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Welcome To My Crazy World by smashed_crayon
Chapter 5 : Homo Amelis
Rating: MatureChapter Reviews: 6

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 Chapter Image - heavenleigh







Face, meet cold, merciless floor.

Cold merciless floor, meet face.

You guys are going to be great friends.

“Sweet sugar quills, Fee! Are you alright?”

I didn’t want to look up. I was too mortified. Maybe if I stayed down here long enough the ground would swallow me up. I sure hoped so. But that was not to be my fate. Hands grabbed me and pulled me back to a standing position. I ignored the sniggers as I brushed myself off, and continued on my way, carefully avoiding looking over at the cute boy. I didn’t want to see him laughing at me.

“I know you’re not the most graceful person to walk the earth, but I still can’t understand how you managed that,” said Roxanne, sitting down next to me.

“You didn’t even trip on anything!” added Amelie, taking a seat next to Daisy, across from us. “You just...fell.”

“Thanks for the moral support, guys.”

“Sorry,” Roxanne apologised, patting my shoulder. “You actually managed to pull it off really well.”

My face lit up. “Really?” I asked, feeling like there may still be some hope left for my pride.

“No. I was just trying to cheer you up,” Roxanne said, matter-of-factly. “Now...I wonder if they’re gonna serve shepherd’s pie...”

“Shepherd’s pie?” I repeated, turning to take my revenge. “I thought you might be a little turned off since you received a face full the other night.”

“A face full?” reiterated Amelie, turning her wide grey eyes to face Roxanne.

“You tell them, Roxy,” I grinned at my friend, before turning away to let Amy and Dais force the story out of her. I peeked through a curl, trying to catch a glimpse of Mr Delicious. He was still sitting there, looking way too perfect. I turned back to my friends, who were now laughing their heads off at Roxanne’s story.

“Oi, nitwits, look at that guy over there,” I moved my head slightly to the right, indicating Delicious. They all turned to look, and I saw Daisy’s doe eyes widen considerably, and Roxanne’s jaw drop down to meet the floor. Amelie got a sort of feral glint in her eye. She scared me sometimes, she really did.

“Isn’t he yummy?” I whispered. Amelie bit her lip. Roxanne turned a raised eyebrow to me.


I smiled sheepishly.

“He better not be gay.” Amelie sighed. “That would be tragic.” She smiled, eyeing him up and down.

“What makes you think he’s gay?” asked Daisy.

“His hair looks way too soft and shiny. I bet he uses Pantene,” Amelie answered, still looking at him like she was analysing a car she was about to buy. She reminded me of a hunting lion.

“So? James’s hair is really soft, and he’s not gay.” Daisy shrugged. I smirked at this.

“That’s debatable.”

“He’s not!” she protested.

Roxanne frowned. “How come you’re so sure?” she challenged.

Just then though, James himself sauntered up, followed by Josh and Fred. Potter sat next to Daisy, slinging a casual arm over her shoulder.

“How has my favourite red head been?” he asked her. Daisy looked up at him, and shrugged off his arm.

“I was fine and dandy till you showed up,” she looked at him coldly. Since when had Daisy hated James so much? Not that I blamed her.

“Fine and dandy, you say?” he asked her, with a wink.

“Fine and dandy.”

“Where did Amy get off to?” Roxanne asked, tapping me on the shoulder. I looked over at where the blond girl had been, and, fair enough, her seat was empty. I looked around at the rest of the Gryffindor table, and saw that she was sitting next to Delicious, talking away. Well, she didn’t waste any time.


Headmistress Greensberry’s voice echoed throughout the room, drawing students from their private conversations with a start.


 After Greensberry had finished her booming welcome, our fabulous dinner appeared on the gold plates. My stomach growled loudly, and I kept it waiting no longer. I piled my plate high with potatoes, peas, roast, a chicken leg or two, carrots (for the eyesight, you know), and a slice (okay, two) of quiche.

Amelie sauntered back over, and slid in between Josh and Freddy.

“Hello boys,” she greeted, reaching for the mashed potato. “Josh, could you pass me the gravy?” Josh complied, not making a secret of where he was staring as he handed the jug over to her. I find it very unfair that Amelie manages to wear a red lacy bra under a white top, and still get away with it.

“So, are you guys going to bless us with your presence at the party tonight?” James enquired. I looked over my food mountain at him, frowning.

“What party?”

