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Laugh it Off by ValFish
Chapter 8 : Queen of Anything
Rating: MatureChapter Reviews: 10

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Halloween. Otherwise known as a truly pointless holiday. The only reason I ever liked it was because October 31st meant that my birthday was only a short 24 hours away.

And normally, even that wouldn’t be that big of a deal, but tomorrow was different. Tomorrow, I was seventeen.

Seventeen meant a lot of things. For starters, it meant that I could apparate, and drink, which was the other big plus I saw.

And then there was the whole deal of being able to use magic outside of school.

But on the other hand, I wasn’t exactly sure if I was going home for the summer. I mean, last summer was great, just me and my wits armed with only a low-paying job and a wand I couldn’t use. But I have to admit, the last time I went home, I felt strangely out of place. Like everyone had adjusted to me not being there.


I jumped about six feet in the air when I saw what I assumed was James. He was dressed as a pumpkin, but I think what really got me was the fact that the pumpkin was literally growling at me.

Two questions.

One: why did James dress up?

And two: pumpkins growl?

James was laughing at my little jump. “That’s really fantastic Elsa. You should have seen the look on your face!”

I cracked a smile, knowing that I actually may have looked a little ridiculous. “May I ask just why you’re dressed as a pumpkin?”

James shrugged. “There’s a costume party tonight,” he answered like he was talking to a wall.

“Yeah, but not till after dinner. And it’s 10 in the morning,” I retorted smugly.

“What? I thought I’d be festive.”

“I’d say more like you did it to piss of McGonagall. Hi Elsa,” Remus said, appearing next to me in the common room.

“Hey,” I answered, giving Remus a peck on the cheek. “Please tell me that this pumpkin doesn’t growl.”

Remus smiled slightly, which, coming from him, was enough of an answer.

“I did that,” James said proudly. “Oh, hi Evans.”

Lily had just come down the steps with her Transfiguration book, rolling her eyes.

James tried to ruffle his hair, but he only managed to reach his shoulders in his ridiculous costume.

“Good luck trying to carry your books, Potter,” Lily said dismissively as she walked past.

“What books?”

Oh, James.

“Hey, you’re going to the party tonight, right?” Remus asked as we walked hand-in-hand back from dinner.

I looked at him strangely. “Er, yeah, we’re going together, aren’t we?”

Remus nodded. “Yeah, yeah, of course. Just wanted to double check. I didn’t want to show up alone, that’s all.”

“Good. Oh, bloody hell.”

Sirius and Mary were snogging in an alcove.

I turned to Remus, who was frowning.

“I don’t understand why they have to snog every six minutes,” he said, shaking his head.
“I mean, I don’t think I’ve ever seen them just have a civil conversation.”

I shrugged. “I don’t know. Does Sirius ever talk to his girlfriends?”

Remus sighed. “I guess not.”

“Okay, here’s the plan, I’m going to laugh obnoxiously when we pass them, alright, just play along,” I suggested, desperate to get them to notice that Remus and I were a couple.

“Oh, Remus, you’re so funny, did that really happen,” I said, while laughing as loudly as possible.

Remus smiled along and nodded. “You know I don’t lie.”

“Of course not,” I said, and kissed him quickly as we passed Sirius and Mary.

And get this: I could swear I saw Sirius look up.

Would it be inappropriate to squeal with joy right now?

Maybe I don’t care.

“Do you think this is too slagish?” Alice asked, facing me in her, admittedly, rather low cut dress.

She was going as an angel. I was going as a queen.

It wasn’t nearly as good as our past costumes, when we went as a snitch and a quaffle, or when we were ‘two peas in a pod’ or, my personal favorite, a cat and a litterbox. That was probably only because I got to be the cat.

“No,” I answered. “Ouch, damn it,” I added as I burned my finger on her muggle ‘curler’. Sadly, Marlene was the only one who knew how to charm hair, but there was no way in hell I was asking her.

“Just let me do it,” Alice said, grabbing the ‘curler’ and finishing the few strands that were hanging out of the up-do she had done minutes earlier. “There. Where’s your crown?”

