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Messes of Men by Roonyskatoony
Chapter 22 : Unthinkable
Rating: MatureChapter Reviews: 5

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 “So you slapped him?” Ace grinned.

 “Yes! All because of some stupid match!” I cried angrily, shoving open the textbook.

It was a Monday night which meant tutoring Ace.

To say that Sirius and I weren’t on good terms would have been an understatement. He’d given me some pathetic excuse for an apology which started off with a few incoherent grunts, turned accusatory and then levelled out into a full blown shouting match going on about Ace for some odd reason. Right in the middle of the corridor. We then both got house points deducted for ‘disrupting the peace’ which he then saw fit to blame me for.

On the plus side James had forgiven me about the match, in fact I think he’d forgotten the match completely as his thoughts were now completely fixated on Lily...even more so than usual.

Yes. They were going out.

The stock markets of Hogwarts came crashing down, bedlam ensued and chaos ran supreme. It would appear that Sirius and Pete were not the only people who’d been betting on it. Katy also came into a significant windfall of 100 galleons and seemed a great deal more cheerful than usual. Lily seemed to have a permanent blush spread across her cheeks. Everywhere she went people were just dying to know what had happened, whenever she walked down the corridor with James...well it was like a royal visit.

It was the thing on everyone’s lips, not even another broom closet episode could eclipse it.

He chuckled.

“Well love I think you should be thankful it wasn’t the finals,” He said.

I scowled.

“Plus what about me? We have history babe, you can’t go snogging other blokes, it’s not nice,” He smirked, wrapping his arms around. I glared at him, pushing him away.

“Oh and then Mary! I sat down at breakfast this morning and she comes along with Sirius and purposelessly sits right opposite me and then they sit there, snogging all through breakfast! I was trying to eat! Oh wait no, no get this and then the other day she was going on about how much Sirius enjoys her ‘little favours’! Who shares that kind of information?!” I demanded.

Ace paused, opening his mouth before closing it again.

“That’s not right,” He frowned.

“Exactly! It’s disgusting! Then all the girls were sitting there adding comments like ‘awwwww that’s so sweet’, ‘OMM you’re so for the long haul’...she’s a slag!” I cried.

“She is good though,” Ace said fairly.

“And then another thing! She purposely...wait...what?!” I cried.

“Just trying to be objective love,” He said holding up his hands in mock surrender.

I stopped, glaring at him.

“Fucking bastard, just because...” I muttered under my breath, viciously turning pages, managing to rip a few in the process.

“Fucking textbooks! What’s wrong with high quality paper!” I snapped pulling out my wand.

He chuckled, moving his hands over mine.

“Has anyone ever told you you’re hot when you’re angry?” He grinned.

“Yes, as a matter of fact they have but get off me because I swear I’m dying to punch something and seeing as Sirius isn’t currently in the vicinity, you’re the next best thing,” I said. He smirked.

“Ooo, scary,” He said sarcastically but I had already started up again.

“And another thing! Since when does Sirius actually go out with girls like Mary?! More importantly how comes it’s lasted this long?! She clingy and needy and she’s been with everyone, I mean who wants your leftovers?! Could you sink any bloody lower?” I demanded.

On the plus side thanks to Pearl we no longer had to endure her squealing ‘SIRI!’ down the corridors. You couldn't help but love that child.

“Ouch, that hurt,” He said sarcastically.

“And...” I started.

“You know Iris; I really don’t give a shit. If you fancy the bloke that much...” He began.

“I do not fancy him! He is a conceited, low level...” I started furiously.

“Iris shut up. If you fancied him anymore I think the world would fall in. You know he’s using Mary to make you jealous, he yells at you ‘cause you snog other blokes, he yells at you because he thinks you’re having it off with me...if either of you got any more obvious you’d be wearing neon signs,” He said.

What was it with everyone and these neon signs?!

I scowled at him.

“Don’t remind me about...that,” I said.

“What ‘that’?” He smirked.

Everyone thinks we slept together, I mean I left with you, so what?” I cried.

Ah that was another thing that seemed to interest everyone.

“How many girls do you think I leave a party with and don’t shag?” He said.

I looked at him in disgust.

“You’re such an arrogant prick,” I said.

“Ah but you know it’s true. I have a reputation for a reason love,” He chuckled.

“I don’t know why I even bother talking to you,” I grumbled.

