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Chapter 7 : You Enjoy the Breaking, Don't You?
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“You're denying that you were out with Malfoy?” James glared at me, and I shook my head – of course I didn't deny it. What was the point, anyway? “And you're not denying that you were stealing Firewhiskey from the Three Broomsticks?”
“That's different,” I said with a groan. “I didn't know that they were stealing.”
I yawned, which made James stop his interrogation for a moment. For a second it looked as if he wanted to tell me to go to bed. Albus had gone to bed a while ago, and it was just me and James up – which was extremely rare for a Friday night.
“Are you done being mad at me?” I said with a tired voice when it became clear to me that he wasn't speaking up again.
“No,” James replied stubbornly. “You lied to me.”
Yeah, right. Like that was the reason for him being angry. Not bloody likely. I raised an eyebrow and he huffed. I leaned back against the couch and closed my eyes. I could've fallen asleep right there. That was how tired I was, which was weird given how long I had slept.
“I didn't lie,” I said slowly, “I just didn't tell the whole truth.”
“Nott was there. I did hang out with her.”
I opened one of my eyes to see his reaction. He looked at me as soon as I mentioned her name and I had to keep from laughing at his expression. He looked as if he would've given anything to have been there.
He noticed how I looked at him and threw a pillow at me. Hard.
“Ouch,” I moaned and sat up straight. “You're such a jerk.”
James just flashed a grin – he'd been called worse. I asked him what time it was, and he answered that it was close to 1 am, and mentioned that we really should be in bed by now.
“You mean we're done now?” I said hopefully and he grimaced. It was obvious that he wanted to continue the conversation – he was dying to know what was going on between Scorpius and I. After tonight, I wasn't so sure myself, to be honest.
“Fine, off to bed with you, Rosie,” he said and smiled widely at my reaction to the name – a low groan. I hated it. “But first, we hug it out.”
“Excuse me?” I gaped when I was in the middle of getting up of the couch. Had I just heard him right? I looked at him shocked. He must've heard that from my mother. James and I, hugging. Now, that was a pretty rare thing.
“You heard me. Come give your cousin a hug.”
Reluctantly, I walked over to him – half expecting him to burst out in laughter and tell me that he's just pulling my leg. But, no. He was actually serious, and when I got close enough – he gave me a real bear hug. I just kind of stand there and wait for him to be done with it.
“Now, now, Rosie. It's only a real hug if both people are actually -”
I interrupted him by putting my arms around his waist and hugging him as hard as I could – he hissed. I hated to be called Rosie. I squeezed a bit harder and he began to chuckle.
“There you go,” he managed to say and I relaxed a bit. He moved his mouth to my ear and whispered, “You know, you deserve better than Malfoy.”
It was probably so that no one would overhear him that he whispered, even though we were all alone. I ended the hug quickly and stared at him.
“It's not like that!” I hurried to say. “I mean, we're not... it's not. We're friends.”
James seemed to relax somewhat as I said that, and soon after that, he headed towards the boys dormitory.
With a small shake of my head, I went to the girls.
Breakfast the next day was awkward by the Gryffindor table. Lucas, who had ratted me out the previous night, had walked up to James and expected that he'd be welcomed back by his friend now that he'd done something 'right'. James had simply stared at him as if he was completely mad. No completely unlike a dog with his tail between his legs, he'd walked to sit somewhere else. If I hadn't been so angry with him, then I might've felt a bit bad for him because of how miserable he looked in that moment – but I was angry at him. So I didn't feel bad.
I took another bite of my half-eaten bread and swallowed hard as Hugo asked me if I'd had fun last night. James, Albus and Lucas all looked up at his question and looked at me. All of them wanting to hear my answer.
“Uh...” I began and took a small sip of my Pumpkin juice before I continued, “Yeah, I had fun.”
“So... You're, well, back?”
“Back?” I raised one eyebrow at his question. Leave it to the brother to ask the stupid questions.
“Back to, you know, normal. You've been kinda weird lately. You know, more weird than usual.”
Albus cleared his throat and Hugo hissed. Albus had apparently kicked his leg under the table. I glanced over at Lucas. He was looking at me, I noticed. I snorted inwardly as I looked away, and I wondered why he wasn't drooling over Melinda instead. Then I sighed as I thought about Hugos question. Did even my little brother find me abnormal? Seriously? Had it gone that far?
