Beautiful Chapter Image by wishaway. @ tda.
I deemed waking up groggily the next morning without the assistance of a hangover a mild success. Once I had taken in to consideration my lack of the ability to keep my mouth shut, I also deemed it a success that I hadn’t woken up tied to a Quidditch Pole with my body covered in bruises.
That type of an-after-party morning would be deemed as a failure.
A big failure.
I do not deal with epic failures, infact they can kiss my pretty little arse. Failure isn’t something that I associate myself with, I prefer the defined term of argumentative success – excuse the contradictory format.
As I helplessly struggled to remember the night before, I ran a dainty yet heavy hand over my face, rubbing my eyes with the back of my hand. Last nights mascara stuck my eyes together momentarily before they popped back open and revealed a mass of blurry purple bed covers. I pulled them high up to my chest and snuggled down. The puffiness of the duvets at Hogwarts were definitely a plu-
I don’t have purple bed sheets.
I smacked my hand against my face once more, this time as more of a form of stupidity and humiliation more than tiredness and hopelessness. I brushed my hair behind my ear and tucked the covers around my chest tightly.
Ah, intelligibility does run amuck when you dance with the class act of ambiguity. I practically wore a sign on my head that read ‘Queen of Elusiveness.’ I should be shot. I was a shameful example to my peers. A wondrous question for the future generations of man…why does everyone drink at parties – what is wrong with scrabble and a take-away pizza, nothing I tell you, nothing. Because, in times when that was hard-core girls and boys such as myself don’t have to deal with the implications that I now do. How do I get myself in to these situations?
I might have briefly mentioned before my opinions on mornings. We don’t get along. I’m Spiderman, they’re the Green Goblin. I’m fire, the mornings are water. We have never been close. However, they have always graced with the gift of memory, I have never once forgotten my encouraged actions from the night before. Yet, this morning, it seemed another battle will soon be underway; there are blurs of dancing students, but no real answers.
I groan miserably for the simple sake of it and scowl. This particular scowl is different; this one could scare a mountain troll, not just make a child cry. Actually, it could probably blow up a nursery.
I pulled the sheets around me tighter and reached down to hold my stomach – I was naked. I was completely naked. I shuffled uncomfortably, a little nervously until I looked to my left. There was a dressing table. It was what was on this dressing table that intrigued me, however. A picture.
Apart from drinking my own weight in alcohol, I suddenly remembered what I had done last night. I remembered every second; it rushed back in to my mind like a tidal wave, shocking me with its reality. A cheeky proposal and back came the memory.
I remembered the clashing of our lips, our bodies. The laughing as we ran, moved, undressed one another. It all seemed to make sense at the time. But as of this moment, I couldn’t see the sense.
Letting James and Charisma leave me alone to party was a mistake, their inept abilities to care for me seemed suddenly irrelevant. I had no idea when it had started to go down hill – my guess was when Freddy reached out and grabbed a Hufflepuff Seventh Year, a blond bombshell and crashed his lips against hers. I believe at that moment things began to landslide.
A cold breeze blows through the room and I shivered indirectly for a moment. I hadn’t been the only one to feel the effects of the wind. The scent of realization suffocated me as I felt his bare skin press against mine. His sleepy moan brought him to his surroundings in the realm of the real.
I contemplated for a moment if it was real for me. My eyes shot open as I lifted the newly placed arm from around my waist. It was most certainly real, all 6ft of him.
I was a pathetic excuse for a friend. He was a renowned, eligible bachelor, one with a chiseled face and cute dimples. The amount of glares I suffered for the simple return of his friendship. I quickly contemplated the amount that I would suffer for his body next to mine – what was, at a point, on top of mine.
I bit my tongue to stop myself from crying out in panic. Instead, I gave him a little shove.
“G, Gabe,” I stammered. I had expected to sound like an old chain smoker, not a vulnerable little girl who just lost her lollypop. “Gabriel, wake up.”
He rolled over and opened his eyes, for a moment he lay there, his brows kitted in confusion, for another he took an inward gasp and said nothing. For the final, his hands smacked to his face and grasped at his features. I couldn’t decide whether he was trying to pinch himself back to what seemed like a reasonable reality, or punish himself for doing the deeds that he did, with me.
