Chapter 14 : Love and Letters
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“So, am I still winning the pet-name competition?” I asked grinning.
“Oh, I don’t know, Sirius did call you Toostie-Woostie during Care of Magical Creatures this morning.”
All I could do was laugh.
“Hey there Cowboy,” I said to Sirius as I sad down at the Gryffindor table and grabbed a sandwich.
“Hello Dollface,” He smiled giving me a brief peck on the lips. “You have Friday afternoons off, don’t you?” He asked, surveying me as I devoured my sandwich- what I was hungry! It was reasonable that I wanted to eat. No really it was!
“Yeah,” I smiled, “This is it for me! I am free for the weekend. Free of classes! Nothing to do ‘til Monday!”
Remus rolled his eyes at my dramatic tendencies.
“Good, I’m off too so this afternoon is all about you and me!” Sirius fixed his eyes intently on my face.
“Sounds brilliant Sugarmuffin.” I grinned at the prospects of spending all afternoon alone with my boyfriend as I took another big bite out of my sandwich.
“A- hem?!” I was being given a sharp look by Lily.
“Um, yeah?” I asked confused as to why my best friend was giving me the old stink eye.
“Kirsty- you can't just abandon me! I’m off all this afternoon too! Alone, if you go off with ‘booga bear’ over here.”
“What’s this about abandonment?” James took a seat at the table next to Lily.
I smirked; ooh this was going to be too easy! And Lily wouldn’t see it coming! She said she didn’t want to be alone this afternoon right?
“James, you don’t have any classes this afternoon right?” I put on my best innocent face- Lily looked shocked, too shocked to speak funnily enough.
“Yeah, I am- why?” James looked suspicious- why did he always look suspicious whenever I wore my innocent face? It was innocent damn it!
“Because, Lils-O here is off all afternoon and Sirius and I were going to get in some couple time, so if you’re free I was hoping that you would keep our Lily-kins company.”
James face lit up with joy, whilst Lily shot me a glare that told me that she was going to torture me later. I probably should have been afraid- but I wasn’t.
“I’d love to spend that afternoon with you Lily.” He smiled genuinely at Lily and she looked shocked.
Pleasantly shocked actually- a small blush washed over her pale complexion.
“Sure,” She stuttered nervously. “What do you want to do?”
They started to plan what they were going to do that afternoon, but I stopped listening. I glanced at an open-mouthed Sirius, grinning.
“So, looks like it’s just you and me this afternoon Bub.”
“I wouldn’t want it any other way.” Sirius said cheesily as he wrapped his arm around my waist and kissed my forehead. “How’d you manage that?” He whispered in my ear gesturing towards James and Lily as he pulled me up from the bench and we started to wander out of the Great Hall, half a sandwich still in my hand.
“Magic,” I whispered in a mystical voice, Sirius looked at me critically. “Yeah okay, so they’re totally in love, Lily just doesn’t know it yet.” I took a big bite.
Sirius eyes widened with shock, he looked so innocent, like a toddler who just saw a magician pull a rabbit out of a hat for the first time. “Really?”
I swallowed and laughed, “Yes sweetheart, she just doesn’t want to admit it to anyone since she’s been denying it for so long.”
Sirius, bless him, just looked confused. “But if she likes him, then why doesn’t she just tell him? She knows fine well that he loves her, and then they could be together.”
Sirius was right, it was ridiculous that Lily hadn’t just swallowed her pride and let Jimmy know that she was interested. Its not like she’d be chasing him, she’d just be letting him know that she was willing to give him a chance. But then again, there’s still that part of her that’s scared that James only wants her because he can't have her. She doesn’t want to be “humped and dumped” as the boys so delicately put it. James wouldn’t ever do that to her, but she’s still afraid of it.
“Because Lily is still scared of anything happening with James,” I said as we reached the portrait hole. “Quidditch. She doesn’t want to get hurt.” I said the password and kept talking as we clambered in.
“But Prongs would never hurt Flower.” He looked genuinely grieved that Lily could think this.