I pointed to the plastic gold tiara that had come with the costume.

Alice pinned it in my hair and studied me for a moment.


She shook her head. “Nothing. Just thinking that if Sirius doesn’t do a double take, I’ll eat Merlin’s trousers.”

“Move it, Chubs, I need the mirror,” Marlene said, tapping me on the shoulder.

I rolled my eyes. “Whatever. Just don’t break it.”

Marlene glared, but didn’t retort.

I looked at Alice, who shrugged.

“Ready then?” I asked, checking the mirror behind Marlene one last time.

“Yeah,” Alice answered, ruffling her short hair and leaving the room.

I followed behind her, my heart pounding just a little louder than normal. I didn’t know if
Alice was being completely honest when she said how I looked. It was just a plain green dress, full length because my legs are not really my best asset, with gold trim and a low-cut enough bodice, not anything special.

But that’s the nice thing about being chubby.

I’m not flat.

I walked next to Alice down the steps to the common room, where I was meeting Remus and Alice was meeting James, seeing as both of them were unable to go with who they wanted.

“Ah, Ladies, don’t you look ravishing,” James said as Alice and I reached the bottom of the stairs. He took Alice’s hand and kissed it, probably only to show Lily what a gentleman he was.

I could feel Lily roll her eyes.

It looked especially comical since James was a pumpkin.

“You look lovely, Elsa,” Remus said, smiling. He was dressed as a muggle pirate, a very Remus-y thing to do since we had learned about them in our history unit in Muggle Studies.

“Thanks. Where are Sirius and his beloved?”

Remus gestured to the corner, where, of course, the two were snogging.

Mary was wearing a more modest, but not by much, Angel costume (Alice was going to be happy about that) and Sirius was a prince.

Wait- a prince?

If this isn’t proof that we have to be together, then I don’t know what is.

“Did you see-“

“Yeah. It’s really odd that that happened,” Remus said, smiling.

I returned the grin. “Too bad Mary isn’t a pirate as well.”

Remus shrugged. “Never mind that. Shall we go?”

I nodded and took Remus’ outstretched arm.

Now I just had to get through the whole dancing thing and I was golden.


“Alice, James, are you coming?” Remus asked James and Alice, who were busy chatting.

“Oh, yeah. Hang on.” James marched up to Sirius and Mary and did something only he could get away with.


Sirius and Mary quickly jumped apart and Mary blushed.

“If you two would like to quit snogging long enough to join us, then please,” James told Sirius.

Sirius only grinned at his friend. “Fine, mate. But only because you said please.”

“I can’t help it if I’m polite. I’m really a true gentleman,” James said loudly.

It was pretty cruel that no one had told James that Lily had already left with her date.

But it sure as hell was funny.

“Oh, yes James. I’m sure that’s exactly what’ll get you a date with Lily,” Remus sighed.

“If you would tone down the bragging a bit…”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” James said as he, Sirius and Mary joined us.

“Hey Elsa, we match!” Sirius said brightly, flashing a rather dreamy grin.

“I know, what a coincidence,” I replied, adjusting my crown. “Mary should have gone as a princess, then you two would go together.”

Sirius considered this. “You’re right. That would have been cool, yeah?”

Mary smiled, but I saw through that bitch like an open window. I could feel her staring me down.

Merlin, when did I turn nasty?

Ah, well.

“Moony, you should have gone as a king! That would have been perfect. No one coordinated this year,” Sirius added.

“Yeah. Although Lily and Ralph Jordan went as Romeo and Juliet. You know, from the play we read last year in Muggle Studies,” Alice said, earning a look from James. “But I think a pumpkin and Juliet would look great as well. Although I will only remind you once that I am your date, not Lily.”

“Sirius, can we go? This is kind of boring,” Mary whined, taking Sirius’ arm.

Sirius grinned. “Sure. Last one to the Great Hall is a pumpkin!”

“Too late, mate!” James called as he and Alice followed Sirius and Mary.

