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Chapter 8 : Is it Yours? Is it Mine?
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(I still don't own anything you recognise, be it quotes directly from either the books or the movies, or any of the characters)
I woke to find myself lying on my bed, still in my uniform although it was now dry, covered in a large blanket. Yesterday’s events started running through my head again and I knew I needed a warm, no a hot shower. I gathered some essentials and entered my bathroom, thankful at the fact I had one all to myself. I undressed and turned the water on. It scalded my skin as I stepped under it but I welcomed the pain, it was like a reality check I didn’t need. The water hid my tears and I wondered if there would be a day soon when I would not cry at all because that was all I seemed to be doing these days. Crying, yelling, screaming and hiding, these things were all almost routine to me now and I hated it. I washed my make up off, scrubbed the mud off every inch of my body. I quickly dried myself and got dressed, wanting to get out of the castle on what was a fine Sunday morning before anyone saw me, especially Draco.
However I was not to be that lucky. As I walked quickly down the stairs of my dormitory he was lazing about in the black sofa that was just metres from the door. He looked up at me and I avoided eye contact and started walking towards the portrait and he stood up, blocking my way out.
“What the fuck are you doing? Why are you standing there? Why aren’t you walking out on me? Everyone else has so why the fuck are you still standing there?” I screamed at him, trying to push my way past.
“Come on Granger, since when have I ever been like everyone else?”
“Anything that has got to do with me you’re just as bad. Have you forgotten every taunt and name you’ve thrown at me over the last six years, I’m just that filthy little mudblood to you! So why are you still standing there?”
“Granger, you’re being irrational. You need to calm down.”
“Calm down? I am calm!”
“No, no you are not.”
“And you, Mr Zen Master, know that how?”
“Your shoulders are tense” He said running his hands from my neck to my wrists. “Your brow is creased and you are frowning.” He ran two fingers across my forehead and down my cheek.
“Would you quit touching me? Those Slytherin sluts may appreciate your sleazy tactics but I certainly do not!” I retorted even those I was blushing a furious red and his touch sent shivers down my spine.
“Why won’t you let anybody inside of that head of yours?”
“Sometimes people put up walls, not to keep others out, but to see who cares enough to break them down.”
“Then let me in”
“You don’t care about me, don’t even try and convince me otherwise. You just want to hurt me.”
“If I wanted to hurt you I would have done it already. How many times do I have to say I’m sorry for what I’ve said and done in the past? Can’t you accept that maybe I’ve changed?” His tone was a little harsher than he’d intended.
“I can’t escape the past; it’s every single one of my memories. The best and worst all mixed together, sometimes I feel like a dementor is constantly hanging around me because all I see are the saddest, most awful memories in my head. I want to believe you’re sorry. I want to believe you’ve changed for the better but I can’t grasp that idea, it just doesn’t work in my head and I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry, you can’t help it.”
“You confuse me so much Draco.”
“It’s a talent, not everyone would be able to claim that they can confuse Hermione Granger, the brightest witch of our age.” I glared at him, only he could be so infuriating.
“Ok, whatever, before you interrupted me, I was going somewhere.”
“Yeah, I know and I stopped you, what’s your point?”
“You are such an annoying prat!”
“A devilishly handsome annoying prat” He retorted, a smirk gracing his face.
“Oh come of it, you’re not that good looking. Pansy Parkinson may think so but who is she comparing you to? Herself perhaps? Because, being devilishly handsome compared to her wouldn’t be very hard.”
“So you think I’m devilishly handsome huh?”
“Compared to Pansy Parkinson!” I shrieked.
“Denial is the first stage Granger, you know how it works.”
“Oh whatever Malfoy, your head is too big to ever accept that you not all ‘that’. Now as entertaining as this conversation is, I have places to be, people to see and things to do.” I said crossing my arms.
“How do yo-“ Then I realised I was biting my lip. Bugger.
“You never told me why you were crying last night. You practically destroyed our common room, you were hyperventilating and it took you hours to calm down and stop crying.”
“It was not hours!”
“Well it bloody felt like hours.”
“Well if it was that torturous for you then why did you help me!”
“You were making that much of a racket I couldn’t hear myself think.”
“Oh very funny, really witty.” He replied sarcastically. “I want to know why you were crying”
“You want, you want, you want! Wake up! The world is not about you and what you want!”
“News flash Hermione, it’s not about you either!”
“Fuck you Malfoy, you’re as bad as Ginny.”
“With pleasure” He growled. “Wait. What has Weasley got to do with this? You had a fight her didn’t you?” Damn him, damn him and his observation and intelligence.
“That is none of your business.”
“I’m trying to be nice, you could at least answer my question.”
“All we seem to do is argue. We start off having a normal civilised conversation and then we yell at each other. I can’t trust you, why should I answer your question?”
“Because you came in here last night, soaking wet, crying like all hell was about to break loose, oh wait it did! You never saw the full extent of the damage you cause in here. I took me ages to get you to calm down. I want to know what in the name of Merlin made you like that, I believe I have the right to know. It’s not about having trust, it is building up trust. You are an amazing witch, you have so much talent and skill but you can’t do everything on your own. When everyone else turns their backs on you turn to someone else.”
“And you want me to turn to you?”
“I want to help you and make up for all the problems I’ve caused you in the past. Someone has to look past that fake smile, see the truth beneath the lies, find the broken girl underneath and put her back together.”
