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Breathless by dream_BIG
Chapter 9 : This Is Insanity. Can I Go Home Now?
 
Rating: MatureChapter Reviews: 73


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“When James opens the door, I get to punch him first. I call it,” I muttered to Al as we waited outside his house. He merely grunted and mumbled something under his breath that sounded suspiciously like ‘bloody violent bitch’ (but he wouldn’t think such horrible thoughts towards his ever-so-lovely wife, now, would he? WOULD HE?). I took that to mean ‘yeah, sure, Adele, go right ahead!’



 

 

Not that I need his permission to punch his brother. I can do whatever I want. I’m a big girl now. And James is going to wish he never messed with me.



 

 

I am going to enjoy injuring him very much. Have pain, you evil child. Pain. Feel it. FEEL IT I TELL YOU. (And at this point, James would have pissed himself out of pure fear and run away like the pitiful little girl he truly is.)



 

 

I’m in a foul mood. If my vicious thoughts haven’t clued you in at this point, you must be really slow. Mental child. It’s a miracle you can even read this! That’s right. Go sulk in the corner with your lonely brain cell! SULK. SULK LIKE THE PATHETIC SNIVELING MESS THAT YOU ARE.



 

 

Merlin, someone should have locked me in my room. How can my mother even let herself unleash me onto the world? Can’t she tell that I’m a monster mood? Gods woman, what kind of a mother are you, anyway?



 

 

This sucks. I want to go home.



 

 

“What’s taking them so bloody long?” Al grumbled, punching his finger into the doorbell about eight times in a row. I sighed and impatiently tapped my foot.



 

 

“Maybe they don’t want you here,” I said snidely. Al shot me a thoroughly disinterested look. I scowled back. Poop. He doesn’t want to argue with me. Now what am I supposed to do with myself?



 

 

Just as I was about to start banging on the door like a raving lunatic (which is always so charming and attractive), it swung open to reveal a really frazzled-looking Lily Potter.



 

 

“Al! You’re here? Already?” she asked distractedly, running a hand through her hair.



 

 

“Gee sis, it’s nice to see you too,” Al said dryly.



 

 

Lily cracked a grin. “I missed your sarcasm. James can only be handled in very small doses, if you know what I mean.”



 

 

“I know it too well.” Al shook his head and stepped through the doorway. I scurried in after him.



 

 

“Mum and Dad should be home in about an hour, actually,” Lily said nervously, her eyes darting around. “Er…we actually weren’t expecting you until later. James is gone, too – he’s at Alisha’s house –”



 

 

“Lily?”



 

 

The three of us froze as the sound of a guy’s voice came from behind her. Lily looked like someone who had been caught robbing a bank (or something equally unlawful), Al looked abruptly furious, and I perked up, ready to watch what was sure to be a very entertaining scene.



 

 

What? These things are funny. Stop judging me.



 

 

“Who’s that?” Al asked in a low voice, turning a glare onto Lily, who was wide-eyed and slowly turning bright red.



 

 

“Er – no one?” she squeaked.



 

 

Shooting her a threatening glower, Al dropped his bags by the door and pulled off his coat, throwing it onto the coat rack without looking as he stalked into the depths of the house.



 

 

“Al – no!” Lily said desperately, trailing after him. Their voices faded away, and I was left to stand awkwardly by the front door.



 

 

Fantastic.



 

 

I jumped and let out a squawk (which, thankfully, no one heard) as the doorbell rang enthusiastically from right behind me. I turned around and looked at the door apprehensively.



 

 

Er – should I open it? Wouldn’t that be rude? I mean, this isn’t my house or anything – it’s the Potter residence and I’m…



 

 

A Potter.



 

 

Right.



 

 

This is home now.



 

 

So I guess I should…?



 

 

Uh, okay.



 

 

Reaching out, I grasped the handle of the door and pulled it open –



 

 

“Adele!”



 

 

“Mppfthh!” I spluttered, staggering back as Rose jumped me. Her hair slapped at my face and fell into my mouth – gross – as she continued to squeal in my ear.



 

 

“When did you get here? How was your honeymoon? Are you okay? Did you have fun? Where’s Al? How long have you been standing by the door? Are you alone? Oh my god, I missed you!”



 

 

Why am I friends with this psycho?