“I thought I was,” I mumbled and Hugos eyes widened slightly. I waved my hand. “Sure, I haven't been around as much as I used to. But I've still been me.”
“Nah,” Hugo said without much thought. “You've been more bitter than usual. You've become such a pessimist.”
“Do you even know what that mean?” James drawled at Hugo and Hugo glared at him. “What? You're so little.”
Was that what I was? A bitter pessimist? Well, Hugo was right – I had been less bitter, and less of a pessimist. When I'd been a kid I'd believed in the fairytales and I had believed in everlasting love and all that stuff. I had believed that anything was possible with the right attitude. Now, it didn't seem like I was even possible of moving on.
I sent a small glare in Lucas' direction but he wasn't looking when I did so. I felt so weak and that wasn't a feeling that I liked. Lucas looked up just as I was about to look away from him and our eyes met. He'd caught me staring at him. I could only imagine how good that made the jerk feel. I was completely unable to look away from him.
It felt as if someone had placed a rock on my chest. That's when I remembered that I had to breathe. With a shaky breath I became able to think again and broke eye contact.
I wasn't in the mood for breakfast anymore, so I pushed the plate away from me. I got a very strong desire to take the plate and crash it to the floor, but I restrained myself. Why did I allow Lucas to get to me? I hated feeling like this. So powerless. It was awful.
I could feel that he was still looking at me – and finally I couldn't take it any longer, so I stood up and began to walk away as I heard James curse at Hugo.
“What? What'd I do?”
I rolled my eyes, poor little oblivious Hugo. Though, I wasn't upset with him for asking me. If it was him, then I would've wanted to know as well. So I guess I understood where he was coming from. In the corner of my eye, I saw how Lucas got up from his seat and I prayed to Merlin that he wouldn't follow me. Then again, why would he?
I walked out of the Great Hall and began to make my way to the Gryffindor common room. Which, in hindsight, might've been a bad idea – since Lucas was a Gryffindor, too. He followed me all the way up there, and walked right behind me through the portrait. I could've easily fled in to the girls dormitory, but that would've been as if to let him win and I wasn't about to let him.
Instead, I turned around and faced him. He still had that miserable expression going on, but I wasn't about to fall for it. He could look every bit as much as a little puppy, but he wouldn't get any sympathy from me. Nuh-uh. I avoided looking directly in to his eyes, though. Just to be safe.
“You're mad at me,” Lucas mumbled.
“Gee, you think?” I blurted out and then I closed my mouth after I realized that I'd spoken.
I began to laugh. Yeah, my mental health had surely gone out the window. He was sorry. He had said it again. I found it absolutely hilarious in that moment. Lucas just seemed to wait for me to calm down. I wiped a tear away, a result of me laughing too hard.
“Oh, that's a good one. You being sorry,” I said as I had calmed down somewhat. Lucas rolled his eyes.
“What, you don't think I'm capable of being that? Really?” He seemed almost offended. “Hugo is right you know, you're just not normal anymore.”
I wanted to slap him. Because it felt as if I'd just been slapped myself. I turned and began to walk away, but Lucas grabbed my arm and turned me to face him again.
“Is it because of me?” Lucas whispered softly and my chest clenched. “I mean, you need get over it.”
“I can't just shut my feelings off!” I just about screamed and pulled out of his grip. “Believe me, I've tried.”
Something seemed to enlighten in Lucas' eyes and he closed the gap between us. He put his hand on my face and my skin felt as if it was burning where he was touching. I became still. His hand went from my cheek to my hair and then he leaned down and pressed his lips to mine. His lips were just as soft as always, they felt the same. It all did. It felt like it used to feel. It was so wrong. I placed my hands on his chest and I pushed as hard as I could, then I did slap him.
Why did he do that? Did he really enjoy my suffering that much? Who did he think he was? He said one thing and then he did another. 'Rose, you have to move on', 'Rose, I still want you', 'Rose, leave me alone,' 'Rose, come here'. Like I was a doll for him to play with and then toss aside when he became bored. Besides, I'd told him that we were most definitely over. Couldn't he just accept that?
