I looked up to see Harry standing in the doorway to my room. Well it wasn't actually my room, it was my room when I stay here at the Potter's house. Harry smiled at me but his grin dissapeared soon enough, I think it was obvious that I'd been crying, I didn't want sympathy but these feelings were feeling stronger than ever today, I just couldn't keep them in my system anymore, it felt like they were getting stronger every second that I kept them inside of me.
Harry entererd the room and closed the door silently behind him, immediatly blocking off most the sound from the hallway. I could hear the faint cries of Lily from the floor below, and the banging around in James' room - he'd probably been ordered by Ginny to re-pack his trunk. Harry sat in silence at the end of my bed. This is something I liked about Harry, he seemed to understand what I needed, or wanted.
"Harry.." I plucked up the courage to speak. He turned his head and stared through his emerald eyes. "What were my parents like?" I asked. His eyes flickered and now showed a guilt-stricken pain.
He sat for a moment, looking deep in thought. He sighed. "Any word I could say, wouldn't be enough" he finally replied.
"Please try, Harry." I urged.
"No need to.." He started, throwing his hand deep within his jeans pocket - in which he was wearing because of the trip to Kings Cross later. "I was wondering when the best time would be for this, Teddy. And I think now would fit perfectly. I was going to wait when you were seventeen for the memory, but it seems fit that I gave it in hand with the letter... and you're ready now" he looked at me seriously. He pulled out a scroll and placed it in my hand, he then took my fingers and curled them around the parchment and aqueezing them tightly around it. He then took out a very odd shaped looking vile, it had a sort of cloud contained within it that looked as if it was urging to escape.
He held it up. "This Teddy, is a memory"
I didn't, and couldn't, take my eyes of the vile containing the funny looking memory. "A memory?" I asked in complete awe.
Harry was staring at the vile too. "It's not one of my own, It's a memory of your fathers. I had this passed to me by your grandmother when you were only a baby"
He turned and looked at me. "Teddy, You're father was.." he paused and took in a deep breath. I realised at that moment that this wasn't just hard for me to get through, it was still hurting everybody - even Harry. They say that over time the woulds heal, but I believe that the wounds never heal completely, there's always going to be traces of the scars left deep within you heart that will never fade, they will always remain a part of you.
"He was.. amazing. Throughout the year he taught at Hogwarts he helped me a lot. He was the one who taught me the protronus charm, you know. He was my teacher, but also my only connection to my father - until Sirius came along of course. And then, I watched as the two men were re-united properly, the two young friends, best friends. I listened to the memories that they had shared, some of them involved my father. I listened to the stories and.." he placed his hand on mine "no matter how many times I asked them to repeat the stories, he would never be back. It's nice to remember Teddy, but you also have to move on, it's what he would want" he squeezed my hand gently, before placing the memory into it. "what they would want" he repeated, murmuring softly. He dived his hand in his pocket again, and placed a peice of parchment next to me.
He smiled at me and took another deep breath before standing and walking towards the door. I let my eyes follow him across the room.
"Oh and Teddy, The pensive - what you need for the memory, it's in the wardrobe. Just pour the memory in and.. well, you know." he said quietly, without turning from the door. He left the room.
Tears splashed down onto the parchment and I sniffed. I'd locked the door and let all of my emotions escape and it felt like a huge weight had been lifted of my shoulders. It felt good just to be able to do this - Grandma wouldn't let me get away with finding me crying, she'd send me to theripy or something, of course - she means well. I looked back down the letter and studied the writing, the long thin handwriting was written in blue ink and looked carefully written on the parchment. The singular letters each had a curl at the end making it look very sophisticated at the same time of looking incredibly unique. I re-read the letter.
Dear Teddy,
I still remember the first time I found out I was pregnant. I was over the moon - Okay maybe I shouldn't use that term, i'm sure by now you know that daddy is a werewolf, but you should know you should never, ever, let that change your opinion of him because he is the most amazing man that ever walked this earth and I can tell you from the bottom of my heart. I don't know whether he survived the Battle of Hogwarts, but because you've received this letter, this means that I didn't. I want to apologize my darling, for not being there for you but please understand that I did this for you. I wanted to make sure that you have the best life I could possibly provide for you, but now its your time.
