Sometimes you just have to fall. You have to fall and trust there is going to be someone to catch you. Trust there is going to be something to cushion the fall. Or hope there’s nothing there at all. Sometimes you just have to let go. Stop grasping for air and go under. Trust you won’t drown. Sometimes you just have to move on. Never look behind you and say ‘I don’t need you anymore’. Trust you won’t turn and run back to what you had. Sometimes you just have to close your eyes, take a deep breath, and fake a smile. Trust no one will notice what you’re hiding, what’s underneath the façade. Trust you won’t break down in front of someone; save it for the dark, when you’re all alone.
Sometimes you just have to fall.
The first time I fell was in love. I didn’t fall; I crashed. He was everything I ever needed, ever wanted. People loved him, but he only loved me. I felt special when he looked at me with that twinkle in his silver eyes; when he held me tight and whispered things in my ear.
I used to despise him. Every time I looked at him and his unsettling appearance; the blond hair, the silver eyes, the stupid smirk; my father’s words rang in my ears. He’d said, ‘Don’t get too friendly with him, Rosie’, and how I’d taken those words to heart. I avoided him, even when Albus and he became best friends and they bugged me non-stop. Even when James accepted him, I couldn’t. If my father hated his father; I should hate him too.
But after years of snide comments and deathly looks; after my friends had abandoned me for no reason; after my cousins were too busy with their lives to care about mine, I realized he was the only one there for me. He took my hand and pushed through the chaos. He saved me.
So I fell in love. And Scorpius caught me.
The second time I fell was into success. I’d always dreamed of being famous. Of being made known for more than being a child of two members of the Golden Trio. I wanted to have a big house, a big name, a big job, and big money. So I chased my dream. And Scorpius stuck with me through the whole thing.
After we graduated from Hogwarts, I became the best writer the Daily Prophet had ever seen. It regained half its readers because of me. I was proud of myself, and my boyfriend and I were celebrating too often. I had my wish. I was famous, rich, and I needed nothing more.
So I fell into success. And money caught me.
The third time I fell was into happiness. To me, happiness meant love; unconditional love. It meant trust; complete trust. It meant being complete. And for me to be complete, I needed Scorpius.
When he proposed, I was complete. I was happy beyond happy. I had the man of my dreams, the job of my dreams, and the life of my dreams. Scorpius and I lived happily ever after. We had each other, and we didn’t need anyone else. We pushed our families and friends away, not caring if we hurt them. We were happy with what we had, and we were afraid we would alter it if we allowed anyone in. Somewhere, in the back of my mind, I knew I shouldn’t do it, but I pushed that away too. I wasn’t going to regret it, I thought.
So I fell into happiness. And my dreams caught me.
The fourth time I fell was into misery. I’d never realized how much I loved my in-laws until they were gone.
Draco and Astoria Malfoy didn’t deserve to die, but Scorpius and I were the wrong people to be judging. We hadn’t talked to them for years. We’d pushed them away, just like everyone else. But when we learned the news of them being in a helpless car crash, we regretted what we had done. We regretted that the last look they had given us wasn’t one of love, but of shame and disgrace.
How I longed to hear them say one last thing to me. How I longed to go back to the day Scorpius brought me to his house. To hear them say, ‘She’s not a Pureblood?’ again. To hear them say, ‘She’s a Weasley?’ How I longed to see Draco’s pressuring stare, even if it made me uncomfortable. How I longed to feel Astoria’s warm embrace and her whisper, ‘Don’t mind Draco. You’re welcome into our family.’ How I wanted to cry, even though I had no tears to supply.
I wish I could have taken Scorpius’ tears and make them my own. I cried, but there wasn’t a day when he had a dry cheek. He was shaken and I didn’t know how it felt.
But then my parents were gone like the wind. Within the month, we learned the news of my parents’ deaths, and I crashed. We hadn’t gotten over the Malfoys’ deaths, how could we ever heal now?
I, personally, never understood why my parents had decided to be Aurors. It made no sense in my mind. Hadn’t they had enough of defending people and killing dark wizards and putting themselves in danger when they were teenagers? Hadn’t they already done all that? I had always been trying to convince my mother to be a teacher. She was the smartest person I knew. I knew my father would have been the best Minister of Magic the wizarding world had ever known, but they had stuck with Aurors, like Uncle Harry and Aunt Ginny.
The only thing I was glad about their death was that they were together. They had died together, fighting together. They weren’t left without the other, because I knew that would be too much for either of them.
How I longed to hear my father say my name, one last time. How I longed to hear my mother ask how I had managed to finish my papers on time, with Scorpius in the way. How I longed to be in their home, around the fireplace, with the Potters, James, Albus, and little Hugo putting on a show for us, Lily laughing with me, Granddad Weasley dozing off in his chair, and the rest of the Weasleys. How I longed to go back to the days before Scorpius, before my success, before everything that had ever happened. Before I had decided to turn against them and leave them in the dust.
I went silent for days. Not even Scorpius could wake me from my slumber. No one would understand. No one.
So I fell into misery. And my tears caught me.
The fifth time I fell was into pain. Pain on the inside, pain on the outside. Everything was pain.
Scorpius was stupid, I always told him. But he just would laugh and kiss me and I would giggle and play with his hair. But it was always true. He was stupid.
And to prove my point, he had decided to avenge the wizard who had killed my parents.
He was healer. Healers were meant to heal, not kill. The wizard flicked his wand and Scorpius was gone. Just like his parents, like mine. Gone.
I was drowning in my pain at very moment. But this time, there was no one to save me. No one to grab my hand and pull back to the surface. I sank lower into my pain with every passing day and nothing was stopping me. I couldn’t understand why so much death could happen in such a short time. I was alone, and I was scared.
My pain was too great for me, and I was pushed under its weight. I was sick, frail and fragile. I disappeared from the world, sobbing in the dark, not even bothering to fake a smile during the day. So I fell into pain. And it caught me.
The last time I fell was into death. I stared down the face of death, but I wasn’t afraid. I didn’t fight back. I succumbed to it. I was done fighting, done with being scared and alone. I was done with everything that ever was and would ever be. Death had ruined my life, and I was giving it the chance to make my life better my ending it.
So I fell into death. But this time, no one caught me.
Because, sometimes, you just have to fall.
►A/N - This is just a little thing I decided to write. I hope you liked it! XD
If you have any questions, I'd be happy to answer them.