Chapter 19 : Anger, Gloating, and Regrets
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Would it have been the same? Draco was asking himself. If neither one of them had been under the Lust Potion’s affects, would that moment had happened at all? And even it did, would it have gone as far as it did, so that they were ready to just sleep together with no questions asked? And what did it matter? So what if it had been artificial sex with no emotion attached? Draco had done it plenty of times before, his journal full evidence of it. Why with Granger would it be any different? He could’ve accomplished his greatest victory just a few hours ago and became a legend. But, unfortunately, Draco was having a hard time seeing it that way.
Sighing, disheartened, angry, and frustrated, Draco went back to his dormitory. Blaise was nowhere in sight, but his things were scattered on his bed, which meant that he was probably taking a shower. Who he did happen to see however, Draco was in no mood for.
“Have fun with the mudblood?” She questioned, and he stared at her with a how-did-you-know-where-I-was look. “I saw the letter. It wasn’t very well disposed of when you left. But anywho, tell me, how did the magical night go?” Pansy asked him with a soft smile.
‘Did you have to conjure something for her to bite down on? I bet you did. She looks like a…loud one. But no, no, first I want to know where you did it. It obviously wasn’t on this lush bed of yours.” She giggled, caressing his bed covers. “If it was hers, that’d be the laugh of the day. So, come on, say something.”
“Shove off,” Draco scowled. She was taken aback and stared at him curiously.
“What’s the matter with you? Granger twist your knickers or something?”
“Nothing of mine is twisted,”
Pansy was in awe at his shortness with her, and then gently shifted herself so she could sit up. “…You did sleep with her, didn’t you?”
Draco suppressed a groan. He was in no mood for her antics. Any day…any other day he could’ve taken it, but not now after he had just disgraced himself. All he wanted was to lie in bed and contemplate what the hell he was thinking but damn it, she was still laying on it.
“I said move, Parkinson.”
“Draco, it’s a simple question!”
“Move or I swear I’ll-”
“Did you shag the mudblood or not?!”
“NO, now get off!”
Draco grabbed Pansy’s arms roughly and literally pulled her off of the bed. When she fell with a thud he stared at her in surprise. Now Draco could do, and had done, a lot of things, but one thing he had told himself that he would never do was abuse a woman. Pansy was lying on the floor just as shocked as he was, but she didn’t look too offended by his action. Probably because she knew that she was asking for it.
“What the hell happened?” Pansy asked him. “I’m quite sure you were completely sex-crazed when you left. That couldn’t have just completely disappeared.”
“Doesn’t matter… My dick isn’t any concern of yours. Now get out.”
Pansy angrily got up from the floor, huffed, and fled the dormitory, slamming the door behind her. Draco put his head in his hands and collapsed onto his bed. He swore that he could still feel Granger all over him, and having the taste of her in his mouth wasn’t helping too none either.
“You alright..?” Blaise asked, having just come from the bathroom. “What was the yelling all about?”
“Pansy pissing me off; that’s all. And Granger…”
“What about her? What happened when you saw her?”
“…I could’ve done it.” Draco said softly. “We were there, talking in front of the Room of Requirement, and then she kissed me. She kissed me. It was unbelievable. You wouldn’t think she’d have it in her at all, but Granger knows how to use her tongue alright; not just in the mouth either.”
“If things were going so good, then what wrong?”
“Me… I stopped it. Granger was undressing me and then I just stopped it.”
“What the hell?” Blaise said in surprise. “What did you go and do that for?”
“What do you think I keep asking myself?” Draco groaned aloud. He shook his head and shrugged his shoulders. “It was the potion, Blaise. Without it, none of this would’ve happened. I know what you’re thinking.” He added after regarding his friend’s bewildered face. “So what, right? So the hell what if the potion gave us a little boost. I shouldn’t care. But I do, and it’s driving me bloody insane.”
“Draco, that potion ran its course before you left.” Blaise told him, and Draco stared at him heavily.
“No, it didn’t. It was still going. It was-”
“No, it wasn’t. Okay, so it had a few minutes left on the clock, ten to fifteen tops, but it takes almost ten to make it to the Room of Requirement from here. And even not, you and Granger still talked some. Maybe some of the pheromones rubbed off on her and it made her kiss you. But for the rest? I’m telling you mate, that potion was out of your system by the time you two were going at it.”