His head had snapped to the side and a burning red handprint was to be seen on his cheek. His eyes were closed and his jaw clenched.
“Don't you ever touch me again,” I hissed before I left. I'd forgotten why I went to the common room in the first place. I just knew I couldn't stay. I didn't even look over my shoulder to see if he was looking.
His words from a few days ago played in my head 'I want you back', 'I still love you, Rose'. I could feel the kiss on my lips. I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand and felt anger boil inside of me. His kiss had felt like an insult. He had no right! I was just as angry as I was hurt and I didn't know how to deal with what had just happened. There was a part of me who wanted to shut down and escape somewhere else. Another part of me needed company. I ran down the stairs and headed towards the Great Hall. Slowing down as I walked in there, I saw James look at me and he looked worried. I glanced over at the Slytherin table and noticed, to my disappointment that Scorpius wasn't there. Nott, however, was.
Deciding not to care what people said, I made my way towards her and she seemed genuinely surprised to see me walk up to her. I cleared my throat before I spoke, not being sure if my voice would shake or not.
“You wouldn't know where Scorpius is, would you?” I asked her, and my voice was just a whisper. I was surprised at how small I sounded. Like a little girl who had gotten lost. Scared and sad. Perhaps I was scared, of how I was feeling about everything. Yeah, I guess you could say that I was afraid of what I was feeling.
“You left yesterday,” Nott said matter-of-factly and raised her eyebrows as if to show that she wasn't happy about it. She didn't answer my question, and I got annoyed. I wasn't in the mood for this, at all.
“Yes. Do you know where he is or not?”
Hearing the edge to my voice, she shrugged. “Probably in the library, what do I know...”
With a nod, I began to make my way towards the library. I passed James, and just shook my head as he reached for me as I walked by. I really wasn't in the mood for talking to him. Not now, not about what this.
I didn't even know if I wanted to talk to Scorpius about it. I just wanted to talk to him, because he made me feel better. Somehow.
The library was quiet and empty, apart from Scorpius. I noticed that he was sitting by my table. I would've found it funny if I had been in my right mind. His silver eyes found mine as he looked up. He smiled widely, but it quickly faded as I didn't return his smile. I just couldn't bring myself to do it.
Sighing, I sat down on a chair next to him and looked down on my hands which rested on the table.
“Hi?” Scorpius said uncertainly.
“Hi,” I replied in a whisper. “Did you know that boys are bloody idiots?”
Apparently, I did want to talk to him about it. Scorpius put his book down, and made a dog ear on it. I reached for the book and straightened the page out and told him that I found it annoying.
“All boys? Or a boy?”
“A boy. I hope,” I added. “If all boys are like him, then I pity every girl out there.”
“And by him, you mean Wilson?” Scorpius asked and furrowed his eyebrows. I nodded slowly.
“Yup.” I swallowed hard. “He's... I...”
“What's he done?”
Scorpius put his hand on my shoulder. Normally warning bells would've been ringing by now. Warning, private space invaded! But it actually felt better. It took away the burning from the kiss on my lips. It made it burn where he was touching instead. But it was a nice burn, not a horrible one.
“He kissed me,” I whispered and wiped my mouth again without thinking. “And insulted me. At the same time.”
Scorpius seemed to want to say something, to make it better. He didn't know how to. I didn't either, for that matter. He squeezed my shoulder and it made the slow burn spread all over my back. I shivered slightly, but he didn't notice. Maybe it sounded stupid. 'I'm sad because he kissed me', but he seemed to understand how I meant.
“You still love him, don't you?” Scorpius whispered, he didn't seem to want to raise his voice more than I had.
“No. Yes. I don't know. I'm confused,” I admitted. I thought it over, did I still love Lucas? I guess I did. In that 'first love' kind of way. It wasn't the same love as I had felt for him before all of this, not even close. I turned my head and looked at Scorpius. “I don't love him.”
It felt right to say it. I didn't love him. I didn't want to love Lucas. I hated him, and I wanted to hate him. Hate was easier than love, anyway.
“I hate him,” I said and felt something wet running down my cheeks and realized that I was actually crying. I quickly wiped away the tears and a flush spread on my cheeks. I didn't want to cry in front of Scorpius. He didn't seem to mind, though, as he took a hold of my arm and pulled me closer to him. I let him embrace me and I allowed myself to relax. “I really, really hate him.”
“I know,” Scorpius said calmly and rested his head on top of mine. His voice sounded different. “You know, it's okay to cry.”
His words surprised me, but then I caught myself trying to keep from crying. I was mentally trying to stop the tears from escaping, trying to stop myself from sobbing. I nodded against his chest. It was okay to cry. Only, it wasn't. I didn't like it, the feeling of weakness. That was the feeling I got when I cried. I felt so weak.
I calmed down a lot just by hearing Scorpius breathe above me, and I just sat there and listened to him breathe, and I felt his heart beat. It was incredibly calming. It felt as if all the anger I had felt just got washed away. Taking a deep breath, I sat up and Scorpius let me go.
“Are you okay?” he asked and then he looked as if he thought it was the most stupid question ever.
“I am,” I replied. I was surprised to find that I actually was okay. “Thank you.”
None of us was really sure what I was thanking him for, but I still did it. I felt rather stupid. And I felt embarrassed. He must think that I'm the most emotional girl ever. It just wasn't normal to act like this. One wasn't supposed to cry so much because of something like this. Right? I had to get a grip and stop caring about Lucas so much. Maybe Lucas was right. Maybe I needed to get over it. Or else, it'd ruin my life – and it really wasn't worth it.
“Sure,” Scorpius replied and offered a small smile. I managed to smile back. “That's better.”
“Would you teach me?” I asked and he looked confused. “Teach me how to not let what people say get to me.”
“I can't,” Scorpius shook his head. “I wouldn't know how to. It's not something you can just do. What, you think that what people say to me don't get to me? Of course it gets to me. I'm just really, really good at pretending that it doesn't. Sometimes I even manage to convince myself that it doesn't.”
“But it does?” I asked softly. Scorpius nodded. “It's not fair. You don't deserve it.”
“You don't deserve it either.”
Scorpius glanced at me through his hair, and he looked down at my lips quickly before looking back at my eyes. In that moment, I wouldn't have stopped him if he wanted to kiss me. Not that I thought that he wanted to, but if. If he had wanted to, I would've let him. I would've kissed him back. I searched his eyes for something – an answer. What did he want? I couldn't read his eyes. It was as if they spoke, they screamed something – but in a foreign language and I didn't understand. I didn't know him well enough to be able to look in to his eyes and know what he wanted to say, or do.
People walked in to the library, and the moment we'd shared was over. I was almost a bit shocked over how much I'd wanted him to kiss me. Why did I want that? It would complicate things and more complication was the last thing I needed. More feelings was the last thing I needed, actually. I was confused enough as it was. I glanced to my side and sighed as I caught him was looking back at me. As I looked away again, I knew that it had already become complicated. Hadn't it?
I asked Scorpius what he was reading, just to get something else to think about. With a smile, Scorpius began to tell me about the book. Apparently he was reading up on Potions and wizards who had invented them. Potions was kind of his thing, he said.
“Really?” I said and he nodded. “I'm terrible at Potions. I think they're kind of boring.”
Scorpius laughed softly, “I used to find them boring, too. But then I began to understand it. It became a lot more fun then. My mum is very interested in Potions, so she taught me some of her tricks before my third year.”
I didn't know much about Scorpius mother. I'd seen her a couple of times, at King's Cross, but that was about it. I also knew that her name was Astoria, and I thought it was a beautiful name.
“Yeah? My mum has taught me a thing or two, too. But I tend to want to do things myself, without her help, you know?”
“Because she is who she is?” Scorpius asked carefully. I guess he didn't want to ask something too personal.
“Yeah, she's pretty known for being, well, smart and all. I don't want people to compare me with her just because of how much I study, or how well I do in class. Because that's all me, and not her.”
Scorpius nodded understanding. “I should know about comparisons. It seems that all people do when they meet me is compare me with my father.”
“I know the feeling,” I said with a sigh. I knew it was a lot harder for him, of course. Because of who his father was. I knew much more about his father than I did about his mother. My father loathed his father, and thus everything he said about him was bad things. I was sure there was something good in Draco Malfoy, too. How could he have raised Scorpius to be so good if he was as bad as Dad made him out to be?