“Why, the party we have at every beginning of term, my unsocial friend,” he explained, eyeing me casually. My eyes narrowed into two brown slits, but I chose to ignore him. There were too many throwable objects around, and I would not give in to the temptation.

“Of course we’re coming!” Amelie exclaimed, leaning over Freddy to wink at James. “We wouldn’t want to rob you of our fabulous company now, would we?”

“No you wouldn’t!” cut in Josh. “Now, if you will excuse me, I have business to attend to.” He heaved himself out of his chair, and walked over to a group of chattering girls. They all erupted into giggles when he sat down amongst them.

I rolled my eyes to the back of my head, realised it was painful and instead focused on my carrots.

Once I had ploughed through my mountain, and Freddy had ploughed through two, the plates cleared themselves, leaving place for dessert.  Apple pies, treacle tarts, puddings, trifle, pumpkin pie, chocolate é anything you could possibly want and it was there. I began to scoop spoonfuls of sticky date pudding onto my plate, followed by copious amounts of ice cream. If there is one thing I know, it’s that you cannot have sticky date without ice cream. It’s like a storm without rain, a fire without a flame, a me without chocolate! It just didn’t work.

I looked up from my heart to heart with my pudding and found Amelie gushing about the new hottie. She was talking to Roxanne, but I could see a guy a couple of seats down listening in, and looking pretty put out.

“His eyes! They are ah-mazing! And his arms...don’t even get me started on those!” She sighed and stared off into space. Roxanne grinned.

“Have you figured out if he’s gay?”

“Not yet! But his T-shirt was not tucked in, which is a good sign.”

“That’s how we men do it,” sighed Fred, who I don’t think has ever worn a tucked in shirt in his life.

“You just wear it out cause it’s against the rules,” I snorted, unimpressed. Freddy cocked his head to the side thoughtfully.

“That does come as a bonus,” he mused. I turned back to Amelie.

“What’s his name?” I asked. The blond girl bit her lip.

“I didn’t find that out...yet,” she answered slowly. I smirked at her.

“You’re gonna have to work harder, detective,” I told her. “I bet you I could get it, easy as pie.” I looked at her, waiting for her answer. She smiled at the challenge.

“Fine,” she agreed. “First one to get his name.”

“How about we raise the stakes?” I suggested. “First one to get a date to Hogsmeade.”



I smiled at the competition, and went back to my pudding, only to watch in despair as it disappeared off my plate. I felt its loss to the core of my heart. Damn those house elves and their vanishing skills.

“STUDENTS OF HOGWARTS,” yelled Greensberry. She’s always yelling. That’s just how she talks. “THIS TERM WE ARE GOING TO HOST A SPECIAL EVENT.” Cheers rose up among the students. Greensberry held up a hand to silence the uproar, and went on with her shout fest. “WE ARE GOING TO HAVE A MASQUERADE BALL, HERE IN THE GREAT HALL. IT WILL BE HELD IN THE SECOND MONTH OF TERM. OTHER THAN THAT YOU ALL KNOW THE BASIC RULES. THE FORBIDDEN FOREST IS –WAIT FOR IT- FORBIDDEN, ALTHOUGH EVEN SOMEONE WITH ZERO BRAIN CAPACITY COULD GUESS THAT. THERE WILL BE NO FOOD OR DRINK IN THE LIBRARY, UNLESS YOU WISH TO DIE A SLOW AND PAINFUL DEATH. AND YOU WILL NOT BE ALLOWED OUT OF YOUR COMMON ROOMS AFTER DARK.” Well, this one was new.  Whispers rose up amongst the students, fluttering around the room, which was now full of scowls and confused faces. I turned to Roxanne, frowning.

“I wonder what brought that on?” I contemplated. Roxanne, ever the optimist, just smiled.

“James is going to have a hard time having his party now,” she grinned.


The sound of scraping chairs followed the headmistress’s order. I jumped up, keeping Mr Delicious in sight.

“Watch and learn,” I instructed, turning to my friends behind me. They all gave me confused looks, but I ignored them and ploughed through the mass of students, walking towards my target, making sure to keep my head down, and...


“Oh, I’m so sorry!” I looked up into his stunning blue eyes, an expression of shock plastered on my face, while inwardly I was screaming victory.

“No, it’s my fault, I should have been watching where I was going.” His voice was like something straight out of heaven. He was holding my shoulders, looking at me with concern, and I thought I would melt then and there.