 

 

I pushed her away from me and held her by her shoulders to restrain her from flying at me again. I couldn’t quite contain a grin as I looked at her. “About two minutes ago, suckish, yes, no, inside, almost thirty seconds, yes, and I missed you too.” I rattled off.



 

 

Rose’s mouth dropped open. “How’d you do that?”



 

 

“It’s called remembering.” I raised my eyebrow.



 

 

“No, that’s just a whole new –”



 

 

“Rose, Adele!” Lily came sprinting back to the foyer, tears streaming down her pretty face. Rose looked at her and immediately groaned.



 

 

“He found out?” she asked. Lily nodded tearfully.



 

 

“He’s being an arse, again!” she wailed, stomping her foot. I rolled my eyes at her typical Lily-ness. “He started going mental when he saw Eric! I think he’s going to hurt him!”



 

 

“You’re keeping a secret boyfriend behind your brothers’ backs?” I asked her, both awed by her bravery and irritated by her stupidity.



 

 

Wow, the epitome of Gryffindor.



 

 

“Of course I am,” Lily said. “They’re not planning on letting me date until I’m forty! I’m sixteen now; I can handle myself for Merlin’s sake –!”



 

 

“Look, I’m riveted and all, but don’t you think we should go save your boyfriend?” Rose cut across, effectively saving me from another one of Lily’s ‘I’m A Big Kid Now’ rants. I sent her a thankful look and she winked back, letting Lily take her by the arm and drag her into the house. I followed after them, since I really had nothing else to do with myself.



 

 

I looked around as we walked away from the door. The house was open, very light and airy. The foyer itself seemed to connect all the main rooms rather than set them apart. Everything was so different from my own house, where the dominant atmosphere was dark and gloomy. The only thing that really made it feel like home was my family.



 

 

Lily pulled us up a flight of stairs, which curved around the opening of what looked like the family room. I looked over the edge of the overlooking balcony and saw that indeed, the large room, with a ceiling that stretched over both of the floors, had an ornate but comfortable look to it; kind of like the room that you’d expect to spend both with important guests and immediate family. I could distinctly hear the sounds of an angry scuffle from what appeared to be Lily’s room.



 

 

Oh, dear.



 

 

Lily flung open the door just in time to reveal Al holding a blonde boy in a headlock.



 

 

“Al, what are you doing?!” Rose asked, running forward and trying to pull the poor boy away from Al.



 

 

“Don’t get in the middle of this, Rosie –” Al said furiously.



 

 

“Let go of his head right now!” Rose commanded, tugging on Al’s arm.



 

 

“You’re hurting him!” Lily started to cry.



 

 

“Stop tugging on my arm, Rose –”



 

 

“Don’t make me bat-bogey you, Al –”



 

 

“Look, I swear I’m in love with Lily, but please just don’t hurt me –”



 

 

“Shut up, before I reassemble your face, you arse –”



 

 

“AL LET GO OF HIM –”



 

 

“ – I don’t want to be an old cat-lady –”



 

 

“ – redo all of your dental work, you little –”



 

 

“ – swear the bogeys are going to attack you if you don’t –”



 

 

“ – have good intentions, I promise –”



 

 

I watched as the four of them traveled around the room, Al still dragging Lily’s poor boyfriend by the neck with both Rose and Lily trailing after them. Lily was crying, Rose was threatening Al, Al was threatening the boyfriend, and the boyfriend had progressed to screaming apologies for every bad thing he had ever done in his entire life. He stumbled and tripped as Al whirled around to avoid his cousins.



 

 

If this is what life is going to be like in this house, I might strangle myself.



 

 

“EVERYONE SHUT UP!” I finally screamed.



 

 

I was ignored.



 

 

Bloody – “I SWEAR! SHUT UP NOW! STOP IT, ALL OF YOU!”



 

 

Still ignored.



 

 

What the fuck.



 

 

I got in front of Al and grabbed his arms, my eyes blazing. “Let go of the kid, Al.”



 

 

He glared at me. “No! He’s fucking my baby sister!”



 

 

“I haven’t done anything to her, I swear!” Lily’s boyfriend yelled up, his voice sounded choked.



 

 

“I am not your baby sister!” Lily screamed, stomping her foot.



