Chapter 6 : ...A Monster...Accepted
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A/N: This chapter used to be more epic but i got away from the story and began to write more about Wulfric which was not the point haha. The present was so close so i just put the last two chapters of the past as one :D Enjoy!
CHAPTER 6: …A Monster
October, 1973, Third Year
After the GJQTSHWAUNY the people of Hogwarts noticed us more and watched out for when we became unusually quiet, because it just wasn’t right for all of us to be silent at the same time for more than ten minutes. When we were quiet, we were also planning something. And when we were planning something, someone was targeted. Usually the Slytherin gang as we like to call them, namely, Evan Rosier, Gareth Avery, Sundara Sullivan, Rodolphus Lestrange, and last but not least Severus Snape.
This is why in October of third year did everyone in Hogwarts become wary of us and our sad exterior. All except one person. That one person was the one and only Remus Lupin. Remus was oblivious to our behavior and didn’t understand why people had stared at us funny when we passed by in the halls. All five of us knew something was wrong with Remus and yet nobody knew what exactly was wrong with him or his supposed sick aunt. And that made us feel betrayed because whatever was wrong with him, we apparently weren’t good enough to know what it was. Every time Remus came up with a new excuse he got really twitchy which really gave the lie away. I think I was the only one who really noticed how nervous he would get for most of our first and second years. Then the others started to see what I saw close to the end of the year and even more when we weren’t allowed to see Remus during the summer.
During the summer I leant on my friends shoulders to keep me sane. I didn’t live particularly close to anyone but I saw Sirius and Kimi a lot since they were closest. The others I would see at Diagon Alley when we desired to get out of the house for a day. But Remus could never come claiming to be with his sick aunt all the time.
After that summer all of us got really suspicious. First of all, what was his aunt even sick with? Why did he always have to go see her conveniently every month? And if his aunt was the sick one, why did he always look sick himself before and after a visit? The five of us were confused and wanted answers, and we were going to get them one way or another.
After dinner one night I couldn’t take it anymore. Remus wasn’t in classes that day for unknown reasons and I didn’t pay attention in any of my classes, not that it mattered with my top student status. Dinner had been very quiet in our little group and I barely ate too. I just thought all through it thinking about Remus’s secret and what could possibly be that important to not tell his five best friends. Suddenly I had gotten a pretty spectacular epiphany and rushed off to the library as fast as I could. “That’s it! I need to go, I’ll see you guys later!” I had yelled already half way to the door.
“Where are you going? Nettie!” James had yelled after me after he too left his thoughts.
I ran all the way to the library not caring that I left my bag somewhere on the third floor. Once I got there, I realized nobody was in there as everyone was at dinner. Not caring I walked over to the books and started searching for anything that had to do with being sick once a month. If there was anything I did know about Remus’s secret it was those two things.
My searching wasn’t going as well as I thought it would and I finally realized how ridiculous my search was. How was I going to find books specifically for being sick once a month?
It was hopeless.
I finally just gotten frustrated and grabbed a pile of books from the nearest the shelf and slammed at least 5 of them on the side table. I slumped into the chair and put my head in my hands with my elbows on the table. I screamed my frustrations still in that position and started kicking the legs of the table and began to speak quietly to myself, “How could I be so stupid! There could be a million things wrong with him-but do any of us know where to even start? Of course not! He won’t tell us anything and will never tell us anything!” I kicked the leg harder this time and fell silent, the air thick with grief. “Am I a bad friend?” I whispered to the empty room, my voice almost echoing. “Should I know by now, should I have been able to arrange the pieces and know by now? Or am I being a bad friend purely by searching for the answers opposed to just asking him…? I’m hurting him- he obviously doesn’t want anyone to know. His best friends. How could I be such a hypocrite? It’s not like I’ve told anyone of my past, and isn’t that the same thing?” I sighed and lifted my heavy eyes from the table ashamed, my hands still attached to them. My eyes reluctantly glanced over to the other side of the table where my messy pile of books lay. I stood up to put them back on their respective shelves when the cover of one of the books caught my eye.
It was a picture of a full moon and tiny stars surrounding it. Underneath the moon was a grassy hill where the moon light lit up the most graceful wolf I had ever seen. The wolf had light brown thick hair and had its snout pointed up at the moon yet he was not howling, just watching.
