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Chapter 20 : Chapter Twenty
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Fortunately Jimmy answered for me, seeing as how I was still in a bit of a daze.
The librarian promptly took out her wand, and managed to send several books our way. We had decided to read as much as we could, check out the rest, and leave them at Jimmy's house so that Hermione wouldn't become suspicious. Unfortunately, most of the books seem to say the same thing and, while informative, not as helpful as we would have hoped. There were still so many gaps to be filled in.
Mostly it was about how You-Know-Who wanted to kill Harry, we went into hiding, he found us, killed us, tried to kill Harry but had his spell backfired. What I wanted to know was WHY we weren't actually dead. As far as I know, people don't just come back to life. Something must have happened in between then, but what?
The worst part was when we were reading and Jimmy suddenly stiffened.
"What's wrong?" I asked, feeling concerned.
"It says here that Sirius was our Secret Keeper and betrayed us," he replied. His voice was hollow and empty.
"That can't be right. That has to be a mistake! The Sirius I knew would never have betrayed us," I replied, also feeling horrified. From what I had seen in my flashbacks, Sirius was James's best friend, who he loved more than anything in the world.
"I hope it is," Jimmy sighed. I squeezed his hand comfortingly, not knowing what to say. I wish I could have told him for sure that it was a mistake.
It was then that we decided that we'd had enough for the afternoon. Closing the books that we were reading, we walked back up to the desk to check them out.
When I got home, I was still lost in thought about what the book had said about Sirius. Jimmy's face after he read that seemed to be all I could think about. It was because of that expression that when I got home, I decided to take a risk, pretty much making all our attempts at secrecy pointless. But if anyone knew the truth, it would be Hermione.
"I need to ask you something," I said.
"What is it? Is something wrong?" she asked me, noticing my expression.
I took a deep breath, "Hermione, did Sirius Black betray the Potters?"
She looked at me curiously. "No, he didn't. They decided to change it to Peter Pettigrew, but what they didn't know was that he was working for Voldemort. As soon as the switch was made, he told Voldemort and that is when they came after the Potters."
It was bittersweet news. On one hand, it was great that Sirius was innocent, but then it had to be another one of his friends that did betray him instead.
If only we knew, if only we could have done something about it. All the what ifs brought up a phrase my Mum used to say: if you live your whole life saying what if, then you won't live your life saying what now.
It's true what they say, that hindsight is twenty-twenty.
Later at dinner, Hermione finally asked me the question that I could see she had been wondering for some time.
"Kendra, why did you ask about Sirius and the Potters?"
"Please don't be mad at me, but while I was in the library, I decided to read about the Potter family. I was curious," I said. Not the complete truth, but not a complete lie either. I would be glad when the truth came out so that I wouldn't always have to watch what I said. But then again, once the truth came out, Hermione might not believe me.
Right now, though, she looked more surprised than angry. "Really? Well, I guess I can understand that seeing how popular the Potters are in the wizarding world. Though you can always ask me, you know."
"I know," I said, smiling at her. She was such a good friend. I was glad that my son had found her.
I would tell Jimmy the good news about Sirius tomorrow, but for tonight, what I really wanted was to take a hot bath, read a book that had nothing to do with my life, and go to sleep.
So I did just that.
The next day, Jimmy came over before I could go over to his house.
"I have some good news," I told him excitedly, "Sirius was innocent!"
He looked as if a burden had been lifted off of his shoulders, but there was something that was still weighing him down. He asked me if he could speak to me in private, so I said we could take a walk. When we found a place where no one was around and we could keep a lookout for anyone who might approach us, I told him he could talk now.
"Lily," he started out. Suddenly I was nervous. If he was using my real name, then things must truly be serious.
"I had another memory," he continued, "I know now why things are the way they are for us. Albus approached me one night, asking me if we could talk in secret. He said that he had a feeling that Voldemort was going to find us soon and kill us, and he had a way to save our lives. He said that he had found a spell that he could cast on us. Once we were hit with the spell, we would change appearance, our memories would be lost, and we would sleep until the time came for us to wake up. We would gain our appearances back once our memories came back. Until then, we would look different and not be able to speak about this.
But Lily, he told me that I couldn't tell you. He said that your sacrifice had to be true, that you had to truly think that you were giving up your life for Harry's. Otherwise, the spell on him wouldn't have backfired, and Voldemort would have won."
As he was telling me this, a range of different emotions came over me. First there was anger and hurt over the fact that this decision had been made without telling me, relief over the fact that I knew what happened, confusion over my thoughts of whether or not I was happy to be alive, sadness over all the time lost, and other emotions I couldn't name.
I nodded to show that I understood, then I walked home by myself. I was grateful that Jimmy didn't try to follow me, for I wanted to be alone until I figured out how I truly felt about all of this.
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said that it would be this hard
Oh take me back to the start. -Coldplay, The Scientist
A/N- well, there we go! Lily knows the truth now, we're nearing the end, though there still are quite a few things to tie up. I'd guess about 6 more chapters. I hope you enjoyed. I was going to drag out the revelations in this chapter, but I figured that it was time.
Thanks for reading!
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