It was the full moon last night. I wish that didn’t mean anything to me, but it does.
Because there are two people I really care about who didn’t really have the greatest relationship with said moon.
Yeah, save the waterworks, I know. I’m a getting a little sappy about this whole business.
But I couldn’t help thinking about Devon across the country transforming into a monster for the night when he should be here, celebrating with the family.
Not that this was much of a celebration, considering Raffie was a bore and my dad had picked up some extra shifts at work.
Today was New Year’s eve, and I had not enjoyed my vacation one bit. I hadn’t made up with Remus before I had to leave for break. So I’ve been kind of a downer lately.
Which means you can take the ‘vacation’ part of ‘vacation’.
I kept replaying our fight over and over in my head and it just made me feel more pathetic each time.
Why was I so upset about this? We weren’t even really going out.
Which makes it three times more complicated.
So I was home, but I was going back to school today because James had requested it. I really had no idea why, but a part of me was just too depressed to care.
This also meant that I was going to have to apparate into Hogsmeade, find James, sneak into the school and see just what the hell he was up to.
Something ridiculous, I’m sure.
See James usually goes home for Christmas, but this year he and Sirius were staying at school, along with most of the sixth year Gryffindors save for me, Alice and Lily.
Oh good, Marlene and Mary can chat about Sirius.
And probably throw darts at my picture, but that’s a side-activity.
I grabbed my black coat from the hall closet and yelled up the stairs.
“Dad! I’m going out, I’ll be back tomorrow morning. Happy New Year!”
There was no answer, so I figured that my dad was probably asleep over the newspaper.
The door is always a little messed up, so I ended up having to actually apparate outside before it occurred to me that I could have just apparated straight to Hogsmeade from my house.
See what this is doing to me?
After landing in a large pile of snow and checking to make sure I hadn’t splinched myself, I went off to the Three Broomsticks to meet James and maybe (hopefully) Sirius.
I had barely opened the door before James was yelling in my face.
“What took you so long!” He exclaimed impatiently.
I sighed and ignored him, shrugging my coat off and hanging it on the rack.
“Can I just ask you something? Why am I here?” I asked James in my best whining voice.
James smirked. “I’m having a party,” he said smugly. Then his expression turned more grim. “And I needed to talk to you about, well, I think you know.”
I felt my nerves seize up. Of course, let’s talk about Remus, shall we?
Oh yes, lets just have a cup of tea and we can talk about the ruins of my personal life.
Good idea, James. Superb! Incredible! Don’t know why I didn’t think of that myself.
Sometimes I hate that boy.
“I don’t know what there is to say,” I said, sitting down at the nearest table. “I really fucked up, James. You really have no idea.”
“Yeah, actually, I do. You see when Remus is stressed out like that, it makes the full moons a bigger hell then they already are for him. So to avoid this from happening again-“
“Wait, what do you mean by ‘this’?” I asked worriedly.
James sighed. “I mean that it’s been a whole day and Remus is still sleeping-“
“Oh my lord, I’ve killed him! I – oh god, James-!”
“-would you just let me finish?” James said angrily. “No, he’s just in worse shape then usual, that’s all.”
“Oh,” I said, embarrassed. “What do you want me to do?”
If I wasn’t a total bitch before, I’m pretty sure I’m below Marlene now.
That’s a new low blow.
Even for me.
“You two just need to talk. That’s all I need you to do. Just talk to him,” James said, running a hand through his hair. “I mean, I should probably have a word with him too, since this is technically all my fault.”
I wasn’t about to argue with that.
“Oh don’t be silly.”
Bitch Elsa- 0, Nice Elsa-1.
“No really, I should have just told Remus what I told you.”
“Yeah, that would have helped,” I said bitterly.
Bitch Elsa settles the score with 1 to 1. Nice save, dumbass.
“Sorry,” I mumbled.
James waved it off. “Forget it. Anyway, I’m having an all-houses party tonight, so I need help with decorations, and since you’re a girl and all, I figure you probably have a better womanly instinct about this than I do.”
Let’s hear it for sexism.
“Probably. Let’s go then, I hate this pub.”
James grinned that grin he gets when he’s up to something either stupid or illegal.
“First, we need to get some refreshments, and seeing as you’re of age, I was thinking maybe you could help us out,” James suggested slyly.
“Fine, but you’re paying,” I agreed. Figures, he only brought me here so I could buy him booze. “Couldn’t Sirius have done this? He’s of age.”
James shrugged. “They’ll suspect something if he buys.”
“James, I’m buying two crates of firewhisky, I think that’s suspicious no matter who it is.”
I couldn’t hear myself think above all the noise in the common room. And normally by now I’d be so drunk I couldn’t see, but the booze was gone before I even walked in the room.
I had decided to just sit out on this party and was curled up in the far corner chair, observing the drunken mess that was the all-houses-except-for-slytherin-because-they’re-lame party, as James has deemed it.
That boy really has some talent.
Sirius, however, had clearly had too much to drink. And was stumbling his way over to me.
“Elsa, darling! How, how are you?” Sirius said sloppily, putting his arm around my shoulder.