“What happened to the Malfoy from before the war?” His compassion was astounding, it didn’t make sense in my head that he could say something so powerful without it being aimed to hurt and injure whoever he was talking to. He could almost read me like a book and it scared me a little but it also made me curious. The words of the florist came into my head at that thought ‘Remember Hermione Granger, curiosity killed the cat’
“Let’s just say that he’s taken a permanent vacation.”
“Oh like hell he has.”
“Well a mostly permanent vacation.” Malfoy replied with a shrug.
“I don’t know what to do Draco. One minute I’m yelling at you, the next I want to pour my heart out because you’re the only one who seems to want to listen. I went and saw Ginny, I hadn’t spoken to her much since I left the Weasley’s a week before holidays, I mean you know that already, whenever she came and visited me our conversations were minimal.
Two weeks earlier
“Hey Mione, first Quidditch practise this Tuesday, come watch us”
“I don’t think I’m going to go Gin, I have so much homework”
“Mione, we’ve been at school three weeks, you need a break, you never miss first practise”
“I’ll fall behind Gin.”
A week later
“We’re heading down to the lake, Neville wants to check out some plants and Luna, Dean, Seamus and I wanted to catch the sunshine and fresh air before winter hits”
“I’ve got the parchment I have to finish for Professor Vector, I will come down later”
“And I never went down, that was the first week of October, it’s now the third week, we’ve barely spoken since. It was hard enough coming without Harry and Ron, even though I believed I’d have Ginny when I needed her. She said I wasn’t there for her when she needed me; I was trying to accept that my parents were dead, never coming back. She told me I broke Ron’s heart, we broke each other’s hearts if you want to be truthfully honest. It was just never going to work, we’d spent too much time as best friends to be more, because if we ever did end it years down the track we’d lose each other and I don’t think either of us really wanted to lose our friendship and we both accepted that and moved on. She and Harry have their perfect ending, I think everyone expected that of Ron and I and it just wasn’t meant to be. There are so many little reasons why Ron and I broke up, as you’ve probably already guessed.”
“You and Weasley were always fighting”
“I was always mad at him. That’s another reason why we are better off as friends and Ginny can’t seem to accept that. She’s normally the most accepting of the three of them, but I think the war has changed her a lot.”
“The war changed everyone. I mean look at me, if someone had told me a few years back that I’d be here, wanting to comfort you and help you, I’d had laughed and hexed them, thinking that they were deranged.”
“But here we are” I replied, his cool grey eyes piercing my chocolate brown ones.
“Yes, here we are.” We sat in silence, it felt so good to vent to someone who appeared not to judge me, he didn’t say much in response to what I had said, he was just there to listen and it was something I needed. “So what classes have you got tomorrow?” He asked after the minutes of silence.
“I can’t believe this is our last year. We’ve all been through so much here and it’s almost over. I’ve got Arithmancy, Potions and double Transfiguration tomorrow.”
“Yes, we’ve all been through a lot at Hogwarts, can’t say I’ll miss some of it though, especially sixth year. It looks like we’ll be seeing a lot of each other tomorrow then.” He said with a shy smile. “Sit with me in class. Please.” He added quickly.
“Why would you want me to?”
“Who else are you going to sit with?”
“Well probably Neville or Seamus or Dean or even Lavender.”
“Do you really want to?”
“Neville’s alright, Seamus’ jokes are alright and Dean’s easy to be around. I can’t stand Lavender at all though.”
“Then sit with me.”
“They’d see it as the biggest betrayal”
“I didn’t know we were still fighting a war”
“You’re Draco Malfoy, I’m Hermione Granger. We’re not meant to get along. Everyone is going to think I’m crazy and that you’ve done something to me. You’re a Slytherin and I’m a Gryffindor. We don’t mix, it’s like the unwritten rules of Hogwarts.
“And rules are made to be broken. Please, sit with me.”
“Why don’t you sit with me?”
“With your friends?”
“They won’t mind. They’re pretty accepting”
“Are you sure? I’m the spawn of Satan in their eyes. My aunt tortured Neville’s parents to insanity, they hardly know who he is any more.”
“Exactly Draco, your aunt did it, not you, he won’t hold it against you. They trust my judgement. They probably won’t talk to you or be very warm but well you probably deserve that.”
“So, after I ask you to sit with me, you turn the tables and now I’m sitting with you right?”
“Let’s shake on it” I suggested, putting my hand out.
“What? Don’t you trust me?” He replied with a smirk.
“I’m not the one who would be sitting alone if it wasn’t for our little deal.”
“Whatever.” He took my hand in his pale one and I felt a slight shiver run up my arm that I doubted was from the fact that his hand was so cold, although I would have liked to believe it was.
Thanks for reading! Please review :) I love them so much and I love hearing what you guys who read this have to say about it!
Hopefully I get the next chapter written soon but I can't guarantee that (sorry guys!) because I injured my wrist playing A Grade softball and its really painful to type. I'm so glad I had this chapter written whilst the queue was down. So my very sincere apologises if it takes ages for the next chapter but it really shouldn't :D
The quote about building up walls not to keep people out isn't mine either, it was something I came along on this amazing site calle QuoteGarden, its attributed to 'Anonymous' whoever it was is a genius :)
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