Chapter 1 : Hurt
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She stood on the small mound of earth at the back of her house with her hands hanging limply at her sides, watching as the sun made its slow descent behind the large, black clouds. She had been in that same spot for a while now and her mother, well past her point of frustration, had given up trying to convince her only child to come inside before it rained.
The thunder’s deafening clap echoed across the darkening sky causing her to shift slightly, placing her weight on one leg then another until she was satisfied. The lightning, she was sure, came before it, somewhere across the moor, prolonging the day a bit more before the darkness swooped in and swallowed them all.
Closing her eyes tightly, she raised her arms out so that her palms faced upward. Holding her head back, she inhaled deeply; trying to fill her lungs with as much of the fresh air as she possibly could and waited. She waited for the tiniest drop of water to fall upon her pale skin and sure enough, there it was. And then there was another, and another and still another until the heavens broke and unleashed their assault on her lone, shivering frame. Each drop falling with increasing force, so much so that it stung her but that was alright; it was what she wanted.
She wanted to feel the physical pain of the news she was brought that same afternoon. She wanted to fill the emptiness in her chest with something that would actually make her cry. She did not want this dull pain eating away at her anymore.
As the tears began to flow, a low wail escaped her lips and her soaked body was racked with sobs. The rain had diluted her tears so much that she could no longer taste the salt.
Falling to her knees, she hung her head low, ignoring the mud that had splashed up from the growing puddles onto her face. For all it was worth, she knew she should have seen this coming. This betrayal...this abandonment. That he would no longer want her. No, not want, need. That after all they had been through for over the past twenty years, he would throw her away like garbage.
I’m getting married.
The words still stung her. She could feel his neat scrawl being burnt onto her retina over and over again so that she wanted to rip her eyes from their sockets just so she wouldn’t have to see those offensive words ever again.
She wanted to laugh now but only a harsh sound came out. I’m sorry, he said, as if that could heal the gaping hole in her chest, as if that could reform her heart and put it back into place.
In her oblivion, in her madness, she felt an iron grip encircle her arm pulling her roughly up off the ground and dragging her backwards. She reached pathetically for the mound, her haven but the arm would not let her. She soon found herself in an oddly familiar place as she struggled beneath the arm’s hold and slipped on the tiles. Suddenly, she was released. It was him, he had come to her but he was not happy. His normally pale face was flushed with rage, his grey eyes looked livid as he made several gesticulations and gestures and movements with his hands to somewhere beyond his reach.
His mouth was open and his lips were moving but she could not hear a sound. She felt his cold hand on her shoulder, gripping it tightly, forcing her to look into his eyes and she did. He steered her back towards him, pushing her down in front of the fire.
She watched as he removed her soiled, wet robes and replaced them with something soft and thick – a blanket. He was talking to her again, she noticed but this time he seemed much calmer than before.
“What were you thinking?” his hands found her face and cupped it, brushing away a wet strand of her hair with his thumb.
“That you abandoned me,” she managed out painfully, “that you left me for her.”
He sighed, his hands dropping from her face. “I would never abandon you, you’re my best friend.”
She bowed her head; the only thing she could bring herself to say was ‘oh’. His lips brushed her forehead as he pulled her into his arms and she exhaled slowly. Nothing had changed. She was still on the outside looking in at his new life, a place where she was given a new label. Friend. But it was not enough.
It would never be enough.
Author's Note: Inspired by ciararose's Motivation. I hope you liked this. If you did tell me why, if you didn't, still tell me why =]