My little caterpillar. You're going to Hogwarts tomorrow and no matter who you make friends with, no matter what house you get sorted into, just remember that mummy's proud of you. I'm proud of what you've become, because even though you're only a speck inside of me now, I know that you're going to be an amazing person. You know why? Because you're ours.
You've been looked after by others now for so long my little caterpillar, now its time to spread your wings and show everyone who you are, its time to spread your wings and become that beautiful butterfly. Show everyone Teddy Lupin, show everyone YOU and don't even think about changing for anybody, ok?
I'm sorry I cannot be with you in person my darling but know that I'll always be in your heart.
I love you always. - Mummy x
I stared at 'mummy' for a while. I'd never had a mummy, well not that I could remember anyway, and my heart - it ached for her.
I still held the memory tight in my fingers, un-seen. I walked over to the wardrobe and grapsed the brass handle. I closed my eyes for a second and took a few deep breaths to calm myself down. Once my pulse had gotten a little slower I re-opened my eyes and opened the wardrobe door. The pensive was laying there at the bottom, I knelt beside it. I picked the vile up and looked at the gas-looking-cloud inside of it and watched as it swirled around the vile, bouncing of the edges. I pulled the cork out, having to use force as it was pushed in tightly. It opened with a 'pop', I poured it into the pensive quickly because I seemed to have this vision that it might escape and never come back to me, and i'd be left without not only my parents, but their memory too.
I pushed my head into the pensive and watched as the surroundings changed and emerged around me, I felt myself being pulled at a force into the stone contraption.
I found myself standing in a very cramped looking living-room. There was a large fire, which was letting off a lot of heat, on the center of one of the walls. Two sofa's and one chair were surrounding the fire, all crushed together creating a very cosy atmosphere. I stood by the bay window looking out onto a magnificent front garden. I recognised the room instantly, this was Gran's house.
I noticed a man standing next to me. He, alike me, was looking out onto the front garden. His face looked weak and pale, and he was very thin. His hair was mousy-brown, yet it was going grey in some parts. He was quite scruffy looking, and exhausted. I studied his face and couldn't work out how he was feeling. I had a feeling that he didn't know either. I also noticed that his nose was very much alike my own.
"Remus" came a whisper. I turned just in time to see a woman with bright blue hair, holding a baby, walking into the room. It seemed that the man beside me had done so too. I noticed the way the colour came back into his face the moment he lay his eyes on her. His cheeks turned a rosy-pink colour and a smile now grew on his face. He walked over to them and put his arms around them. The family looked so happy, on top of the world. Yet you could feel the upset there. I had now gathered that these were my parents and that the baby was me. Had they known they were so close to death? Did they realise that their time with me was like a timb-bomb?.. limited?
The woman, my mother, made her way over to a Moses basket which was placed at the other side of the room beside Gran's coffee table. I realised now that there was something missing from it. At the house now, on this very coffee table, was nothing. But away from this memory a photo had been placed there..
I watched the baby form of myself as my hair changed from the bright blue it had been a few seconds ago to a mousy-brown, the same colours as my fathers.
"There you go my little caterpillar" Mum whispered as she lowered me into the moses basket. Dad walked over and I watched my parents looking down to me, smiling like mad. It was a perfect moment and I could now savour it in my heart forever.
It was time to go, the memory began to fade. I would come back to this memory one day and replay it but I have to keep in mind that this is all it will ever be, a memory.
Just as I was leaving, I watched a slightly younger Gran bursting through the door with a camera in her hands. She looked slightly strained, probably the fact a war was going on, which could be forgotten watching this. I smiled as I watched a photo been taken. The same photo that lay on my Gran's cofffee table in the present. I took a last look at my mother, she was happy and smiling and as I turned to my father I noticed him look over to the window I was standing by. It was almost like he looked strait at me. It was almost like for a moment, we connected.
Raising my head from the pensive, I put the memory back into the vile and tucked it deep within my pocket. I closed the door to the wardrobe and leant my head back against the wall.
"I love you" I whispered into the air and somehow, I know they heard me.
Printer Friendly Version
