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Crazy Cousins Scorpius Spy by kaileena_sands
Chapter 1 : Amelia and Scorpius
Rating: MatureChapter Reviews: 22

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New stunning chapter image by the extremely talented Carla (BitterSweetFlames @tda). <3 

Disclaimer: All characters and locations you recognise belong to J.K. Rowling.


This is definitely not a love story. It's probably not a very honest story either. It's rather my own biased retelling how through the mysterious will of the universe, I was somehow dragged into Scorpius’ plan to get Rose Weasley. You know those elaborate well-thought plans that you sometimes read about in books? Let’s say... the plan of the genius killer to commit a perfect murder so that no one can catch him and you just stand open-mouthed when the brilliance of it all unfolds in front of your eyes?

This was not that kind of plan.

But let’s start from the beginning, shall we? The whole Scorosegate as I like to call it started the day before we departed for our last year in Hogwarts. Me and my trunks were currently residing in the Malfoy manner since I was apparating together with Scorpius for the train. My mum, Daphne, and my dad, Terence, were currently swamped with work so they couldn’t accompany me this year. As a result, I was to go to the train station with my favourite (and may I note only) cousin - Scorpius. Little did I know that he was about to unleash the year of hell on me that day. Had I known, I’d have probably murdered him and went to Azkaban for the crime. Seriously, now that the Dementors are gone, Azkaban would have been the preferable choice. But yet again, I digress.

It was late afternoon and I was reordering some clothes for school from my trunk. Such a shame that we had to wear that uniform almost always. Not that I don’t look good even in it but mum says the all the grey gives me a washed out look, because I am a Summer type. I have absolutely no idea what that means but I don’t think it’s good. Mum is very conscious of looks and always speaks in this cryptic womanly language that I wasn’t given a dictionary for. So, summer doesn’t mean anything to me and I never bother to find out - mum can call me Arabian nights for all I care.

A loud knock on the door interrupted my thoughts. Scorpius wasn’t what you would call a quiet person - actually everything about him screamed loud - from his looks, his voice, his choice of clothing to his personality. He was one of those larger than life people.

“Amy, are you dressed? I don’t want to get scarred for life.”

“Come in.” I turned to the door sharply and snapped at him. “Heeey! What do you mean scarred for life! I am not the Giant Squid, you know! And my name is Amelia, you know I don’t like to be called Amy!”

Scorpius smiled, not affected by my snappy tone at all. “No one wants to see their cousin in her knickers, no matter how lovely looking she may be.”

I swear, the smile that he gave me was so greasy that it was dripping down from his face. There was something off though. Don’t get me wrong, me and Scorpius were partners in crime, we were like... boxers and the elastic band that holds them (this comparison is so wrong) but he never showered me with unnecessary compliments. My seer senses were tingling - he wanted something from me. Not that I have any seer senses, mind you. I once tried to prophesize my best friends Chloe’s future boyfriend with tarot cards and I said that he was going to be red-haired, short and had a sweet voice. Naturally, her next boyfriend was Adam Greene - a blond-haired giant with a voice sounding as if it came from a lumber mill.

Anyways, I knew he was going to ask me something so I decided to cut to the chase. “What do you want from me, Blondie?” I am always so eloquent. I also swear a lot, too. My dear mum is going to get a heart attack from me some day. And just so that you can’t complain later, I am going to add that I am also a rude, somewhat haughty pureblood who has the tact, finesse and polished social skills of a dead Hippogriff.

“Why should I want something from you? I am just coming to see how’s my favourite cousin.”

“Your only cousin, Malfoy, your only cousin.” I sighed.

He looked at me with mock hurt on his face. “So now we are on a last-name basis?” He brushed off an imaginary tear from his eye. Such a lousy actor. “Oh, dear Merlin, how shall I take this mortal offense?”

I proficiently lifted one eyebrow at him (why yes, I trained it for long in front of the mirror, thank you). “Scorpius, will you tell me what you want or shall we just play a game of wits the whole day. Cause you know... if it’s the second, your dead body shall be the newest accessory to the Malfoy manor.”

“Hold the pitchfork, Amelia. I am telling you. I... kind of may need your help.” He looked at me expectantly. Oh my, I was afraid of this. He was going to drag me in some horrible merry-go-round that I was going to regret. Unfortunately for me, I kind of liked merry-go-rounds, I liked trouble even better and I lacked common sense the most. It wasn’t a coincidence that neither me nor Scorpius ever became prefects even though we were the smartest Slytherins in our year (and very modest ones to boot).

“Well... let me start from this. You know how me and Albus Potter kind of became good friends last year?”

I nodded vigorously.

“He is a good mate now, my best mate, but I kind of did not start that friendship with him accidentally.”

Sadly for Scorpius, the mental wheels of my brain chose that moment to screech loudly.

“Scorpius, are you gay and in love with Potter?”

He looked at me as if I needed a one-way apparition to St. Mungo’s. Arguably, that was a look I received a lot. “I am not gay, you woman! Will you let me finish! In the beginning, I decided to befriend him so that I could get more information for Rose Weasley, his cousin!”

It was my turn to look at him in surprise. “You like carrot-haired Weaselby?”

Scorpius threw me a nasty glance. “Her hair is rather the colour of passionately burning fire.”

I nearly gagged. What had become of Scorpius? And what the hell is the colour of passionately burning fire?! I think Scorp has been spending too much time with his mum and aunt. Uncle Draco should do something about this. However, I am proud to announce that I voiced out only those words: “Why didn’t you tell me earlier?”

“I kind of wasn’t sure if the crush would last. But it did, Amy, I think that Rose may be the one.”

The one, my shiny pureblood behind.

“Oh come on, Amelia, don’t give me that look! I know that you don’t like her very much,” I mumbled silently stupidcow at this point, “but it’s not like you’re better. You have a stupid crush on a Professor for Merlin’s sake!”

Hey! He’s not a stupid crush - he’s the love of my life! Ah... the Defense Against the Dark Arts professor Berry. I absolutely adored that man. Wait, how did Scorpius know about this? He must have understood what I was thinking since he said:

“You called him Professor Sexy in class last year, don’t you remember?”

“I did n...” I crossed my arms. “Well, in my defense, all the girls were thinking it.” But only you said it out loud. I decided that it was favourable for me to stray from this topic. “May I inquire why you don’t just go and ask her out? It’s not like she has something against you.”

“That’s a ridiculous idea, who does that?” snapped Scorpius.

Yeah, who is that lame person that just straightforwardly asks a girl on a date?

I suddenly realised something. “I suspect that your father may not be very pleased with this plot twist in your life.”

“Who says my father will ever know about this?”

“Are you planning to elope and live in Honolulu for the rest of your life then? Because you know, he will have to know eventually.” From the blank look on Scorpius’ face I understood that he hadn’t thought of things quite that far.

“Ok, you haven’t even asked her out, we can think of this little problem later.” Yeah, let future Amelia and Scorpius deal with this problem. Losers. “So where do you need me in what I assume is called the Get Rose Plan?”

Scorpius’ face became as innocent as the Slytherin in him allowed and he looked me straight in the eyes. “I need you to become friends with Rose.”

Someday, when I am old and when Scorpius is dead I am going to look back to this day and not miss him so much. And you know what? On second thought, this may be a bit of a love story after all. 

A/N: So... I know I haven't updated this story in a while but I am getting to it. I broke my foot sometime ago, if you need an explanation, though don't ask me how that is connected to my writing muse. xD Thanks for the reviews and I hope you enjoyed reading. Chapter 2 should be up soon, it's almost done. This is also an edited version of the chapter, since there were some small tidbits of dialogue that were bothering me.

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