The coldest day of winter so far was coming to an abrupt halt; nothing was moving, nothing was changing, as the silence filled the cool December air in the dismal graveyard. It was quiet, too quiet for any normal human being to understand. There wasn't any other word for the utterly scary silence that filled the lasting air. It was dark, and nothing moved, no one spoke, not even an owl in the night sky uttered a hoot. There was nothing but an unbreakable vow of silence. And this silence was unremarkably freighting.
Beyond the bare forest trees, the snow covered tomb stones, if someone looked closely, there in the distance could be seen the outline of a fair child. It was a girl, mere eighteen, her blue eyed gaze staring, unmoving, at the sight before her. There in the dark stood a new, lone tome stone, no snow or leaves covering the sight. The young lady didn't move. She didn't blink, just stared into the darkness, into the dark abyss of loneness, at the marble. The silence accepted her, with little effort. It welcomed her into the quiet, into the nothingness. It welcomed her to become a part of it. And she, the lone girl, in return welcomed the quiet.
The young lady wasn't frightened; she wasn't scared of the silence. She was just tired, her eyes, worn and bloodshot, continued to stare at the marvel before her. Her young mind was blank; it was a sea of darkness and bitterness, with no thought process among it. It was a dark tunnel with no light at the end of the journey. She wasn't sure what to think, or what to do. She couldn't process the things that were happening among her life. She didn’t grasp what happened, or even if it was real. It just seemed like a dream, with no ending, but a middle of everlasting sorrow. Mostly, she just know that it all just seemed to be an endless cycle; one in which she couldn’t find the off switch. She didn't want to believe the sight before her. She didn’t want to believe it all.
He was gone.
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It was dark, cold and damp, when it had begun one night twelve years before. It was a friendship that would be a mark of a lifetime, the one that was one of a kind. It started when a little girl had been sitting underneath a leafless tree, her gaze staring up among the stars, the silence filling the empty air around her. She wasn't frightened; she never was, - even being that she was only the age of five – nothing scared her. She didn’t have a fear or a care in the world. She just sat watching the stars, her gaze never leaving the beautiful sight of the endless fireflies in the dark night blue sky. She found them peaceful, and caring. She enjoyed the way they twinkled and sparkled; they reminded her very much of fireflies.
"Lucy?" She heard his voice call her name, but her blue eyed gaze didn't move, they didn't leave the twinkling stars, the fireflies. She could feel someone sit next to her, pushing her a little, so that he too was sitting among the bare tree. She smiled, but didn't look his way. "You shouldn't be alone." He whispered to her, but followed her gaze. “What are you doing out here?”
She laughed, filling the air of her father’s childhood home. "I like it better that way, being alone." She whispered, her voice ringing like an angel. She was never one for crowds, something that was hard with a family as big as hers. She felt like everyone expected her to be someone that she wasn’t. She loved her family, but even at the age of five, they still tried to plan out her life, what she was going to be. She was tiny for her age, but had the intelligent of someone far beyond her years. Her grandmother always said she got it from her. She heard him mutter something as he shook his head. This made her laugh, "Hmm?"
"What are you looking at?"
"The fireflies, aren’t they pretty?" She said simply, knowing he wouldn't understand - no one ever did. She was different, someone who saw the world in gray, or full of color, instead of black and white. Her blues eyed gaze looked away from the stars, resting peacefully on the boy beside her. She gave a fair giggle as he looked at her, a look of pure puzzlement on his young face. "The stars, they remind me of fireflies." She added her gaze once again rising back to the stars in the night sky.
"You're strange." She heard him whispered, but didn't correct him. She just laughed. He had come to her that night, when no one else would. The rest of her family was scared of her; they didn’t understand what she saw. But he, he came to her – someone not even a part of her family – and began a friendship no one else could foresee. That been the start of fireflies, fairytales, princesses, and pirates ships.
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He was gone.
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It was raining, but she didn't care. She didn't want this year to end; what she wanted was for it to last forever. She was scared at facing a new year alone, one without her best friend. He would be away training, and she would be stuck sitting in a classroom, taking notes, and waiting for everything to sink it. She wasn't frightened, but she was alone. Over the years, she had come to realize that once you have acquired a friendship, beyond anything anyone could imagine, it was hard to go back to being alone. Or to even let go of that friendship. It felt lonely, something she wasn’t use too.
