Chapter 1 : She's all alone
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To Mel; who can always make me smile no matter how bad my day is.
To Cassie; who's random comments brighten my day.
To Anna; for making everything seem so much better.
To Laurie; for being like my own personal Lily.
To Tara, Alex and Tyler; for singing Happy Birthday to me every single day.
To Lizzie; for standing by me through everything for the past year and for keeping me here.
I love you all.
And finally...to everyone I promised this to, Sorry it took so long.
Delicately, Amy wrapped the bandage around her thin wrist without looking down to see the newly made scars. She tucked in the end, not wincing as the rough material started irritating her skin, and stood up from the dressing table. In a daze, she went to collect her school bag, and caught a glimpse of her reflection, and an image of the girl she once was seemed to flash in front of her unfocused eyes.
For months she had avoided her reflection. She had not wanted to see what she had turned into. The pale-faced girl with hollow cheeks staring back no longer fazed her, nor did the lifeless hazel eyes or limp dark hair. She wasn't proud of what she had become but she wasn't going to ignore anymore, either. She knew her best friend Lily had noticed the changes...it seemed like she was the only one who had. With a tug on her loose black jacket, Amy left the room, as she always did; with her head down and arms hugging her stomach, after leaving no evidence of what she'd done.
Christmas that year had bought a fresh layer of snow that covered the rose gardens of the Mason’s house. Ever since Amy’s mother died, the roses had been slowing fading away as well, Amy tried desperately to look after them but whenever she left to go back to school they’d be forgotten about.
Amy picked out a white rose, her mother’s favourite, and dusted it off. The icy snow landing on her bare feet, but she ignored the shiver that threatened to remind her.
“Amy?” Lily whispered, her emerald eyes clouded with worry as she looked over to her friend, curled up in an arm chair. She turned her gaze to the window, remembering her fond memories of the outdoors. She and Amy had always loved being by the Great Lake. Whenever they had the chance, they'd both pick a good book from the library and head out into the warm sunshine, dipping their toes into the cool waters of the lake.
Lily smiled sadly. She and Amy had always been so alike; both muggle-born and both worked hard in class. They even had the same career choice: Healers, but lately Amy had been changing. At first, they were small things, Lily noticed most of them or at least she thought she had; things like Amy’s early awakenings, covered arms and dark circles around her eyes.
Then, in previous few months, everything began to change. Amy cut down her daily food intake by at least half, she’d wake the whole dormitory up in the middle of the night with her screaming crying, her grades dropped significantly and then there were the moments that she’d become silent and unresponsive, these moments scared Lily the most.
Then she noticed the tiny scars of Amy’s fingertips one day during class, she’d seen them so many times before but had brushed them off, just thinking they were from Potions or something; Amy had always been a little clumsy. That night, she asked Amy what they were and she replied that they were from Christmas break, she’d accidentally brushed her fingers with the knife when she was helping serve the turkey but Lily knew her better than that; she knew Amy’s dad hated turkey and that there was only the two of them for Christmas but she did not voice this, she knew Amy well enough to know that she’d just come up with another lie.
A week later, bandages became visible on her wrists and Lily knew what was happening. She’d talked to the girls in the dormitory, to Professor McGonagall and Madam Pomfrey and they all agreed they’d watch out for Amy. She’d even talked to the Marauders; she knew that Amy and Remus were good friends as well and all four of them had agreed to help.
Lily was bought back into reality as Amy broke the silence. “Yes, Lily?” she replied.
Lily’s voice caught in her throat as she turned back to her friend. She could see the frayed edges of a bandage that looked to be coming loose around Amy's wrist and the beginnings of a deep gash on her friends pale skin. She ran forward, grabbing Amy's arm and ripping the bandage off.
“Amy!” she gasped, her fingers tracing the scar on her best friend’s wrist. “You said-you-you promised!” she whispered, letting go off Amy’s arm which she quickly pulled back towards her thin frame and re-wrapped the bandage. “Please, just don’t-not again.”
Amy nodded as Lily sat back down, and drew her legs in under her chin. “I promise, Lils- It won’t happen again,” Amy said with a smile. Lily almost believed her, but the picture of her old best friend compared to her new one was too contrasting. Lily smiled back, muttered something about an essay and then left the Common Room in search for someone she could trust.
It took Lily at least half an hour to even set her eyes on the person she so desperately needed to talk to. As she came closer, she began to think that this couldn’t possibly be a good idea, but before she had a chance to turn around, James Potter had already seen her.
“Lily!” he called, running up to her like an excited little puppy would. His friends quickly followed behind him, all with wide smiles.
Lily took a deep breath, and looking James right in the eye, she whispered. “She’s done it again.”
All four boys’ smiles immediately dropped, and without even realising what she was doing, she was hugging James tightly and he was playing with her hair sadly.
“Do you want me to go talk to her, Lily?” Remus asked, appearing as a blur next to James
Tears were now streaming freely down Lily's face as she nodded, unable to find the words to speak. The Marauders all looked shocked, not once had they seen Lily even close to tears. She was usually so good at keeping herself collected and strong; she could bet that anyone in the school would be shocked at her form.
“She’ll be fine, you know, Lily, she’s a smart girl so she wouldn’t do anything stupid,” James whispered, throwing his arm around Lily’s shoulder and walking her slowly back towards the Common Room.
“And you care about her, that’s the best thing she could ever ask for” Sirius smiled.
Lily whispered “thanks” to both of them before falling into silence, hoping that Amy would listen to what Remus had to say and that both boys were right.
It was another ten minutes before they reached the Common Room; they had walked slowly so that Remus would have enough time to speak to Amy alone before they arrived. Lily was excepting to see a laughing Amy who’d race over to her and hug her tightly before whispering a promise that this would be the last time, instead she was face with a hysterical Mary who was being calmed by Remus.
James cut Lily off before she could ask anything. “What happened?” he demanded, drawing Lily closer in. Lily went stony-faced, listening to Mary as she tried to explain between tears what happened.
“We went up-Remus asked me-to get her-and-and” She wiped some new forming tears away and Lily could feel her heartbeat slowly down. “She was on-the-the-floor-I-I-I-I’m sorry Lily!” She burst into a fresh round of tears and Lily tore herself away from James, who was trying to grab onto her, and sped up the stairs, pushing open the half-closed door.
“Amy?” she whispered, her eyes setting on a pale, still version of Amy lying on the floor. Lily couldn’t cry, she couldn’t scream, she couldn’t talk, she could only stumble over to her former best friend and lay down next to her, intertwining her fingers with Amy’s, which were losing what little warmth they had.
Lily didn’t know how long she lay there for, nor how long it had been when the tears started to spill from her eyes and she could scream her thoughts. She didn’t know when Professor Dumbledore came up, or when Professor McGonagall took her down to the Common Room. She couldn’t tell how long she cried in James’s arms for that night, but she can always remember when he whispered those little words.
“I love you, Lily.”
Disclaimer; I do not own anything but Amy and the plot, the rest is J.K's.
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