Gabe’s hands slipped heavily down his face, little fingers pressed together, they stopped at his side and lay there, limp. “How?”
He nodded. “Why?”
“Loneliness?” I questioned with a shrug. “Boredom, freedom – necessity.”
“Alright, DP – I get the idea!” I flinched at his snap and pulled my reached over to the floor, noticing my black pants were discarded there with careless precision. I pulled them on under the covers and lay back. “I’m sorry, love. I didn’t mean to snap.”
I shrugged. “It’s alright.”
“Holy mother of f-“
“Don’t, you swear.” I warned with a slight crack to my voice. “Now is not the appropriate time to swear.”
Gabe’s gaze shot to me like I was mad. “Are you serious?”
His face los any sort of colour. “Please tell me that we didn’t…you know.”
“I don’t need to tell you that, Gabriel.” I replied quietly, my head falling to my hands. “If it wasn’t an obvious indication from the lack of clothing, then surly you could figure it out.”
He looked to me with an amused face. “And still you keep your wit.”
I looked him up and down with a snort. “You could throw me off of a cliff and I would hold my wit over a parachute.”
“You look cute right now.” He said quietly. I turned to him threateningly. “What?! I’ve always said that. I just thought I’d point it out.”
I gestured to the bed covers, really indicating what was underneath. “And you think that this is an appropriate time for that?!”
“Apparently now is not an appropriate time for anything.” A strange feeling twisted in my gut as he shrugged. “I don’t know what else to say?”
I reached out for the t-shirt I had just spotted, it was mine, cream and thin red stripes. It didn’t cover my midriff; that was covered by the high-wasted shorts. A glint from the buttons caught my eye; they were hung over a chair carelessly.
I pulled the soft material over my head, pushing my arms through the holes. I stayed sat in the bed. I covered myself with the duvet, covering the little dignity that I had retained – aka, nil.
Gabe leant out over the side of his bed and picked up a pair of black cottons. He obvious kept them there regularly; they were a comfy trouser. He stood up and ran a shaky hand through his hair. “Dixie,” he said quietly, I gripped a little tighter on to the duvet. “I’m so sorry.”
“You didn’t do anything.” I shrugged.
He scoffed. “Well, I wouldn’t call that anything.” Somehow, the words seemed more difficult to say then either of us had imagined it would be. “I’d say it was pretty damn good.”
It seemed that I kept my wit and ignorance and he held on to his maturity and humor.
“Gabe! Be serious.”
“You’re right.” He gripped on to his hair and began to slowly pace the length of the room.
It was at that moment that noticed the emptiness of his room. He had three roommates, he was constantly chatting about them. The curtains were open on all of the beds, but no one was there, the beds were made. I looked at him expectantly, he simply raised a brow. It didn’t take much to guess where they were.
Gabe looked annoyed, but not with me. He had tried to laugh it off, his usual response to everything, but nothing had come of it. He knew as well as I that this wouldn’t be an easy one. I tried to divert my mind and think of something else and he kept up his pace.
His hands fell from his hair and rubbed against his cheeks, he groaned. “Dixie, how did this happen?”
I shrugged. “Well when two people-“
“Dixie!” he raised his voice for the first time in seven years. He rushed to the side of the bed and knelt down, grabbing my hands tightly. “I don’t want to hear your sarcasm right now, I want a serious answer. How did this happen? I don’t need to hear the biological theory, the one worded answer, and I don’t need a shrug. I want a formed sentence – no back chat.”
I sighed. “I honestly don’t remember,” I answered truthfully. “I remember asking you, but you said no. We agreed that it was a bad idea.”
“Well look where that got us.”
“This is bad.” I said, attempting to mimic the tone of his voice. “This is really, really bad.”
He nodded, standing up to emphasis just how wrong this situation was. “You’re my best friend, DP. I can’t do that with you,” no, not again. “It’s not right.”
They were the exact words, the exact same ones. Again.
I gave a sharp nod. “I guess I’m just an abomination to human kind.” I reached out and snatched my shorts, pulling them on roughly.
I ignored him and found my wellies, one by the door - the other on top of Gabe’s empty desk. For a Ravenclaw, he did no work. I yanked them on with anger and stormed towards the door.
Gabe’s hand caught my wrist; he positioned himself between me and the door. “Dixie, where are you going?”
