Chapter 1 : Halloween Marauder-style
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Dungbombs, Hiccup Sweets, Frog Spawn Soap, and Nose-Biting Teacups copy-righted by Zonko’s! Everything you recognise belongs to JKR. I don’t know who thought up laughing bags, but it wasn’t me! I only came up with the plot :)
"Halloween, Halloween, Halloween!"
Peter was up unusually early on that Saturday and waited impatiently for the others to get up. Why couldn't they hurry up already? He was sure to receive some sweets from his mother—in fact, an owl could already be waiting for him in the Great Hall!
"Peter! Shut up already!" A blue shoe came flying in his direction which he barely avoided by ducking in the last moment.
"But it's Halloween!" No answer came. "Sirius?" he added timidly, but the only answer he got was a muffled "Uargh" sound.
"Eh, okay then, I'll just let you sleep, yeah?" Peter turned towards the next bed."James, James are you awake?"
No answer. He inched closer and pulled the bed hangings open quickly only to see the messy-haired boy lying spread-eagled on his belly, the blanket twisted around his legs.
He called out his friend's name again. Nothing. Peter tentatively poked him in the shoulder. James twisted again in his sleep which made Peter jump backward and he went tumbling to the ground, just as he heard a 'thump' from the other side of the bed as well.
Next thing he knew, another shoe went flying over his head, just where he had been standing a few seconds before, accompanied by an angry, "Peter!".
"What happened? What's going on?" Peter heard Remus's sleepy voice from the other side of the room.
"Eh he, nothing. Everything's fine," Peter whisper-screamed, afraid of yet another shoe from Sirius's direction. He climbed on James's bed and peaked over the edge to see James snuggled up with his pillow on the ground beside his bed, snoring soundly. Then, a pair of bare feet half covered by overly long pj pants appeared in his sight.
"Nothing, eh? What's James doing on the floor then?"
"It wasn't me!" Peter replied automatically while he lifted his head up to look into Remus's eyes, relieved to see an amused twinkle.
"What are you doing up already? It's a Saturday morning," Remus said.
"But not just any Saturday morning! Mother probably sent my Halloween parcel already! Come on, let's go! You can even have some chocolate!"
Remus had to chuckle. "Are you bribing me? There's really no need." But he had already disappeared to the bathroom before his words were out.
Some time later, after a few whispered comments, sniggers, and flicks of their wands, the two traipsed out of their dorm.
Peter scurried towards the Great Hall with Remus in tow. Although he would have enjoyed to have Sirius or James come along, he often found himself the target of their teasing and mocking comments, especially when they were bored. Which happened a lot. He didn't mind much, as long as he was part of their group.
"What do you want to visit first today? In Hogsmeade, I mean?" Remus's words startled him out of his thoughts.
"Honeydukes!" Peter shot it out like a bullet.
"I completely second that. Though, your mother always sends you that load of candy which you were so eager for earlier."
"You can never have enough of that." And of course, this was something that he understood—their mutual fondness for chocolate was, after all, one of the things he liked most about Remus..
They entered the Great Hall and spotted the other third-year Gryffindors a little way down the table. Apparently, they had been seen as well because Lily Evans waved them over shortly after they entered.
Peter shrunk back a little behind Remus, having never been good at talking to girls. Remus, who didn’t have the same problem, had asked the girls where they wanted to go on their first Hogsmeade trip after they had sat down.
Peter's attention was then caught by a flurry of birds' wings. He looked up and his face lit up as he searched hopefully for the family owl. There – and it carried a huge parcel. In his enthusiasm, he climbed on the bench to reach the parcel faster, grabbed it and nearly tumbled down to the ground when the owl, suddenly free of its burden, took flight again. Luckily, he managed to catch himself in the last minute and slid down to his seat again, blushing under the others’ gazes.
"He-here, Remus, do you want something?" Peter asked self-consciously while he tore into the parcel. He managed to get the packing paper off, and began to rummage in the brightly coloured items.
Remus leaned closer and picked out a blue-wrapped candy. "What are the other things?"
