I felt like I was going to snap.
Everyone was treating me like I was on my deathbed and talking to me in hushed whispers and making decisions for me.
"Alix isn't talking about it, she and her Grandpa were very close"
"She'll have some of the soup"
"She's got to do homework so she can't talk right now"
So thats why I was sitting in the seventh floor corridor, my head against the wall enjoying the silence. Not that I wasn't thankful for their support but there was a limit to what I could take, they were acting like Grandpa was in the looney ward with a strait jacket.
I got some comforting letters from Aunt Ardelia and India and Alfie, they just told me to stay strong and remember the good times. Dad and Mum sent well-wishes saying they weren't going to become a full-blown couple until Grandpa gave his blessing, he was still iffy about it but he was coming around, unlike Uncle Ricky.
I pulled my knees out from under me and hugged them, dreading the week coming, I had completely fallen behind on my photography. McGonnagal wanted some new ones for the end of term and plus on top of that I haven't even begun thinking about cheerleading though luckily Tiffany Underwood told me kindly that she would whip them into shape so when we practiced they would be ready.
"Hello my lovely troll".
I glanced up at Lucas and gave him a half smile, "Thought I asked you to stop caling me that" I said, rubbing my eyes.
Lucas chuckled "When do I ever do what people tell me to do?". I smirked at him and shook my head, almost forgetting about the train 'incident' when he told me he had feelings for me, so we had hardly talked to each other.
"So, what you doing here by yourself?" Lucas asked, sitting down next to me, "everyone is looking for you".
I made a face, "I needed time alone, to think about everything thats happening"
I sighed, "Well, my Grandpa is losing his mind slowly, my Mum and Dad are getting back together and are upsetting Uncle Ricky and said Grandpa, everyones treating me like I'm the one about to die and oh yeah, Lucas Brenner has feelings for me".
Lucas smiled and leaned back on the wall, "Those are some things to be thinking about" he glanced at me and smirked "especially the whole Lucas Brenner thing he sounds sexy".
I laughed, glad that I wasn't feeling awkward around Lucas anymore, and that he wasn't making it awkward anymore either.
"Just to let you know" Lucas said quietly, "I know how you feel about the whole Alzhiemers thing".
I raised an eyebrow, "Does that explain why you forget girls names when you kiss them?". Lucas laughed but then grew solemn again, I couldn't ever remember seeing him so serious before.
"My Mum has something like it real bad" he said softly, "she was tortured like Frank and Alice Longbottom, so shes in a mental institution".
I was so not expecting this.
"Somedays she vaguely knows me other than that she screams at me to leave her the hell alone" Lucas stiffened, "my Dad doesn't even visit even though she basically cries for him everyday, but he doesn't care he has a new lady now".
"Lucas I am so sorry" I said sadly, "I had no idea, that must be so awful to have-"
He cut me off with a kiss.
I was so shocked he would pick NOW of all times to pick a move that my pushing him away and slapping him was a little bit delayed.
"What the HELL is wrong with you!?" I shrieked and got up and started to run down the hall, but he is damn quick, he grabbed my arm and turned me around. He looked surprised as well
as if he hadn't meant to do that.
"Alix, I'm sorry" he said quickly, "but there is something about you that just drives me crazy, I mean you can be a pain in the arse sometimes, a major one at that, but there is a part of that still wants to be with you".
I glared at him, "You are a shit friend and an ever shitter best friend, don't talk to me or KISS me again EVER!". I wrenched my arm away and continued to run down the corridor not stopping till I go to the bottom of the Grand Staircase and sat underneath the last staircase that never moved, it was only then that it really happened, I closed my eyes and cursed that damn Brenner, I wasn't even going to dignify him with saying his first name.
What would of happened if someone saw? Merlin, thats all I would need to be the most hated person in Hogwarts for "cheating" on James Sirius Potter and have his fan-club hexing me outside classes.
And don't get me started on what Rose would do to me!
I glanced at my watch and saw it was only two o'clock. I had cheerleading at four and two hours of complete boredom hiding away. Or not.
I got up and made the long way back up to the Girls Dorm, no one was in, I was guessing the girls would all be down by the lake. I got down on my knees and began sifting through clothes and school stuff that made up my trunk searching for my camera. I really liked this camera, it was one my Uncle Ricky found in an antique shop as it was one where the picture came out after you took it.
I dusted it off and decided to get some pictures, it would kill time and I kinda missed it.
Glancing in the mirror, I spotted my reflection, I had changed.
My hair was longer, now past my shoulders and didn't have the bounce it once had, my eyes once completely sparkly were now dull and had bags under them due to the lack of sleep. My mouth wasn't smiling. I swallowed a large lump that had formed in my throat. Who was she in the mirror?