“Away from here.”
It would have been strong, if my voice hadn’t cracked.
He shook his head and placed a gentle hand on to my cheek. I pulled away. “What did I say? I realise that we weren’t the smartest kids in the world last night, but it wasn’t something that can’t be fixed.”
“It’s not that.”
“Then what is it?” He asked softly. “DP, you can tell me anything.”
I sighed. “You said ‘it’s not right’, that ‘you couldn’t do that
with me’.” He nodded. “That’s what he said.”
“Oh,” Gabe muttered with a slight nod. “And he being-“
I nodded. “It was a while ago, but the words stuck in my head.”
“Is that what this is all about?” He asked. “Dixie, you could have just said in the beginning, we could have talked about it instead of getting our selves in to a right old tumble.”
I smirked; trust Gabe to throw in the word ‘tumble’ to a serious conversation.
He leant back on to the wooden dormitory door. “So, what brought this on now?”
“James,” I said quietly. “He told me some stuff yesterday, and I guess I just over reacted.”
Gabe nodded and gave a small smile. “You know, I should probably be incredibly offended right now – but I’m not.”
“I’m so, so sorry.”
“Don’t be,” he said envyingly. Gabe shook his head. “When you find – and you will find someone – the one who loves you for you, they will be a very lucky man.” I bit back a smile; he always knew what to say. “…especially if that was what you managed while completely intoxicated.”
He gave a snort and retracted back from my repetitive slaps. “DP, seriously!”
My head turned around back to the bed sharply. “I guess it could have gone worse.”
“It could have gone a lot worse.”
I tried to hide my blush and turned fully away from the door. He slipped his hands in to the back pockets of my shorts. “So,” I tried, “What do we do now?”
He looked at me, trying to see any sign of a joking demeanor, but there was none. He knew that I was serious. I didn’t want another argument; I wanted nothing more than to take back last night. I felt odd, but not different, I was still me. It just felt odd that the anger wasn’t there, there was no anger to build up inside my stomach, to bubble up and wait to come out with everything it could muster.
It had vanished.
Gabe sighed and leant down behind the chair, he returned with a black strappy material hanging off of his index finger. My bra, he handed it to me. “I say, we get dressed – properly, Dix, none of this rush dressing that you seem to have going on – then we go down to the kitchens.”
“And party with the House Elves.”
He smiled. “Oh, I think that both of us have had enough partying to last us a long time – how about some tea instead.”
“Tea it is.”
I felt free as I dragged my trunk along the cobbled Hogsmeade Station platform. I was on a definite high. The scarlet train billowed steam, I wasted no time before racing to get off of the platform and on to the Hogwarts Express.
“Thank effing Merlin.” I muttered to myself, dragging my trunk along the corridor. I couldn’t be more pleased to be getting away. I love Hogwarts, but I needed a break.
I cursed the lord quickly that the Gryffindors chosen carriage was at the back of the train.
Charisma had once said it was because they were the loudest, rowdiest and by far the most troublesome lot. But I refuse to think that, we may be some of those things, some of the time, but surely, not always.
I made my way through the compartments, nosily peering in to every one of them as I did. I told myself over and over again that I wasn’t looking for an empty one, but even I knew that was a lie. I eventually found our usual carriage, Drew and Charisma sat inside. I threw open the door and waltzed inside.
Drew looked up and helped me with my trunk. Charisma was a little wary though; she had guessed that something was up, that something had happened. She just had no idea what. She sat, still, curious. It was the opposite of my expressionless face.
I pulled on my hair lightly and began to loosely plait it.
“Good morning Dixie,” Charisma greeted.
I replied with a nod. “Chris, Drew.”
“Ello,” he said, collapsing in to the stiff carriage seat next to me.
I leant back and let out a sigh, tying a hair band to the bottom of the plait. “How is everyone this fine mor-“
“Cut the crap.”
“I said, cut the crap.” Drew reasoned in a pleasant tone. “There’s something wrong with you, and we want to know.”
I looked at him pointedly and raised a light brow. “And what exactly do you think is up with me?”
