A/N: This is for the Romantic Movie Quote Challenge! My quote was: ‘The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds and that’s what you’ve given to me.'
Understand that I must do this. I owe it to my brother and you. Do not come looking for me, sweetheart. By the time this owl has reached you, I will be long gone.’
My hands shook, making the letter unreadable. I knew he was about to do something drastic, but what did he mean with ‘long gone’? My breathing turned shallow. Dear Merlin, don’t let it be, I thought weakly. I looked away from the parchment and looked at the black owl he had sent me. I closed my eyes and told myself to be brave.
Who was I kidding? I wasn’t even in Gryffindor. I was a simple Hufflepuff, believing in a better world. So then why would I date a Slytherin, you ask? Let me tell you that love isn’t logical, it isn’t something you can control. It is as wild as the wind, it can destroy you like a tornado or it can soothe you like only a soft breeze can.
Love isn’t something you can ignore, it will push a way into your conscience until all you can think about is him. Until your world only revolves around him.
I opened my eyes again, remembering his gentle grey eyes. The soft touch of his fingers and took strength out of those memories. I continued reading the letter.
‘Please don’t blame yourself. This was my choice and mine alone. You couldn’t have stopped me, even if you tried to. You know that I joined the Dark Lord in his quest to redeem the world of the Mudbloods. I am not like my brother, Cassy. When my mother and father threatened to disinherit me, I did as they asked. My brother would’ve stood up to them, faced their punishment and get on with his life. Or he probably would’ve said that he didn’t care at all, what they did to him, which is true. It’s why he landed in Gryffindor, you see. And I wish that I could have been more like him.
‘I just wish that I would’ve been stronger. That I could’ve done what needed to be done sooner. But now it’s up to me to make the world a little bit safer and I can only hope that it will work.’
My God, I thought, falling down on the couch in the common room. What was he rambling about? What had he done? I wanted to get out of the common room and go straight to his room, but somehow I knew that it wouldn’t matter. That he indeed would’ve been long gone.
Tears appeared in my eyes, but I squeezed them shut. I refused to cry, because he would break up with me over an owl. Someone who did that, surely wasn’t worth my tears.
‘My sweet Cassy, you have no idea how hard it is for me to write this letter to you. I will never feel your lips against mine and enjoy wasting your time. Do you remember the first time we met? You made me so angry because you told me that I was only another waste of your time! I don’t think anyone has ever gotten under my skin like that, my love.’
I couldn’t help but smile at the memory.
‘What the hell do you think you are doing?’ I shouted, walking over to the Slytherin who was trying to sneak into our common room.
The Slytherin turned around, looking at me with so much dismay that I double checked for any stains on my robes. ‘What I am doing here is no business of yours, Hufflepuff.’
‘You see… That’s where you’re wrong,’ I replied, angrily moving towards him with my wand raised. ‘That is my common room you’re trying to break into. Why don’t you go back to whatever hole you crawled out from?’
‘How dare you?’ he asked, annoyed. ‘Do you have any idea who you are talking to, girl?’
‘Boohoo,’ I replied. ‘You’re a Black. What do you want me to do, faint?’
He looked at me, shocked, before shrugging. ‘Please do alert me if you decide to do so. I’d like to play the hero that catches you when you fall.’
‘That would be a pleasant fiction, wouldn’t it?’ I asked Regulus Black with an annoyed look on my face. ‘In case you hadn’t noticed, fairy tales aren’t real. So please go waste someone else’s time and leave my common room alone.’
‘I’m wasting your time?’
‘You, Regulus Black, are a waste of everyone’s time.’
‘I dare you to repeat that,’ he hissed.
I rolled my eyes. ‘Would you like me to spell it for you?’
He plucked my wand out of my hands. ‘Yes, please.’
I looked a little incredulous from him to my wand and back again. Finally I saw how a smile started to form on his face and I couldn’t help but smile back. Soon we were both laughing. ‘I’m sorry,’ I then said. ‘But can I please have my wand back and can you please then just leave?’
He raised an eyebrow when he saw how serious I was. ‘You really are strange,’ he told me, before tossing my wand back at me and simply doing as I asked. He left.
‘Perhaps it didn’t show on my face how angry I was,’ the letter said, ‘but you got my blood to boil, sweetheart. And I can’t say I blame you. I would’ve been suspicious if some random wizard or witch was hanging outside my common room too. Not that that ever happened. Because, let’s be realistic, who in his right mind would be so stupid to make the entrance of the Slytherin common room their hanging spot, right?
‘Anyways, it wouldn’t be until much later that I started to like you. When McGonnogal paired us up together. You are so cute, when you’re mad at me, Cassy. You have no idea what one glare from you can do to me.’
When you thought about that… that was kind of sick, I thought, making a face. But in his own way, I knew he meant well. And it was one of the sweetest things he had ever said to me. Or wrote to me. So why write this letter, I wondered. If it wasn’t to break up with me. Surely, telling a person how cute they were, wasn’t normal for a break-up letter? I bit my lip in wonder and continued once more.
‘Whatever. As soon as you got over your disgust of me, we hung out a lot as you well remember. It pulled me through a hard time. Sirius had just run away from home and I was a wreck. I know I never talked much about my home situation and trust me, it wasn’t because I didn’t want to. I just couldn’t, you know? I didn’t want you to think of me and my family that way. Mother does care about us and I am sure that our Father did too, once upon a time. They’re not bad people, Cassy, they’re just… misunderstood. They fight for what they want and even though that isn’t always right and even though they put my brother through hell, I always got what I wanted. They always treated me fairly. Is this because I wasn’t best friends with our niece? I don’t know and it doesn’t really matter. Not anymore.