 

 

“What she does with her boyfriends shouldn’t concern you at all, Albus!” Rose said, hands on her hips, as she stood on her tiptoes to shout at Al over my shoulder.



 

 

“Albus Potter,” I said in a low (hopefully) threatening voice. “You let go of that kid’s head right now, otherwise I promise your face will look drastically different by the time morning rolls around.”



 

 

His brilliant green eyes narrowed and his arm tightened. Lily’s boyfriend let out another strangled yell and started flailing around. Lily was screaming and crying hysterically, tugging fruitlessly on Al’s arm, and Rose had pulled her wand out and was looking very scary.



 

 

“You wouldn’t,” he snarled.



 

 

I moved closer, standing on my toes to make myself look tall and imposing. “Try me.”



 

 

He glared darkly down at me (yes, even on my tiptoes, I was shorter than him), but I stood my ground, our noses practically touching. Finally, still glaring, Al let go of the boy’s head, and he went staggering back, his face red and his hands massaging his neck.



 

 

I let a small smirk faintly touch my mouth. “Thank you.”



 

 

He growled at me, his eyes narrowing even more. My smirk widened. Oh, how I love having control.



 

 

“Al, you prick!” Lily shrieked, running at him and pushing him forcefully on the shoulder so that he stepped away from me. My hands dropped from the tops of his arms, left to dangle pathetically at my sides.



 

 

“Lily –” he said tiredly.



 

 

“You ruin everything, Al! Why can’t you get that I’m old enough to take care of myself, huh?! I’m not a little girl anymore!” Lily screamed hysterically, her face red and real tears streaming down her cheeks. I exchanged a glance with Rose – Lily had never been this upset about her brothers being overprotective. I think most of the time she found it endearing, albeit a little irritating.



 

 

But this was a whole new level of really pissed off.



 

 

“Look, Lil –”



 

 

“No, Al! You just don’t get it! I don’t need you protecting me anymore!”



 

 

“Of course you do,” he protested weakly.



 

 

“No!” Lily shot back, her hands on her hips. “No, I don’t, okay? I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself – I’m not some weak little girl –”



 

 

“I know you’re not!”



 

 

“WELL YOU SURE ACT LIKE IT!”



 

 

“Lily, come on –”



 

 

Al trailed after her pleadingly as she turned around and stormed out of her room, her red hair whipping around like an angry fire. Their voices faded away as they made their way downstairs.



 

 

I looked at Rose. Rose looked at Lily’s boyfriend. Lily’s boyfriend looked at me.



 

 

Silence.



 

 

This is awkward.



 

 

“So…are you alright?” I asked hesitantly. Lily’s boyfriend rubbed the back of his neck nervously at being addressed.



 

 

“Er, fine,” he muttered.



 

 

“I’m – uh – sorry about that,” I continued, wincing slightly. “He was completely out of line back there.”



 

 

“Nah, it’s fine. Really.” He shrugged. “I actually wasn’t really expecting any better. I guess I’m just glad it wasn’t James Potter. Or her dad.”



 

 

“I’m pretty sure Uncle Harry wouldn’t have done anything to you,” Rose chimed in kindly, noting how nervous he was.



 

 

I’m pretty sure he would have Avada-d the kid right off the face of the planet. Just saying.



 

 

He laughed disbelievingly. “Right.”



 

 

You know, I’m starting to think my life consists of nothing more than awkward silences, occasionally interrupted by an awkward moment. I’m getting awkward overdose. What if I die?!



 

 

“So…what’s your name?” I finally asked, looking at him.



 

 

“Eric,” he said quickly, looking relieved. “Er…are you Albus Potter’s girlfriend?” he asked me.



 

 

I made a face. “Not exactly.”



 

 

“She’s his wifey!” Rose trilled enthusiastically.



 

 

Wifey? Gag me, please?



 

 

“Um, yeah. That,” I muttered weakly.



 

 

“You sound thrilled,” he noted. I looked at him in sheer happiness – a sarcastic person! And not even mean sarcasm like Al – he’s funny!



 

 

“Overjoyed, actually,” I said, grinning at him.



 

 

“You look only about a year older than me,” Eric said after a moment of scrutiny, looking at my face.



 

 

My expression flattened. I smiled tightly. “I am.”



