Chapter 1 : I Cannot Get You Out
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beautiful ch image by hayley jade@tda
I stared at the wall again.
That's all I had been doing for the past four days.
Staring at the wall.
It's not like there was anything interesting there. It's not like I was actually even looking at anything. I was looking past everything. Trying to find something to hold on to, something to keep me from remembering what he had done.
'I had thought you were different. You weren't different at all. You're just like all of the rest of the Slytherin scum I've dated.'
"Date the boys in your own house," Mum had always told me.
I don't know why I even bother listening to that old hag.
I sighed deeply and adjusted my position just enough so that I wasn't crushing my own arm anymore, but that slight adjustment was the exact amount it took to snatch my eye's focus from the wall.
Straight to our picture that I had discarded on the floor four days previous.
The amount of time it took my throat to start burning was barely countable. I sat up with a jolt, and walked over to the forlorn picture in the corner like it was some sort of injured animal; tears threatening the corners of my eyes for what seemed like the hundredth time that day.
It wasn't even a flattering picture of me at all, but he had actually smiled in it. That had been reason enough to keep it.
Now that very smile that had made me fall for him over and over again mocked me, laughed at me; drove a dagger into my very heart.
With a piercing scream, I threw what last bit of evidence I had that I had ever been happy with him across the room, and sobbed miserably as I watched the shattered pieces of glass bounce on the cold stone floor.
"Is the screeching entirely necessary?" I heard a cold, beautiful voice ring from the doorway, "I mean, I know we Blacks are a catch, but there's no need to deafen all of us because someone decided to take up the family legacy."
"Go away, Narcissa," I sniffed.
"Full first name basis, I see," she scoffed as she flung her platinum hair over her shoulder, "You know, just because he hurt you doesn't give the right to be rude to the rest of us."
And with a quick turn on her designer heels, she was gone again.
A sob caught in my chest as I wiped my face with the back of my hand.
A glance at my bed cursed me with the memory of the nights we had shared there.
In fact, any glance practically anywhere in that room, in our common room- anywhere Slytherin inhabited- held memories that hurt me too much to be near right now.
With a light sniffle and a determined look plastered on my face, I grabbed my coat and stormed out of the room and down the stairs, ignoring the greetings of anyone near me as I made my way to the doorway out of this momentary hell.
"Soze, where are you-"
"Not now, Vee," I told the closest friend I had left as I rushed out of the door, hoping to avoid him, wherever he may have been.
Surely enough, as I headed down the damp, empty corridor, I heard his voice- mixed with those of some of his cronies- coming my direction.
Without proper time to formulate a plan of any type, I did what any normal person would do when they feel threatened.
I sped into the broom closet.
I tried to regain an evenness to my breathing as I heard him walk by, only to realize the footsteps stopped right outside of my hiding place.
"Damn," I muttered angrily to myself, as I pressed my ear to the door.
"I still don't know why you got rid of Sonya," a gruff voice chuckled, "That was a nice piece."
"I already told you," his voice grated my heart, "It wasn't worth the effort. Women should just obey, not question every motive. She was too nosy for her own good. She needed to learn her place, so I left her to do that. All by herself."
With a snicker from the others, they entered the common room.
Or so I had thought.
"You coming, Regulus?" Came Lucius' bitter voice.
"I'll be right in, I need to check up on something," The cause of my sheer heartbreak said quietly... sadly even? I couldn't be sure.
Once the heavy door to the dungeons closed, I heard a discernable grumble, and didn't have enough time to prepare for the loud thud to hit the other side of the door that my ear had been pressed again.
I rubbed my now-ringing ear, a look of pure annoyance flashing in my eyes as I glared through the door at him.
"Goddammit, Sonya, why couldn't you have just let it be," came his muffled voice- he was rubbing his face with his hands, I could tell, "Why couldn't we have..."
And with a grunt, he hit the door with what I could only presume was that back of his head, and the tapping of his shoes on the stone- followed by the loudness of the heavy dungeon door again- assured me he was gone.
I held my hand to my chest, in a failed attempt to slow the speeding pace of my heart.
Had he known I was in there, or was he just talking to talk?
Why had he said what he had?
I didn't rightly know, the only thing I was aware of was there was some type or remorse in his voice- whether for me or for himself, I hadn't known- and he was actually upset.
And here I'd thought I was the only one suffering.
I sighed as I swung the door open, only to have it hit some sort of blockade that growled, "Bloody fucking hell!"
"Oh Merlin, I am so sorry," I said apologetically as I quickly shut the door, only to be met by the face of another not-too-pleased Black family member.
"It's okay," he said emotionlessly, scrutinizing all of me with his eyes.
"I'll.... just be going then," I said hurriedly as I started to walk around him.
"It's... Sonya... right?" He said with a flash of an almost sarcastic-looking smirk, his eyes squinting for the tiniest fraction of a second.
"Um... yeah," I said nervously as I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, clutching my coat tighter to my chest, "Sorry again."
"No big deal," he smiled with a roll of his eyes, "Sorry about my brother. He can be a right idiot."
"Thanks for that," I smiled, sarcasm dripping from my voice as I glared at yet another Black.
"Hey," He threw up his hands in surrender with a grin, "I'm not here to make war. Just heading to the dining hall from detention," He gave me a hard, indiscernible look again, "Care to join me?"
"I was just heading outside, actually," I replied. How he hadn't picked up my tone of pure annoyance at that point was beyond me.
"Me too," He smirked fully, "Shall we."
I glared at the arm he had held out in hopes of me taking it, and just headed down the hall.
"Or not," he chuckled as he sped up to meet my pace, stuffing his hands in his pockets when he caught up, "So what's got your knickers all tied up."
"I hardly think that's an appropriate question," I scoffed.
"Why? Because you're a girl? Or because you're my brother's ex-girl?" He piqued an eyebrow with bemused interest.
"That is also none of your business," I huffed as I started to walk faster.
"You can keep trying to get ahead of me, love, but I've got more speed and longer legs than you," he chuckled yet again as he met up with me in two swift strides.
"Don't call me that," I snapped as I spun around to face him, not realizing how close he had actually moved to me, his face mere inches above my own.
"Don't give me reason to," he smirked as he looked me up and down best he could from his current position.
"You Blacks disgust me," I growled.
"Ooh, growl at me again, I liked it," came the velvet reply from his mouth, smirk still on his face.
And with that I willingly walked away from Sirius Black for the last time, the sight of his stormy grey eyes being that close to me still burned into my line of vision.