The cover was a painting with the title sprawled across the sky of it in thick black ink almost matching the black of the paint, A Werewolf’s Tail. Next to the painted wolf was a name written in the same black ink, Wulfric Vovkulak. Inside the book was handwritten in a journal style by who I had guessed was Wulfric Vovkulak. Quickly I flipped to the last page and read at the top, March 10, 1954. I closed the book and look down at it trying to decide whether I should take it and read it or put it back on the shelf I did for the rest of the books. The thing is, I never really knew much about werewolves but everything I’ve heard has to do with violence and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to read a firsthand journal about it. The book didn’t even look like it was library approved but rather someone just stuck it in the shelf without anybody noticing. There was however a summary of sorts on the back cover. It was written in the same ink as the title and author but unlike the cover the back had no painting or anything on it for that matter. Just a worn out black with a fresher, brighter black ink on it.
Hello, I am Wulfric Vovkulak. This book, this very book placed in your hands is my life. I had written in these very pages every night from first year and now that I am in seventh year I feel I no longer need the comfort it has brought. In case you have not noticed, I am also a werewolf and although you probably grew up to hate me I am truly a good person with a big heart. Be careful with my journal please as it is very important to me.
The signing was done on the wrong side of the letter and it took a few moments to realize a drawing of a shooting star that took up the space where the letter would have ended normally. All together the book looked to be as old as the date infers and truly worn down. The binding was coming off of it and the ink was hard to read, the painting was wonderfully done and looked to be worn out also. The shooting star on the back was not just stunning but also didn’t look at all worn out and I couldn’t believe I hadn’t noticed it before.
I wanted to read it.
This Wulfric Vovkulak had me hooked and I soon found myself walking to my dormitory with the book under my arm grabbing my bag on the way. I still hadn’t forgotten about Remus but I had come to an understanding that when he wants to tell us he will and I shouldn’t push him or investigate what I shouldn’t, even if I was insanely curious.
When I got to the common room mostly every Gryffindor was in there studying, doing homework, or just relaxing from a hard day of classes. I had raced through the noisy crowd with the book clutched to my side to get to the second year dormitory and didn’t even stop to look for my friends. When I got to the door I pushed it open and lay on my bed. Jenkins was cuddled up in the covers at the end of the bed and didn’t even notice my presence. Then I started to read Wulfric Vovkulak’s journal, starting from his first day of his first year all the way to almost the end of seventh year. The end of the journal ended with an “I’ll write more tomorrow” but the page after that was a goodbye note which doesn’t explain what happened. Wulfric had a very hard life with not only being a werewolf but also having no family and living in an orphanage most of his life.
When he was bitten he was 11 years old and decided to go into the Forbidden Forest when he couldn’t sleep one night. In the Journal it doesn’t say if he ever found out who bit him but I hope he found out. Most of the Journal was everyday unimportant things and just being a kid in Slytherin house. Yep, Slytherin house. He was one of the biggest bullies at the time and everyone feared him and his friends. Him and his friends hexed their classmates regularly and didn’t feel sorry or anything. When he became a werewolf the headmaster before Dumbledore would just tie him up in the forest with unbreakable robe. He wrote in great detail exactly how he transformed and what it felt like. I couldn’t accept that! It was dreadful to hear of a poor boy being tied up, werewolf or not.
It was horrible. It was like I wasn’t reading about it anymore but feeling it myself. Feeling the hairs grow and your bones change shape in a few seconds. The feeling of every single cell being ripped apart and becoming almost unrecognizable to the best scientist out there.
He lost his memory those nights when the full moon was out and the last thing he would remember was the pain as if he would die every month than comeback to life in the morning. After the first couple of months he became almost completely silent in classes and even with his friends. The teachers started to get worried that he would break any minute and Wulfric noticed this and felt like a bomb about to explode all the time. He didn’t have anyone to talk to since his friends didn’t know and he couldn’t tell them in fear of what they would do to him. In his fourth year he started to paint to get his mind off of things and got really good at it. That’s when he painted the cover and the star at the back. Apparently the star was like the key to open the book. If you were trusted the star would appear and you would be able to read it. I was confused about this because how could a book know if I’m trustworthy or not? Regardless I read on, day after day of his life. Then one day something terrible happened.
