Chapter 4 : Chapter four
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Holy Merlin’s pants!!
My blue eyes looked at his browns ones. I was frozen at the spot, and I couldn’t look away. After minutes- or maybe hours, Remus blushed and ran out the door. That’s when I realized, I’m naked.
I’m naked! Not only did he find out that I am a girl, he also saw me naked. Crap, I’m impure. Oh Merlin, I never thought this would happen.
I started putting my clothes on, wondering if he’s outside the door. I’ll have to leave here eventually. What will I say to him? Hi, I’m actually a girl who invaded all your guys’ privacy and a dark wizard is out to get me. I’d appreciate it if you kept it a secret.
That would never work! He will think I’m a loony. Oh-what if he tells everyone? He’ll definitely tell everyone. Then You-Know-Who will find me, because his Death Eater spies will tell him. Then before I have a chance to escape Lily, probably companied by James, will murder me. You Know Who will be really happy that James and Lily killed me, that they would probably be offered a spot in his top circle. Of course they’d refuse which would get them killed. The only good thing is, right before they die, Lily will realize she does love James. They will die lovingly in each other’s arms. Then Sirius, without his best friend, would go mad. He’ll start on a killing spree, which would have to be stopped by Remus. Remus would kill Sirius for the greater good, but then go mad himself. He’ll become grief ridden because he knows if he didn’t tell them, about me being a girl, none of this would have happened. Peter, on the other hand, would be the only sane/alive Marauder left and would get all the fangirls. He’ll live a happy life, but it will always feel like he’s missing something. He’ll try to fill the hole that’s left with drugs. Oh, and then there is still Frank, Amy, Alice and Jared who are going to hate me and end up with some terrible life.
Maybe I’ll live out the rest of my days in this bathroom. It seems…comfy. I could die of starvation, which could stop the terrible future that is ahead if I go out that door.
“Nathaniel…” Remus said hesitantly. I have to go out. Maybe I can get Remus to see why. I took a deep breath and opened the door. I’m not sure what I’ll say, but I will make Remus see that telling the world is a bad idea.
Remus stared at me. He seemed to be waiting for an explanation. No he wasn’t waiting for one, he was demanding one. But I had nothing to say. I can not tell him about You Know Who. Dumbledore said not to let anyone know. I don’t know if I can trust him. I wish Remus could understand this, but there is no way he could. Not without me telling him.
Remus seemed tired of waiting. “You. Are. A. Girl.” He stated it, no questions in his voice, but I stilled answered him.
“Yes…” I whispered.
“Why? Why the…” Remus seemed to struggle. He could not get the right words out. He stared at me again. I looked up to meet his eyes. “Why?” he asked.
“It’s not that simple.” I said. He kept staring. “It’s a long story.” I said going to sit down on my bed. “And I am not sure I can trust you.”
“I already know your secret. Will telling me be any worse?” he asked. Yes, it would be. You Know Who, the darkest wizard of all time, is after me. That is a lot worse. But letting my secret be out isn’t something I can accept.
“This isn’t something I choose to do. It was something I had to.” I said, trying to justify it.
“I… my parents. They are very influential people in France. I mean, they were.” I said correcting myself.
“Have you heard of the Ellington-Jones’ family?” I asked. Remus shook his head. “Well, we’re an old pureblood family from here. As old as the Blacks, and maybe even older. I’m Naomi Ellington-Jones. And well…” I hesitated not sure on how to continue.
“My family moved to France about 12 years ago. We still were very close to the Ministry here, because both of my parents worked here. Also they had a lot of pull in the French Ministry. We would have been a powerful ally for You Know Who. With us on his side, the French ministry could have fallen, and the English ministry would be severely weakened. He knew that, so he came after us. My parents refused to join him. We don’t believe in that blood purity nonsense. So he… killed them.” I said my voice shaking slightly.
“Then he gave me a chance, to see if I would join him. I said no, of course. Why would I join a crazy lunatic who killed my family? He tried to kill me too but he didn’t know how powerful I was. I was able to buy some time before the or- help came.” I almost slipped out that the order of the phoenix saved me.