‘I know how much of a cliché this is probably going to be, but you’re all that matters to me now, Cassy. You and my brother. He because well… he made me feel safe when the Dark Lord entered our lives and took over my parents completely. And you… Do you remember our first kiss, love? It was the first time I truly felt loved and no words can ever describe how grateful I am to you. Grateful for giving me a chance to enter your heart.’
That was cliché, I agreed silently and looked at the window. I felt weird. If it wasn’t to break up with me, then why did his words hurt so much? They shouldn’t, right? They have no reason to whatsoever. So why was this feeling like a goodbye? Why was he reminding me of all the great memories we had? Of our first kiss? I looked outside the window and couldn’t help but notice that it was exactly the same weather as it had been back then.
I was holding Regulus’ hands in an attempt to keep him from tickling me. The energy was wasted however. He held my hands together with one of his own and then tickled me with his free hand. The grass itched on the bare skin of my back, while he tickled my stomach. ‘Stop!’ I screamed. ‘Dear God, please stop!’
‘I don’t believe in God,’ Regulus answered with an arrogant smirk, while he kept on tickling me.
I laughed until I nearly cried. ‘By Merlin’s pants, you monkey!’ I screamed at the tops of my lungs. ‘Stop!’
His face was close to mine now. ‘Make me,’ he demanded.
What can I say? I was desperate and I had no idea that I, by doing this, would make a good friend into a boyfriend. I kissed him and for a second he completely froze, he even pulled his hands off of my body and just when I wanted to stop, because he obviously wasn’t interested, he answered the kiss. His hands held my face gently as if he was afraid I might break, but his kiss showed nothing of that gentleness. It was raw and passionate, but yet reassuring in some way. I felt my whole body shake with need and before I knew it I was deepening the kiss even more and had my arms around his neck.
I didn’t know who pulled back first, but when we did and while we were breathing heavily something between us changed. His eyes became more gentle and before I knew it, he kissed me again. A kiss so gentle and sweet that it almost made me faint. I had never thought that someone as tough and cruel looking like Regulus Black could kiss a girl like that. And apparently he hadn’t either, because the next time he looked at me, it was in complete surprise.
‘We shouldn’t have done that,’ he told me softly, before bowing his head towards mine again. ‘But I’m glad we did,’ he mumbled against my lips, before kissing me again.
‘I know, you’ll kick my ass if I should ever return after you’ve read this letter. And I know you’ll just ruddily kill me when I don’t return, which I won’t. This is goodbye, Cassy. I can’t say that I am sorry, because this is what I should do. I know now that this is what I was meant to do.
‘Will you please give this letter to my brother one day? So he’ll know what I did?’
How was his brother ever going to know what he did if he wouldn’t even tell me? The tears burnt in my eyes again and this time I let them fall. I had told him that this Death Eater business was good for absolutely nothing. He shouldn’t have entered their club, he should have defied his parents. He really should have. The tears dropped on the parchment and I quickly dried them, so they wouldn’t make his writing unreadable.
‘I know how frustrating this must be for you,’ the letter read, ‘but I can’t tell you what I am up to. If someone else read this letter, I would’ve given them too much information already.’
Too much information? He had told me exactly nothing! I balled my fists and saw how the parchment started to shake again. Bloody hell.
‘The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds and that’s what you’ve given to me, Cassy. So don’t ever consider this a break-up letter. I love you with my whole being, however cowardly it might be.
‘And hope that you might forgive me some day.
I closed the letter and bit my lip. Without looking at anyone else I raced out of the common room and ran towards where I knew the Gryffindor common room to be. I was widely known as Regulus Black’s girlfriend, so I was hoping that they’d do what I asked. I grabbed a random Gryffindor by the arm. ‘Could you please fetch Sirius Black for me?’ I asked him politely.
He raised an eyebrow at me, looked me up and down. ‘Aren’t you asking for the wrong Black?’
‘Are you going to get him or not?’ I snapped, tears still streaming down my face.
He seemed to notice them for the first time and nodded quickly, before disappearing into the portrait hole. And here I thought that Gryffindors were supposed to be brave. Don’t make me laugh.
I was shaking with all the emotions running amok throughout my whole body and was barely still standing when Sirius Black came out of the portrait hole. He was just in time to catch me, before I hit the ground. I pushed the letter in his hands, after he had set me against the wall.
‘Read it,’ I whispered softly, looking into his eyes that reminded me so much of the person that was causing me so much grief.
He looked at me worriedly, but when I started to cry harder he hurriedly did as I asked. When he had finished the letter, he looked pale as if someone had hit his lights out and he had just awoken again. ‘I…’
‘What should I do, Sirius?’ Sirius Black and I normally weren’t this close, but now he sat beside me and put his arm around me, to pull me close.
‘You’re asking me?’ he asked, sounding rather flabbergasted.
I sniffed and tried to dry my tears. ‘I hate them,’ I whispered, causing him to look at me curiously. ‘All of them.’
‘The Death Eaters?’ he asked softly, so only I could hear and I nodded. ‘Everyone hates them, Cassy. But you shouldn’t let your hate of them get in the way of Reg’s memory,’ he whispered.
When had he become so wise? I wondered, still sniffing. ‘But-’
‘No,’ he said gently. ‘Don’t you think he deserved that? He wasn’t just another Death Eater, Cassy. He was our Regulus and he should be remembered like that.’
I nodded and laid my head on Sirius Black’s shoulder, remembering again how Regulus’ smile had looked like. The sweet things he used to murmur in my ears. I loved him and probably always would. So no. I couldn’t believe Regulus to be another Death Eater, because if you really thought about it… He never had been one at heart, not at all.
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