 

 

His brow furrowed. “Then…wow, that’s sort of young. I mean, you guys must really love each other –”



 

 

Fuck you, child. I glared at him, effectively silencing him. “I’m going to go find Al and Lily,” I announced, turning around and marching out the door.



 

 

You know what? People suck. The world just sucks. Stupid boyfriend! To think I saved the arse from Al. I should’ve let Al continue to squish him until his head exploded off of his body and went rolling around on the floor! But then that’d be kind of gross since his blood would be like, all over us and the walls, and…



 

 

Holy crap, I need therapy. What the hell am I even thinking?!



 

 

I stopped on the middle of the landing and looked around myself, completely lost as to where I was supposed to be. I blinked once.



 

 

Um. How did I get here again?



 

 

Turning around, I looked back towards the place where I had come from, and realized that I’d been marching away from Lily’s room and towards the stairs. I looked to my left and saw four closed doors. One of them had ‘JAMES’ written on it in sloppy, three-year-old handwriting (the ‘S’ was backwards, which I found incredibly endearing), and the other had Al’s name on it, written precisely and neatly. I looked down the stairs. Then at the door. Curiosity gnawed up inside of me.



 

 

Gaah. Stairs. Door. Stairs. Door.



 

 

You know what? Fuck it. Sidling over to the door, I glanced around and opened it quietly, stepping in and closing it behind me.



 

 

Okay, this isn’t being creepy! Stop giving me that look! I’m going to live here anyway, so I might as well look around, right?



 

 

SHUT UP.



 

 

I looked around myself at the room. It was a painted blaring, Gryffindor Red, with spatters of gold. There was a huge bed occupying the middle of it, with a large Wiz-Telly on the wall opposite. Two plush chairs were placed on the floor in front of the W-T as well, though off to the side a little. The wall opposite me, however, was the most breathtaking one. It was made completely out of glass, and a portion of it slid aside so a person could step out onto the balcony that wrapped around the area. Curtains settled around the wall, framing it so that it looked a bit like a painting of the outside. I could see a weeping willow perched at the edge of a lake in the distance, and my fingers itched for something to draw with.



 

 

My toes curled slightly into the plush carpet and I turned around to look at the wall next to the doorway. It seemed as though he’d gone completely crazy with posters and pictures – the wall was bursting with posters of Quidditch Teams, muggle bands, muggle singers, fancy cars, individual Quidditch players, Gryffindor Quidditch Propaganda (my stomach squirmed pleasantly when I caught a look at his blazing poster, the words ‘Al Potter: Captain and Chaser’ across the bottom in bright bold letters – he looked so fierce, yet somehow gently amused in the picture, a Quaffle perched on his gloved fingers and his head turned to the side so that he could send a challenging, light smirk towards the camera. Fuck you, Albus Potter, for being so incredibly hot), and various other photographs and random, scribbled notes.



 

 

I couldn’t help but grin slightly at his room. It just seemed so…Al.



 

 

Not that I know him that well…or anything. But…you know. It seems like the kind of room he’d have.



 

 

I say that objectively. Completely and fully, 100% -



 

 

“What are you doing in here?”



 

 

I squeaked and jumped, turning in alarm towards the door, with my mouth open and ready to slew forth a plethora of stupid, useless excuses – “I was…er…um…just, er…well, you see…uh…”



 

 

Al just looked at me, his expression bemused.



 

 

I sighed. “Yeah, I got nothing.”



 

 

He stepped in and closed the door behind him. “What do you think?” he asked. My eyes lingered on the way his hand stayed firmly against the doorknob. His thumb moved slightly and he locked it. My eyes widened.



 

 

“Adele.”



 

 

I gaped at him. “Wha?”



 

 

“I asked you what you thought about the room,” he said, his tone condescending. He was walking towards me, but I kept staring at that stupid locked door. Why’d he lock it? WHY IS THAT DAMN DOOR LOCKED?!



 

 

“Oh! – the room,” I said quickly, skittering back a couple of steps. “It’s, uh…nice.”



 

 

“Just nice?” he raised an eyebrow. I took a couple more steps back. Maybe if I dart around him, I can unlock that door and make a wild run for it.



 

 

“Er, really nice,” I clarified, nodding my head vigorously so that my ridiculous curls bounced around my face.