“You've got a pretty big family, huh?” Scorpius asked on a lighter note and I nodded.
“Yeah. Counting all the cousins and uncles and aunts and stuff, I've got quite the family. Can you imagine my grandmothers house on Christmas? It's crazy.”
Scorpius laughed, and when he spoke he sounded a bit jealous. “That sounds great, actually. I'm the only kid in my family, you know. And while my parents and grandparents love to spoil me, Christmas is pretty boring for me. It's just my parents and my grandparents and I.”
“Oh,” I said and tilted my head to the side. “That sounds nice to me. I would like to spend a Christmas with just the closest family. I'd love to spend a Christmas without annoying cousins,” I joked and smiled. My timing was amazing; when I looked up I saw James walking in to the library. He headed right towards me and I sighed inwardly. What now?
James glanced between Scorpius and I and shook his head slightly, I guess he wasn't able to wrap his head around the fact that we got along as well as we did. Stopping in front of our table, James furrowed his eyebrows and looked at us. Then he pulled a chair out and sat down beside me. I looked at Scorpius who had raised his eyebrows in pure surprise.
Time passed without anyone saying anything, then James looked up at Scorpius.
“I don't like you,” he said very awkwardly. “I don't know why, but there's something about you that annoys me.”
“Okay...?” Scorpius seemed just as confused as I felt. I wanted the floor to open up and suck me down. This was extremely embarrassing.
“But Rosie smiles around you.” Merlin, I wanted to groan as he called me Rosie. “So, I'll try to not be annoyed with you.”
Seriously? He was giving his approval. Like he was my freaking father. I huffed and Scorpius forced back a laugh, I could tell. James turned to face me and took a deep breath.
“Did you hit him again?”
A cold feeling spread in my chest before I nodded. I knew what he was talking about right away, of course. “I slapped him.”
Scorpius grinned and James shot him a glare before looking at me again. I shrugged, “He deserved it.”
James sighed and laid his head down on the table and mumbled something about how I was acting like him. Not that he went around and hit people all the time, but he'd been in more than a few fights. He was like that, James. He didn't bother to think before he acted. But he was wrong, I was not acting like him. At all.
“What're you doing here, James?” I asked after a little while.
“I went to find you, but when I got up to the common room, you'd already gone. Lucas told me that you'd gone crazy and hit him and run away. I figured I'd find you here.”
“I'm not in here all the time, you know,” I mumbled. “And I didn't go crazy and hit him. That little liar.”
“So what did happen?”
“Don't wanna talk about it,” I replied and looked away from him. I didn't want him to get involved with this, he'd just overreact and it just wouldn't end well. As he began to protest, I sighed. “Just drop it, okay?”
“Fine,” James huffed. He looked over at Scorpius. “Did you tell him?”
I glared at James, he sounded so rude. “Yes, I did. Got a problem with that?”
Once again, he huffed. Scorpius seemed to like this, as he was sitting next to me with a small smile playing on his lips. James shook his head. He still seemed confused about my friendship with Scorpius.
“I guess I'm glad you've got someone to talk to,” he mumbled and glanced over his shoulder. “Crap! does she have be everywhere?”
I followed his glance and saw Melinda. I had to agree with him. Did she really have to be everywhere? And the library of all places. It used to be a place where I could just be myself and be alone, now it seemed as if everyone came there, just to annoy me. Scorpius shifted in his seat and sent her a glare, too. It felt good to see him do that.
“Well, I have to go before she sees me,” James said and stood up. “Later, Rose.” He have Scorpius a small nod before he hurried away. Luckily for him, Melinda was too busy talking to her friend to notice him.
Scorpius turned to face me and I tore my eyes away from her. “Well, that was interesting.”
“James is a bit weird,” I told him. He nodded with a smile.
“He's friends with Wilson, right?”
“Yes, or well, he used to be at least. I don't know if they're still considered friends. James was furious enough to kill him when he found out what Luke had done.”
“Must be nice to have someone like that, eh?” Scorpius asked in a whisper. “Someone who sticks up for you like that?”
“Sure it is, but it can be annoying, too.”
Scorpius nodded understandingly. “I always wanted to have a brother when I was younger. Someone who was older than me. I was convinced that that the others wouldn't pick on me so much if I'd had one.”