Draco rested his back against the headboard of his bed in utter disbelief. He then recalled the time when he had left the Slytherin common room. It had been fifteen to eight. It had taken roughly ten minutes to reach Granger; the last few minutes were spent in talking, and the rest, for the most part, had been real.
“You like her, don’t you?”
Draco snapped his eyes to Blaise who was waiting for a response, –a response that he wasn’t going to get, of course, and Blaise just grinned to himself and dressed for bed as he continued talking. “It’s okay, you know; to like Granger… She’s entertaining as hell from the stories you’ve told me. Can’t get bored with her for the life of you-”
“I don’t like her.” Draco retaliated, but Blaise just grinned broader at him.
“Sure you don’t. I already told you that it’d be okay if you did. There’re far worse mudbloods out there, and it’s not like you’re going to marry her or anything-”
“Draco, face it.” Blaise said sternly. “You wanted her. You genuinely wanted her, but you didn’t want it under false pretenses. You wanted Granger to like you and to be shagging you because she wanted to. As far as I can tell, she definitely wanted to. So suck it up and bloody enjoy it.”
Draco scowled at Blaise who didn’t give him the proper chance to reply to him and watched as he tucked himself in for bed. Draco thought of Granger, and remarked how his stomach tightened with a nervous, yet pleasurable air. How did this happen? How did things go from a simple quest to being The Shagging King, to gently falling for a girl, a muggle-born girl, who was supposed to be someone he disliked and a tool?
It was confusing without a doubt, but Draco smiled on the inside at the fact that Granger had sincerely wanted him. And then he frowned considerably at realizing that he had just missed the opportunity of a lifetime.
Pansy still couldn’t believe it. It was perfect. There couldn’t have been an even better setup than how things were last night. They should’ve done it. Draco and the mudblood should’ve shagged and by now the story should’ve been told countless of times to Blaise, from whom, one way or another, Pansy would’ve gotten it from. But nothing had happened, and it was the most perplexing thing she had ever encountered. She was determined now more than ever to figure out what went wrong and was going to grill Draco that morning no matter how pissed he got, but strangely enough he wasn’t there.
“Where is he?” Pansy demanded. Blaise, who was heavily enjoying his breakfast before she had interrupted him, looked up at her.
“He’s skipping breakfast today.”
“Maybe because he wasn’t hungry…? What the ruddy hell is wrong with you this time?” Blaise asked with irritation. Pansy huffed and took two large swigs of water from her goblet and set it back down.
“You knew, didn’t you?” She accused. “You knew that Draco wasn’t going to sleep with her.”
“I didn’t know anything.”
“Yes you did! You had that stupid arrogant look of yours on last night. Don’t lie to me.”
“I’m not lying. And even if I was, you wouldn’t be able to prove it anyway.” Blaise said smugly. “There was a chance, alright? There was a good chance that Draco wasn’t going to shag Granger because the potion had already worn off by the time…-”
Blaise stopped his words short, not wanting to divulge what had happened between Draco and Granger, but Pansy had caught his abruptness and narrowed her eyes at him.
“By the time what, Blaise..?”
“…By the time they were going at it.” He sighed and finished. “They were well on their way when Draco stopped it.”
Pansy took a moment to ponder what Blaise had just said, and then let a small frown come to her lips. She shook her head and pouted. “That doesn’t make any sense. He should’ve kept going. Draco could’ve been bloody shot of her last night.”
“But don’t you see why it had to be stopped?” Blaise said with a smile forming. “Draco didn’t know that the potion was out of his system. He thought Granger was all over him because of it. It made him pissed that she wasn’t doing it because she liked him.”
At that Pansy snapped her eyes to Blaise’s. She sneered horribly and was cupping her hands on the table top with such fury that they were turning white. “What does her having to like Draco have anything to do with this? Emotions don’t matter in conquests like these.”
“Oh, but that’s where things get tricky, now don’t they? You know as well as I that this is hardly a conquest anymore. And, since I know you’re thinking it, I’m just going to say it. I think Draco likes her. You’ve got to admit that aside from being a mudblood she’s got everything. She’s pretty, smart as hell, and has a future brighter than any other twit here.
