In the end, it wasn’t for me. The drive to live, to breathe anotherbreath and live another day, that wasn’t for my benefit. I’d had a good run, I toldmyself. At the age I was at, I was more broken than I should have been.
It wasn’t for Tonks, either, though I hate to admit that. She reallyis a wonderful woman.
It was for my son.
I wanted to live, to breathe and walk and run, so I could spend timewith Teddy.
He really is a wonderful boy. The most wonderful little guy I’ve evermet.
It was him. I was thinking about him when Bellatrix came upon us, andwhether he was all right at Tonks’ mother’s. He’d stayed there before, but healways came back slightly irritated, with his hair green—a sign he wasn’thappy.
And then, somehow, Bellatrix was taunting me, and I could hear herthreats from forever ago, her taunts at Harry and I—I killed Sirius Black!
And I knew then that she meant to kill me.
I didn’t feel any fear, though. Not yet. I didn’t mind the idea of dying; I’d finally, finally be free of my lycanthropy,finally be able to face a full moon and not have to worry about killing anyone.
And then I thought of Teddy. My son, the adorable little boy thatstill smashed cake in his face (and my own) and couldn’t help changing his haircolor.
And so I fought back. I gave everything I had, letting one thing—my son’sface—drive me on into what I had hoped would be victory.
If I’m being honest, I think Tonks did the same—she was fighting ashard, if not more so than I was, and I had neverseen her that furious.
I could hear Teddy’s voice in my head--“Dada,” “Mummy,” and the unintelligiblethings that he called ‘words’ that I could somehow understand
Because that’s what being a parent is all about—putting your child first.
I wasn’t just fighting to save Harry, or to go back to my son, or evento defeat this evil, evil woman.
I wanted a better world for Teddy to grow up in, one where he wouldn’tbe shunned for being the son of a werewolf, where he could change hisappearance at will and not be shunned for it.
And so I fought.
And I became convinced that I was winning—for how could I not be? Iwas fighting evil, and good alwaystriumphs over evil, doesn’t it?
That’s why Harry won, why we were a part of the Order. Why we hadgiven up our lives for this cause. To beat the bad guys.
And so I thought I would.
And in my cockiness, I missed seeing the death of my wife, the love ofmy life, and in the moment that I hesitated to look at her, the same end cameto me. I didn’t see the light, didn’t hear the words, but I felt the fall, andas I fell toward my wife, to lay forever staring at the ceiling, only onethought was in my head: