Chapter 1 : Sleepwalker
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Ron and Hermione had to drag me out of the tower and down to breakfast. I don’t remember the walk there, didn’t see Neville when he waved to me. I didn’t touch the eggs or sausages Hermione piled onto my plate, didn’t look at the pumpkin juice Ron poured me. My eyes were elsewhere, watching the blonde from across the room. How could he act so normally? Didn’t he care at all? Didn’t he care that he’d destroyed me?
Care of Magical Creatures. Hagrid was teaching us something about hinkypunks, but I wasn’t listening. I was watching the blonde again. How could he be so happy? How could he make jokes with his friends and not once look in my direction? Didn’t he ever think about me anymore? Didn’t he ever wonder how I was handling it? He was all I thought about, all day and all night. He haunted me.
Ron and Hermione decided we should study outside, thought the fresh air would do me good. I was indifferent. Inside or out, I still felt the same. No amount of sun and fresh air would have any effect, I was quite sure. They were bickering again, something about Ron wanting Hermione to let him copy her essay on poisons. I hadn’t even begun my own essay.
There he was again, walking by the edge of the lake with that slimy toad Parkinson. I wondered vaguely if he’d crawled into her bed right after he left me. Ouch. That one hurt. My heart gave a painful stab as I watched Parkinson laugh at something he’d said, stretch up on her toes and kiss his cheek. I stood, letting my books fall to the ground as I made my way across the grounds. Ron and Hermione were calling after me. I ignored them.
Parkinson left when she saw me approaching. His eyes were fixed on me, almost frightened. I stopped a few feet away from him. We stared at each other for a few moments in silence.
“Potter,” he said quietly.
“Fuck you,” I replied.
“Don’t you fucking dare call me Potter—not after all we’ve been through. You think you can fuck me for six months straight and then dump me on my arse and start calling me Potter? Fuck you!”
“Have you lost your mind?”
“Yeah, I fucking well have. You were everything to me! Fucking everything, Draco! What was I to you?!”
“Harry, please, people are looking—”
“I don’t give a fuck. Let them look. What did I mean to you?!”
“Harry I’m not going to—”
“Answer me! You were everything I’d ever wanted!” I was crying, the tears hot against my skin. My voice was hoarse from shouting. The cheery conversation of the other students had died. They were all watching us. But that was just fine. Let them stare. I needed his answer. “What did I mean to you?!”
“Nothing.” His voice was quiet. “You meant nothing. Just a fuck.” I felt my entire world shatter at that moment. I fell to my knees, my heart beating painfully. I couldn’t breathe. I heard him walk past me towards the school. I was well aware that everyone was still standing, whispering now about how Harry Potter had finally lost it.
“Everything,” I whispered as Ron and Hermione kneeled beside me.
“What’s that, mate?” Ron asked quietly.
“He’s everything I want.” I took a deep, shuddering breath as the tears fell faster. “But he doesn’t want me.”
I keep running into walls that I can’t break down.
I said I just wander around
With my eyes wide shut because of you.
I’m a sleep walker.
Let me out of this dream.
Inspired by Adam Lambert's "Sleepwalker". The lyrics at the end belong to him.
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