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Notion. by awishuponastar
Chapter 19 : I Need Air
Rating: MatureChapter Reviews: 17

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2n7fh21.png Chapter 19: I Need Air picture by hplouise

 thanks so much to niika at tda for the gorgeous chapter image.

 Reader: It’s all Jo’s.

‘I heard that after the match, the Slytherins take it up the-‘

‘Mr. Sloper,’ Came a loud, shrill voice that could only belong to one ferocious woman, ‘if you finish that sentence, you will no longer be watching this match, and instead you will be serving detention with me.’ McGonagall’s voiced boomed over the crowds (she had clearly hijacked the loudspeaker to reprimand the cocky fourth-year, Jack Sloper).


I couldn’t help but snort in a most eloquent manner, which caused Lily to elbow me fiercely in the ribs.


‘Remember whose house’s stand you are currently sitting in Cal, laughing when a Gryffindor fourth year is getting told off for insulting the Slytherin's is never a good idea.’ She muttered whilst barely moving her lips, her eyes still eagerly following the 14 prat’s pretending that they could actually fly with some sort of skill on the mops they were currently sitting on.


I nodded understanding her rational thinking, before turning away from her and the sodding match that was currently taking place in front of me, to view the rest of the crowd. Even people watching was more interesting than watching a bloody Quidditch match.  


Two girls (they appeared to be fifth-years), like me seemed as uninterested in the match that was unfolding in front of us, as I was, as they were sitting happily chatting away and laughing, completely unaware that their house was winning. I felt some sort of warmth spread to those two Gyrffindor’s, that was until they pointed over to someone making their way back to their seat and then quickly pointed at me before laughing loudly and putting their heads together once more. I whipped round to see who they were pointing at to find that my mood only worsened when I saw who it was.




Of course it was Lupin.


It was only ever going to be Lupin.


Bloody, sodding Lupin, the bane of my bloody life.


‘Oh look Cal, it’s your boyfriend.’ Annie whispered into my ear, making quite sure though that Lily could hear her little comment too, their only amusement recently was laughing at my poor fortune.

They both sniggered at Annie’s highly amusing comment before Lily turned back to the game, and I gave Annie a sharp kick to her left shin, causing her to squeal in pain.




‘Too soon?’ She asked tilting her head to one side and giving me her most guiltless look.


‘Way too soon.’ Lily sighed shaking her head as she answered for me.


‘I still can’t believe you did that with him.’ She snorted, my life and all the crap that came with it, was currently the number one thing that never failed to make Annie and Lily laugh.


‘Shut up! You’re making out like I slept with him!’ I whispered eager for those sitting by to not overhear our conversation. 


'Well you very nearly did.' Annie cackled.


'Shut up! Stop making it so sodding X-rated, it was not like that! We kissed, once' I squealed indignantly.


'Twice,' Annie cackled with a knowing smirk.

'Annie don't do that smirk, I didn't!'
'Stop fighting you two!' Lily sighed, annoyed that her attention was being diverted away from the match. 


‘Well even Annie's ridiculous remarks are better than watching the match.’ I replied.


‘Oh why did I bother bringing you two, two bloody Ravenclaw’s, into the Gryffindor stand, I must be insane!’ She sighed shaking her head. 


‘Hey I’m alright! It’s just Cal, she hates Quidditch, and you were forced to bring her along remember? By Charlie.’ Annie sniggered at my misfortune of having the Gryffindor Quidditch captain as my brother.

‘Bloody brother, he knows I hate it, oh Merlin and I hate these stands they’re so high up and are held up by flimsy pieces of wood.’ I complained twisting my hands in worry as I remembered how high up we really were.


‘Oh calm down Cal, look there’s only like five minutes left anyway.’ Lily sighed clearly getting aggravated at my endless complaints.


‘Not it’s not you liar! I know there’s no set time in a Quidditch match, it’s just an endless game of doom and boredom, I’m not an idiot Lils!’ I exclaimed. 


‘Well yes fine; I lied to shut you up! And its tiered sands, so technically by being at the front, we’re closest to the ground.’ She said wisely hoping this would be the end of the conversation and she could carry on watching the game that her eyes had not been drawn away from for the last hour.


‘That also means that we’re closest to falling over the edge of the stand.’ I said uneasily as I stood up a little and peered over the sickeningly long drop that would face one if they fell.


‘Then just don’t look.’ Lily sighed exasperatedly, as she grabbed the back of my cloak and pulled me back into my seat. 