“I’m fine, but you’re drunk,” I answered glumly.
“Me? No,” Sirius said loudly, taking another sip of his firewhisky.
I sighed. Here I was, alone in the corner with a drunken Sirius Black and all I could think about was Remus.
“Of course not,” I mumbled. “Listen, I’ve got to go.” I made a move to get up, but Sirius stopped me.
“Wait,” he said, putting up a hand. Then the thing that I had been wishing for forever happened. Sirius Black kissed me on the lips. It was quick, but it was a kiss. “Happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, new year, Elsa!”
I pushed past him and subconsciously wiped my lips. I exited through the portrait and decided where I really needed to be was clearing things up with my fake-ex-fake-boyfriend.
I practically jogged down to the Hospital Wing, which I hope Remus appreciated because I don’t run. Ever.
Sirius Black just kissed me. And now I’m running to Remus.
Can you guess what’s wrong with this picture?
I was very quiet when I pushed open the door to the Hospital Wing, so maybe by chance Madam Pomfrey wouldn’t hear me.
Of course, she did, and peeked out from desk to glare at me and then make a shushing noise.
I bit my lip and shut the door as quietly as possible.
Luckily it looked like Remus was the only one here. I made my way over to where he was sleeping and sat in the chair next to his bed.
Scary how pale how he looked.
I did that.
Bitchy Elsa is really winning this one.
“Oh Remus,” I sighed, folding my hands in my lap. “Listen, I’ve been a real bitch. I didn’t really mean anything I said to you before break. The truth is, I was just kind of pissed because you lied to me. Of course, once again, you’re right, you didn’t have to tell me anything.
“It’s just that you are really starting to grow on me, and I just feel bad because this whole thing was a mistake. Sirius kissed me not ten minutes ago, he was drunk, of course, it wouldn’t have happened otherwise, and I hated him for it.
“What am I supposed to do with that, Remus?” I groaned and ran a hand through my hair, which had been let free earlier.
“Listen, I don’t know how to say this, so I’m really glad your not awake, but I’m sorry. For everything. And-and I kind of miss you.” I felt tears fall from my eyes before I realized I had been crying the entire time.
“You are a really great friend and I just feel so badly because someone like you, sweet, nice, intelligent you shouldn’t have to deal with this. Or any of my issues with S-Sirius. I mean, I know you were trying to get Mary, too, but isn’t this getting ridiculous? Look at us. You’re unconscious and I’m in tears trying to talk to you. I thought this was going to be a lot easier. We date, we snog, Sirius drops Mary for me, you run off and be her knight and shining armor and we all live happily ever after.
“I don’t know about you, but I haven’t figured out where the ‘happy’ part of this story is supposed to come in.”
I couldn’t finish this conversation with myself.
I got up and made a move to leave, but paused when I heard a voice.
Oh motherfucking hell.
I sat back down and tried to wipe my eyes so he wouldn’t know.
He blinked a couple of times before he sat up with a wince.
“Please tell me you didn’t hear all of that,” I said, afraid of the answer.
Son of a bitch.
He smirked. “I did,” he said hoarsely.
Fuck you, life.
First you make me apologize and say lots of things I know I’m going to regret, and then you drag Remus into it.
Shame on you.
“Listen, I’m sorry-“
Remus put up his hand, which was wrapped up. “Wait. I have to tell you I’m sorry, too.”
I raised an eyebrow. “No, I’m pretty sure that’s only me. I’m the bitch, remember.”
Remus gave kind of a half smile. “You aren’t a bitch Elsa. You just say things without thinking sometimes.”
Well, he’s got me all figured out.
“I’m sorry I stressed you out so much,” I admitted.
“It’s not so bad,” Remus said, backed up fully by another wince when he put his hand up again.
“Is this your first holiday like this?” I asked carefully. No need to add insensitive Elsa to the list.
Remus shook his head sadly. “I’ve spent Christmas eve as a wolf before, believe me, New Year’s isn’t anything, although I think I did hear about a drunken Sirius…”
I coughed awkwardly. “Er, yeah. He kind of kissed me.”
“Shouldn’t you be happy?”
I frowned. “Yes, I should be. But he was drunk. And that would have never happened if he knew who he was kissing.”
“I don’t think so,” Remus offered. “Don’t be so sure.”
“Let’s face it, Remus, he doesn’t like me like that,” I sighed. “How can he? Look at me? I’m not exactly his definition of ‘hot’ and my winning personality isn’t very pleasant. I lie, I cheat, I swear. And to top it off, I’m fat. As if being me wasn’t enough, I had to be fat.”
“I think you’re beautiful,” Remus whispered.
I looked up at him, with his kind eyes and messed up hair and smiled. “You aren’t sobad yourself.”
Good one, Elsa. Way to kill the moment.
Remus chuckled. “Thanks, Elsa. I appreciate it.”
The bell chimed, signaling it was midnight and I looked at my, well, I don’t know just what the hell he is anymore, and grinned before he leaned over the edge of the cot and gave me a peck on the lips.
“Happy New Year, Elsa.”
“Happy New Year, Remus.”