"I don't know, my cousin said he would also send me something. He is a muggle, and just started working in," he ducked his head and added in a whisper, "a joke shop."
"Ah, so you want to leave it for later."
Peter nodded rapidly. He could still feel the girls glancing over now and then, so he offered reluctantly, "Do you want something?"
Alice and Lexi nodded and Lily pretended to slap her on the wrist but looked hopeful nonetheless. Peter sighed inwardly, uncomfortable under their stares. He picked out a few chocolate-y looking treats and handed them over, trying not to think of what Lily would do should she get one of the joke items. Run for a professor, for sure.
"Thank you, Peter!" Lily said, and he instantly felt ashamed for thinking that as she smiled at him."You are so much nicer than James."
Peter wondered fleetingly where James had come into it and noticed that Lily's face darkened suddenly. As he looked around, he saw the boy in question enter the Great Hall.
"Speaking of …" Lily murmured, then added more loudly, "I'll probably see you in Hogsmeade, I promised Sev I would go with him." She sashayed over to where a sour-looking dark-haired boy in Slytherin robes was waiting, taking his arm before she led him off.
Alice and Lexi exchanged a look and stood to go. "See, you later, Remus, Peter," Alice told them while Lexi threw James a questioning look. James came storming towards them, followed by an equally annoyed-looking Sirius. Lexi shrugged him off when she didn't get a reaction and turned away.
"You two!You go off, on our first Hogsmeade Saturday ever, without waking us? What do you have to say for yourselves?" James asked with his arms crossed over his chest.
"Yeah, and our stuff was floating around, and where are my sneakers?" Sirius planted himself next to James.
"Do you want some chocolate?" Peter asked them with a teeth-revealing, ten-thousand-Watt smile, holding the candy box under their noses.
"Don't try to distract – are those caramel?" Sirius asked, and grabbed some from the box. He swung one leg over the bench, got rid of the wrapper and shoved the sweet in his mouth. "Sneakers!" he said while poking Remus in the chest, mouth full and words muffled.
Remus had learned from experience and leaned away from the table so he wasn't hit by Sirius's spittle flying in every which direction while Sophie and Cassandra, two other girls from their year and house, left with a disgusted look on their faces.
James looked up from where he was searching through Peter's box. "Sirius, that's disgusting, even for you. Didn't your mother teach you better?" he asked without missing a beat.
Sirius took a moment to contemplate this and then swallowed his bite. "Nope. She would most likely encourage it if directed at Gryffindors. And I ask you for the last time: where are those sneakers?"
"Sneakers?" Remus asked innocently.
"Don't play dumb, Mr. Goody-Two-Shoes! Where are they? The only decent pair I have, they were a present from Andy!" Peter couldn't hold it in anymore.
"Ahahahah, Mr Goody-Two-Shoes! Missing shoes! Hahaha!" Peter was pleased to see that James was laughing with him, even if it wasn't all that funny. Sirius on the other hand gave him a death stare that sobered him up again.
"So where are they? Speak!"
Peter had never been good under pressure and couldn’t help but sputter, "You- you threw them at me! I don't have them!"
"Didn't you get your stuff back down from the ceiling?" Remus asked casually.
"Why should – oh, just wait, I'll get you back for that!" Sirius threatened, and was off the rescue his beloved sneakers.
James sniggered. He had been busy piling everything within reach onto his plate and into his mouth. "He wanted to make you do it. Plus, we were already late for breakfast. And for Hogsmeade," he continued, giving them a pointed look.
"I tried, but you wouldn't wake up!" Peter defended himself, but James continued on.
"Yeah, yeah, let's go, and take some of those muffins, or we'll have a grumpy Sirius on our hands for the rest of the day!"
Zonko's was the first stop, naturally. They spent most of the morning there before Sirius dragged them to The Three Broomsticks next. ("I'm huuungry!")
Sirius and James managed to charm the pub-owner, the young Rosmerta, into letting them sit at the counter, which Peter was quite pleased at. Afterall, if he had been on his own, he would surely have ended up standing around in some corner.