You'd think with all the good stuff in my life I would be happier, but no, Grandpa had to get this disease, Mum and Dad couldn't just think of others feelings and Uncle Ricky just had to have a grudge, sodding Lucas Brenner just had to be out to make me misreable, and yes my friends and boyfriend had to treat me like a four year old.
I shook my head, no that wasn't fair, Grandpa never wanted this, hell no one would. Mum and Dad had been alone for a long time, and horrible circumstances drove them apart. Uncle Ricky just had old wounds opened up after losing his Mum and watching his sisters heart get broken and help raise her daughter. Lucas couldn't be blamed for how he felt, he probably felt worse for crushing on one of his friends girlfriends.
And my friends were just doing what they thought would help, wanting to help me. Especially James.
But me being so stubborn just couldn't accept it.
I raised the camera and took a picture of my reflection, it came out and I shook it for twenty seconds, when it became clear I looked at the picture, "Time to say goodbye to the old me" I whispered and tapped my wand against it, a small fire started at one corner and it quickly consumed the picture, the ash falling onto the floor.
I headed down to the lake, where the girls would be, taking some quick snaps while I went down, two Hufflepuffs sitting and laughing with one another on a window seat. Ravenclaw's ghost showing a first year the proper way to the library. And one of the Great Hall bathed in sunlight.
I spotted the girls first and smiled, Ami and Devon were acting out a scene from a Muggle T.v show (Ami's mum sent her a letter telling her all the gossip) Rose and Tia were laughing, Dom and Lily were doing each others hair while watching, I raised the camera and took a shot, I always liked my pictures where the people didn't know you were taking it, it just made them better.
"Hey guys" I smiled and plopped down next to Tia.
"Alix, you okay?" Tia asked, "we were wondering where you were?"
"Yep, I'm fine" .. even after being kissed by boyfriends best friend and having an epiphany.
Hey whoever said being a teenager, a magical one at that, was easy?
"Excited to watch your 'hunny win this game?" James asked me, we were all heading down to the Quidditch Pitch for the Ravenclaw versus Gryffindor. Me, Rose, Tiffany and Sarah, Ami and Ama made our way down with the team. Lucas was avoiding me and I was avoiding him, my anger flamed when I saw Ama and him talking together smiling.
"Don't know, you excited to watch your 'hunny do her 'thang?" I replied grinning at him, he frowned and I laughed kissing his cheek which soon had him smirking again. I couldn't help but notice Rose glaring at Lily and Joey flirting, please say she didn't have feelings for Joey?
We saw Madame Hooch at the doors, "The Headmistress has added an extra room for the cheerleaders, you will all be in there together".
Most of the guys present suddenly grew still and looked thoughtful, "Oh to be a fly on them walls" Matt said wistfully, Ami dug her elbow into his stomach, "ohw, sorry" he added.
I glanced at Lucas and saw him sniggering with one of the Chasers Jason Timber, probably over a guy joke, I frowned some people will never change. "Okay, girls lets go, wish the guys luck!" I said, then I grabbed James by the robes and gave him a kiss which ended up getting some wolf-whistles. He looked surprised when the kiss ended.
"Woah" he said dumbfounded then he smirked "I need some more luck" he said grabbing me and giving me quick kisses while I giggled helplessly. Ami was hugging Matt, Devon and gave Lucas and Joey a quick one, and I noticed after Lily pecked his lips that Rose took a little longer "wishing him luck" and luckily Lily didn't notice as she was hugging her brother.
Tiffany sidled up next to me, "Does Rose like Joey?" she whispered, raising a perfect eyebrow, I was always jealous of people who could do their eyebrows perfectly.
I gulped and tried to act normal, "No, no, no, no .. they're just" we watched as Rose smirked at him before heading over, "really really good friends, you know the type who hug each other?".
Rose came over and noticed my expression, "Alix are you okay?" she asked with a confused expression, "your face is weird".
I shook my head and gave a nervous laugh, "Is it? I didn't notice, well I wouldn't because I can't see my own face because that would be weird-"
"She's just nervous about the game" Tiffany said, saving me from having any more word vomit.
Rose accepted this, and smiled, "We'll be fine".
After saying goodbye to the guys we headed in the direction Madame Hooch sent us to the changing room. When we got there I immediantly sought out Eve Adams, Ravenclaw Cheerleading Captain and a major Bitch, my nemesis.
Which was actually cool because I never had a nemesis before.
She was talking in serious tones with some member of her team, someone called Laura, when she spotted me. We both glared at each other and I picked the benches opposite her, not wanting to be anywhere near her. "I cannot believe we have to share a room with them" Ami glared over to where they were all standing.
"Tell me about it" I muttered pulling up my skirt. The outfit consisted of a skirt that went down 2 inches above the knee, in red and white, with a red top that showed our stomachs with a golden G. All the outfits were the same but green or blue or yellow obviously.