“You see there, that’s the most intelligent thing you’ve said all evening ‘cause you know, I don’t know why we bother talking at all. There are plenty far more...interesting things we could be doing in an empty classroom...all alone,” He said.

I turned and glared at him...yet again.

“Over my dead body,” I said.

He made a face.

“I’d really rather not,” He said.

I rolled my eyes.

“Anyway Professor Charles asked...well didn’t really ask, got McGonagall to ask if I’d tutor you on charms too,” I sighed.

He chuckled.

“I do love Professor Charles,” He said wistfully.

I raised an eyebrow.

“’ you essay?’” He pretended to stammer. I rolled my eyes, unable to keep the small smile off my face.

“She’s fucking petrified of teenagers, I swear. Dunno why she decided to take up teaching,” He chuckled.

“No Ace, she’s petrified of you and your idiots because you’re...well...idiots,” I said. 

He smirked.

“A little birdy told me she’s pretty fucking terrified of you too,” He said.

“Exaggeration,” I laughed.

“Really? ‘Cause I think you can pretty scary when you don’t get your way,” He smirked.

I laughed and shrugged.

“Well anyway, we’re not here to talk about terrorizing teachers! Get your wand out...and don’t bother cracking some kind of joke. It’s not funny,” I said.

“You know me too well,” He chuckled.

The lesson was a fairly easy one, simple and nothing that required too much skill or concentration.

“Try again,” I said with a smile as he managed to successfully do the proposed spell.

“I’ve done it five times already,” He said in aggravation.

“So another time won’t hurt. You need to get a feel for it,” I told him.

“I know something else I wouldn’t mind getting a feel of,” He smirked.

I smacked him round the head.

“Concentrate,” I snapped.

“Owww!” He snapped.

“Don’t be such a baby,” I said rolling my eyes.

He glared at me before continuing.

McGonagall came in eventually to tell us we were allowed to leave and I didn’t spend much time packing up my things.

“See you tomorrow,” I said as we all but raced to get out the classroom first.

He smirked before walking off in the opposite direction.

“Goodnight,” McGonagall said before leaving, locking the classroom and walking off.

I made my way fairly quickly to my dormitory, unable to prevent myself smirking when I saw Lily sitting on her bed reading a huge book.

“Hullo Mrs Potter,” I said lightly.

She looked up, that blush returning as she mumbled something.

“Pardon? I’m sorry darling, I didn’t quite hear you. Planned anything for the honeymoon yet?” I asked. She threw her pillow at me.

“Shut up!” She laughed.

“Can I just repeat...I TOLD YOU SO?!!” I cried.

“Ok ok, you all told me so, I get it!” She cried in aggravation.

I grinned at her, dropping my bag, kicking off my shoes and moving onto her bed.

“So tell me again how you ended up snogging senselessly,” I said pleasantly.

She coloured further with embarrassment.

“We weren’t snogging senselessly,” She mumbled.

“Ok how you ended up doing whatever you like to call it,” I said.

She laughed slightly.

“Everyone already knows,” She said.

“ they don’t. Rumours and the truth are two completely separate entities,” I said.

She blushed.

“Well...ok, fine then. He was upset about the match, you know how much it means to him and he was a little...ok considerably down so I thought I’d go talk to him and...comfort him a bit. Then we ended up talking for ages and most people left but neither of us really noticed and then well...he just said he loved me,” She finished, a small smile dancing on her lips.

“What as in...he just said it?” I said.

“Yeah, we were talking about how much I thought I used to hate him in 5th year and how although I now know that Snape’s a git, we kind of grew up around each other and he actually apologized. So then I said I didn’t really hate him, then somehow we ended up talking about those nicknames they have for each other and then he just randomly blurted out that he loved me,” She said. 

I’m surprised he didn’t wet himself.

“And...?” I said motioning with my hand for her to continue.

“Well then he started going on about weddings or something...” She said laughing slightly.

“Oh god,” I laughed moving my head into my hands.

“So then I kissed him...before he came out with anything else,” She said. 

“Lily, on behalf of all those who love and care about the both of you, I thank you for doing so...before he ended up ruining the moment and thus leaving him in anguish. Well done!” I joked. She laughed.

“I think I really like him,” She said sheepishly.

Yes, so you should. You’re going to get married.

