Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. If I did, I'd be lying on a beach on some remote island in the Pacific.
A/N: So lately I've been writing a lot of humor and fluff and I suddenly got the urge to do something a bit more dramatic and sad. The product of said urge is this one-shot. Enjoy!
If I could tell you all of the things I wish I would have said before, I’d start with saying I love you.
I love you, Scorpius. I eternally, passionately love you.
I would tell you that, and the words would mean nothing to you. They’d slide off of you like the drops of rain in summer that brought us together in the first place. I would tell you that, and you would leave me broken. Again. I would never heal.
I suppose that’s why I never dared to tell you before. My heart, wrecked already, would shatter. But Scorpius, there are so many things I wish I could say to you.
If I could tell you how I feel right now, I wouldn’t leave a single detail out. I would tell you exactly how my heart aches with every step she takes. That with every stride that brings her closer to you, I become that much more destroyed.
And I hate that you’re smiling. I would tell you just how much I hate to see you smile that effortless, confident smile as she walks toward you.
Scorpius, don’t you remember how you once smiled at me that way? How you once held me in your arms so tenderly and lovingly?
I know you remember, but I know you don’t care. To you, it was a night lost in misplaced passion. A bump in the road. A mistake. I was your mistake. That night meant nothing to you and you’ve no idea how much that knowledge pains me. Because, to me, that night wasn’t a mistake. Not even close. It was the embodiment of three years’ worth of unrequited love and I don’t regret a single second of it.
If I told you that, you would frown slightly. You would say I was wrong and it meant nothing. You might even try to convince me that I didn’t love you and that if I really thought about it, that night probably didn’t mean too much to me, either. That I was building it up to be something it wasn’t.
But I’d be ready to defend my feelings. I would ask you why, if it meant nothing to me, do I remember every last detail of that night?
It was summer, and it was raining. The sky was dark with night and the clouds were obscuring the view of the stars. I was home alone and since I loved rain, I was sitting on the front steps, letting the sky’s tears fall on me, not caring that my blouse and my old denim shorts were soaked. You came out of nowhere.
“Dominique,” you whispered, your voice almost lost in the wind. But I heard you. I loved the way your voice sounded when it spoke my name.
You sat down by me, close enough that I could lightly feel your skin against mine. You told me about the fight with Rose, about how you felt she was always trying to control you and how you resented that she didn’t trust you. You were upset and angry and you kept tugging your fingers through your tangled hair.
I didn’t ask you why you came to me, and you never told me. I didn’t care. The reasons didn’t matter, it was just enough that you came at all.
You vented for a long time and eventually it seemed that you had talked yourself out. We sat in silence for a long while, the only sound coming from the still-pounding rain and the billowing wind. And then, you tilted your face towards me and I did the same to you. You leaned forward but I didn’t move an inch; I was too terrified. You kept on reaching though and once I felt your lips brush against mine, I came to life again, pulling myself closer and wrapping my arms around your neck while yours wound themselves around my waist.
It was the most heavenly, blissful feeling of my life. Nothing will ever equate to the way it felt to be held in your arms or to the way your tongue traced my lower lip.
When you asked me to show you my bedroom, my heart pounded so hard I thought I was going to burst. But somehow, with my shaking hand clasped in yours, I led you upstairs. You shut the door behind us and your lips were on mine again.
You left before I woke up. I tried to talk to you for weeks after that but you brushed me off. Your message only came through clearly when I found out that you had proposed to Rose and that you two were to be married.
You wanted to forget me, and that broke me.
You won’t ever forget, though. You can’t ever really forget something like that, Scorpius. But you try, and that’s enough to keep me ruined and desolate.
It’s summer again. Rose wanted a summer wedding. They’re more romantic, she said when asked why. Dusk is falling around us as we sit outside. A few stars are visible in the sky, but not many. Just like that night a year ago.
She’s grasping your hand now and you eagerly hold her delicate hand in your strong one. I’m reminded of how you held my hand that night. But of course, this isn’t the same. No, it’s not the same situation at all. Because you’re marrying her and what you did with me was just a rash oversight.
If I could, I would ask you a question that has been tearing me up inside ever since you and Rose became engaged.
What made her your forever and held me back from being anything other than a one night stand?
Rose is stunning, of course, with her beautiful red hair and baby blue eyes. Is it because she’s prettier? She’s smart, too. Unnaturally smart. Is that why? Or maybe it’s because she’s witty and kind. Could that be it?
It’s probably all of those reasons and more. I’m sure there are a million explanations for why you love Rose and not me. I hate that; I hate that you love her. I wish I could tell you that.
And now, before my eyes, you are becoming bound to her for life. There’s no going back now, not that you’d ever want to. You’re married. Right in front of me you speak your vows and she speaks hers. A few tears slip down her cheek and you brush them away before gently placing your lips on hers. You look so happy and I know that you did this out of love and what you did with me was out of anger.
You never gave me a second thought after that night. You never entertained the idea of being with me. You never considered that maybe you could love me, too. That night, you were left feeling a little guilty and a lot upset over missing Rose.
But Scorpius, when you left me, you left me breathless and devastated. You left me shattered, and I will never recover.
It begins to rain and amongst squeals and giggles, people rush indoors. But not me.
I love the rain. Especially in summer.
A/N: Hmm, so what'd you think? I'd adore some feedback(; I'd really like to know how this came together. I'm feeling a bit mixed about it. I wrote it on a whim, so maybe that's why. Anyway, even if you just write one sentence down in that little box, I'd really appreciate your thoughts!