“So then Professor Dumbledore decided I should enroll here. That it would be the safest place for me. But You Know Who has spies here. So he thought I should enroll as a boy, so You Know Who doesn’t know I’m here… And well, that’s why I’m here.” I finished lamely. I looked down at my lap, worried on how Remus was going to take this. Did I say enough? Did I say too much? Maybe I shouldn’t have told him about my parents. Or maybe I should have made up some reason.
“Wow.” Remus said. We sat there quietly for a moment. He was soaking in what I told him, while I was internally freaking out. I do not know if I can trust him with this. I think Remus is a good person, but how do I really know. Or what if he lets something slip by accident? Maybe I should erase his memory. I’m not actually sure what the spell is for that. I should tell Professor Dumbledore. He could erase Remus’ memory.
“I won’t tell anyone.” Remus said, breaking our silence.
“How do I know?” I asked. I know it sounds horrible, but my life was on the line.
“You just have to trust me.” Remus said like it was the easiest thing in the world. But it wasn’t easy. It was hard to put trust into people; especially when they’ve turned their back on you many times.
“I don’t know if I can.” I whispered.
“Well… what if I told you something about myself. It’s not something that will kill me but it could ruin the rest of my life.” Remus said.
It sounds fair, but I couldn’t ask him to divulge his secrets to me. Remus probably doesn’t even have anything that bad that I could hold over him. I would also feel like I am blackmailing him. I couldn’t ask Remus to tell me his secrets.
“Remus, even though I’m not sure of I can trust you, I do not want you to tell me you’re secret. I would feel like-”
“I’m a werewolf.”
“I’m blackma… What?” Did I just hear Remus correctly?
“I’m a werewolf.” Remus said again, a lot quieter.
“You mean like, you turn into a wolf once a month?” I asked, my brain hurting.
“Yes.” Remus murmured.
Oh, Remus is a werewolf. That makes sense. Everyone tells me that once a month he goes home to see his sick mom, or take care of his rabbit. He actually turns into a werewolf.
Holy frick! Remus is a werewolf! I am sitting next to a wolf! What if he bites me? Oh, Merlin, what if he has attacked other people? Disgusting. I remember my father saying,
Never come near a werewolf. They are beasts, with no mind or heart. They will attack you with out a doubt.
My breathing started getting heavier, and I felt trapped. There was no way out. I was just here, with this werewolf. I was trapped, and I was going to die. There was no way out. A werewolf was sitting next to me. It has been sleeping in the same room as me! How could anyone let this happen? Now I’m going to die, because of this beast.
“I understand if you… feel the need to switch rooms. Or even want to force me out of school.”
They are beasts, with no mind or heart.
“I just wanted you to know my secret since I know yours. We’re even now. I wanted you to know you can trust me.”
Trust me! Why won’t you just trust me?
The voice rung in my ears. I didn’t trust back then, which left me worse off. Maybe, Remus isn’t just a beast. He has the mind to tell me his secret even though I could ruin him. He has the heart to make me trust him. I don’t believe that Remus is a bad person, just because he’s a werewolf. He can not be a bad person. He willingly told me this, hoping I can be as big of a person that he is, and see past the stereotypes. Maybe Remus is a good werewolf, because for the time I’ve known him, he’s been a good friend. Maybe I should trust in him.
“Remus, I think I can trust you now.”
Remus gave me a smile. He looked so relieved. I swear I heard him whisper “Thank you.”
“So, I have a question for you. Who else knows about…your condition?” I asked, curious if the Marauders knew.
“Professor Dumbledore and he informed all the teachers as well. Also, James, Peter, Sirius, Lily and Snape know.”
I had figured that the people in the beginning of his list knew, but the last two surprised me.
“Snape? Isn’t he that Slytherin that James and Sirius always hex?” I asked, wondering why he knew.
“Yup. He hates us all. And well, James and Sirius hate him.”
“Why does he know?” I asked curious.
