Chapter 1 : Last Kiss
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My back ached. My feet were cold. My eyes had gotten used to not seeing sunlight; it'd been ages since I'd even been outside. The hard stone walls which surrounded me had been the only thing I'd seen in weeks. Maybe even months. Sure, there was a small, small window – but it was always dark and cloudy here. I rested my back against the wall, and leaned my head back.
It smelled of death here. I didn't know how many people had actually died here, in Azkaban. I'd never understood just how horrible this place was until they had brought me here. I actually felt bad for every single person who was in here – no matter what they'd done. No one deserved this. I turned my head to the side and sighed. There were people who thought I deserved it, I'm sure of it. Perhaps I did, I'd gone crazy after the war – I'd gone on a killing spree. I'm not particularly proud of what I did, but I would do it again in a heartbeat. Or maybe not, considering the price I was about to pay.
I thought back on the night that it had all gone wrong. I'd been at home with my family when my aunt and her children had come over. They'd run off during the war; they had fled. To see them again, alive and well while I'd lost so much felt like being slapped across the face. It hadn't taken long for them to start their insults and I was already pretty messed up (I'm the first to admit that I'd gone a bit crazy) so it didn't take long for me to snap. However, it'd gone too far, and before I knew it – I'd managed to kill them all off. My aunt, her two daughters and her husband.
The Ministry had caught me after two weeks on the run, and they'd thrown me in Azkaban. I guess the evidence against me had been enough to keep me in there for life. But that wasn't all. The Minister of Magic had decided to make an example out of me – he wouldn't tolerate murder. So, he'd sentenced me to be kissed. The thought of it made me shiver all over. I closed my eyes and inhaled. I'd almost gotten used to the smell, something that I thought would never happen on my first day in here.
They would come for me soon. Within an hour was my guess. The only problem was that I had no idea what time it was, what day it was – I didn't even know what month it was. All I knew was that I had very little time to think – about everything I wanted to think about. In a little while, I wouldn't remember anything. They would suck it all out of me.
So I thought back on my life. I'd been the most horrible person to so many people. Though, to be honest, most people had been horrible to me as well. The only one who had ever really cared about me was him. He had accepted me the way I was, and he'd seen behind my shell. He was the only happiness I'd ever known, and I knew that the memory of him would be the first thing they'd take from me. And I hadn't even been given the chance to say goodbye to him – or anyone for that matter. I used to be furious about that but as time had passed I'd gotten over it, there was just no point in being angry about things. I didn't really feel anything anymore. What was there to feel? Fear? Anger? Feeling sorry for myself? I couldn't stand it. There were no other feelings here. There was no joy, no happiness, no love.
For the first time in what felt as forever I allowed myself to feel something, the only thing that I could feel in that moment. Fear. I was scared of what would happen. I covered my face in my hands as my tears began to fall down my dirty cheeks. With every move I made the chains I had around my wrists hurt me – they dug in and reminded me of where I was. As if I could forget. My wrists were bruised and covered with dirt and dried up blood. I'd tried to get the chains off at some point which had only made me bleed. I let my fingers run through my hair. It was a mess and I was glad that I didn't have a mirror in here; I couldn't imagine how I looked. I hadn't had a proper meal since I got in here; I was thinner than I had ever been. I hadn't showered in ages. I felt filthy. I felt disgusting. I wiped away a tear and looked up at the window. I could see them outside. They seemed to be waiting, just like I was.
I suddenly felt a desperation unlike anything I'd ever felt. I was going to be kissed and there was nothing I could do about it. All hope was gone. No one would come to my rescue. No one would care if I screamed. I almost smiled at the thought – screaming. I hadn't said a word in weeks. I didn't even remember how it felt to talk. I swallowed hard and continued to look outside the small window with bars on it. How I longed to feel the sun on my skin. I wished that I could just get to run barefoot in the grass with the sun and fresh air in my hair. Glancing around in the dull grey room I was in, I knew I'd never get to do that again. My eyes stung as more tears forced themselves down my cheeks.
To hell with it, I thought, as I forced myself to remember how everything felt. How I felt the first time I set foot inside Hogwarts, the first time I held a wand in my hand, the first time I tasted Butterbeer. The first time I said 'I love you' and really, truly meant it. I remembered him, knowing that after I was kissed I wouldn't be able to remember anything.
I remembered how his blonde hair would hang in front of his eyes. How he would do the little things to brighten my day, like open the door for me or compliment my hair. How he would lie with his back against me and allow me to write things on his back with my fingers and how I'd write 'I love you' and not expect him to pay attention. How he would turn around and whisper 'I love you, too'. I remembered how his lips felt against mine. A sob escaped my lips and surprised me. It would be harder than I thought to let go, not that I had a choice – but it was hard to know that it would all be over soon. I wanted to kick and scream and fight it. But I didn't. I just sat there against the cold wall and waited.
A new wave of coldness swept through my cell and I knew that it would happen soon. I managed to pull myself up of the floor. I walked up to the window and looked outside. They seemed almost excited. I wondered who it would be, who would kiss me. I tried to walk closer to the window, hoping that maybe I would get to feel the wind in my hair once more. Unfortunately the chains around my ankles and wrists stopped me from getting close enough. Dementors were hovering outside; I knew that I had very little time left.
I turned around, not wanting to see them. I took a deep breath in hopes that it would calm me down. It didn't. I had no idea how many thoughts could go through ones head at the same time. Perhaps I thought so much because I knew I'd never be able to in a little while. But my mind was chaotic. I thought about the things that I'd expected that I would think about. Like my parents – I wondered how they felt today. Did they know? Did they care? Would they cry? Would they go on with their lives as if this had never happened? Were they ashamed? I wanted to talk to them. I had so many things left unsaid. Like 'I'm sorry'.
And what about him? Did he care? Did he know? What was he doing? Had he moved on with his life? Had he met someone new? Did he still love me, like I loved him? Did he think about me from time to time? If I could've talked to him, I wouldn't have known what to say. I just wanted him to hold me and tell me that everything would be okay.
But I also thought about things that I hadn't expected to think about. I wondered how everyone else was, what was going on out there. I thought about Potter – had he made the world a better place now? I would never know. I thought about my childhood home, and my first toy – things that didn't really strike me as important. However, with only minutes left, they became important somehow. I just wanted to remember everything while I could.
I slid down the wall and sat on the floor again. My tears had dried out but my eyes still stung. I knew they were red even without seeing it. They felt red, and swollen. No, I wasn't crying anymore – but breathing had become much more difficult. It felt as if I couldn't get the air down to my lungs, I began to hyperventilate. And that's when I heard the door to my cell open.
Fear consumed every inch of me. It chilled my very bone and made my chest tighten. No! I thought in panic, just a few more minutes, please...
I desperately tried to move away from it, but it came closer and closer. The chains around my wrists wouldn't let me get any further. I began to trash violently in my restrains, causing my already bruised wrists to hurt and bleed again. I opened my mouth to scream, but nothing came out. I kicked and thrashed around, but it was useless. The Dementor leaned down and it felt as if something was crawling under my skin, trying to make it's way out. I felt myself vanish.
“Draco, I love you,” I managed to whisper with my last sane breath. And then, it all went dark.
[it's been a while since I posted anything, but I thought it was about time :) I put this as Pansy/Draco, but since there's no name given - the girl could be anyone. So if Pansy/Draco isn't your cup of tea, then just pretend it's someone else. I hope you like it! Feedback would be awesome. Thanks, Cathy!]
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