Remus and I both laughed as we watched James try and get through the portrait hole.

“You know, I think that maybe next year James will think more practically,” Remus said as James finally squeezed through.

“I doubt it,” I replied as we followed them through. “Although who knows, maybe Lily will say yes next year.”

Remus snorted. “Until James deflates his ego, I rather doubt that.”

I think that maybe if James listened to Remus more often than Sirius things would go better for him. Because judging by the swearing I can hear two flights up the stairs,
James has no common sense.


I need new friends.

The Great Hall was hot.

I mean really, ridiculously hot.

Thankfully Remus wasn’t too disappointed when I asked if we could get out, since neither of us were too fond of dancing.

“I’m sorry, but I can’t stand it in there any longer,” I complained, sitting on the steps. “And these bloody heels are killing my feet.”

Remus sat next to me. “You know, I was wondering when you got taller. Why do girls insist on wearing painful shoes anyway?”

I smiled. “That’s a wonderful question. Sadly, I don’t have an answer.”

Remus chuckled. “That’s a really great reason, Elsa.”

“Hey, I don’t make the rules,” I argued lightly. “And besides, the dress was too long anyway.”

“Then why did you buy it in the first place?”

“Because it looked nice.”

“That’s not a good enough reason.”

“Says you.”

“And I’m always right.”

I hit Remus on the arm jokingly. “Of course you are, darling.”

Remus only smirked.

There was a loud set of giggles as Mary and Sirius emerged from the Great Hall. They were holding hands and laughing, both with drinks in their hands.

I faced Remus.

“There’s Sirius and Mary,” I hissed. “We should do something.”

Remus smiled cheekily and before I knew what was happening, kissed me.

Like full-blown snogging kind of kiss.

How horrible does it sound that I think Remus is kind of a top kisser?

When we broke apart, finally, might I add, Sirius and Mary weren’t in sight, but the way Remus was smiling made me know that they must have seen us.

“Do you think they saw that?” I said in a low voice.


I let out an uncharacteristic giggle. “James will be so proud.”

“I’ll what?” James said, appearing out of nowhere, through a mouthful of cake.

“Don’t talk with your mouth full, James,” Remus scolded automatically.

James rolled his eyes. “But really, what’s going on?”

“Oh, we just saw Sirius and Mary,” Remus said casually.

James raised an eyebrow.

“And we did something about it,” I added, unable to hold in my smile. “I think we’re getting to them.”

“I told you it would work!” James exclaimed. “I’m such a genius.”

“Uh-huh,” I snorted. “Where’s Alice gone off to?”

“Oh, er, she kind of found Frank and they started talking,” James answered, sitting on the step below. “Apparently he broke up with, erm, what’s-her-face, anyway, and they were just chatting when I left.”

I groaned.

I really don’t like Frank.

“Why Frank?” I whined. “I can’t stand him!”

“Ah, well, you’re not the one who got ditched, love,” James pointed out. “And I asked Lily, but we all know how that went down,” he sighed.

“Don’t worry, I’m sure she’ll say yes eventually,” Remus mumbled.

“Yeah,” James scoffed. “I’m positive. Anyway, you mind if I borrow Elsa? I’m kind of dateless now.”

“Excuse me?” I said indignantly. “I’m right here, you know.”

“Well fine. So what do you say, a couple of songs and then we find Sirius?”

I sighed. “Fine. You alright with that, Remus?”

Remus nodded. “I was actually thinking of going back up to the common room. It’s nearly one in the morning.”

“’Kay then. See you tomorrow,” I said as Remus retreated up the steps. “Goodnight!”

“G’night,” Remus called back, yawning.

“So, I take it you’re hoping we’ll run into Lily?”

“I take it you’re hoping we’ll run into Sirius?”


 Hi, all! I just realized that I never posted a disclaimer, so in case you hadn't figured it out, I don't own Harry Potter.

Anyway, thank you all for reading, and for the wonderful reviews I got last chapter! I really appreciate all your input!

You're all amazing!


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