‘And aside from that,” Here Blaise kicked in a laugh at the reddening of Pansy’s face. “She’s got Draco –for the time being at least. So as far as I see it, there’s two ways things are going to play out. The shagging is going to happen, whether now or later, it’s inevitable. But until then, Granger is going to be on Draco’s mind day in and day out. And after that, either Granger’s going to be his, or they’ll go their separate ways. If the latter happens, it won’t matter, because you’ll be so low on Draco’s ladder there’ll be no way for you to climb back up.
‘So I think I’ll just go on and say checkmate.” Blaise smiled, and Pansy clenched her teeth to the point of breaking them.
Draco didn’t go to breakfast for two reasons. One was because he didn’t feel like entertaining Pansy that morning. He knew that the conversation from the previous night wasn’t over, and that she would’ve been questioning him like crazy. The second reason was simply that he didn’t feel like going. He didn’t want to see Granger coming into the Great Hall because he wasn’t prepared for how she would react to him.
Body gestures and facial expressions said a lot when analyzed carefully, and Draco had no idea what he was going to be presented with when they made their daily morning eye contact. Would she have ignored him completely? Would she have caught his eyes and frowned? Would she have scowled? Would she look sad?
Draco was completely mixed up, and it was frustrating, but he couldn’t ignore Granger forever. He didn’t want her to be mad at him. When is she ever not mad at me? Draco asked himself, but he knew that there was a difference. There was the type of mad that Granger got whenever he was playfully taunting her –a type of mad that wasn’t true anger and would disappear as fast as it had come. But there was also another type of anger, one that Draco was afraid of, that was real anger and would come slowly and leave that way unless it was handled properly.
Sighing, Draco thought it best to deal with things early. Last night had undone everything that he had worked for –not just the goal of sleeping with her, which had suddenly paled in comparison to bringing out the trust and comfort that Granger must’ve felt when she was with him.
As Draco entered the Advanced Transfiguration classroom, as always, Granger was sitting in her usual seat. When he let the door close rather loudly behind him, she didn’t turn around. She didn’t even flinch, but kept her gaze at her text book. Draco sat down at his desk and stared at her. She had purposefully tilted her head so that all he could see was the back of it, and he frowned.
“…‘Morning,” Draco greeted softly. The sound of his voice was rather loud, and it seemed to bounce off the walls.
“…‘Morning.” Hermione replied, her head still facing the other direction. Her voice came out much softer than it really was, and after that silence came and lingered until Draco couldn’t take it anymore.
“So you’re not going to talk to me now?”
“I said good morning. That’s talking to you.”
“I can’t believe you’re bloody mad at me-”
“I’m not mad at you as much as I’m mad at myself.” Hermione said irately. This time she twisted herself around in her seat to look at him, and now Draco wished she hadn’t. Everything was there: her mouth was in a mixture of a frown and a scowl, and her face depicted a mélange of sadness and anger. It was like as if she didn’t know whether to be mad or upset.
“I finally pieced it together last night.” She continued. “Why all of the sudden attention back in March, the deal with the book –which is partly my fault since a deal really is a deal-”
“No, let me finish. You wanted to confuse me. You wanted me to let my guard down, which I did. You wanted me to trust you, and I did. You wanted me to kiss you, and I did. And then last night…” Hermione sighed and pushed a bit of her hair behind her ear. “You finished it off when you realized that I had begun to like you.”
Draco felt his chest fall to his stomach when she said that. He shook his head and, very unlike himself, began to plead. “You’re wrong.”
“Yes. It wasn’t like that at all.”
“So you say, but if that’s the case… If you didn’t want to leave me completely out of sorts…then why did you stop?” Hermione asked him.
“…I didn’t want you to regret it.” Draco replied honestly.
Hermione stared at him with confusion in her eyes, and then at the distant sound of students roaming the halls, she said firmly, “It’s because you stopped that I regret everything.”
author's note: oh goodness me.... i just can't help but love blaise. he's becoming my favorite love haha. and well, what do you guys think?? draco hasn't really admitted it yet, but blaise sure does bring it out there. and hermione? what do you think of her little confession?
i hope that you all liked it, and i must say, you all are fantastic readers! for my last chap, this fic went up 2,000 reads in one day. im touched, i appreciate it, and i thank you all :)
four more chaps left, but for now, its review/respond time!
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