She was lonely. After years of being okay, she was lonely. She knew that she had her cousins, - who would lookout for her and annoy her at random moments - but nothing was like having that friend who was your best mate. Especially, when she wasn’t a part of the family like everyone else; she was different. She was the black sheep, someone who saw the world from a different view; something which sometimes wasn’t always a bad thing.
"Lucy?"
She heard his voice, and couldn't help but smile. He always seemed to find her, when she didn’t want to be found. She looked up at him, laughing at his choice of hair color for the day. "Hi." She whispered, up to the seventeen year old, before looking back out at the lake. She could feel him sit down, feeling him push her so he could sit against the tree, just like when she was five, and he was nine. "Why aren't you up at the feast?" She asked him.
"Why aren't you?" He asked, raising his eyebrow at her, placing his arm around her shoulders.
"Very funny," She whispered, not looking up. It was hard enough, being alone when she didn't want to be, but it was even harder being in company when she craved being alone. She was confused; she didn’t know what she wanted in that moment. She didn’t want the year to end, because she didn’t want him to leave her. She knew that when he left none of it would be the same. It would all become the past, nothing of what had happened over the past few years would matter. They would become worlds apart. She didn’t think that she was ready for that. "I don't want this year to end." She whispered, hugging her knees, and placing her chin upon the, as she closed her eyes. "What am I going to do next year?” She asked, squeezing her already shut eyes harder. It was easier to pretend like it was all a dream.
“What do you really want to say, Luce?”
“What am I going to do without you?”
“See was that so hard to say?”
“Yes.”
"You'll be fine, Luce, because you're going to write to me every day, and I'm going to come visit when you have trips in town." He stated, hugging her. "Besides, I'm always be with you, if you look up at the fireflies." He whispered, kissing her hair. She smiled, letting go of her knees, before resting her head on his shoulder. This made her feel better, but she still wasn't sure how she was going to make it.
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He was gone.
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“Lucy, I need to talk to you.”
She heard his voice from behind he; it was seeping with regret and anger, but she didn’t stop. She couldn’t. Her legs kept running, moving forward on the street, the sounds of her footsteps echoing in the silence. She was puzzled. She was hurt. Why hadn’t he told her? Why did she have to find out the truth by seeing it first hand? Life was cruel, and now she had no one to go to, no one to stop the tears from falling. He had lied to her. He had lied to her face, something he never had done before. Something she thought he never would do. The sad truth was that hurt. It felt like a hole was inside her.
“Lucy, stop!” He yelled to her, grabbing hold of her arms at last. She wasn’t getting away from him. He needed to explain to her. He needed her to understand the truth. She needed the truth.
“Why should I?” Lucy said, looking up at him. Her eyes were red and puffy, a clear sign that she had been crying, but she wasn’t now. She wasn’t going to let him see her cry. To her, it wasn’t worth it. He had already lost her trust, lost her. She shook her head, before looking away.
“I’m getting married, Lucy, and to be honest, I didn’t want you to find out this way.” He said to her, putting his hand underneath her chin, pulling it up towards him, locking his eyes with hers. “I was waiting for the right time to tell you. I just didn’t know how. Luce, I didn’t want you to act like this. It isn’t a big deal; I’ll still be your best friend.”
“Yeah, right, I haven’t heard that before.” She muttered, shaking his hand off of her. She didn’t want him touching her. She didn’t want him near her.
“Come on, Luce, remember the fireflies.”
“I’m not going to listen to the stupid fairytales that we feed ourselves when we were younger.”She pushed him away, as he tried to hug her. She was over this. She was over living a lie. That was what it was; he was never hers, this was all just some cruel joke. “I don’t believe in fairytales, what is the point when you just get hurt anyway. Somehow or someway you will always get hurt.” Lucy stated, turning away from him. This time she was going to leave, she was going to walk away. She was going to be strong.
“Lucy, come on now.”
Lucy turned to look at him, tears slowly appearing in the corner of her eyes. She shook her head, looking him in the eyes before speaking, “No, I will not. You could have told me. NO! You should have told me. However, I found out this way. I found out, not from you, but from James. James, of all people, told me the truth. Something you should have done in the first place, but you didn’t. That is cruel, especially when I am supposed to be your best friend. We tell each other everything; we have no secrets. However, I guess I’m not.” This time, she was gone.