"I am so nervous" Rose muttered, tying her hair up into a high ponytail, "how about you Ama?". Ama jumped she probably was feeling guilty, as she SHOULD! I still couldn't get rid of the feeling I should tell Rose, but it had been too long, and to be honest I'd already been on her bad side this year and I didn't want to be on it again.
"So nervous" Ama replied, glancing in my direction, I glared back, I hadn't forgiven her or Scorpius they were all on the list, and trust me you did not want to be on Alix Halliwell's list!
"Okay, girls, lets go do this" I said glancing at my watch, "lets go out there and cheer our ass's off, are you with me?", they all replied with "Hell yeah!".
I headed up to the doors that led out to the pitch, and much to my disgust had to stand next to Eve Adams, with all the girls behind me then we would go right and the Ravenclaws left and we would start our cheering. Eve gave me a sidelong glance and then smirked, "So hows the new relationship?" she asked.
I frowned "I've been with James for three months actually" I smirked back at her, "you remember he left you for me?". Hah, take that byatch.
Eve laughed evilly "No I didn't mean with James," she faced me and her smirk widened while she put on a mock innocent face "I meant with Lucas".
I froze, "What are you talking about?" but she simply gave me a triumphant look and headed out, Rose behind me prodded my back to make me move forward. I stared after Eve who kept her smirk on her horrible, stupid face.
"Now I want a clean game, and no remarks about the cheerleaders" Madame Hooch said, glaring at James and the Ravenclaw captain Sean Copeland, "now Captain's shake hands".
James and Sean shook hands, this was the only time I had seen James with a serious face, even more so when they were playing against Slytherin and it was Albus he was shaking hands with.
He had a seriously cute serious face.
When the Quaffle was sent into play, thats when things got exciting, I always loved seeing the chasers swoop about each other trying to grab it. "GO JAMES!" I screamed and jumped about waving, he glanced down and smirked at me.
It was around this time that you heard the chants come through from the crowd and since me and the girls were cheerleaders we had learned them off by heart so we could join in.
"Who's that team they call Gryffindor?,
Who's that team they all adore?
They're the boys in red and gold,
And they play with all their might,
And they're out to show how they can roar!"
We started the little dance that we came up with and with Tia in the crowd, she made sparkles appear around us, and in the bright sunlight it made us stand out incredibly. The Gryffindor crowd were going mental, trying to drown out the Ravenclaws and Slytherins, who would even support Hufflepuff rather than Gryffindor but I guess some things just won't change.
We could hear Marley Jordan do the commentary, just like her Dad all those years ago. "And its Gryffindor in possesion - Jayde to Thomas and back to Jayde - Oh nice dodge from Bludger sent from McDonald there - he's coming up to the - will he get past? - AND YES GRYFFINDOR SCORE!".
Adam Jayde did a loop to show his happiness, he was a really good Chaser, Devon passed him and gave him a high five. "And its Ravenclaw in possesion now - Chang to Roberts and now to McDonald - and nice bludger from Brenner there! - Thomas has the ball now - and she is coming up for - YOU GO GIRL! GRYFFINDOR SCORE AGAIN!".
We were going mad, I couldn't help but cheer extra loud when Adams looked over, the game was intense, both teams going for it, but May Lee Chang wasn't as brutal a Captain as my James, Devon said that he could put the army to shame, he trained them to be the best.
An hour in it was very close 80-70 with Gryffindor leading, but just barely. "It's all up to the Seekers now, Chang and Potter - THERES THE SNITCH! And its Potter zooming on his Firebolt 3000 which is much better than Chang's Nimbus 5000, but the Nimbus can match the Firebolt in steering - their head to head, Chang is reaching for the snit- POTTER HAS CAUGHT THE SNITCH! Gryffindor win 230-70 and will face Slytherin next month".
"WE WON! WE WON!" Rose screeched jugging me (thats jump hugging by the way), I squealed as we jugged (that jump and .... nah you get it). Tiffany and Sarah were sending fireworks from their wands as the team came down, James headed straight for me and jumped off.
"WE WERE AWESOME!! he said scooping me up, I laughed loudly, "I was awesome, so was the pitch, the players- damn all of it was" he was so excited and I loved it.
"Dev, you were awesome!" I said hugging her once James let me go, "that goal where you hung upside down!" I beamed "I was holding my breath".
"Thanks, Brenner and Matt were good with the bludgers too" she leaned in and whispered, "don't let Lucas know I said that though".
"No fear" I said, glancing at him, like I was actually going to tell him that. The buggar didn't deserve a nice word, specially not from Devon and especially not from me. Albus, Lily, Tia and Scorpius all came down to congragulate the team.