“I’m Phoenix,” I said, holding out my hand.

“Tristan,” he answered, shaking it. “Tristan Wild.” I glanced back at my friends, who were staring at me in shock. But I ignored them because Tristan was holding my hand. He was holding my hand! He was holding my hand, he was...he let go. Damn it! Couldn’t he see I was enjoying that?

“I see you’re in Gryffindor,” he pointed out.

“That I am,” I answered, looking down at my tie proudly. “So, are you going to walk with me to the tower then?” He grinned at me (oh, that amazing smile) and started to walk, turning around to indicate I should follow. My heart leapt and I jogged to catch up with him.

“It’s the least you could do, after banging into me like that,” I told him, ever so serious. He turned to me, an eyebrow raised.

“Oh, so I banged into you, did I?” he riposted.

“Mmm-hmm” I nodded, eyes wide. “Very inconsiderate of you, I might add.”

Tristan sighed and raised his shoulders in a sign of defeat.

“You got me,” he joked. “I bumped into you on purpose, hoping you would then introduce yourself to me, and then walk with me to the Tower.”

“Well, it worked,” I pointed out, laughing, hoping he hadn’t seen through my story.

“So, what year are you in?” he asked me, as he jumped the trick stair. I hoped over it and looked up at him.

“Fifth, what about you?”

He grinned.


“I haven’t seen you around,” I stated, smiling at him. “Are you new?”

The boy nodded.

“Yeah, I moved here from Durmstrang, this is my first term.” 

“Well, if you need help with anything, I’m right here,” I pushed a curl behind my ear, and surveyed him out the corner of my eye, gauging his reaction.

“I’ll keep that in mind,” he answered, turning his breathtaking smile toward me. I was lost in thought as I stared into his eyes, those wonderful blue eyes. I saw the skin on his forehead crease.

“What is it?” he asked. I shook myself out of my trance, realising my mouth had been hanging open.

I want to bear your future children. “Nothing,” I answered lightly. “Nothing at all”

We walked the rest of the way up to the Gryffindor tower, trading questions and answers. I learnt that his favourite colour was green, and that he was terrible at Quidditch and good at Potions. He learnt that my favourite colour was red, I played seeker on the Gryffindor team and had three best friends, whose sanity was questionable. He got interested in this.

“Roxanne Weasley?” he asked me, as we neared the portrait of the Fat Lady. “I heard they have a very big family. Was she the one whose mother was chosen as Minister for Magic?”

I shook my head, stopping in front of the Fat Lady, students pushing past me. “Nah, that was Rose, her cousin. It’s a little hard to keep track of them all,” I explained with a grimace.

“And are you close to...Rose?” he asked me.

“A little. I spend lots of time with their family.”

“Hello gorgeous!”

Hearing a loud, clear voice I recognized very well, I spun around, meeting the pretty blue eyes of Victoire, yet another of Roxanne’s cousins. Victoire was that sort of good-looking person who could make even the most egoistical person feel terrible about themselves. It was the same for her little sister, Dom, who was in my year, but in Ravenclaw, and her brother Louis, who had just started his third year at Hogwarts. Not meaning to be paedophile or anything, but he was one good looking kid.

“How have you been?” Victoire asked me joyfully, her voice a notch higher than the average person’s. Victoire could be described as a good-looking, red headed cannonball. If there is such a thing, that is. She was always in the middle of all the action, laughing like a maniac and talking like there was construction work being done close by. Somehow, though, she always managed to pull it off. I glanced behind my shoulder at Tristan who was standing there looking like a god.

“Have you met Tristan?” I asked Victoire. When the older girl shook her head I introduced them, before realising that it may not have be such a good idea. Hopefully he wasn’t into red heads.

“Ooh, have you met Peeves yet?” asked the red head in question, her eyes wide. Tristan shook his head. I smiled blissfully at him as he smiled blissfully at Victoire’s chest. While this stare fest was going on, a first year bumped into me as he tried to push through the portrait hole. I shot him a dirty look, making him scamper past the pink lady, whimpering in fear at the big bad fifth year.

“Shall we go in?” I asked, partly to unblock the portrait hole, partly to take Tristan’s mind off Victoire’s cleavage.

