Am I better off dead? Am I better off a quitter?
They say I'm better off now than I ever was with her
As they take me to my local down the street
I'm smiling but I'm dying trying not to drag my feet
“Come on Scorp, you’re coming to the pub tonight. I mean it. James, Colin, and the rest of the guys are coming too.”
“Not tonight, Albus. I think I’ll just stay at home,” I said miserably. I already had an evening planned consisting of me, a six-pack (or two) and whatever rubbish was on the television.
“No chance. You’re still hung up on Rose so you’re not staying on your own. Besides, after a few drinks you’ll be getting it on with some other girl. After all, you are Scorpius Malfoy. You’re irresistible to all the girls,” Albus Potter chuckled at me.
“Mmm,” I grunted.
“Listen to me Scorpius!” Albus walked in front of me and looked me in the face. “After a few drinks, you’ll have forgotten about Rose for tonight. That’s gotta be worth it, right?”
“Nothing will change the way I think about her, Albus. You don’t understand.”
“Maybe not but it’s worth a try as far as I’m concerned. I’ll wait here while you have a shower.” Albus made himself comfortable on the sofa as I walked away from him.
They say a few drinks will help me to forget her
But after one too many I know that I'm never
Only they can’t see where this is gonna end
They all think I'm crazy but to me it's perfect sense
As much as I didn’t want to go out tonight, I reluctantly had a shower and got dressed. Maybe tonight would help me forget her, God knows I needed to. I’d been going out with Rose for so long that when she ended it, I was almost destroyed. As far as I’d known, Rose was happy with me. I mean, we’d even talked about moving in together. So it was a complete shock to hear that she’d been unhappy with our relationship for a while. I couldn’t believe it, I couldn’t even argue with her and that’s a first for me. But now that I’ve found my voice, she won’t listen to me! She keeps insisting it’s for the best and I can’t bloody stand it. I can’t live without her; she’s my drug. I swear I’m going to make her hear me out if it’s the last thing I do.
And my mates are all there trying to calm me down
'Cause I'm shouting your name all over the town
I'm swearing if I go there now
I can change her mind turn it all around
“You’ve had enough to drink, Scorpius.” I think that’s Saul talking.
“Noooo, I’m fine can’t you see.”
Across the bar is a fine looking girl with a great figure. As if she senses me looking at her, she turns towards me. Good looking and a nice smile. I like that in a girl, and she’s got the same shaped face as Rose. Arrgh, I can’t forget Rose, even when I’m bloody drunk! I need to get out of there; suddenly the atmosphere is stifling and suffocating. I stand up and, after stumbling a little, I manage to find the exit of this muggle club. I hear my friends finish their drink before hurrying after me.
“Come on, let’s get you home.”
“No, let’s hit the town. You wanted me out so here I am. We’re here to have fun aren’t we? Let’s go find a couple girls to hook up with.” I stagger off, laughing and stumbling around.
And I know that I'm drunk but I’ll say the words
And she'll listen this time even though they’re slurred
Dialled her number and confessed to her
I'm still in love but all I heard was nothing
“I’m here to forget about Rose so what better way, yeah? Even though I love her. I love you, Rose Weasley!” I’m shouting to passersby and I can see the strange looks they’re giving me but I don’t care.
“I thought you loved me back. We were going to move in together. I was even looking for a ring for you.” Now my friends are around me trying to calm me down; trying to prevent me from embarrassing myself any more than I already have.
“I just need to talk to her. If I can talk to Rose, I know she’ll take me back because she loves me. I know she does.” I’m no longer shouting but instead talking to Albus. I break away from the group and clumsily pull out my mobile phone. Rose got it for me for my birthday. She spent hours showing me how to use it, despite my protests that I would probably never have to use it.
“’Lo?” Rose’s sleepy voice greets me.
“Rose!! How are you?” I greet her exuberantly.
“Scorpius?” She sounds very much awake now.
“I just wanted to let you know how much I love you. I know I’ve never been very open about my feelings but you are the love of my life.”
I can hear her trying to interrupt me, trying to stop me but I don’t let her. I keep talking. My words are slurred and don’t make sense but I know that as long as I keep talking, she’ll listen. Eventually I run out of breath and I just listen. I’m hoping she’s heard all that and wants to take me back. Nothing, Rose doesn’t say anything.
“Rose? Didn’t you hear me? I love you, I really do.” My voice is pleading with her. I sound pathetic, even to myself.
So I stumble there, along the railings and the fences
I know if I faced her face, that she'll come to her senses
Every drunk step I take leads me to her door
If she sees how much I'm hurting, she'll take me back for sure
Alright, if Rose won’t listen to me on the phone then I’ll go and see her myself. I don’t know if Albus and the rest of them are still with me and I don’t care anymore. The club isn’t far from where Rose lives so that’s my next stop. I stumble and stagger down the street, barely knowing where I’m going but every step I take is a step closer to seeing Rose. I know that if I can talk to her face to face, she’ll see how much I miss her and she’ll take me back. I just know it.
“ROSE!! Rose, open up! It’s Scorpius!” I bang on her door, my drunken self determined to wake her up.
“What do you want, Scorpius? It’s two o’clock in the morning and you’re very drunk. Just go home.”
“No, you need to listen to me. I love you, Rose. I mean it. My life’s shit now you’re not in it. I’m a mess and I need you.” My voice is very slurred now and I think I’m losing the enthusiasm I had earlier. Rose is leaning against the doorframe with crossed arms, a pitying look on her face.
“Go home, Scorpius,” she says, before stepping back and closing the door.
Ohh, sometimes love's intoxicating
Ohh, you're coming down, your hands are shaking
When you realize there's no one waiting
I collapse on the cold steps outside her house, letting my alcohol-fuelled head sink into my hands. That’s it. I finally come to the harsh realisation that Rose really doesn’t want me anymore. She’s ended our relationship. She may well have just ended my life. I’ve got nothing now.
A/N: Many thanks to Georgia Weasley and LiveLaughLoveHarryPotter for beta'ing :)