His bully friends had decided that enough was enough and followed him out to the forest were they watched him tie himself to a tree and sit silent. It didn’t take long for them to figure it out and run to the castle screaming, terrified for their lives. If you ask me they happen to be the worst friends ever, I for one wouldn’t be that horrible to a friend or ever dream of ruining his life by telling the whole school. That’s right. The whole school.
After that everyone knew what Wulfric was and wouldn’t go near him. Even his friends were afraid of him as well as all the teachers. Except one. Professor Dumbledore. He talked to Wulfric every night for months and worked with him to control his transformations more. It was sort of like a therapy for werewolves and helped him a lot.
CHAPTER 7: …Accepted
When I reached the end of the journal I started to cry. Crying is a big deal for me and I hadn’t cried since my parents died. I had reached my hand up and gently touched the wetness on my cheek that I didn’t know I still made. It somehow made me happy to be reminded of how vulnerable I am.
Opening the hangings I realized that it was very late at night and all my roommates were sleeping in their respected beds snoring lightly. I glanced at the window and instantly began to cry softly again. The stars were shinning as they always did but there was one thing about that night’s sky that really stood out to me. It was a full moon and I knew what Remus was. One of my best friends was going through what Wulfric had and it made me intensely sad to know that somewhere Remus was feeling as if he was dead and in the morning he will wake up and feel like the monster he thinks he is. I couldn’t let him do that by himself. I wanted to be with him when he did wake up. To tell him that he was a great person. That he didn’t deserve any of that.
Still crying I ran out of the room and down the stairs to the common room. Once there I ran up the boy’s dormitory until I found the plaque that said “The Strictly Male Population of the Marauders.” My heart was beating ten times the normal pace as I stormed through the door without knocking and looking like a complete maniac.
“Get up right now!” I didn’t know why I was panicking so much but the panic was almost tangible in my voice. The boys all jumped up out of their beds as if electrocuted when they too heard the panic.
“What’s wrong? What happened?” Sirius was the first to spot me on the floor where I had collapsed after slamming the door shut and yelling. I quickly cast a silent spell on the room and looked up at him with my tear filled eyes and panting parted mouth. My hair was messy and in some parts stuck to my forehead with cold sweat and I still wore my uniform from class earlier that day.
Sirius rushed out of bed and sitting down next to me engulfed me in a hug. Sirius and I before that night never hugged each other because we didn’t have to. We never showed any fear or sadness for more than ten seconds at a time so we never had to comfort one another. But the funny thing is, we both knew how much we needed the comfort. We were more alike than any of our other friends yet we never acknowledged it since we didn’t want to.
Hugging and crying both made us feel weak but that hug that he gave me when I finally showed my fear and my sadness was nice.
James and Peter were both frozen in their beds as they watched Sirius willingly hug me and me crying on his shoulder hugging him back weakly. We stayed there for more that fifteen minutes all the while me thinking about Remus until I realized the three of them still didn’t know why I was crying. “Remus,” I hiccupped as I pulled away trying to get a grip of myself. “He’s a,” I started to cry some more but when Sirius tried to hug me again I stood up and started again stronger this time. “Remus is a werewolf,” I spook strong and watery from the sobbing. It didn’t sound like me at all. My eyes were red and puffy but I held my head high as I waited for the three of them to digest the news.
“What? But-he-no, he can’t-I mean-how?” James spluttered as he was the first to recover.
“Look outside-at the moon,” my voice broke at the end but I was determined to be strong, especially after my breakdown. “He’s never here when there’s a full moon and he’s sick before and after he goes away. I read a book that showed me symptoms and everything. I’m telling you, Remus is defiantly a werewolf. And there’s nothing we can do to change that,” As I explained the full capacity of this came crushing down at me. We were still his friends and will not leave him. “We have to tell him we know,” I finished my thoughts out loud. The boys looked at me and one by one the comprehension and understanding dawned onto their faces and sadness replaced the confusion. “Do you guys mind if I tell him instead of all of us?”
Peter looked back at me then at the full moon visible from the window then back at me, “Since you found out in the first place I think you should have the honor to tell him, but make sure he knows that I don’t think anything bad of him. And these guys don’t either, right?” He asked as he looked between James and Sirius who took up looking at the floor below each of their feet.
