go to bed” I mumbled.
He tightened his grip around me. “Nooo” he whined. “Not yet, please?”
I laughed. “Sirius, I have to. We have classes tomorrow and if I don’t show up soon, the girls are gonna go looking for me.”
“But-“ he began but I broke him off.
“No buts. You know I’m right.”
“Yeah, you’re probably right…” he mumbled and pouted, looking so cute that I didn’t want to leave him. But I had to, it was getting pretty late and I did after all have classes to think about.
“You’ll see me tomorrow again” I said, causing him to smile. I leant in and gave him one last kiss before getting up.
“Goodnight Sirius” I said as I walked up the stairs.
“Goodnight love” was the reply I got. “See you soon.”
I wore a goofy grin on my face as I entered the dorm, not expecting many of my dorm mates to be up. But to my surprise, they all were. Julie was lying in her bed, reading a book. Lily and Pauline were on Paulie’s bed, talking. Kenzie was fixing her nails, and I figured Sarah was in the bathroom seeing as her bed was empty.
“And where have you been, young lady?” Pauline grinned.
I blushed and smiled even goofier, but didn’t get the chance to reply.
“Probably shagging her so called boyfriend” Kenzie said, not looking up from her nails. “Oh sorry, I forgot” she said, looking at me with an evil smirk. “You’re not even a couple.”
“Shut it Kenzie” Pauline said threatingly.
“Just because we’re not a couple doesn’t mean we’re just shagging, you know” I said coldly. “I don’t need to spread my legs to keep a guy interested.”
Kenzie gave me a “you-did-not-just-say-that”-look as she raised an eyebrow. “Oh but honey, I think you do. It’s Sirius Black we’re talking about.”
Lily stood up, crossing her arms. “So? What has that got to do with anything?”
Kenzie shrugged, going back to her nails. “He can get whoever he wants” she said. “I’ll bet he’ll grow tired when he realizes that his current fling is… a bit average. He’ll realize that there are plenty more, better, fish in sea” she said, smiling sweetly before continuing with her stupid claws.
“Just shut your stupid mouth Anderson” Pauline said threatingly. “It must be so hard for you that Sirius won’t even look at you when you’re practically throwing yourself at him every chance you get. Jealousy is a tough one to deal with, right?” she said, shooting daggers at Kenzie.
Her comment made Kenzie look a bit put out, but she straightened her face pretty quickly. “It’s very… sweet of you to take your friends’ fights Paulie, but I wasn’t really talking to you.”
Yep, that was the fantastic retort she came up with.
Lily snorted. “You’re too stupid to even argue with. I think it would be better for you if you keep your ugly mouth shut and leave us alone. You’re just pathetic.”
Kenzie giggled. “Maybe… But I guess we’ll see who’s right, won’t we?”
She had that fake, disgusting smile on her face again. Her words almost sounded like a threat; like she was actually going to try to ruin things between me and Sirius.
Sarah chose that moment to come out of the bathroom. I felt pretty sure that she had heard the conversation and just waited till it was over. Bloody coward.
She nodded as she passed me, and I went into the bathroom to get ready for the night. Lily followed me.
“Don’t listen to her” she mumbled as she brushed her hair. “She’s just a stupid bitch who’s bitter about her own life.”
“Yeah” I said quietly, not really listening to her.
Deep inside I knew that Lily and Pauline were right; Kenzie was a mean bitch, and I shouldn’t listen to what she said. But a part of me also knew that she had been right.
I was average compared to Sirius. He was the best looking guy in school and I was just… Okay. His ex was one of the best looking girls. In fact, she was pretty close to perfect.
How could I top that?
As I lay down in bed, I tried to listen to what Sam had told me about not worrying so much. But the thoughts just wouldn’t leave my head.
What if Sirius would get tired of me? What if I wasn’t good enough for him?
Kenzie was a real bitch for saying things like that, but she probably wasn’t the only one thinking it. I was pretty certain that many girls at school thought that Sirius was too good for me, and in a way I agreed with them.
But I had had such a good day, despite the chase in the corridors, and I didn’t want Kenzie of all people to ruin it for me. So I just pushed the thoughts away for now, knowing I would deal with them later.
Instead of dwelling, I thought about how lucky I was to have the girls, who always stood up for me. I thought about how glad I was to have Sam, who always seemed to find a way to cheer me up. I was glad to have the Marauders, who were the funniest but also smartest people I’d ever met. I was glad to have my parents, who sent me letters and packages every week.
And of course, I was glad to have Sirius, who made my life complete.
A/N: Yeey, I actually updated! Told you I wasn't going to abandon it. But I only got 2 reviews on the last chapter, which I think was a bit... disappointing. I NEED your opinions to improve the story, you know?
Anyway, hope you found this chapter somewhat entertaining. It felt a bit like a filler, but there were some important bits in it too.
The chapter title is "My Hero" by Foo Fighters. It doesn't have much to do with the chapter, but it's kind of dedicated to Sam. He's Kaelyn's hero, and he's mine too because he's so damn funny to write that I kind of got my inspiration back. And also, it's a great song.
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