“Snape was smart enough to figure it out. He knew I was always absent during the full moon. He was snooping around when Sirius told him exactly where I go during the full moon. Snape saw a glimpse of me before James pulled him out of the way. Dumbledore made him swear not to tell anyone.”
“Really? Wow. Then how does Lily know?” I asked
“Well Snape.” Remus said, “Lily and Snape were best friends.”
“That’s a really odd friendship.” I said. Lily is very bright, happy, and pretty while Snape is kind of ugly, and gloomy.
“Yeah. Lily found out, after the incident, but she pretended not to know. She kept trying to convince Snape he was delusional.”
“They’re not friends anymore right?” I asked, still quite curious.
“No. Snape’s too involved with the Dark Arts. He’s next in line to join You know Who and, well Lily’s a muggleborn.”
“Ok, I have one more question. Why did you come into the bathroom in the first place?” I asked. I was getting really tired, and now all I want to do is sleep…or eat, but I wanted this question answered the most. Why would Remus unlock the bathroom door?
“That’s a Marauder secret. I left something in there, that we really needed to get and… Crap!” Remus said jumping up. He ran into the bathroom really quickly, and came out with a piece of parchment.
“A piece of parchment?” I asked. “You bloody went in the bathroom for a piece of parchment?”
Remus shook his head. “This isn’t just a piece of parchment. I solemnly swear that I am up to no good. It’s the Marauder’s Map.”
I looked at the piece of parchment fill with ink. It depicted a map of Hogwarts, but that wasn’t all. On the map were names of everyone, walking around.
“Is that were everyone is right now?” I asked.
“Yup. It shows everyone, everywhere in Hogwarts.” Remus said, flipping through the map. “Look.” He pointed to a map of the 6th year boy’s dormitory. The two people in there were Remus J. Lupin and Naomi Ellington-Jones.
“It says my real name!” I exclaimed.
“Yes, and if any of the guys see this, then they’ll know you’re not a girl.” Remus said.
“Can you change it?” I asked.
“I’m not sure, I’ll have to try, but the map has never lied before.” Remus said.
I stared at the map intently. This map shows everyone in Hogwarts. How did they manage to track everyone? It was such extraordinary magic. I noticed a little dot moving toward the dorm.
“Sirius is coming up here!” I exclaimed.
“Crap, I was supposed to meet them with the map twenty minutes ago, but I can’t let them see it.” Remus ran around the room franticly, looking for somewhere to put the map. He grabbed one of James’ books and stuck it in the middle. The he shoved the book down his pillowcase.
“They shouldn’t be able to find it for a while.” Remus said. “I’ll try and see if I can change it.”
“Thanks Remus.” I said, relived. If Remus hadn’t found out, maybe all the other Marauders would have.
“Remus!” Sirius called as he opened the dorm’s door. “Where the hell have you been? You were supposed to come down twenty minutes ago.”
“I can’t find it.” Remus said. “I’ve been looking everywhere for it.”
“Really? I thought you left in the bathroom?” Sirius asked, looking in there.
“It isn’t there.” Remus called back.
Sirius sighed as he came back out. “I guess we can go without it today, but if we get caught I’m blaming you.”
“When do we ever get caught?” Remus asked, making his way toward the door.
“There was that one time…” Sirius said.
They both left the dorm, and I had it all to myself. I thought I would be happy to have the dorm to myself, so I can clear out my thoughts but the silence is eerie. I do think I can trust Remus, but I can’t help but feel something bad is going to happen. Before my brain explodes from the creepiness of the dorm, I go downstairs.
I see Amy and Frank by the fire, and make my way toward them.
“Hey.” I said sitting down.
“Hey.” Amy says without looking up. Frank doesn’t even acknowledge my presence. They both were feverously writing as fast as they could.
“What are you guys doing?” I asked.
“We’re in a race.” Amy said, “To see who can finish Professor Pusey’s essay on Tea leaves vs. Palm readings first.”
“It’s the only way we are ever going to write this essay.” Frank added. “The winner gets 3 galleons.”
“Are you guys even paying attention to what you’re writing? It seems as if you’re scribbling down nonsense.”
“Exactly.” They both said.