“Good,” I smiled broadly. She smiled to herself slightly before turning back to her book as I got to my feet.

“Have you seen Tupps?” I asked.

“No, sorry,” She said. 

“Hmmm...she’s probably with you want to go check for me? I’m really not in the mood to get into an argument,” I said.

She looked up at me and sighed.

“All you’re saying is ‘have you seen my cat?’” She said.

I scowled. That was Lily’s way of saying no. Reluctantly I moved out the door, down and over to the boys dormitory, knocking on the door and waiting for a reply.

The door flew open revealing a rather hopeful looking James.

“Sorry to disappoint,” I laughed as his face fell slightly.

Bet you couldn’t guess who he was waiting for.

“You can come in,” He said opening the door wider.

“Nah, I just came to ask if you’d seen Tupps,” I said.

“, she’s probably with Sirius,” He said.

“Oh...great, don’t suppose she’s come to you to be fed? She doesn’t usually miss you well know,” I chuckled.

“No...when’s the last time you saw her? This sounds worrying,” He said.

I shrugged.

“She’s a cat, its normal. If the worst comes to the worst I’ll just go into a vision and see if I can find her,” I laughed.

“That is pretty cool,” He said. 

“Well I’ll see you later,” I said.

“Has...Lily...said anything?” He said as casually as he could.

“Err...” I started.

“James do you have a err...potions book?” came that oh so familiar voice.

Lily. And yes, they were now firmly on first name basis...after 7 years...

James’ face predictably lit up.

“Y...yeah,” He nodded shyly.

Yes, since dating they’d begun talking to each other like a pair of awkward, socially inept idiots. I couldn’t help but roll my eyes, chuckling to myself.

“Well I’m going to go seize the shower,” I said.

“Ok,” Lily said.

“ are you?” James said lamely.

“I’m good,” She said blushing.

“Cool,” He said.

Oh Merlin, please, do something with them!

“So...did you enjoy defence against the dark arts today?” Lily said awkwardly.

Oh dear god.

“Oh, yeah, it was cool,” James said.

I rolled my eyes before deciding to make my exit. They’d probably be at it for hours.


“Alec, I mean this in the nicest possible way but...FUCK OFF!” I yelled as I walked through the entrance hall toward breakfast, Alec following close behind.

“I just...” He started.

“In fact, fuck that, I don’t mean in it in a nice way,” I said on second thoughts.

“I’d do anything for you!” He cried.

“FINE THEN! IF THAT’S WHAT YOU WANT. GO JUMP OFF THE FUCKING ASTRONOMY TOWER!” I yelled as we entered the hall. Everyone turned to look at us but I ignored them, moving to sit next to Hemera, savagely spearing a fried egg on the end of my fork.

“Bloody fucking hell, I swear the next time that boy says ‘I love you’ I’ll fucking shoot the bugger!” I cried. Hemera looked at me, shaking her head slightly.

“I say this as your friend Iris but my god you can be a bitch,” She said.

“Thank you,” I said as I pulled more food onto my plate. I was starving...and pissed off. The combination of Sirius, Mary and Alec all before breakfast was never a good one.

“So anyway...Christ you must be mad,” She said looking at my mound of food.

“Shut up. I’m growing,” I snapped defensively.

“ I was thinking we could do some practise today? We’ve both got a free period,” She said.

“Sounds like a good idea,” I said.

I finished demolishing my uncharacteristic mountain of food before leaving with Hemera, going to the room of requirement.

“I was thinking we could try some actual duelling now seeing as you’ve mastered the whole staying upright thing and remaining alert during your visions...sometimes...when you concentrate,” She said.

I beamed at her.

“Start off simple, simple charms just to start off with so that you can feel what it’s like to be in a vision and use magic at the same time. We’ve already practised the whole movement in a vision crap but now you’re going to need to combine everything. Ok?” She said.

 I nodded, taking my position.

Hemera was an amazing teacher but it didn’t stop me being completely hopeless at it.

“Ok, ok we’ll leave that for a few weeks time, you’re getting tired and I can’t be bothered to put up with your moodiness,” She teased after what seemed like hours.

I collapsed onto the beanbag, more than a little frustrated. No matter how much I tried I just couldn’t do it.

“You can do it; you just have to be patient. It took me ages to learn,” She said.

I’d almost forgotten she could still read my mind.

“I wish I could forget too,” She muttered.