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He was gone.
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“Hey Lucy,” a voice said from behind her. She didn’t move. She didn’t look up at him; she just stood there, staring out at the snow. She didn’t want to talk to him. It was Christmas holiday, something she hadn’t been looking forward to since summer break. She was still healing, not just from losing her best friend, but from her heart breaking. “How was school?”
“Good,” She said, simply.
“Good, that’s good.” He whispered, looking at her. “Are you glad to be home?”
“No,” it was short, and to the point.
“Oh,” He sighed, “well, I’m glad you’re back.”
“Can’t you take a hint?” She asked him. He was starting to bug her and not just now, but every day since the day she had returned to school. He had written to her every single day from the time she had left him in the street in the middle of London, until she arrived home a few days before, when he decided to show up on her door step, begging her father to let him in and repair the damage that had been done. She, however, hadn’t made any move to repair the relationship they had. She figured some things were just better left in the past. She would be going off to Romania in the summer after school was out, and living with her Uncle Charlie anyway, so what was the point to repair something that was no longer there.
“I know you; you are bound to forgive at some point.”
“Don’t get your hopes up,” She muttered, staring up at the stars. Sometimes she missed the randomness of youth, when nothing mattered, other than fairytales, and love. It was easier then.
“I’ve missed you,” He whispered.
“Really, I didn’t gather that from the ten million letters you sent me,” She spat. She had never written him back, even though she waited for those letters every morning. She had every one, tucked away in her trunk, neatly folded and persevered from any damage. She knew every word that he wrote, and every letter that he sent. She knew it all, but she never wrote him back. Not once, not at all. She wouldn’t admit it, but she missed him too. She missed his smile, his laugh, and just having him there. But deep down inside herself, she felt like it was truly over between them. “Oh, you know and trying to knock down my front door.”
“You never wrote back.” He signed, “I didn’t have any other choice but to try.”
“I was busy,” She stated, crossing her arms, before being turned to face him; his hands resting on her shoulders.
“Lucy, please, I am begging you. Please stop this.” He said, his eyes pleading with hers. They were red and swollen, almost as if he had been crying. “I miss you. I need you.”
She just stared at him, willing herself not to give in. “I – I missed you, too.” She said finally, hugging him.
“Good,” He whispered, before leaning his head back, so that he could see her, without letting go of her. Snow had started to fall, making everything around them became a white wonderland. She wasn’t sure what happened next, or even if she understood why it did, but he leaned down and kissed her, his lips touching her.
“Lucy! Teddy! Dinner!” Someone screamed out the door, breaking the duo apart.
Teddy smiled at her, before whispering, “I love you, Luce, you’ll always be mine.”
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But, he was gone.
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“You lied to me.” She spat to him, throwing random things of his into a box lying on her bed. They weren’t really things of his, but rather things that he had given her; Things that reminded her of him. She didn’t want any part of it anymore. He had kissed her and told her he loved her over Christmas, something she wasn’t likely to forget, but forgot to mention he was still with her cousin.
“I didn’t lie to you, Lucy.” He said, sitting in a chair, in her room.
“Umm, yeah, I think you did.” She spat at him, throwing a shirt into the box. If she kept going, at this rate, her entire room would be in boxes.
“Would you stop packing?” He asked, getting up and putting the thing back in their rightful place.
“No, I will not. You can have all your things back. You can have everything, the memories, the happiness; it is all a fairytale, one huge pointless fairytale, something for a little girl to believe in. Something to believe in, because she had nothing else; you can take it all back, Teddy.” Lucy said, glaring at him as he put stuff back, causing her to grab her wand, making everything fly into the box on her bed.
“Lucy, stop it. I’m doing this to hurt you. I’m doing this because it’s my life, and you are my best friend.”He said, annoyed. He was tired of being called a liar to her. He wasn’t. He was just trying to figure things out, something that wasn’t easy when he kept being called out about stuff that he hadn’t told her yet.
“That’s it?” She turned to him, hands on her hips.
“Yes?”He wasn’t sure. However, he didn’t know how to tell her that.
“Then why did you kiss me?”
“I-I, just stop Luce, you’re my best friend.”