 

 

“Right, well, you’ll have to get used to it, since – okay, what are you doing?” he asked sharply, and I stopped my (apparently, not-so) subtle attempts at walking around him. I shuffled sideways back to where I was standing before. Damn it.



 

 

“What do you mean?” I asked innocently. The room felt really hot. Why is that door locked? Why?!



 

 

“You’re acting even weirder than usual, and that’s really saying a lot.” He raised an eyebrow, and I chuckled nervously.



 

 

“What makes you think that? I’m fine! I’m actually just going to go…er…outside, so I can…uh…comfort Lily! Yep, that’s what I’m doing,” I rambled, edging towards that door again.



 

 

“Nah, her boyfriend’s doing that,” Al said, stepping in front of me. I let out a quiet whimper. If he hadn’t locked that freaking door!



 

 

“What about Rose?” I asked.



 

 

“Probably stuffing her face.” He rolled his eyes and grinned.



 

 

My eyes lit up. “Yeah! I was actually really hungry, so I thought I’d also go downstairs, and –”



 

 

“Why are you blushing?”



 

 

“– waffles and pancakes – huh?”



 

 

He was watching me closely. “Why are you blushing?” he said again.



 

 

My mouth hung gormlessly open. “Er…I’m not…” I scoffed suddenly, more blood rushing to my face. Damn it all. “I’m not – pfft – blushing! What makes you think I’m – pfft – blushing?”



 

 

“Well…your face has turned an extremely unattractive shade of cherry red. Generally, that comes under the category of ‘blushing’.”



 

 

I glared at him. “Why’dyoulockthedoor?” I mumbled angrily.



 

 

He looked shocked. “What?”



 

 

“Why. Did. You. Lock. The. Door.” I said loudly and obnoxiously.



 

 

Whatever, I’m a bitch.



 

 

He was staring at me as though I had gone certifiably insane. “I always lock the door…”



 

 

“Well, it’s making me uncomfortable,” I said, crossing my arms.



 

 

He stared at me for a couple of seconds.



 

 

Why?”



 

 

I huffed. “Because it is, okay?”



 

 

He grinned suddenly, his eyes abruptly mischievous. “Why, you afraid I’m going to have my dirty way with you in this room while everyone’s locked out?”



 

 

My face blossomed red again, and I glared at him to cover it up as much as possible. “Like you’d ever be daring enough to do that.”



 

 

He raised an eyebrow. “Are you doubting my Gryffindor spirit?”



 

 

“No, I’m doubting your ability to actually be strong enough to do something to me.”



 

 

He snorted. “Think you’re pretty strong and mighty, don’t you Malfoy?”



 

 

I raised my chin. “Yeah, I guess I do.”



 

 

“Then why are you afraid of that locked door?” He asked, his eyebrow going up.



 

 

Bloody damn it.



 

 

“I’m not.” I shot back.



 

 

“Great. Then I guess I’ll just leave it locked.”



 

 

“Fine. Do that.”



 

 

“I will.”



 

 

“Good.” I crossed my arms and glared resolutely at the floor. I hate Albus Potter, I hate Albus Potter, I hate Albus Potter, I really hate Albus Potter, I hate Albus Potter, I seriously, really hate



 

 

“Lily’s boyfriend says sorry for offending you before,” Al finally said. I looked up at him, and he was staring in a bored, stony sort of way at the glass wall behind me.



 

 

Great. Glass is more interesting than I am.



 

 

“She still mad at you?” I asked tightly, looking, in retaliation, at the wall behind him. The poster of Al Potter: Captain and Chaser, smirked sexily at me, and I scowled. Bloody git.



 

 

He sighed, suddenly morose. “Yeah.” His shoulders slumped slightly, and I found myself surprised into looking directly at him.



 

 

“I could go talk to her, if you want,” I blurted out, before I could help myself. Damn it, Adele, you’re not supposed to be nice to him!



 

 

He wore an expression of utmost shock. “Uh…thanks. But she’ll come around.”



 

 

“Lily holds grudges like a Death Eater,” I pointed out.



 

 

“…eventually,” he finished, his voice trailing off in a mutter.