“Are your headaches any better?” I asked.

She nodded.

“Yeah, now it’s just the mind reading...unless someone around me’s feeling something really strong,” She said.

“Oh,” I said.

“Oh and I’ve learnt how to block things too! Like censorship! I don’t get porno in my head anymore!” She said with a cheer. I laughed.

“Good!” I said.

She’d also stopped replying out loud to people’s thoughts which although had been quite amusing caused a fair few odd looks. Not to mention she’d also stopped speaking before people had finished. We had however learnt to speak to each other through our minds’ which was more fun than you could imagine. At the moment our range was the length of the main corridor which meant that we could gossip throughout lessons.

We ended up spending the rest of our break in the room of requirement.

“We should so set up a way of being able to talk about things in front of people, I hate how when you’re not all mind reading and crap we have to wait ages to talk,” I said.

“What like The Marauders?” She laughed.

“No,” I laughed.

“I mean like...we can both speak pretty much any language right?” I said.

She nodded.

“So we could just talk’d just be picking that language,” I said.

“Ooo I feel exclusive,” She grinned.

I laughed.

“Ok,’d have to be something that other people couldn’t actually understand. Most of the girls learnt how to speak French or German when they were smaller so that’s out,” I said.

“Ok...urm...” She said thoughtfully.

“Italian? I love Italian,” I said.

“So do I...I don’t think many people speak Italian at you?” She asked.

“And if they do then how about Japanese! I love Japanese but I never get a chance to use it!” I laughed.

“Ok, Italian, then if that fails Japanese,” She nodded.

“Ok...say something,” I said.

“Hello, my name is Hemera,” She said

“ Italian dimbat,” I said.

“I just did idiot,” She said.

“No you didn’t. You said, ‘hello, my name is Hemera’,” I said.

“No I did not!” She cried.

“Yes you did!” I laughed.

After a great time of bickering we eventually discovered that when speaking we ended up talking in Italian...automatically...without any input...while still conversing in what sounded to us like was confusing.

“Hmmm...that’s interesting...” Hemera said.

“Ok try this...Hey idiot! Am I speaking Italian?” I said when I saw James. He paused, his arm draped around Lily. 

“ would be English...” He said slowly.

“Ah right, thanks,” I said cheerfully.

“Very interesting,” I nodded.

She let out a giggle.

“Don’t you just love their conversations?” She asked as we watched them walk off.

“Oh god they’re hilarious!” I laughed.

“He’s usually like really confident and now he’s some kind of moron. ‘ are you’,” She said imitating him.

*cough* hypocrite.

“’Oh...I’m...good,” I said taking on Lily.

We both laughed.

“Anyway, see you later,” Hemera said as we moved our different ways.

Bye,” I thought back.

She laughed before walking off.

History of Magic = Andy! She laughed conjuring a picture of him.

I laughed quietly as I moved into my Defence against the Dark Arts room before sending her back a picture of them snogging.

Shut up,” She laughed.

“Never!” I cried dramatically.

“Err do you mind?” came a snippy voice. I turned to see Mary. I raised an eyebrow.

“Is it really that difficult to go round a desk nowadays?” I asked shrewdly.

“Oh Mary fuck off,” Ace chuckled, appearing out of nowhere, slinging an arm around my shoulders. She looked between the two of us, her eyebrows  flying up before she turned and walked off.

I looked after her in confusion.

She thinks it’s strange that Ace is defending you because they’ve been shagging for ages and he doesn’t tend to act like that,” Hemera said out of the blue.

“Thanks,” I said.

 “Just here to stop contacting me, I’ve trying to have a conversation with my gorgeous new boyfriend and I can’t concentrate,” She said.

I smiled slightly.

Be safe darling,” I said before withdrawing, focusing on Ace.

“So seeing as...” He started when the door burst open.


There was a moment before everyone in the room rushed towards the door, other than Ace and I.

“He wouldn’t do something that stupid,” I scoffed.

“You sure about that?” Ace said.

 “Yeah, he’s not stupid,” I said sitting down.

He chuckled.

“Well I’m going to go watch, I’ll tell you if anything gory happens,” He grinned before walking out.

I sat there for a moment before pulling out my book.

Like he’d honestly do that...after a good 10 minutes of denial I decided that yes, Alec most probably would jump off the Astronomy tower...oh god and I’d told him front of the entire school...shit!