"Hey you guys were awesome!" Tia gushed, hugging me and Rose at the same time, "the sparkles were amazing as well, good idea".
"Hey bro, that was some good playing" Albus smirked "think you can play that well against my team?".
James slung an arm around his shoulders "Oh we've planned a little something for your team" he winked "extra special". I noticed Scorpius sidle up to Rose, he looked so sad, they were the original Romeo and Juliet, both families hated each other, they were in love all you needed was some poison and a dagger and you'd be set.
"You were great out there" he said, his eyes never leaving hers.
Rose looked nervous, she twiddled a bang of hair, "Thanks" she said softly. They were obviously still in love with each other, I mean he hadn't even sneaked a glance at her body in that cheerleading outfit.
"I'm sorry" Scorpius said, his voice full of sadness, "I didn't want to be the guy who made your life hell, I thought it would make you and your Dad happier".
"It might of made him happier but it didn't make me happier" Rose whispered, "I missed you so much".
Since I was nearest I could see they needed a little alone time, but James, the dunderhead that he is, just heard Scorpius say sorry and assumed .. which you should never do because it makes a massive ass out of you and me, and that is just what he did.
"Thank Merlin, it was about time that you told her!" he rolled his eyes, "I mean if I kissed another girl, I would of told Alix sooner rather than later". Please say the celebrations were too loud that she - no she heard him perfectly.
"What?" she said in a low dangerous voice, she looked from James to Scorpius both who had gone very pale. "What is he talking about Scorpius?".
Scorpius opened his mouth several times "Rose, I am so sorry, it was just after we argued and we were both drunk, it just happened but didn't mean anything I swe-"
"Who was it!" Rose was shaking, with anger or sadness I don't know a bit of both I think.
"Ama" he opened his mouth to probably apologise but Rose socked him one right in the eye, making him fall backwards and clutch his eye.
She turned to James with a fire in her usually gentle brown eyes, "And you knew!" she shouted "you knew and never told me!".
"Rose I'm sorry, but Alix-"
"ALIX KNEW AS WELL!"
I stood there frozen, "Rose I'm so so sorry, but I didn't know how to tell you" I said, pleading with her. She glared at me and I was scared I was about to get a punch like Scorpius who was being helped up by Albus, but luckily for me and unluckily for her, Ama decided to walk by.
"YOU BITCH!" Rose screamed and launched herself at Ama, who just made a high-pitched squeal as she and Rose tumbled to the floor. James and Joey tried to seperate them, and on the tenth attempt they managed it.
"Miss Weasley and Miss Lowe, report to the Headmistresses office right now".
Rose glared at me and James, "How can I forgive you for this" she hissed as she made her way up the castle. I sighed and pushed my hair back from my face, I couldn't just have one day without a fight or a revelation, so much for being a new Alix.
"Alix, I'm sorry, I just thought-" James said sadly.
I interrupted him, "No James you didn't think, you just opened your stupid mouth and spoiled things yet again!".
James frowned "Thats a bit harsh, it was a mistake do you think I want my cousin hating me".
"Oh yeah because you guys are real close like me and her"
James looked furious "Well, it would be hard for someone with hardly any family to know how close they can be!".
Okay that one stung, all the retaliation fell from me, and I felt deflated, how could he say that?
"You know what, forget it, I think I'm just going to have an evening alone to think about my options". Instead of apologising he just shrugged, the anger still rolling off him.
"Do what you want, I'm sick of your mood swings and taking it out on me when I'm the one who's had your back these past months" and with that he headed off to the changing rooms.
I stood there trying not to cry, so I'm not meant to be emotional during this hard time in my life? Well, screw him, I turned and headed up to the castle, glad that no one was following me.
When I got to the Fat Lady she was anxious to know how the game went, "Who won today?" she asked me.
"Gryffindor" I said lamely.
"Aren't you happy we won?".
"It's just a game, Dumbledore".
She looked surprised and swung open, the Common Room was empty, I could hear the silence and was glad of it. I headed up to the Girl's Dorm trying not to look at the Mr & Mrs Potter Devon stuck up on the board with a picture of James and me that was taken last week.
My bed never looked so welcoming, not bothering to change, I just sunk down and waved my wand making the curtains shut around me, the swoosh louder than normal as it was completly silent in the Dorm.
"Silencio" I whispered, the tears starting to drip down my cheeks, as soon as the charm was cast thats when I started to cry properly. Do you ever find that when your crying or feeling immensly sad, that all these thoughts go through your head?
Grandpa Jack, Mum, Dad, Uncle Ricky, Rose ... James. I sobbed against the pillow, when did everything get so damn complicated. I curled up into a ball, my hands grabbing my pillow as I cried, wishing that I could just wake up and find out this day had just been a horrible nightmare and hadn't happened.