Chapter 18 : Siriusly Fighting
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“What if that guy was right?” I ask, looking at the ground. A tear falls onto my hand. I hadn’t realized I'm crying.
“Right about what?”
“He said Remus just wanted to get into my pants.” I whisper.
“Does that seem like Remus to you? Is that something you really think Remus could do?”
“No, but he left last night. And he’s gone again.”
“Now? He’s upstairs, showering. Last night he was guarding the department, you know that.” She rubs my back. I think about Remus. He was so angry yesterday when I told him about Jacob. The look he gave me last night, telling me I was beautiful. Holding me when I cried over another man. The look on this face when he saw me this morning, it was a look of happiness. The way he was jealous of Jon. His concern. Telling me he loves me.
“I’m just not sure if I did the right thing last night now.”
“What do you mean?”
“I don’t know. Maybe it was too soon. Remus said we didn’t need to move so fast, but I wanted to… so much. I don’t think it was too fast.” I look into her face. “I don’t know. I think I love Remus, but what if I don’t. What then? How am I supposed to know if I really love him?” She pulls me into a hug.
“I know you don’t understand, but Remus would never have done that if he thought, just for a second, that what you felt wasn’t real. He doesn’t take advantage. If he had seen you wanting it for any reason besides that you love him, he would have said no.” she gives a small laugh. “He can be very stubborn. He loves you too. Remus is a one-woman kind of man and as long as she is safe and happy, he doesn’t care about anything else.”
“I don’t know. I just don’t know.” I look at her, tears streaming down my face. “I don’t know what I think I’m doing.”
“You are trying to be happy, just like everyone else. There may be a war going on, but that doesn’t mean we can’t be happy, or find love.”
“But how do I know? I thought I was in love once, but I wasn’t. I know I wasn’t now.”
“How do you know?”
“Because I love Remus!” Wait, what? Where had that come from? Wasn’t I just questioning how I felt? Molly is smiling.
“What do you look so shocked for?”
“I don’t know what made me say that.” I whisper.
“You should go make sure Remus actually sleeps. Knowing him, he’ll try to get out of it. I’ll make some tea.” I nod, and head upstairs. I knock on Remus’ door.
“Come in,” I hear.
I open the door. Remus is standing by the window, looking out at the empty street below.
“What do you think you’re doing?” I ask, with mock sternness.
“I was just looking out the window,” he replies, playing along.
“You are supposed to be in bed, mister.” I smile. “Seriously though Remus. What’s wrong? You look worried.”
“It’s nothing, Dora.” He stretches, and I can see a sliver of his stomach. He yawns.
“Bed, mister.” I say, playing again. He just smiles and slides under the covers. He looks at his watch.
“Make sure I’m up by six.”
“Okay, Remus.” I walk over to the bed and lie down.
“What are you doing?”
“Lying here,” I shrug. I lean in and kiss him. “I love you, Remus.”
He grins. “I love you too, Dora.”
“Now, sleep.” He chuckles, but closes his eyes anyway. He’s out in less than a minute. I lie there for a while, studying his face. ( Finally, I decide to get up. As I’m walking out the door, I bump into Sirius.
“Tonks,” he greets, “I didn’t know you were here.” He smiles. Then he looks at Remus’ door. “What were you doing in there?”
“Nothing,” I say, blushing for some reason. Sirius scowls. “Say, wanna go downstairs? Molly’s making tea.”
“Sure.” Sirius looks like he wants to say something, but he stays silent the entire way to the kitchen.
Without turning around, Molly says, “Did you finally get him to go to sleep. He has to be tired after a night like last night.”
“What?” Sirius shouted, looking at me. Molly turns.
“Sirius, you need to calm down. Remus took Tonks’ guard duty last night, because she was very tired.” He studies me. I feel a blush creep along my neck. I sit at the table, and Molly brings me some tea. Sirius sits across the table from me. “Would you like some tea, Sirius?”
“No, thank you, Molly.” He doesn’t take his eyes off me. It’s kind of unnerving.
“I told Leah I would come back soon, so I’m going to grab some clothes and crash here for the week, but I may not come back ‘til tomorrow.” I say, more to Molly than Sirius.
“Okay,” Molly says, at the same time Sirius says “Why?”
I look at him. “Don’t you want me to stay?”
“Of course I want you to stay Tonks,” he replies.
“Then why ask why?” I stand. “Molly, Remus said to make sure he’s up by six. Tonight’s the full moon.” She nods. “Suppose I’ll talk to you lot later.” I say, walking out of the kitchen, through the living room, and out the front door. Then I apparate into my flat.
“Tonks,” Leah shouts, “don’t do that. You scared me half to death.”
“Sorry, Leah,” I say. I make my way back to my bedroom. “I’ve got a new assignment, have to stay elsewhere. I’ll be back soon, though.”
“Do you have to leave right now?”
“No. Just getting some stuff ready.” I pull out my most revealing dress. It’s black, very form fitting, and very short. I don’t even remember why I bought it. It’s never been worn, and still has the tags on it.
“What do you need that for?” Leah asks from my doorway.
“The assignment. Supposed to catch some creep who likes women who look like this,” I say, morphing into a dark-haired, blue-eyed, woman.