James spook first still looking at the floor, “Of course,” He said and I knew he meant it. He was just thinking. James grew up being told stories about werewolves opposed from me. He was taught that they were dangerous to be around and although some may be good people there are no good werewolves when the full moon takes over.
Sirius looked up and looked Peter full on in the face when it was his turn to speak. “Remus will always be one of my best friends and I think I speak for all of us when I say that he will always be the Remus we all know and love even with his furry little problem,” Sirius smiled and I nodded fully agreeing with him. James looked over and smiled slightly and Peter gazed at all of us affectionately like a mother of a child who got straight O’s on their NEWTS.
I feel asleep last that night in Sirius’s bed cuddled up next to him and I was the first one up in the morning. I looked at my position and looked at Sirius’s messy hair and peaceful expression. He looked so carefree and it was flabbergasting to realize upon seeing his sleeping form for the first time that they were the same person, just different mindsets.
Everything from the night before had come rushing back to me and I had the sudden urge to throw up but contained it at the last minute. Carefully I pulled the covers from over me and moved slowly out of the warm bed careful to not wake Sirius up from his slumber. Looking around the room I realized that Remus still wasn’t back but figured he was in the castle somewhere.
I walked down the stairs slowly as to not wake up anyone. It was still early in the morning and since it was a Saturday most people were sleeping in. The common room was silent and I was about to leave the room but a small movement caught my eye.
There on the couch staring into the fire was the very person I had been looking for. Remus sat with his back slumped and even from the back view it was obvious how sad he was. I walked over to him cautiously, not because of his secret but because I didn’t want to startle him. I sat down on the floor right in front of him with my legs folded underneath so that our faces were inches away from each other. His eyes were closed and calm as if he was sleeping yet the small crease in between his eyebrows said differently. Cuts littered his face and he was even paler than normal. My heart ached for him and I couldn’t contain myself any longer, I lunged on him and hugged him tightly with him panicking. I let go and sat at my original position as he stared at me surprised. He looked as if he remembered something and started to panic some more as he tried to think of an excuse for the many cuts.
I looked into his eyes and said calmly, “I don’t mind. I wouldn’t mind if you were a three headed pink elephant that had to wear ugly glasses. You’re still the Remus I’ve always known and always will be one of my best friends. You being a werewolf won’t ever change that fact,” His eyes widened and he took two deep breaths still looking me in the eye.
“How did you find out?” He whispered desperately.
“I read a book and I just sort of connected everything. The book was great! It was the journal of a werewolf in Hogwarts who wrote what happened every day in his journal,” I licked my lips trying to decide weather I should go on or not. I decided he needed to know that what happened to Wulfric will not happen to him, “He was depressed because he didn’t have anyone who he could trust or trusted him. But that won’t happen to you because James, Sirius, Peter, Kimi, and I all know and still love you. He thought that he was a monster and had never forgiven himself for what he would do on a full moon. If you think you’re a monster than your not the Remus I know. The Remus I know is smart,” I sobbed.
He stared at me for what felt like an eternity before his eyes swayed away from my face to the fire behind me as he considered what I had said, “You really don’t think I’m a monster?”
“Of course,” I said before I tightly hugged him again, this time him hugging me back.
When the boys and Kimi woke up Remus told them he already knew they knew his secret. They understood completely as I had and life went on as if nothing had happened until a month later. Remus was acting really irritated and this time we knew the reason. It was hard for all of us to not say the wrong things to push his buttons or ignore the dark circles under his eyes. We would give people dark looks whenever they looked at Remus suspiciously and then turn his attention away so he wouldn’t notice. The five of us knew we had to do something to make Remus feel better during the full moons. Even though he said just being his friends made him feel better we couldn’t help brain storming different ways to help him. Our first idea was downright stupid and Peter’s idea which was shot down almost immediately. The first plan was turning into werewolves our selves so we could keep him company. We were staying up in the common room on the first full moon after we found out, none of us could sleep knowing what he was going through.
“That’s the stupidest idea I’ve even heard. Ever. And I’ve heard some stupid ideas,” James mumbled sleepily. It was two in the morning and Peter had just explained his epiphany from the floor where he lay sprawled across the floor while the rest of us were sitting on the couches and in my case, my special chair.
“Well I don’t hear you coming up with anything, do I?” Peter exclaimed to the ceiling. It was true though, before Peter talked all of us were silently engulfed in our own thoughts.