“You’re wrong, Teddy. We have been soul mates since the day you came to me when I was five years old and you we nine.” Lucy sighed looking at him, her eyes shining their crystal blue. “We looked at the fireflies; it was the start of our friendship and the start of our life. WE are soul mates, not you and her.” She finished, throwing her arms into the air, before turning away from him.
“Lucy, stop it.” He grabbed a hold of her shoulders, making her look him in the eye. “Why do you say that?” He needed to understand. He had to understand, and then maybe he would figure out what his heart was trying to say.
“Because I have been in love with you since that day, since I was that little girl. I was different. I was the outcast, and you, you were perfect. You were everyone’s favorite. And, Teddy, you choose me.”
“I-i-“
“I love you. I always have and I always will. You’ll have to deal with it.”
He let go of her, moving toward the door. “I’m not taking that stuff back.” He added, opening the door.
“She broke up with me.”
“What?” But he was gone.
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The one thing that she feared most had come true. She had lost her best friend. She knew it was stupid; she knew she should be at home, remembering all the times he had shared with them, with her family, crying and laughing. But she couldn't. She couldn't face them, not when her heart was screaming that this was her fault. That if she had only pushed harder for him to stay, instead of watching him walk away. He would still be here, smiling and laughing, telling her she was stupid, before putting his arms around her, like always
However, he was gone.
He wouldn't be coming back. She wouldn't see his perfect smile, when she had done something right. She would no longer hear his angel like voice, or him shouting to have his way. She wouldn't be able to see his random blue hair, amongst her pale fingers. It was all gone. He was gone. Everything they were was gone.
“Lucy?” She heard her name being screamed, but she didn’t move from her spot in the snow. She couldn’t. She was frozen in reality of the loss that was before her. She was frozen in time. Nothing seemed to matter as much as the loss that was before her. She didn’t know what she was going to do without her best friend. She didn’t know how to face the world without him giving her, his every day dose of reality. “Lucy?” She heard the angelic voice again, before feeling a soft hand on her shoulder.
“Victoire?” Lucy looked up at her, giving her a quizzing look. She didn’t understand why she would be here. Why the person that he was engaged to would be kneeling next to her, instead of crying with their family? “What are you doing here?” She asked the older girl.
“I’m here to make sure you’re okay.” She replied lightly, squeezing the eighteen year olds shoulders. “I noticed you weren’t at the service today, and when you didn’t show up at Grandma’s Molly’s I got scared that something might have happened to you too.” She whispered into the stillness.
“Why?” Lucy asked, shrugging her cousin’s hand from her shoulders. She knew in her heart that the older cousin didn’t care for her like the rest of the family. They were family, yes, but they weren’t close. “You don’t even care about me, Victoire.” Lucy spat, willing herself to move, or stand up and walk away from her, but nothing happened. She couldn’t. She wasn’t ready to leave him, not yet.
“That isn’t true, Lucy, and you know it isn’t.” Lucy heard her cousin say softly. She could tell she was hurt, but she didn’t know that she cared. She had never shown she had before so why would she start now. “I worry about you; I always have. I’m sorry I haven’t shown that.”
“Really?” Lucy looked up at her, raising her eyebrow. She didn’t want her to be here. This was her time with Teddy; it was her time to be alone with him. “Why start now?” She asked her. For once she wanted to know the truth. “Why now? Why the day he is buried and placed into the ground do you want to show you care about me? This was supposed to my time with him, but you have to come and ruin it, like always.” She spat, once more. However, tears began to fall down her pale cheeks. She couldn’t do this. She couldn’t be here anymore. She needed to go home. She needed to feel safe. But the only person she felt safe with was gone.
“He cared about you.”
Lucy looked up at her, tear falling down her cheeks, as well as her cousin. She couldn’t help but shake her head at her. It wasn’t true. If he cared about her, he wouldn’t have left. He would have said goodbye. No, he would have stayed with her. He would be here now. “No, Victoire, Teddy cared about you. He loved you.” Lucy whispered.
“No, Lucy, I was always second best.” Victoire whispered back, wrapping her arms around herself. Lucy could tell she was telling the truth, but somewhere deep inside she was scared to listen. She didn’t want to hear this now. She didn’t want to hear any of it. She just wanted Teddy back.
“Who could compare to you, Victoire?” Lucy asked her, after a long silence.
“You.”