“I know that and you know that but Lils needs to learn to trust James before they get together.” We sat down on the comfy sofa by the window and I snuggled into Sirius’ arms.
“It’s just silly though. I mean he’s been trying to convince Lily to go out with him since what the first year train here?” Sirius looked incredulous.
“Yeah, probably about then.” I laughed. “But Lily will get there eventually. Those two are meant to be.” I smiled fondly at the idea of my best friend and twin getting together. I would totally get to be a bridesmaid at the wedding.
“What’s going on with Moony and the new girl?” Sirius asked me. “He’s totally swooning over the girl all the time.”
I gave Sirius a slight glare. “Her name is Leigh, Sirius; she’s been here long enough that you should know that! Anyway, those two will be together by Hogsmeade weekend.” I said confidently.
“Oh really now?” Sirius raised his eyebrows at me challengingly. “Aren’t you little miss confidant!”
I nodded proudly, sticking my head in the air.
“We’ll see what we can do about that!” Sirius exclaimed as he started tickling my sides and tummy. “I’ll take you down a peg or two Miss Potter!”
“NOOOOOO!” I squealed. “Please…. Stop! CAN'T BREATHE!” I was spluttering and laughing trying to even my breathing as Sirius smirked down at me, my torso held tightly in his grasp, a bunch of fourth years who were studying in the corner were staring at us whilst Sirius tortured me mercilessly.
Well, not really staring at us. The girls were either ogling Sirius or glaring at me and the boys were just looking at us like we were insane.
Which we were. Are. You know what I mean.
Sirius stopped tickling me so that we could glare back. We just glared at them until they went back to their work. Yes, Sirius and I are master glarers! We managed to out glare the fourth years- score!
People scattered and went off to their last class of the day but Sirius and I stayed cuddling on the sofa. We had the common room completely to ourselves. I love being a seventh year- so many perks.
Sirius reached across and kissed me softly on the lips, my body responded instantly, my hands reached up to run through his hair. I pressed my body closer against his and the kiss got deeper. He ran his tongue along my bottom lip, seeking entrance- what a gentleman! My lips parted and I moved forward so that he was leaning with his back to the edge of the sofa. I pressed my torso up against him. His tongue was probing my mouth. This kiss was amazing. The spark between us was like you wouldn’t believe. Sirius removed his hand from my hair and pulled away for air.
“Wow.” He breathed. “That was…”
“Have you ever had a kiss like that before?” I gasped breathily.
He shook his head dazed. “You?”
“Nope,” I breathed. “Wanna see if we can make that happen twice?”
I grinned coyly at Sirius and he leaned back in to kiss me.
The common room door was flung open and in sprinted our Head Boy and Girl out of breath and laughing like madmen.
Lily looked wild, beautiful, laughing with James about something that was still a mystery to me and Sirius. Their hands were interlinked, their fingers laced.
I KNEW IT! MY EVIL PLAN WORKED! Well it wasn’t exactly evil… but still!
See Lily, I knew exactly what I was doing when I abandoned you so I could spend the day with my boyfriend!
They were both still panting when Sirius raised an eyebrow at them.
“And what exactly have you two been up to?” He asked.
“We just pulled a prank!” Lily burst, squealing.
I raised my eyebrows. “Really now? Lily Evans pulling a prank- never thought I’d see the day,”
She just laughed. “It was James really,” He tugged at his hand which was still entwined with hers. “He was amazing, we soooo would’ve been caught pranking peeves if he didn’t know all the hidden passage ways! It was such a rush! Kirsty you would’ve loved it!”
Lily was gushing, oh dear Merlin Lily was gushing like a fangirl and she didn’t even know it! Somewhere in that little speech of hers she had put her hand on James chest. And it was still there.
I grinned at Sirius, and he winked at me. It was only then- with the looks that Sirius and I were giving them that Lily decided to take a look at how she was standing with James.
One hand linked with his, the other resting on his shoulder, the beaming grin on his face- the boy couldn’t believe his luck.
