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Undecided by logjess
Chapter 4 : Chapter 4
Rating: MatureChapter Reviews: 3

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It had been a week since ‘the unfortunate incident’ with James Potter. Yes, that is correct. I have named what happened between James and I ‘the unfortunate incident’. He deserves nothing more and nothing less than that.

There is one odd thing, though. James’s face keeps popping up in my head. I’ll be thinking about Remus; his eyes, his hair, his lips, my lips on his, his lips on my neck. . .Then, out of nowhere, James’s face replaces his and it almost makes me. . . giddy.

I hate myself every time that happens. I feel so guilty. Remus has been nothing but good to me, and I can’t stop fantasizing about his best friend. What’s wrong with me? This cannot be regular behavior.

“Lily, dear!” My mother hollered from the bottom of the stairs.

I stood up from my bed and rushed out of my room. I had only made it into the hallway when I slipped on something wet.

“AHHHH!” I screamed as I started falling to my doom. I know that’s a tad bit dramatic, but the floors are hardwood, not carpet.


I looked up and saw my dog, Daisy (my mom always names things after flowers), drooling.

“ARGH! That’s disgusting.” I said as I got up, wiping the drool from my clothes.

“Just go on up, sweetie.” I heard my mom saying to someone.

“Thanks, Mrs. Evans. It was nice talking to you.”

I heard feet pounding on the stairs, followed by a head appearing around the corner.

Bloody hell, it was James. He had no idea which room was mine, so, of course, he went in the wrong direction.

Before he could see me, I quietly slipped back into my room, closing the door and then locking it.

What am I supposed to do? Brilliant, I now had no time; he was starting to turn the knob on my door. It took him a few seconds to realize that the door was locked, but in the end, he got it. Well, done.

“Lily?” He whispered.

“What?” I hissed. “Just leave, James.”

“Why?” He asked.

This question shocked me. I didn’t truly want him to leave. I wanted him to stand outside of my door and convince me to unlock it. I wanted him to stand there for hours, just waiting. I wanted him.

Instead of admitting this aloud, I tried to shut him out.

“What are you doing here?” I snarled at him.

“I’ve obviously come looking for you.” He said. I could even hear the smugness in his voice through the door.

“James.” My voice softened. “I think you should leave.”

He sounded hurt. “Is that really what you want?”

“James.” I repeated. “Leave, please.”

I was almost on the verge of tears. I was pathetic. One kiss doesn’t change everything. It never has before. James has kissed me nearly ten times since I started at Hogwarts and this has never happened.

“I don’t think you mean that.”

I started to laugh, thinking of each time he tried.

“Are you laughing?” He asked incredulously.

“I guess I am.” I said, surprised.

“About what?”

“I was just thinking of all of the times you’ve tried to kiss me.” I admitted.

He was silent for a moment. “Right, sorry about that. I was a stupid git back then.”

“And you aren’t now?” I asked.

Again, he was silent. “Remember the first time I asked you out?”

“Of course. It was quite a scene.”


“Evans!” James shouted.

I turned and gave him a dirty look. “What do you want?”

“You.” He said simply.

“James loves Lily!” Sirius was shouted.

“Will you shut up?” I said, embarrassed. I could feel the blood rising in my cheeks.

“Just ignore them.” Alice said, studying her homework.

“Easy for you to say. You don’t have the most annoying group of boys harassing you.” I said.

“Mmmm.” She agreed, obviously not listening.

“Wait. Alice, why are you doing your homework at breakfast?” I asked. “Did you forget about it?” I gasped.

“Lily! Shh. I was out with Frank and I had no time.”


Alice was a short girl. She had a heart shaped face, gorgeous eyes, and was always focused on her schoolwork.

“Hello, Lily.” James said as he slid in next to me, draping his arm over my shoulder.

“Get off.” I mumbled, shoving him away.

“You know you want me.” He whispered into my ear.

How do you reply to that? “Just leave me alone, James.”

“Lily, I think you want to go out with me.”

“Yeah, what makes you think that?” I asked.

He always made me so nervous. “I have a feeling.”

“Do you now?” I asked, just so I would have a reply.

“Obviously. So. When do you want to go out?”

“I told you I don’t want to go out with you.” I said, annoyed.

“Yes. You do.”

“No. I don’t. Just leave me alone.” I said, even more agitated.

“C’mon, Lily! Just say yes.”

“James, I’m serious. Just leave me alone or you’ll be sorry.” I threatened.

“Yeah, right.” He said, laughing.

Sirius joined in. “Little Miss. Evans wouldn’t harm a fly, yet alone James.”

“Go out with me.” James demanded. When he didn’t receive a reply, he kissed me hard on the mouth. It wasn’t unpleasant per say, but I didn’t want it. Quickly, I pushed him away.

He looked so bloody proud of himself. His face was smug, and Sirius whistled.

That was it; I was going to break. I could scream. Obviously I won’t, that would be awkward. Instead, I stood up, a bowl of blueberry syrup in my hand, and dumped it over James’s head.

“Oi!” He yelled. “What the hell Evans?”

“Potter, Evans!” McGonagall yelled. “Detention!”

“Not again.” James moaned.


“Lily, are you alright? You haven’t said anything in about three minutes.”

“Oh! Yeah, I’m fine. I was just thinking.”

“Lily, can you let me in?”

I got up and went to unlock my door. As soon as he saw my face, a grin broke across his.

“Hey, it’s good to see you.” He paused, looking behind me. “Can I come in?”

“I guess.” I said, moving aside.

“Nice room. I thought you would choose the colour green for your walls, not pink.”

“Ugh, trust me. That was NOT my decision. We still haven’t been able to paint.” I explained.

“Didn’t you move here five years ago?”

“Well, we’ve been busy.” I said defensively. Changing the subject, I asked, “Is your mom here?”

“Yeah, why?”

“I was just wondering why you came.”

He turned around and looked at me. His stare was so intense that I had to look away. “Lily, do you really think that’s the only reason I came?”

“Well,” I said, pausing. “You still haven’t given me a reason.”

“I think you know Lily.”

I looked down. “James, I’m going out with Remus. He’s your friend. Why are you doing this?”

He stopped me from continuing by kissing me. He was very gentle and his lips were amazingly soft.

My head was spinning, but I had enough sense to push him away after about five seconds. “James, please.” I whispered.

“You have a choice to make, Lily: Remus Lupin or James Potter. I’m not pressuring you to make you decision anytime soon, but it would be nice if I could kiss you in public. Just let me know when your mind is made up. You know where to find me.”

I watched him walk out of my room, followed by him opening and closing the front door. He was out of sight, now, but he was definitely not out of mind.

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