I got to the appropriate corridor just in time to see Professor McGonagall and Madame Pomfrey...and Pearl’s aunt, the school counsellor leading Alec away...oh thank god...and he was still alive...and didn’t appear to have broken either...phew.

Funnily enough no one else seemed to see it like that. Everyone seemed to think I was heartless or comment necessary.

It was almost as if within five seconds of Alec’s safe returning from where he’d been sitting apparently waiting for me, the whole school suddenly decided that I was would have been hurtful...but I really didn’t give a shit. He was fine.

“I don’t even get what the fuss is about, didn’t even jump,” Ace grumbled.

“ know you really should try sounding a little less disappointed,” I pointed out, sitting down on the stool beside me.

“Meh you wouldn’t have minded as long as it didn’t look like your fault,” He shrugged.

“I would have! I’m not completely heartless,” I said.

He sent me a lop sided grin.

“I’m not!” I laughed.

“Sure you aren’t. Sirius still pissed off then?” He said.

I scowled.

“Yeah, he called me a heartless bitch,” I said moodily.

“Want me to smash his face in for you?” He offered.

“No,” I said slowly.

“I could make it look like an accident,” He grinned.

“Ace darling, I really do worry about you,” I said.

He grinned.

“Love you too babe,” He said with a wink.

“See you around,” I said.

“Tell me if you decide to get someone to attempt to jump off a balcony for you, I’ them along next time,” He grinned.

I rolled my eyes, whacking him around the head before leaving.


It blew over after a few weeks, although people spoke about it occasionally they returned back to relative normality, the whole story eventually being passed off as some romantic fairy tale where Alec, the love struck hero, did his best to melt my heart.

Looks like he was in dire need of a blow torch.

Sirius however seemed unable to let it go. He brought it up whenever he couldn’t think of anything else to respond to an argument with. We started fighting over the tiniest of things, just to vent the frustration. Mary of course, adored it and made sure to make it worse whenever she was around. She’d pick at me to and then pout and simper at Sirius to come and jump to her aid, making me look like some kind of vengeful bitch...again, no comment.

“I HATE HER!”  I cried in frustration as I sat down at the table besides Ace in the library. As well as Hemera and occasionally Moody he’d become my source of relief...even if tell me to shut up every so often.

“You know Iris, the library really isn’t my kind of scene, I don’t want anyone to see me in here...not to mention I’m banned, try not to draw too much attention love,” He said.

“I got permission you idiot, believe me it took McGonagall a hell of a lot of persuasion,” I said. He chuckled.

“So how comes we have to do this in the library in the morning anyway?” He asked.

“Because I don’t want to do Quidditch you idiot,” I said rolling my eyes.

He looked at me before he laughed.

I sighed, pulling open the book.

“Oh for fuck’s sake Iris, what’s wrong now?” He cried in aggravation, pushing it shut. I glared at him.

He rolled his eyes before an idea seemed to strike him.

“I have an idea,” He said.

I looked at him.

“What kind of idea...?” I asked slowly.

“I have the answers to all your problems,” He said simply.

I raised an eyebrow.

“And what is that?” I asked. He grinned, leaning back in his seat.

“Who does Sirius hate most in the entire school?” He said.

“Err...y...” I started.

“Exactly, me. What would make him madder than the girl he fancies going out with the bloke he hates most ‘cause let’s face it no matter how charming you can be there’s no way in hell you’d ever get into his best friends pants, the blokes too obsessed with Red,” He said.

By Red he meant Lily.

I frowned at him as he grinned back.

"Why on God’s earth would I ever want you as a fake boyfriend?" I said slowly.

He scoffed.

"Why wouldn't you?" He said arrogantly.

"I would never sink that low," I scoffed. 

Author Notes:

Hehe a predictable ending but who cares, predictable can be fun! Oh and for the sake of not being sued by my oh so lovely friend, the siri/iris thing came from her (Spicky) so credit where credit is due, forgot to mention it last time! 

So anyway! I've recently decided that after getting to a decent point that can be left for a while, I will be going back and editing the earlier chapters, possibly cutting a few unimportant things out and do my best to purge them of typos, spelling, punctuation and grammatical errors. I will warn you closer to the time! Also if you have any questions etc feel free to check out my 'Meet the Author' page on the forums under the same name :D

That's about it! 

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