“Professor Pusey doesn’t actually pay attention to what you write.” Amy said, not looking up from her paper. “He predicts what your grade will be, so he doesn’t actually have to read the essays. Telling the future has its advantages.”
“But… then shouldn’t he know that you’re not really writing anything relevant to the course?” I asked.
“Ah, but if he did actually read the papers, then I would be trying a lot harder on this essay. So I would deserve a high grade.”
“That…makes my brain hurt.” I said.
“Your talking is distracting me.” Frank said writing as fast as he can.
“Yeah, I get it. I’ll leave you to your work.” I said getting up. I went back up into the dorm, but it wasn’t creeping me out like before. I guess I had to get out for a while. I lied down on my bed, thinking of everything that had happened today.
Remus found out that I am a girl, and I found out Remus is a werewolf. I waited for myself to freak out like I normally do, but I didn’t. I was ok with Remus knowing my secret because I trust him. That is so weird, to be able to trust him. But it makes me happy to know that I’m able to.
8:30, the clock said. I feel asleep for a couple of hours, but I didn’t wake up with any nightmares. I just woke up.
I smiled to myself, a nap was good. I made sure I looked fine before heading down to dinner. I sat in my usual spot, next to Amy. She didn’t look happy at all. She was stabbing her food with her fork.
“Hi.” I said to her. No response. I guess she’s in a foul mood.
“Did she lose your bet?” I asked Frank in a whisper.
“No, she won. I finished an hour later.” Frank said sighing.
“Then what’s up with that?” I asked, looking at Amy stab her peas. Frank shrugged.
“Amy.” A voice called. I turned to see Sirius standing behind us. “Can I talk to you for a moment?” He asked.
Amy didn’t even turn to look at him. “I don’t want to talk to you, Black.”
“I need to talk to you.” Sirius said, his tone getting rougher.
“I already said I don’t want to talk to you.” Amy said.
“Dammit, Amy!” Sirius said, “Why are you being so stubborn? Just freaking come.”
“I don’t want to.” Amy said, finally looking, (more like glaring) at Sirius.
“Yes you do.” Sirius said, losing his patience. “We need to talk. Personally I rather not do it in the Great Hall but if you refuse to move then I’ll have to.”
Amy gave a long glare at Sirius before marching out of the hall, Sirius tailing behind her.
“What was that?” I asked Frank.
“Lover’s quarreler.” He replied. I nearly choked.
“They’re dating?” I asked.
“No,” Frank said, “but they were. They broke up at the end of last year.”
“Really?” I asked, “Sirius seems kind of like a player, I never would have though Amy would have gone out with him.” I said.
Frank scoffed, “Sirius isn’t a player, no matter how much he tries to act like one. He’s actually pretty serious- no pun intended- when it comes to girls.”
I nodded, and continued eating. It was really weird that Amy and Sirius date. Their personalities clash. I don’t event think I’ve seen them have a conversation. Though, Sirius always sits next to us in the morning, probably because of Amy.
How weird it is that out of everything that happened today, I’m thinking about Amy and Sirius’ relationship. I should be worried that Remus knows I am a girl. And I should be worried that Remus is a werewolf, but I am not. I can trust Remus, and if I can’t… well I know his secrete, so he can not really do much.
I think it’s odd to think about my friends’ lives before I came. I mean I knew they had lives before I came here; it was just odd to think about it. It was weird that Lily and Snape were best friends, or that Amy and Sirius dated. It is weird to think that at one time Frank and Alice weren’t dating. It’s odd to think about how much has changed-even for me. I was at a totally different place 4 months ago, and now I’m here. A lot has changed, and it saddens me that my life will change, because being at Hogwarts is fun. Being with all my friends and even being a guy is fun. It’s already changed from how it was, Remus knows the truth. Who knows how that will change my life?
Sorry for the really late update. I became super lazy after finals and didn't feel like doing anything. Starting now, you'll have regular updates!
So what did you think of the chapter? Good? Bad? How did you like Remus' reaction? Are you happy Naomi know's he's a werewolf? What about Sirius and Amy's relationship?
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