‘Fine.’ I huffed like a child as I was pulled into my seat. 


I soon resumed my crowd watching past time (there really no was way I was going to be giving the game any real attention, especially when I was forced, by Charlie and Lily, to support a team that had Black and Potter as players). I hastily avoided anything to the right of me, however much I wish to look, because I could not bear to look in the direction of Lupin and feel the same uneasy tension that had plagued me since New Years.




It would, of course, not have been nearly as bad as it actually was if he wasn’t a Gryffindor, or a marauder or someone I despised, or Lupin at all. New Years Eve and my rather intimate hour spent with the certain Gryffindor could instead have been the perfect rebound from Evan. But instead I felt highly nauseous whenever the most insignificant connection was said aloud, or thought in my head. I couldn’t look at the boy; I was simply left in an ever deepening pit of gloom.
I didn’t want to think about it, but the images and my thoughts were endlessly invading my mind, so much so that I could even partially drown out the high erratic screams of Lily, and the annoyingly joyous voice of the eager commentator moaning about Merlin-knows what. I could even, as a result of my worsening mood, ignore the dullest sport on the planet; I could ignore the blasts of coarse language, I could even block out the players speeding past me. Even the commotion that was seemingly taking place in front of me seemed so far away to me, I could hear raised voices and more profanities but it all simply passed me by.




I sighed regrettably, no longer able to sit here and pretend to care about the outcome of the match. I despised both houses; students from each of these houses had caused me enough embarrassment and pain to last a life time. I stood up and began to make my way towards the stairs, having to push myself against the flimsy bloody bit of wood that stopped people falling over the edge of the stand in order to avoid students nobly knees and make a hasty and unnoticed escape from, most prominently, my brother.


If I could escape the shouts and cries of the eagerly watching spectators I would be left alone with my thoughts, I could possibly work out my next steps, because however much I wanted to never have to look at Lupin again, I shared pretty much every lesson with him, which meant that, unfortunately, it had to be resolved.


That notion was almost civil and grown up.


And more worrying it was about Lupin and I becoming more amicable.


I really did need to escape the bustling crowds, there was clearly something very wrong with me.


I edged slowly and awkwardly towards the safe haven of the stairs, eager to be free of being forced to watch a tiresome Quidditch mach. But fate, it seemed wished me to remain where I was, or at least in the Quidditch stands. Fate just had a very harsh and brutal way of keeping me there. 


Because one moment I was edging towards the stairs, and the next I had been heavily winded by Merlin-knows what. I stood for a moment trying to realise what the bloody hell had exactly happened as the crowd around me gasped in a most thespian like manner, before a familiar wave of nausea (though for the first time in two weeks I was not as a result of Lupin) came over me and I suddenly felt ever so dizzy that I could no longer see so clearly. The world in front of me was becoming unsettled; I could no longer hear what anyone was saying, though I was desperately trying to make out what Lily was mouthing to me as I tottered slightly on my feet. I felt almost drunk as I swayed from side to side, and I suddenly felt ever so tired and desperate for my warm and cosy bed, the only good thing that seemed to come from this strange loss of my five senses was I no longer felt the pain of being winded. If only I could focus on what the bloody hell Lily was whinging on about, why the hell did she look hysterical? I was the one who’d just been sodding hit by Merlin-knows what!


And then suddenly Lily’s face disappeared from view as I felt something push me forward as I continued to sway uncertainly on my feet. And then suddenly I was no longer forced against the flimsy wooden board of the stands, it felt almost as if I was falling, but that couldn’t be, because that would mean I was falling over the edge of the stands and I certainly wouldn’t let that happen to me, I was no idiot thank you very much.


And yet I still continued to fall, without really feeling like I was, because I couldn’t hear or feel anything, and I surely would have felt the motion of falling, and I definitely couldn’t see myself falling, though in all honesty I couldn’t seen anything.


But then the feeling stopped as abruptly as it had started and I felt suddenly warm and comforted, and I could half hear shouting and screams and a soft voice saying my name.


And then there was nothing.


This was why I never attended Quidditch matches.


You suffocate my mind,
And now my atmosphere is crowded
And you being here is making me blow.
I Need Air – Magnetic Man
Reader: I know this took forever to update but the stress of exams and uni and student finance and finding somewhere to live is ever so stressful. However you will be happy to know that now my attention to this story ahs returned and I will be updating soon I promise. Read and review please :)

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