“What?” Lucy looked up at her, puzzled by her answer. That couldn’t be right. She wasn’t anything compared to her. Victoire was perfect, whereas she was dysfunctional. Teddy could never have loved her the way he loved Victoire. It wasn’t possible, was it? “No, you’re lying. He loved you. I’m nothing compared to you.”
“Lucy, I want you to know the truth. And I want you to know that I am so sorry that I did what I did. I shouldn’t have. I’m sorry.” Victoire said, tears falling harder than before. Lucy looked over at her cousin, nodding her head for her to continue. She wasn’t sure she wanted to know what she had to say. Mainly because if Victoire was sorry than you knew it was something bad. And Lucy wasn’t sure she could handle anything worst than losing her best friend. “When Teddy asked me to marry him, I told him yes when I knew in my heart I should have said no. I was jealous of you, Lucy. I thought that if I said yes then I was would be his. He would be mine. That he wouldn’t care so much about you. But then you found out, and he was so upset and terrified that he had lost you. All I heard about was you.” She paused, looking at Lucy with eyes asking of forgiveness. Lucy wasn’t sure she wanted to hear anymore. She didn’t know what to think of it all. “I knew then that deep down he would never love me the way he loved you. He always belonged to you. You knew that, but he didn’t know it yet. I knew it was going to take some time for him to realize that he had met his soul mate when he was nine years old and she was five.”
“You knew?” Lucy asked. She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. She didn’t know if it was true or if it was a lie. But the look in her cousin’s eyes told her all she needed to know. It was true. Everything she was saying was true.
“I always did.”
“How?”
“I’ve known since Christmas. I was looking for Teddy, and someone said he had gone outside. When I went to look for him, I saw you two outside looking up at the stars. I stood there and watch you two, and I realized something very important. That was where he was meant to be. The way he looked at you, was the way my father looks at my mother, the way grandma looks at grandpa. It was love, true love, the kind you only hear about in fairytales. Then he kissed you. I knew then that you two were meant to be.” Victoire said, standing up. She brushed off the snow, before leaning down and giving Lucy a hug. She didn’t have anything else to say, and knew that it was over. That this war the two cousins had been fighting in was over for good. “Don’t stay in the snow for too long.” She whispered before walking away.
Lucy watched her walk away, with nothing to say. She was speechless. She was cold. But most of all, she realized she wasn’t alone. No matter how much she was hurting, she knew that there would always be someone hurting far worse than she was. Because having to watch the person you love, love someone else was harder than anything anyone could imagine.
“Hey Ted,” Lucy blinked away the tears forming. She would cry, not now. He wouldn’t want that. He would want her happy, laughing, and having a good time; anything but upset or sad. Sighing, she looked up at the stars before continuing. “I miss you. I miss you more than anything in this world. I wish you could be sitting here next to me, instead of being up there.” She paused, feeling the tears coming on. “I can’t believe, you know, that you’re gone. I feel like you’re still with me. I guess that is how everyone feels, because you’ll always be in my heart. I don’t know if that’s enough, Teddy, but I’m going to try for you. We’re soul mates, so don’t go hitting on any lady’s wherever you are.” Lucy laughed. “I should have tried harder to get you to stay. It’s my fault that you left on that mission and didn’t return. I should have stopped you. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” She couldn’t take it anymore. It was all her fault, and he was gone because of it. “I hope someday you can forgive me. I love you. I’ll never forget the fireflies.” She whispered; bringing her fingers to her lips and giving them a kiss, before placing it on Teddy’s name.
Lucy stood up, her eyes red with tears, but that didn’t stop her from looking up at the fireflies. She smiled when she noticed one was shinning brighter than the rest. He had found a place among the stars, something she only wished she could do. And now he was her own firefly, up there looking down on her. He was hers forever. Sighing, Lucy started to walk out of the cemetery. She knew she would be back, probably everyday for the rest of her life, but as she looked once more at her firefly, she knew in her heart that he forgave her. And that he love her.
It was hard to believe that it was all over. His life, her happiness, and their future together. Their fairytales, everything that made her who she was, had been whisked away. No one understood them - their friendship - at times she didn't even understand it herself. They just were. He was a nine; she was five, and they were linked together by the fireflies.
AN: This is random I know, but it just came to me and I couldn't stop writing. I hope you like it. I would love to hear what you think.
Maria
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