“Hey, I think Peter’s on to something,” Kimi started and we all stared at her with wide eyes.
Now I know Peter’s a great guy and all but sometimes he can be somewhat ignorant and a wee bit of an idiot and yes I do have permission to say those things as I was one of his best friends for how many years before being abandoned.
James was the first to recover from the momentary shock of Kimi’s words, “Kimi, are you sleep talking? ‘Cause if you aren’t I think we should take a little trip to the hospital wing now,” James mockingly said. Upon seeing Peter’s glare he quickly added, “No offence, Peter.”
“I’m not sleeping, silly. I really think he’s on to something. Listen, the point of this is to make the full moons more bearable and keeping werewolf Remus company would do that!” She through her arms up into the air as if to show her brilliance and looked at us expectantly. None of us said anything, preferring to stare at her open mouthed and confused instead. “Of course we wouldn’t turn into werewolves like him but what if there’s a way to keep him company without being in danger of being bitten? That would be great! We could keep him from hurting himself and watch out for people who would be in danger of him! Like body guards or security!” She finished with a big satisfied grin and leaned back into the couch.
“Like what though? It’s not like we’re werewolf proof,” Sirius spoke for the first time in the conversation. He sat with his eyes closed and before that we had thought he was sleeping.
We all thought of different spells and plants but I was the first to come up with something that would actually work, “Animagus,” I said simply. My voice was rough from not saying anything for so long and my eyes were locked on to the moving flames of the fire that never seemed to cease.
“Don’t people have to be born an animagus?” Peter asked confused after a short silence.
“Don’t you ever pay attention?” James muttered grumpily.
“Hey! I resent that!”
Sirius groaned and opened his eyes glaring at the two bickerers, “It’s hard to be an Animagus and will probably take a long time but werewolves can only affect them while there in their human form. I think it’s worth it. And no, wizards can become animagus even if they weren’t born one,” He finished tiredly and closed his eyes again.
“Then it’s settled, were going to become animagus,” Kimi approved nodding her head.
A week later after we did research on how to actually become animagus we told Remus of our new brilliant idea. He wasn’t happy at first because the process is dangerous but he came around to the idea once he realized how stubborn all of us were. We wanted to help Remus and gosh darn it we will help Remus!
The spell is difficult and we haven’t let learned to master it. But the animal that we will turn into had been found out even though we haven’t yet become animagus. You see, there’s this book we found in the library about a month into our research. It’s called So You Want to Be an Animagus and it was in the restricted area but we distracted Madam Prince long enough to grab it. Most of the book was directions on how to perform the spell and wand movements but the first few chapters were quizzes that helped determine which animal we would be. Peter is to be either a mouse or a rat, let’s just say he’s not so happy about that. James is supposed to be a deer or something of that nature. The result of Kimi was a type of monkey, Sirius a dog, and me a lion. We made Remus do the quiz to and his result was a wolf, which freaked us out that the book was so accurate. We’re still working on being Animagus but were getting close and soon we’ll be able to go with Remus for full moons.
Throughout that year us marauders became even bigger friends and trusted each other with everything. At least everyone except Sirius and I. We still kept to ourselves and didn’t even tell each other of each other’s past. Sure we’ve divulged certain aspects that can’t go without saying like my parents being murdered and Sirius growing up in a pure blood infested environment but never have we talked in depth of what it was really like, more like mentioning it in passing and then changing the subject right away. I didn’t tell them about being neglected and poor or stealing in Diagon Alley. Sirius’s past is different in the sense were saying his last name is like saying the lighter aspects of his life. He’s rich and got whatever he wanted as long as it fit his family’s crazy standards. But there’s more to that and even though he doesn’t tell us much we can clue together his many howlers after he does something that “disgraces the noble house of Black,” or how his eyes darken whenever someone ever mentions his family. But not once has anyone specially asked either one of us what life was like or what we were hiding, therefore we didn’t say anything preferring to accidently let something slip or simply ignore it all together. We were getting older though and sooner than later our pasts would catch up. I wasn’t ready to let that happen yet. So in the middle of Forth year when I was to willing to let everything spill something terrible happened so I turned to a regretful form of ignorance and made them forget that fateful night when they actually did find out.