Chapter 1 : Never Say Goodbye
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Song-Friends Never Say Goodbye-Elton John
Thanks to my beta: MaraudersLiveOnAsAnimagus
A/N: For the first time I'm putting my notes up here because I don't want the story to end and then there is something from me after. Feel free to skip anything I say up here and go right to the story.
This is my first non-humor story, though Lily's Heart wasn't as humorous as most of my stuff I wrote this first.
I like to put little secret meanings in my stories. In this one the type of writing for each Marauder is the closest thing I could get to how I see their handwriting and/or personality. I almost didn't write James or Peter, James because he died first and therefore didn't see the others' deaths and Peter for obvious reasons.
I also would like to know what you think the last section is about, the one that is all the Marauders. If you think it is after their deaths and they are in some sort of heaven or if you think it is them before all this happened or if you think it is neither and is more of a picture of them as they were but it never really happened. I'm really proud of this piece of work and if you have the time please review. I really want to know what people think of this.
There isn't much I haven't shared with you along the road.
And through it all there'd always be tomorrow's episode.
Suddenly that isn't true.
There's another avenue.
Beckoning the great divide.
Ask no questions, take no side.
Who's to say who's right or wrong, who's course is braver run.
Still we are, have always been, will ever be as one.
The worst part was the silence. James was never quiet, ever. Lily was sometimes, but it was a good quiet. Like snow falling, or watching someone you love sleep. This quiet, sharp and cold, the sound that wasn't sound at all, it was enough to make him scream. To shout, cry, laugh, to even bang pot lids together. Just something to get rid of the choking, smothering silence.
It was too soon. He'd only just lost Lily and James, why did he have to lose another friend? And it was Peter too. Why had he gone after Siri-no, he wouldn't thank name, the one that caused this pain. Why had Peter gone after him? Peter should have known better. And he, Remus, should have known he would go. When he went Remus should have gone with him.
How could the world do this to him? He'd had his friend back for two years only to lose him again. When he thought Sirius had betrayed him, betrayed them, it had been like loosing him forever. He had lost him forever. And then Peter had 'died', so soon after James and Lily that Remus had spent almost a month in his bed. He'd only gotten up for food(rarely) and to lock the doors during his transformation. He wanted to do that again, after loosing Sirius a second time-watching him die-he didn't think he could go on. But he had to. For Harry and the others, Remus had to go on.
Sirius was broken. James had been his best friend. His other half (not in a gay way). Even in his misery Sirius spoke aloud, forgetting there was no James to tease him about the sentiment. James had been the brother Regulus had never been, even before things went wrong. For all his complaining, moaning, whining, and yes, even bitching about her cutting into his 'alone time' with James (again, not in a gay way) Sirius had loved Lily. If James had been the brother he'd wanted, Lily had been the mother he'd needed. Especially after Harry was born. Sirius had noticed her cutting up his food when he came for dinner or fixing his hair before he left. And now they were both gone. Sirius was broken, and nothing would ever fix him.
Fourteen years ago he had said goodbye to two of the people he loved most. Now he was saying goodbye to two more, only this time he was the one leaving. No, he wasn't leaving, he was dying. There was no point in sugar-coating it. Sirius was dying. In a dreadful, morbid way he wished Remus was coming with him. It wasn't that he wanted Remus dead; he just didn't want to die alone.
He wanted to run. Run until he was as far away as possible and then keep running. He had to get away, away from the guilt. James and Lily were dead. He, Peter, had betrayed them. He'd done it out of fear, and yes, jealousy, but mostly fear. Now he wished he could take it all back. He'd never been brave like the others. And now, two of his best friends were dead.
Peter was almost free. Sirius, the one who had tormented him, was dead. James, the lucky one, the one that got everything, had been dead fourteen and a half years. Only he, Peter, remained. And Remus of course. But after watching his best friend die, Peter didn't think Remus would last long, what with his 'condition' and general lack of care for himself. And when he was gone, Peter would be truly free.
He was never going to get to say goodbye. James was dying; he was the first to go and he was leaving his friends to fight alone. Remus to fight his furry little problem, Sirius to fight the blame, Lily to fight for her life and the life of their son. And Peter, the thought of Peter made James both furious and miserable. Furious that he had betrayed them, miserable because he knew in the bottom of his heart that Peter had done it only because he hadn't seen another way out. Peter had never been brave enough to stand up for himself and James knew it. He knew Sirius would go after Peter, to kill him. Remus didn't know about the switch, so he would think Sirius was the betrayer. Lily, if she survived as he hoped she would, he hoped she would take Harry and run until she was safe. She would have to raise Harry alone. James was the lucky one; he got to escape the pain and suffering the others received with his death.
The sunlight warmed the four boys as they sat under a tree, laughing. Remus, leaning against the tree, shook his head at his friend's antics. Sirius, acting out his stories and jokes, looking as happy as always. Peter, his weak laugh always starting a little after the others and going on until they all had stopped, sitting cross-legged watching Sirius. And James, with his legs stretched out in front of him, wide grin on his face, eyes moving between Sirius in front of him and the group of girls across the lake. They were the Marauders, friends until death and beyond.
What is done has been done for the best
Though the mist in my eyes might suggest
Just a little confusion about what I'll lose
But if I started over I know I would choose
The same joy, the same sadness each step of the way
That fought me and taught me that friends never say
Never say goodbye
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