Lily’s face fell slightly as she pulled away from James.
“Umm, this totally isn’t how it looks!” She squeaked.
“Sure it isn’t.” Sirius muttered, I elbowed him.
“All that matters is that you had a good time,” I smiled. “What time is it anyway?”
“Well we should be heading down to dinner soon.” James said, speaking for the first time since he arrived, the dazed smile still present on his face.
“Really?” I asked surprised. Clearly Sirius and I had been kissing for much longer than I had thought. But you know what they say- time flies when you’re having fun.
“Yeah, come on, we can head down now.” James said, grabbing Lily’s hand again.
Surprising Lily didn’t complain, she just blushed a little and let herself get dragged towards the great hall.
“You coming sugarmuffin?” Sirius asked offering me his hand.
“Nah- you’re okay, I need to get some homework done, and I’m not really hungry, I might grab something from the kitchens later. You go though.” I smiled.
“You sure?” Sirius frowned. “You shouldn’t really skip meals.”
I grinned at his protectiveness and waved off his objections.
“I told you I’ll grab something from the kitchens later- you go, I’m away to grab my books and head to the library for a few hours- wait up for me?”
“Course- I’ll see you later.” He kissed me lightly on the lips and left through the portrait hole.
I wandered up to my dorm to grab my books from my school bag. An owl was sitting pecking on the window. I pulled the window open and the owl dropped the letter on my bed. I pulled my book bag onto my shoulder and grabbed the letter to read as I wandered down the stairs to the common room.
It was another one of Regulus’ pathetic apology letters. I threw it into the bin without even reading it. It probably wasn’t any different from the hundreds of others he had sent me.
I headed off to the library without a second thought.
A few hours later I bounced back through the portrait hole, quite happy that I’d finished all of my homework and it was Friday night. I could spend the whole weekend hanging out and having fun with my amazing boyfriend.
If only his stupid brother would stop bothering me life would be perfect!
But there’s no point in thinking about him. I could just ignore him anyway! I had a gorgeous boyfriend, amazing friends, a pretty awesome brother and it was late on a Friday night and I was away to say goodnight to my boyfriend and gossip with the girls in my dorm then sleep in my comfy four poster bed.
Life was pretty damn good. That was what I was thinking as I bounced through the portrait hole that Friday night.
The common room was empty all but one person sitting in a chair in front of the fire, looking pensive.
My beautiful, amazing, gorgeous, sexy boyfriend. I couldn’t get enough of saying that.
I walked up behind his chair and slipped my arms around his neck.
“Hey, boyfriend, what are you still doing up?” I purred into his ear before kissing him on the cheek.
He didn’t respond to my touch or my question. It was strange; he was acting so differently from when we last saw each other. Had something bad happened? I slipped my arms away from his neck and moved round to the other side of his chair so I was facing him.
“Sirius? Siri is something wrong? What’s happened?” I asked, worried at his peculiar behaviour. Sirius never acted like this around me. Something must have been wrong.
Then I saw it.
The letter that I had thrown into the rubbish bin earlier that day. The letter that I was pretty sure said the same thing that all the other apology letters had said.
The letter that would have revealed that, on that torturous night over the summer, I had kissed my boyfriends brother.
And the letter had now been opened.
Sirius saw me notice the letter and the fear that flashed through my eyes.
The anger shown on his face was unmistakeable.
His, usually, shimmering grey eyes were cold as ice, and thick as the freezing cold fog that chills you to your bones.
The letter was in his vice like grip.
“Tell me it’s not true.” He growled quietly, his grey eyes flashing with rage.
I stood there, no words coming into my head, unable to string together a coherent sentence, to explain to him.
“Tell me it’s not FUCKING TRUE!” He screamed, throwing himself forward out of the chair he had been sitting in, and throwing the letter to the ground in a fit of blind rage.
I flinched back involuntarily.
I was afraid.
I had never been so afraid in my life. Not when I first arrived in this strange parallel universe, not when I thought I may have lost my parents, not even when I thought I was going to be killed by a deranged death eater.