We all climbed through the hole, emerging on the other side into a room with a very obvious colour range of scarlet and gold. There were a couple of students lounging around the common room gossiping, but most had already gone up to bed, tired from all the eating that had taken place on in the Great Hall. I decided to follow their lead, saying goodnight to Victoire and Tristan, and climbing painfully up the stairs, my expanded stomach protesting at this outrageous spout of physical exercise. When I reached the door to my room, I pushed it open wearily, thinking of the squishy mattress and soft pillows that where waiting for me on the other side.

When I walked in I hardly had time to glance at my long lost love before I was assaulted by a strange creature in pink pyjamas and white foam coming out of its mouth. It stared at me with its wide, savage grey eyes, its blonde fur flying around its face. I recognized it as the near extinct species of homo amelis.

I attempted to walk past her but she pinned me to the wall. Seeing as I couldn’t move I did my best to avoid the tooth brush she was holding as I stared up at her. I didn’t try to break free. If there was one thing I had learned from a five year friendship with Amelie, it was that you never mess with an excited beater. They may just hurt you.

“What happened?!” she asked me, spraying toothpaste everywhere. Gross.

“Ams, go spit that out first,” I instructed gently, slowing trying to pry her iron grip off my upper arm. She nodded enthusiastically, letting go and hitting me on the nose with her hand as she spun around.

I rubbed the sore spot as I dragged my tired limbs over to where my trunk was waiting beside my bed. Oh, that beautiful bed. I knew there was no point getting in now, though. Amelie would just drag me straight out again.

I heaved my trunk open and rummaged through the mess inside, in search of my PJ’s. After a minute or two of looking, I finally found the baggy T-shirt I normally wear to bed. I slipped it on before grabbing my toothbrush and joining my friends in the bathroom.

In third year Professor Aston (the head of Gryffindor) had moved Sammy and Lei from this dormitory after a fight between me and Sammy.  It had been quite gruesome, involving a fair bit of damage to the floor and Sammy’s lovely locks (I may or may not have blasted a hole through the ground and set fire to her hair).

Anyway, Professor Aston had decided that we shouldn’t be living so close to each other, and moved the two slags into another room. That was the best day of my life.

“So, what happened?!” asked Amelie again, now freed of her white foam.

“I’ll tell you all later,” I answered as I squeezed toothpaste onto my brush. Amelie opened her mouth to protest, but I shoved my toothbrush in my mouth and started scrubbing hard, ignoring her pout of outrage.

She and Roxanne left, leaving me with Daisy, who was brushing her teeth like her life depended on it, looking into the mirror sadly. I spat my toothpaste out into the sink and put a comforting hand on her shoulder.

“What’s the matter, Dais?” I asked her. She shook her head and forced a smile. With toothpaste coming out the sides, she did look quite comic. But her eyes weren’t matching her mouth. She wasn’t fooling anyone. Knowing Daisy wouldn’t budge, I decided she would tell me in her own time, if she wanted to, and gave her a quick hug before joining the others in the room.

The other two were both already in bed. I pulled back the covers of my own four poster and slipped onto the mattress of heaven with a sigh of contentment.  The bed was heated, warming me up from toes to ears.

Daisy Walked out of the bathroom, her smile back on her face. I wasn’t sure if she was still faking it or not, but I decided to leave it for now. She slid into the bed next to me, lying on her left side so she faced the rest of us.

Once we were all nice and cosy in bed, I finally told the others how it had gone with Tristan.

“So, I got his name,” I boasted, sticking my tongue out at Amelie. She scowled at me.

“Don’t make this a competition, guys,” pleaded Roxanne, seeing our feisty postures. I snorted. I’m a charming person. Really.

We were all too tired to talk, by then, so we turned off the lights and tried to get some sleep. I stayed awake for a while, staring up at the roof of my four poster, my mind too crazy to let me rest. No matter how hard I tried it kept buzzing away, keeping me from much wanted sleep. I tried the breathing exercise Roxanne had taught me. I tried clearing my head of all thoughts. Hell, I even counted sodding sheep. But it was a long time before I finally fell into the world of dreams. As I drifted off I heard a soft sobbing sound coming from Daisy’s bed. I guess her smile had been forced after all.


A/N: Ooh, whats wrong with Daisy? And what do you think of Tristan? Favorite quotes are great, if you can find any! Oh and if anyone was wondering about Victoire, I know that technically she's too old to still be at school, but as her birthdate isn't officially written down, I'm just going to say that she is now in her last year at Hogwarts.

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