He shrugged and so I turned to Charisma, her reaction was similar. Drew scratched his head awkwardly. “We’re not sure. I think it’s some sort of draw-back, because you haven’t stabbed anyone in a while, I mean, you love to stab people in awkward places, whether it be with a stationary implement or a fork or a spoon – you know, the works.”
Charisma’s eyes narrowed. “But luckily I
know you better.” My eyes widened at her assumption and I tossed a stray hair off of my face. “You’re a strong one Dixie, you hide what you really feel and then you dislike it when people find out your emotions. Something’s up, usually we figure it out ourselves, but we can’t.”
“When you’re angry your nostrils flare,” Drew explained. “When you’re sad, you don’t really speak. When you’re worried you are a little flakey, you tend to day dream a lot. But now you’re just…”
“You’re blank,” Charisma finished. “You seem to have lost that fire that we all hate so much.”
“And now we want it back.” Drew reached for my hand. “You’re our best friend Dixie; we don’t want you to be upset.”
I sighed. “I’m not upset.”
“No really,” I insisted. “I’m not upset, I’m not angry, I don’t feel anything – and that’s what bothers me.” Charisma crossed one leg over the other and leaned in from the other side of the carriage in an interested manner. “Lately, I just can’t seem to find the emotion to care.”
“It’s odd,” Charisma said. “Talking to you without feeling incredibly insulted afterwards.”
Drew nodded. “I want you to call me doofus, or prick. I want you to stab me with a fork or something.”
“That can be arranged.”
He smirked. “You’re not completely emotionless; you still have your wit.”
“Gabe thinks that you can throw me off of a cliff, and I would never loose my wit.”
“You’ve been spending a lot of time with him lately,” she said. “But Gabriel Harris is a smart lad.” Charisma said informatively. “He is a Ravenclaw after all, they’re smart people.”
I scoffed. “Not as smart as they could be.”
Gabe and I had come to the only conclusion that we could think of – to never mention it again. We were still best friends, I couldn’t loose him and he apparently couldn’t loose me, something about my temper tantrums being the highlight of his day.
Because he was a Ravenclaw, I had expected an award winning plan on how to fix this tangled web of which we have woven. But he had said nothing of the sort, there seemed to be no other way than the decision that we had reached. We knew that it had been reached in both of our minds before either said a word. But it was awkward, when I looked at Gabe, I wondered if he saw me, or if he saw what I was that night.
We stayed close, Freddy was wrong, sex didn’t mess up friendships, if anything, Gabe and I have been closer. It also seemed to give me the ability to over look the annoyance that I found rising when he ruffled his hair in such a manner, now that little aspect seemed like nothing. Instead I felt different on the inside, I didn’t feel like me anymore, I felt as if I had moved on and left everything behind. As if, I didn’t need what I had anymore.
When the train had pulled in to the station, Freddy and I hadn’t spoken, by the way of luck neither of us had managed to be in the compartment at the same time. But also by the way of luck, it was Nick that had come to greet me at the station, my favorite brother, the listener, the carer, the sweet one, the Healer. Ellie once referred to him as ‘Mr McDreamy’. No one messed with me while Nikki is around.
An; There it was. Did any of you expect that? I think that a few of you had guessed, or at least hoped for it. And how many of you wished it was Avery that she woke up with? Come on, be honest :P :D
Who’s your favorite character? From the story so far, who do you like best.
I would like to say thank you to all those who have reviewed, you have no idea how much this means to me. Also, to those of you who have said that they feel they can relate to Dixie, it means a lot to know that my ickle characters can make someone feel better :P Hopefully, don’t make the same mistakes Dixie has! Don’t take advice from James – it’s never got a good outcome!
I don’t know if anyone’s noticed, but I don’t give out the name of the next chapter – usually I do along with the preview. But I love the chapter names of this story so much – they’re so Dixie, but I don’t know if anyone else has noticed that they’re actually snippets from the story. :D
It stopped struggling as its ears pricked up once more. I looked to the boys. “You wrapped up a cat?!” I didn’t know whether to be astonished or amused.
They nodded feverishly. “It was asleep when we did it.”
“So you wrapped it up?”
Kellan smiled. “In monster paper.”
Kellan and Archie are her twin brothers, alongside Nick; you meet them all properly in the next chapter. I love writing her brothers – they’re the siblings that I wish I had. :D
I will update soon! Don’t forget to leave a review!