I hear a knock on the door. I open it. Sirius is standing there. “What was that down there?” he asks.
I’m not sure why, but I feel defensive. I know what it looked like, but does it matter?
“None of your business.” I say. He looks hurt.
“Please, Tonks. I’m…You’re my cousin. I care about you.” I glare at him. Isn’t he Remus’ best mate? “You can’t go around snogging Remus like that. You don’t know him.”
I was angry, I’m not sure why, but I was. “He’s your best friend. Why would you have a problem with me snogging him?”
“You don’t know him.” He repeats. “There are things you need to understand.”
“What? I know he’s a werewolf.” I should probably tell him we weren’t snogging. I will of course, after he tells me why he doesn’t want me with Remus.
He looks at me. “I know.” He says, but it sounds like he’s talking about something else.
“I know about Jacob.” No, he couldn’t know that. He was in Azkaban. My eyes are stinging. I shake my head.
“No,” I whisper. “You can’t.”
“Andromeda told me. After I broke out of Azkaban, I wrote to her. I told her I was innocent, and after Dumbledore found out, he backed me up. She wrote to me, things about her life, and yours.” I was shaking my head. No. Jacob was behind me. That was over.
“I know it hurts. I know it does.”
“YOU CAN’T!” I scream. Tears are running down my face. Sirius walks over and hugs me. ol]
“I can. Everyone I loved in life left me. James, my brother, Lily, my sister. Remus thought me a traitor, and I knew Peter had turned. I had no one.” I just shook my head.
“Jacob, are you serious?” I squealed.
“Yeah,” he whispered. I put my hand over my mouth.
“Yes,” I whispered. Tears ran down my face.
That was when I was happy. I was about to graduate Hogwarts and my beautiful boyfriend had just proposed. He was older than I was, by two years. He was an auror, something that I knew I would be someday. He was swinging me around when a silver boar landed in front of us.
“Sutton, we need you. Now. Something went wrong.” A man’s voice came out of the boar. I looked at Jacob.
“You have to go?”
“Yeah,” he said, looking worried. “But hey, I’ll be back.” He smiled at me. That was the last time I saw him. There had been a riot at Azkaban when the Aurors had gone to question someone. He had died, blasted apart as he stepped in front of another Auror. I remember hearing the news. I had screamed. I had been depressed. Mum had almost threatened to put me in St. Mungo’s. That’s when I decided I had to be an auror. Things from then on got better. I stopped thinking of Jacob. I had become happier. Not as happy, but it was a start. My tears were gone, almost as soon as they came. I don’t think anyone else knew that, other than Moody and Kingsley. “Don’t tell anyone,” I ask Sirius.
“Of course not.” He releases me from his hold. “But Moony hasn’t had great experiences either Tonks. It’s not my place to say, but he doesn’t do anything like that lightly. A hug is a major thing.” I think to the hug we had shared earlier. Had that been major?
“Sirius—” I say, but he holds up a hand.
“I know you don’t understand. But if Moony even holds someone’s hand, that’s a big step. That means he cares, a lot.” I open my mouth to tell him that Remus had hugged me earlier, but he shushes me. “Moony’s passionate, but he’s concealed. He won’t show something that he thinks will come back to hurt him. He’s had to learn not to let his emotions show.” He looks at me. I take this to mean that I can talk.
“We weren’t doing anything. I was giving him a massage, to help him relax. I started to take off his shirt, to get to the tense muscle better, but he freaked. Screamed no and turned around, which nearly made me fall and was how I ended up on top of him.”
He looks at me. “Oh.”
“But, I did hug him, earlier. He just looked so upset. I couldn’t help it. He hugged me back.” Sirius’ eyebrows shot up.
“I think I’m going to go back downstairs. You can stay up here if you want, but I must tell you something,” he says, grinning.
“This Moony’s room.” He walks over to the door, and is about to open it when it opens on its own.
“It’s okay, I was just leaving.” Sirius leaves. Then Remus comes in. I try to hide my eyes, I’m certain they are puffy from crying.
“Nympha—Tonks. Just the person I was looking for. I was almost certain you had left.” He smiles. “Poked my head in every door between the living room and here.”
I smile back. I hope I look okay. I’m not sure what to say, and I don’t think he knows either. He walks over and sits next to me. “I’m sorry I didn’t give you a chance to explain,” I say.
“It’s okay. It’s not a big deal.” He says, smiling at me again. I think about that situation. Oh his eyes... I could get lost in his eyes. Such a beautiful silver. Also the thoughts that were going through my mind… I hadn’t thought those things in a long time, about anyone. I glance at my watch. Five o’clock! It’s already that late? “Nympha—Tonks, about earlier…” he doesn’t seem to know what to say.
“Did you feel it too?” I ask, feeling like an idiot. But I have to know.
He doesn’t answer, he just looks at me. I want to kiss him, but Sirius’ words ring in my mind. Moony’s passionate, but concealed. A hug is a major thing. I study his face, but I don’t know what he’s thinking. I bite my lip. I’m not sure how long we sit like that, looking at each other. My mind is racing with different thoughts. You only met him yesterday. But it seems like so long ago. He probably thinks you’re an idiot and is trying to figure out what your question meant. But he hides his emotions. He doesn’t let anything out. You’re not being loyal to Jacob. I breathe in sharply. His eyes widen in surprise.
“Are you okay?”
I just nod. There’s a lump in my throat. I close my eyes. I’m supposed to be over this. Suddenly, I’m very angry. I’m angry at Remus for not answering my question. I’m mad at my mother, for telling Sirius. I’m mad at Sirius, for telling me not to mess with his friend, when his friend is all I’ve thought about since yesterday. Mostly though, I’m angry at Jacob for leaving me. He shouldn’t have done that. I feel a tear roll down my cheek. Now he’s going to know.
“Nymphadora, are you alright?” He sounds concerned, but I don’t care. I jump up. He follows.
“No, I’m not bloody alright.” I scream. I walk to the door. He grabs my arm.
“No,” I scream, tears streaming down my face again. “Just get out.” I push him, hard. He falls out into the hallway, landing with a loud thud. “And don’t call me NYMPHADORA!” I slam the door, and lock it. I can’t even make it to the bed. I just crumple onto the floor. “Why?” I cry out, though my voice is so low that no one could hear. “Why did you leave me?” I cry, my body shaking with each sob. I was supposed to be over this. That was almost five year ago. “Why did you have to go? Jacob, why can’t I get over you?” I can’t say anymore after that. I just cry. I must have fallen asleep at some point, because I feel someone pick me up.
“Jacob?” I ask. No, stupid, it’s not Jacob. He’s dead. Then who? “No,” I mumble. Then I say a little louder. “Remus.” I smile. That is all I remember. I wake up the next day in Remus’ room.