Chapter 1 : State of Mind
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Open my mouth, but I can’t make a sound
She was in a scary place.
Suicide was a scary concept.
She didn’t realize what suicide, or death for that matter, really was until she was holding the vial in her shaking hand facing a cracked mirror in a secluded bathroom trying to muster up the courage to tip the contents into her mouth.
The minutes ticked by but she was still alive.
She raised the vial,
And her brain was screaming to throw it at the mirror, to dump it down the sink, but under no circumstances was she to drink it.
After all suicide was against the very laws of human nature.
This is sick.
Drop the vial.
You don’t want to die.
Oh no one would mourn her death. No, it was only her cowardice that was holding her back.
Turn back while you can.
This isn’t right.
You aren’t ready for this.
But, when you’re a disgrace to your parents, and your sister is too perfect to even bear looking at the likes of you, your brother too ashamed to stand being in your presence, when all of your family think you’re unstable and deranged, your teachers think you’re too sick to be acknowledged, your classmates isolate you, you have nobody. You have nothing.
And so, she has nothing to lose by dying.
Taking a deep breath, closing her eyes to block out her terrified reflection,
She raises the vial again, opens her mouth and is just about to tip it in her mouth when the door bangs open and someone rushes into the bathroom.
“Dominique, I’ve been looking absolutely everywhere for you. I had to ask Albus for the map—Dom what are you doing?
“L-L-Lysander?” She whispers.
She shook her head, but inside her heart was screaming yes.
This wasn’t part of the plan, nobody was supposed to interrupt.
Especially not Lysander Scamander, the one person who just might have cared if she had succeeded in taking her own life. The sweet, intelligent, yet eccentric boy who had taken to sitting next to her in class, who stayed up with her in the common room for late night conversations about life, philosophy, or their favorite subject Potions. Lysander Scamander was probably the closest thing she had ever had to a friend. But, if she had opened up to him like she should have, or consulted him like she could have, then she would never have been in this situation in the first place. But, Dominique was too insecure to let anyone know of her problems, not even the caring, supportive Lysander.
“Dom, what is this?” he asked, his voice breaking slightly as he snatched the vial away.
She didn’t answer. He takes a sniff, and begins to cough violently. His eyes widen as he realizes—
“Dominique, were you trying to kill yourself?”
She couldn’t take the incredulous tone in his voice. As if she had everything to lose by dying. But, as she was unable to find her voice she just nodded slightly, before bowing her head.
“Dom. Dom, look at me.” He said, lifting her chin up with his finger to look into her pained eyes. Trying not to lose himself in their depth he gave her a searching look.
He had known she was struggling, that was why he tried to spend as much of his time around her, and while he was there she seemed a bit brighter and optimistic. And he loved that. He loved that Dominique, and she had no idea how much it broke his heart to see her like this. Especially when he knew how special she truly was. But, he had never imagined she would resort to this.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” He whispers, choking slightly.
“I-I don’t know.”
“Dom, this isn’t right.”
She shakes her head.
“Dom, please, listen to me. Please just throw away the potion. And come with me.”
She shakes her head again.
“I can’t face them anymore, Ly. I really can’t. I don’t know what to do or even who I am. And I get really frightening thoughts, and I just want to end it all. Please, just let me end it.”
“Dom, I’m begging you. We can get you help. Just listen.”
He presses his forehead against hers,
“Please, for me.”
And she couldn’t fight the feelings she had when she was around him. She couldn’t fight the fact that in him she did have everything to live for. She could face anything with him by her side. But, she needed to heal herself first. Starting with the deadly vial still in her hand, waiting innocently to be drunk. Slowly she let go and it fell to the floor. And with it, so did she. But, Lysander was there to hold her and whisper words of encouragement in her ear as she broke down into tears.
When she was calm enough to stem the flow of tears, she looked up still watery-eyed at Lysander with a smile,
While she may feel like she’s carrying the weight of the world, now she knows there’s someone who will always be willing to ease some of it off her shoulders.
And they walk out hand in hand, ready to heal and be healed,
In the right state of mind.
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