“So, Remus,” Leah starts. “He seems, well, different to what I would have thought.”
“He’s great; you just need to get to know him.”
“So what happened?”
“Honestly, you left, and he ordered me to sleep. I forced him to sleep as well, and we talked a bit. That’s it, Leah.” I don’t know why, but I didn’t want to tell her about Remus and me. She stares at me for a while.
“What? I’m serious.”
“I thought he was your cousin?”
Huh? Wait did she…she couldn’t.
“You told me that when he broke out. I know it’s a bad joke. Sorry. What do you look so shocked for?” Oh, right. Her brow furrows. “What did you think I meant?” Should I tell her? After all, the incident had been forever ago. But then, that would make her aware of the Order… No, I probably shouldn’t.
“Merlin, Leah, you need a boyfriend.”
She makes an objectionable noise. “I do not. You’re bad enough.” I roll my eyes. “I saw that, and what was with this morning? Why’d he leave after you two shagged?”
“He had to-I never said we shagged!” I say, my face burning.
“But you did.” She’s grinning now.
“Fine, we did.”
“How was it?”
“Amazing, I mean-” I see my hair turn bright red. Leah’s eyes widen.
“Oh my God. He was your first!”
“I didn’t mean it was bad, no need to be so defensive.” She studies me while I finish packing things for Grimmuald Place. “Do you love him?” What?
“Where’d that question come from?”
“Well, obviously, if he was your first, you were saving it for someone special.”
“Yes. No. I don’t know.” I sigh, sitting on the bed. “It’s so complicated. I mean, it’s different than what Jacob and I had, you know. I just-It’s so confusing. Couldn’t there just be a simple ‘if you feel this around the person, it’s love’ thing?”
We sit there in silence for a little while.
“It’s not your fault, Leah.”
“I meant yesterday. I shouldn’t have been like that. I was even mean as he left. I should probably tell him that. It’s just I didn’t expect him to be so civil. I mean, he’s a werewolf. You hear all these stories and…” her voice trails off.
“But if they were given half a chance, if they had equal rights, would they be like that? I mean, maybe Greyback would, but from what Remus says, most werewolves are even disgusted by him.”
“I’m sorry,” she says wrapping her arms around me. “Tell you what, we’ll figure this out together, yeah? Tonks and Leah, masters of mischief, conquering the world one stereotype at a time.” I can’t help but grin at our old nickname from school, even if the ending wasn’t quite the same.
“Hey, I have this new game. Wanna play?”
“What is it?”
“It’s called Clue. It’s a mu-”
“Really? Another muggle game?” She smiles. “Sure.”
Around six-thirty, I decide to make sure Remus is up.
“Hey, I’ve gotta go now,” I say, picking up my duffle bag.
“Okay, be safe,” she says, giving me a hug.
“I will.” Then I apparate to Grimmuald Place and knock on the door. Molly answers it.
“Tonks!” She steps outside, “We didn’t expect you until morning.” Something’s up.
“What’s going on, Molly?” She takes a deep breath.
“Remus and Sirius are at it again.” What? I try to go past her. “I don’t think you should go in there right now.”
“I need to go in there, Molly.” She takes another deep breath.
The instant we step inside, I hear shouting, the words hitting my ears clearly even over my aunt’s shrieks.
“She’s my little cousin. My little cousin.” Sirius shouts.
“She’s old enough to make her own decisions.” Remus shouts back.
“Yeah, because we were both really bright at twenty three.” I start running up the stairs, trying to find them.
“She knew what she was doing.”
“You could have hurt her.”
“I didn’t.” their voices are getting closer. What room are they in?
“You can’t just go around shagging my little cousin, Remus. I won’t let you.”
“I suppose you’re going to stop me?”
“Yeah, if I have to.”
“She wanted it just as much as I did.” Found them, they are in Remus’ room.
“I doubt that. You’ve been trying to get into her pants since--” Wham! Remus punches Sirius so hard he lands on the floor.
“No, I haven’t.” Remus’ voice is very low, very deadly, and very scary. “I told her I could hurt her. I told her that we didn’t have to do it then and she wanted to. Just as much as I did.”
“So are you going to leave her now you got what you wanted?” Remus is trembling.
“Got what I wanted? I want her to be safe and happy. I love her, and you will not stop me from it. When she tells me to go away, that she doesn’t want me, I will.”
I walk into the room. “What’s going on?” I ask, even though I pretty much already know.
Both of their heads turn sharply in my direction.
“How long have you been here?” Remus asks.
“A while.” I say. I look between them. Sirius was standing now. “Look, I don’t want to come between the two of you. You’ve been friends forever.” I look at Remus, and he looks hurt. “I love you too, Remus. I’m never going to tell you to go away. You’re stuck with me.” He gives me a half-hearted smile. “Sirius, I’m old enough to make my own decisions, and I really do appreciate the fact you’re trying to stick up for me, but I want to be with Remus.” Remus takes my hand. “Please understand.” Sirius looks wounded. “I love you, Sirius. You know that. I missed you all those years I couldn’t see you. Please don’t make me choose between you and Remus.”
Sirius just walks out of the room
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