 

 

There was a short silence, and I fidgeted my toes into the carpet. It really was very soft. “Look, I…I get why Lily’s so upset about this,” I finally said quietly, “she’s old enough to live her life without you two hanging over her like two overprotective sods –”



 

 

“But she’s honestly not,” Al said, his eyes snapping up to mine in defiance.



 

 

“That’s what you think. She’s a lot more capable than you’re letting yourself believe.”



 

 

“She’s my baby sister!” Al exclaimed. “Of course I’m going to want to take care of her!”



 

 

“She’s not a baby anymore. And she doesn’t need you as much as she did before,” I told him. He was grinding his teeth in exasperation, his expression fierce.



 

 

“How do you know anything, anyway?” he muttered resentfully.



 

 

I grinned wryly. “I have an older brother, and he’s Scorpius.”



 

 

“So?” he snapped.



 

 

So, he’s quite possibly the most annoying, overprotective git to walk the face of the planet, and that’s saying a lot since I just watched you practically strangle your sister’s boyfriend.”



 

 

He scoffed. “Come off it. Scorp’s not overprotective at all.”



 

 

“Do you happen to remember Hayden Flinch in fifth year?” I asked conversationally.



 

 

He looked at me. “No, actually.”



 

 

“Do you happen to remember him in…oh, say, second year?” I continued.



 

 

He was eying me warily. “Um…I think so…He was a Ravenclaw, right?”



 

 

“Yes, he was,” I said, pleased that Al was actually playing along with me here. “He was also my first boyfriend in fourth year. I didn’t want to tell anyone, so we kept it a secret, but one day Scorpius found out…and he sort of went ballistic,” I winced at the memory.



 

 

“Yeah…and?” Al prompted, his voice bored stiff.



 

 

“Well, Hayden never came back,” I said.



 

 

Al’s eyes widened. “You’re kidding.”



 

 

“Actually, I’m being perfectly ser –”



 

 

“You were seriously that bad?” Al continued.



 

 

My mouth dropped open indignantly. “Excuse me? I was fourteen, thank you very much! I’m sorry if we’re not all endowed with natural snogging abilities –”



 

 

Al smirked.



 

 

“The point is,” I conceded forcefully, “Scorp terrified the bugger so much that he transferred to Durmstrang.”



 

 

He snorted. “Nice taste in men, Malfoy. Great job going for the spineless ones.”



 

 

I glared at him. “I married you, didn’t I?”



 

 

“Not like you had a choice, really.”



 

 

I gritted my teeth in frustration. This is absolutely pointless – what in the name of hell prompted me to reason with Albus Potter?



 

 

Oh, right, that would have to be my overbearing conscience and my distinct lack of common sense.



 

 

Fantastic.



 

 

“Look, what I’m trying to say is that Scorpius was extremely annoying, but after a little while he learned that I’m capable of taking care of myself and he backed off. You need to do the same with Lily – she’ll be fine. I mean, I’m obviously still alive and –”



 

 

“Married to a kid you barely know? Oh yes, you’re doing great.” he finished drily.



 

 

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Peaceful thoughts, no violence, happy places, fluffy bunnies, rainbows and unicorns, peace, yoga, no violence.



 

 

“You know what? Forget it.” I pinched the bridge of my nose. “At least I tried.”



 

 

I stepped around him to leave the room but his body turned so he could follow my progress – “I guess I understand what you’re getting at.”



 

 

I threw my hands up and turned around to face him, raising my eyes to the heavens. “Finally, he sees the light.”



 

 

“You’re saying that I should tone down the over protectiveness a little,” Al said in triumph.



 

 

“Brilliant.” I clapped three times and sent him a stony look.



 

 

“And I get that,” he continued as though I hadn’t even spoken, “but the thing is, I can’t bring myself to do it.”



 

 

For the love of Merlin – “Why not?”



 

 

He mumbled something incoherent as he stared at my toes.



 

 

“What?”



 

 

He muttered something that sounded distinctly like, “Brocode.”



 

 

“Did you just say ‘Bro Code’?”



 

 

More unintelligible grumbling.



 

 

“Look,” I said exasperatedly, “despite your obvious belief that I’m somehow able to decipher your incoherent muttering, I really can’t. So if you’re willing to deign yourself to speaking up, I’m all ears.”