No they had nothing on this moment.
Because this wasn’t Sirius Black. This wasn’t my Sirius, not the kind sweet boy who I had bonded and fallen in love with in such a short period of time.
This man was a stranger to me, a furious stranger who was looking at me with eyes that were filled with rage, but not just rage. With hurt, he was so hurt.
But maybe I was jumping to conclusions, maybe he didn’t know, maybe this was something else right? Maybe there was something else that he was angry about?
“T-tell you w-what’s not true?” I stuttered, unable to keep the fear out of my voice.
This seemed to anger Sirius even further.
He let out a cold and bitter laugh.
“What do you think I’m talking about Kirsty? Huh sweetheart? CuddleBunny? What could I possibly have read in this letter to you, MY GIRLFRIEND, from my bloody brother?”
So he knew.
There was no way to deny it now. The tears sprang up into my eyes, tears of fear, shame, and regret. Regret that I hadn’t told Sirius about this kiss on my own terms, shame that I had let Regulus kiss me in the first place. Fear of the familiar stranger who stood in front of me; of the man who was my boyfriend and yet not at the same time. Because my Sirius, my boyfriend could never be that frightening. Not to me.
I had waited too long to answer Sirius, he was growing impatient.
“Did you kiss him Kirsty? Did you kiss my god damn brother?” His voice broke.
There it was; a direct question. One that I didn’t know how to answer.
Did I kiss Regulus?
But he kissed me, and I didn’t stop him right away.
“Sirius,” I said my voice thick from holding back my unshed tears. “It’s not what you think!”
“Really?” He asked incredulously, his voice thick with sarcasm. “So my girlfriend didn’t slut around with my brother.”
His voice was like glass, it cut deep.
“Sirius you know how drunk I was that night! It was before we were together! He kissed me; I was the one who stopped it! It meant nothing!” I cried, my voice breaking as the tears escaped and began flowing down my face.
“It meant nothing huh? That’s not what that letter said.” He snatched up the letter from the floor, un-crumpled it, ripping the pages slightly in the process and began to quote.
“I know that you probably regret the kiss we shared, but I don’t. It was a perfect kiss Kirsty. Perfect like you. I know you felt something too otherwise you wouldn’t still talk to me on occasion in class.”
Sirius shoved the letter forward into my hands forcefully.
“It sounds like it means more than you’re telling me Potter.”
“That’s his feelings not mine Sirius! Read it again; see that he knows I regret that kiss! He knows that he’s not the man I want.”
“Really?” Sirius asked me, his rage now disintegrating, and his hurt and anguish showing through. “Is it really me that you want Kirsty? Because it seems to me that you can’t have cared that much, since your feelings were worth throwing away over a bottle of fire whiskey and a drunken snog.”
It was horrible; I preferred it when he was angry and yelling at me. I preferred it when in was the rage that I saw in his eyes. Because the anguish that I saw now was unbearable; the anguish that I had caused.
“Sirius please,” I cried, moving towards him, grabbing onto the front of his shirt and trying to hold him close. “You know that’s not true! Please.” I was blinded by my tears.
Fear flooding through me; fear that I was losing Sirius. My boyfriend; the boy that I had come to realise I was in love with.
He pushed me away from him. I stumbled backwards, the hurt clear in my eyes.
“No I don’t Kirsty. I don’t know anything anymore.” He said as he headed for the portrait hole, completely disregarding the fact that it was hours after curfew.
“Sirius, wait!” I called after him, praying for him to stay and listen. “I love you!”
There they were. The three words I had been longing to say. Those words I meant truly with all of my heart. That I had meant since the day he found me on Diagon Alley.
Sirius stopped, his and on the door of the portrait hole. He looked over his shoulder at me.
“And I loved you.” He said quietly, looking me directly in they eyes. And with that he left, slamming the door behind him.
A/N – Okay…. Um, so Sirius knows now… PLEASE DON’T KILL ME! Let me know if I did that scene justice in a review! (pretty please?)–Kirsty xxx
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