They hadn’t been there long before two familiar faces entered. It took no time for James to identify the redhead and her Slytherin friend, and he hopped of his stool to address her.
"Evans, fancy meeting you there! Why don't you ditch the grease-bag and sit with us. Here, you can even share my seat!" He winked at her.
"Fancy meeting you there?" Remus murmured incredulously, but James didn’t seem to hear.
"Maybe Snivellus wants to sniff out the butterbeer, seeing as he would never be able to afford it," Sirius cut over them.
"Potter! Black! Argh!" Lily had clenched her fist and her face had gone red.
Before Lily could go off on one of her rampages, Peter felt Remus nudge him in the side and the other boy nodded towards the door. Remus grabbed James while Peter timidly motioned for Sirius to follow. Remus mouthed "bye" to Lily, while Sirius rolled his eyes at them all and flicked his butterbeer cork at Severus Snape before he, too, left.
"Eh, we could go visit the post office? I hear they have heaps and heaps of different owls?" Peter suggested to break the silence.
"The post office? What are you, thirteen?"
"Eh, yes?" Peter began, but James interrupted him quickly.
"No, let's go see the Shrieking Shack! Some ghosts would be good now!" James suggested in an over-bright tone, already towing Remus away, who had a less than excited expression on his face.
The Shrieking Shack was supposed to be the most-haunted building in all of Great Britain. Peter had to suppress a shudder for he knew Sirius would prey upon that if he noticed, particularly because they all knew what caused the rumours.
"So, Remus, dear wolfy, don't you want to invite us in? You can be the host!" James had his arm around Remus's shoulders now.
Remus cast him an annoyed look. "Trust me, nothing there to see. I'm here once a month, and I'd gladly pass up. Besides, you can't go in from outside, Dumbledore made sure of that."
"Spoil-sports, the two of you!"
As Remus settled himself on a fallen tree, Peter followed the other two towards the Shack to try and look through the windows. Other students were watching them warily, but thankfully didn't follow the example.
The windows were boarded, and Peter couldn't see anything. They jostled and rattled at the door and boards some more, but got tired eventually.
"Are you done, then? I still want to go to Honeydukes, now that I don't need an adult to apparate there with me," Remus asked them.
"Ah, is ickle Remikins running low on chocolate?" Sirius teased him, and pinched his cheeks.
"I am, my last Honeydukes finest has mysteriously disappeared. You wouldn't know about that, would you?"
"Me?" Sirius gave him a wide-eyed look.
Remus just rolled his eyes and set off towards the village again and Peter gladly followed.
After a longwhile in Honeydukes, the four set off to return to the castle, treats in hand.
"Dungbombs, Hiccup Sweets, Frog Spawn Soap, and Nose-Biting Teacups. Ha, Remus, Pete, be prepared. I believe these little beauties have your names on them!" James exclaimed as he rummaged through his Zonko’s bag.
"I have muggle jokes! I won't show them to you if you do that!" Peter shot back, having learned that blackmail usually worked quite well.
"Muggle jokes? Where?" Sirius, having been raised strictly as pure-blood, loved Muggle things.
"In the dorm", he answered rather triumphantly.
"What do you want to do with all those prank items?" Remus, always the voice of reason.
"Dunno. We could prank the girls."
"Yeah, and have them go all Evans on us? Suuure." Remus pointed out with a scoff.
"Others? I say we prank the Slytherins! Hehe, I wanted to get my dear brother anyway!" Sirius sniggered.
"And he wouldn't suspect you at all," Remus responded with a sarcastic bite.
"Maybe we should have, something, uh, something like a codename. Or something. Like a pseudonyma nd no one would blame us." James had a look of concentration on his face.
"Like what? 'You've just been pranked by … the 'Anonymous Pranksters'? The 'Most Awesome Mischief-Makers'?" Sirius played off of him.
Peter felt like it should now be his turn to roll his eyes.
"The 'Eye-Rollers'!" he shot out without thinking.
Three pairs of eyes landed on him, one mocking, one amused and one sympathetic.