“Oh,” I replied. I didn't really know what to say to that. I cleared my throat. “Well, you have Nott. You said she was like a sister. Probably not the same thing, but still. You two have always been close, haven't you?”
“True. But you're right, it's not the same thing,” Scorpius gave me a small smile. “I get what you mean, though. I've had great friends instead. Few, but they're great.” He held up three fingers. “I only have three people that I consider friends.”
“Yeah. Nott, Liam and you,” he smiled as I flushed. “Even if I haven't known you for long. Not long at all. It's just easy to talk to you.”
“Thanks,” I said. What else could I say? He'd put me under the friends category. It seemed like a pretty rare thing for him. “Who knows, maybe some day you'll consider James a friend, too.”
“Oh, yeah. He'll be my best friend ever,” Scorpius said and we both laughed. The thought of them being best friends was hilarious considering how James had acted just now. Melinda and her friends glared at us. We tried to keep quiet, we were in the library after all. It was just impossible. It was one of those moments where you start to laugh and you just can't stop.
“Do you mind?” asked Melinda rudely and sent me the filthiest glare she could muster. “We're trying to read over here.”
“Still haven't learned how to read?” Scorpius asked mockingly and I laughed even harder. As Melinda looked at him offended he continued, “What? You said you were trying.”
Scorpius looked at Melinda's furious expression and began to laugh again. I couldn't breathe, and it wasn't even funny any more. Yet, I couldn't stop.
“How witty, Malfoy,” Melinda said icily and raised one of her eyebrows. “Rose's sarcasm is contagious, then?”
“Nah,” Scorpius had calmed down and was staring her down. “I've got plenty of sarcasm myself, actually.”
I managed to calm down as well, and wiped away a few tears. I loved to laugh until I cried, it felt so good.
“Good for you, then,” Melinda said and turned to her friends again. Say what you will about her, but she wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed. I don't think she could come up with anything insulting to say in that moment, so she gave up.
“I'm surprised you get sarcasm at all, actually,” Scorpius said to her back and I could see how she took a deep breath before she turned to look at him again. “Sarcasm isn't something that everyone gets, you know. I always thought that people with low intelligence was incapable to grasp sarcasm.”
“What?” Melinda looked confused and I almost broke down in laughter again before she understood what Scorpius had said. As she realized how he'd insulted her a flush spread on her cheeks and even one of her friends seemed amused by Scorpius words. She hissed, “You're calling me stupid?”
“If the wand fits,” Scorpius grinned. My mother used to say the same thing, only she'd use the word shoe instead of wand. “Come on, Weasley. Perhaps her stupidity is contagious.”
Scorpius grabbed my hand and began to drag me out of there, I gladly followed him. I smirked a bit at Melinda as I walked past her, and I could almost hear her growl as I walked by her hand in hand with Scorpius. It was the most fun I had had in days, and I almost forgot about how sad I'd been just an hour ago.
That was the best thing about Scorpius, I think. That he was able to make me feel better. I glanced down at our still intertwined hands and smiled. Everyone should have a Scorpius in their life, someone to make them feel a bit better every moment they're around you. I looked up at Scorpius who was grinning – he'd had fun in there.
“You're really good at insulting people,” I said. Scorpius chuckled at my words and I smiled a bit myself.
“Thanks, I guess,” he said and bumped in to me, just like he had done the day before. Only not as hard. He leaned closer to me and whispered, “People are staring, you know.”
I glanced around. He was right, people were really staring at us. Not just looking at us, but actually staring.
I whispered back, “I think it might have something to do with the fact that we're holding hands, you know.”
“Do you mind?” Scorpius squeezed my hand a little, and I thought about it for just a second before making my mind up. To hell with complicated. To hell with hiding. I was going to take Lucas' advice and try to get over it.
“Let them stare,” I replied and squeezed back.
[Told you that I wouldn't make you wait all that long ^_^ I'll try to have the next chapter up shortly, it's not written yet, though. It's not even planned out, but I'll get to it as fast as possible. How did you like this chapter? Any ideas of what's to come? I'm open to suggestions ^_^ thanks for reading, feedback is appreciated! - Cathy]
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