 

 

“The Bro Code, okay?!” Al said loudly and angrily. “We’re supposed to protect our sisters.”



 

 

What the fucking hell.



 

 

“I’m not saying not to protect her,” I shot back, “I’m saying not to do it with a fastidiously sharpened pitchfork.”



 

 

“Come off it,” he scoffed, “I don’t have a bloody pitch –”



 

 

“You know what I mean,” I cut across, rolling my eyes, “obviously you don’t have one, otherwise you’d be sitting in the mental bin instead of standing here with me.”



 

 

“I’d rather be at the mental bin,” he muttered.



 

 

“Excuse me?!”



 

 

***



 

 

“I’m really sorry you had a fight because of us,” Lily said sincerely as we sat around the table, eating pancakes (courtesy of Rose and her fantastic cooking).



 

 

“Yeah, we’re honestly not even worth that much trouble,” Eric piped in.



 

 

After being able to hear our whole yelling-spree throughout the entire house (I am most certainly not less appealing than a mental patient!), Lily had decided that she’d forgive Al right away since he’s probably ‘already upset because of your fight.’



 

 

Uh-huh. Sure.



 

 

“Eh, it’s not a big deal,” Al said nonchalantly, waving his fork at them. I dodged as a fleck of syrup flew straight at my face. Idiot.



 

 

“We’ve definitely had worse,” I added, rolling my eyes.



 

 

“Well,” Eric piped up, grinning in a hopeful way as he eyed Al, “you know what they say: the worst fights always mean the best sex afterwards.”



 

 

I choked on my pancake.



 

 

Will there ever be a time when I’m able to get through an entire meal without getting food stuffed down my trachea? No, I’m serious. I think I’m starting to get traumatized. Maybe I should just stop eating around other people altogether.



 

 

Ignoring my coughing and my deeply red face, Al grinned back. “Right you are.”



 

 

“Um, you’re speaking as if you’re actually getting some,” I said disbelievingly after I’d managed to cough out half a lung.



 

 

Eric laughed. “So you’re not getting any?”



 

 

“Of course I am,” Al said.



 

 

“No, you’re not!” I exclaimed.



 

 

“What do you mean –” Eric began.



 

 

“Of course I have sex with my wife,” Al said forcefully through gritted teeth as he glared at me. I huffed as I glowered back. Just because he wants to uphold his man-pride doesn’t mean that I should be the poor shmuck mistaken to be fucking Al Potter.



 

 

Because I don’t. And I won’t.



 

 

Ever.



 

 

“And how, exactly, would you know which kind of sex is the best, Eric?” I asked sweetly, ignoring Al and turning to the happy couple. “I mean, it’s not as if you and Lily actually…well, of course not.”



 

 

Spoken like a true Slytherin.



 

 

Eric’s face drained of color. “No!” he said quickly, shooting a panicked glance at Al (and his fist, which was currently clenched around his wand), “no, of course not! We’re too young anyway –”



 

 

His sentence was cut off by a loud crack! and we turned around to see that James, the ever-so-polite wizard that he is, had apparated right into the kitchen.



 

 

“Hello, all!” James said cheerfully, ignoring our gaping mouths. He reached over and snagged a pancake off of Rose’s plate.



 

 

“How was your honeymoon?” he asked cheekily, winking at me. My expression flattened.



 

 

“You’re dead,” I promised in a low voice, getting up to tackle him.



 

 

“Looking forward to it, dearest sister-in-law – what the hell are you doing, holding hands with my baby sister?!” James yelped suddenly, his eyes focusing on Eric and Lily.



 

 

I sat back down with a groan and thumped my head against the table.



 

 

“Get away from her, you pedophile!”



 

 

Get me away from this family, someone.



 

 





forgive meeeeeeee. i know the wait was terrible, but with all my WTTC updating (which, yes, i am planning on getting back to), and then a story that i tried posting twice, but got rejected because i used a bad word on the banner (whoops - i didn't know bollocks wasn't 12+. actually, i'm not even quite sure what it means), i sort of kind of just blehed about everything else. but i promise that i haven't forgotten and that i've been writing for this! really, i have. in fact, next chapter, you're going to be very pleased with me. i just realized that intense scenes are very fun to write.

:D

please review anyway, even though i majorly suck? thanks!
 
 


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