His friends turned towards the castle again, leaving him feeling quite stupid in their wake. "It's true," he mumbled to himself.
Peter only caught up with the others when they had almost reached the castle and went to their dorm. Barely through the door, Sirius demanded to see Peter's joke items.
Before he could respond, they tore into the box and James came up with some strange looking things that had 'For the advanced Magician' printed all over them.
"What are those?"
"Pete, are those products for Muggle magicians?" Remus asked. Of course he would have an idea what it was, Peter thought, as he had a set of Muggle grandparents.
"Looks like it, my cousin didn't exactly say what he wanted to send."
"That's what this is? A Muggle trying to pretend he can do magic? I saw one of them once, in London." James poked them again.
"But what can we do with them?" Sirius interrupted.
"No idea. What else is there?"
"Oh, look, is this fake blood?"
"Yeah, and fake teeth. Looks like a lot of vampires are missing their teeth."
"Uh, a bag of bugs! What do you do with them?"
"I hope those are fake too!"
"Ha, he included a laughing bag!"
They sorted through some more things until it was almost time to go down to the feast.
James lifted his head and his eyes shone mischievously. "I have an idea. We use them now. On the whole school."
"What? How? These are Muggle things," Peter asked him.
"That's the beauty of it. Everyone will wait for the spell to go off, but there is no spell." Sirius seemed to have caught on.
"What do you mean: We use them now? At the feast? The feast that will start in, uh, half an hour?"
"Of course that feast, Remus, how many feasts are there? And we're just that awesome."
James beckoned them closer and as he explained, even Remus's eyes lit up with excitement.
Half an hour later, Hogwarts, the Great Hall
James, Sirius, Remus and Peter had taken seats towards the middle of the table (after a little detour to the kitchens), and chatted excitedly about the Hogsmeade visit until the Headmaster stood up.
"We're about to have another delicious meal, as always prepared by the Hogwarts houseelves. In our darkened days, we should seize every occasion for celebration, and make it the best yet. In that spirit, don't let me detain you and tug in!"
He settled down again, but as everyone looked expectantly at the plates to be filled with food, the lights went out. Gusts of wind blew through the hall and "Hehehe"s, "Hihihi"s and "Muhaha" could be heard from all directions.
Not a minute later, the lights went back on. Everyone looked at their neighbours to see what had happened. No one seemed to be any the wiser.
"Students, please stay calm. Everything seems in order. Let's enjoy the feast," Professor McGonagall said, although she would lift her head to look around for other unusual events.
The food had indeed appeared on the tables. The noise level rose up again, punctuated by the clattering of the dishes.
Peter kept looking around surreptitiously to see what was going on. Everyone had filled their plates. Several minutes passed, before the first squeals and shrieks sounded through the hall.
"There are teeth in the potato mash!"
"Spiders! Spider in my salad! Eeeeee!
"My nose! I've been bitten!
"Blood! There's blood!
Peter and Remus had disappeared under the table, which no one had noticed in all the pandemonium and set of the laughing bags time and again. James and Sirius seemed to believe they were starring in a play, gasping and pointing at the things, thus adding to the mayhem and noise level.
Professor Dumbledore had seemed alerted at first, but was now leaning back in his chair and watched in amusement. The Heads of Houses tried to restore order, with little to no success.
Apparently, some of the braver students had noticed the "accessories" in the food were fake, and started flinging them at others.
The professors had settled down again on a signal of the Headmaster but when the first items of food sailed through the air, Professor McGonagall put a stop to it. Her magnified voice sounded through the hall, "That is quite enough. As funny as this was, you would want to think twice before throwing your dinner at others. – I don't suppose there's anyone assuming responsibility for this mayhem? I didn't think so."
That seemed to be the cue for the light to go out again, and when it came back a few moments later, words were painted in fake blood on the wall:
This was brought to you by … us!
Ok, I confess, I had no plan at all when I started this, except for: Marauders, Halloween, Fluff. This is the result (a.k.a. a lot of rambling).
First time I tried my hand on Peter. James was also not easy to write. I hope you find their interactions funny, I know I had fun writing them.