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Chapter 1 : light up
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As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear
~ Run, Snow Patrol
My heart is cracked and bleeding, laid bare for the world to see. But no one is there to see; just like no one is here to save us from this hell.
He’d come. He is here.
You knew he was coming, you knew. You knew and you never said a word. All this time and I had no idea of the danger our family was in. I should hate you for what you kept from me. But I can’t. I can only cry silently as I cradle Harry in my arms.
You’d screamed it at me, but how can I run when you are still here? I could only make it so far before I was crippled by fear and the horror of leaving you behind.
I love my son but I can’t leave you. I’m risking his life in the hope you’ll save us both.
But I’d heard him downstairs. I heard him say those dreaded words. I saw the green light spill under the door.
I heard you fall.
James Potter, dead. Lily Evans, widow.
Death is coming for both of us, I know this. I can only hope Harry would survive.
The world tilts.
There are voices downstairs.
I remember our first date. The way you stuttered my name when I said hello. The way you tripped on the step on the entrance to the Three Broomsticks. The way you held my hand as we walked by the lake. The way you smiled when I kissed you goodnight.
My hands are shaking as I clutch Harry to my chest.
I remember our wedding. You were so drunk; you threw up all over my shoes. I was so mad but when Sirius explained why—that you were so nervous you couldn’t speak properly—I couldn’t hate you so I slapped him for suggesting it to you. A sobering spell later and we were saying our vows; you were fine, perfectly spoken and I didn’t let Sirius forget it.
The stairs creak.
I remember the birth of Harry. You vomited during the birthing—I was screaming, Sirius was screaming and you were throwing up all over the floor. It was horrible. You made up for it though, the way you wiped the sweat from my brow, the way your eyes lit up when the Healer gave you the baby.
Harry lets out a cry as I lay him down in his crib.
I remember his first birthday. Your friends were ridiculous—why on earth would he need a love potion? They’re bloody illegal! And that rubbish plastic broomstick! But you loved it—you had him flying about within minutes of unwrapping the stupid thing. You thought I didn’t see him fall, but I did. I just couldn’t bring myself to stop you—it was the first time I’d seen you smile in months.
The floorboards groan.
I remember our second anniversary. Only a month ago. You cooked for us; a romantic dinner for two while Sirius took care of the baby. I wondered why we weren’t going out. You hid your secrets well, didn’t you? But you made me forget all about that—with your soft kisses, lovely words, gentle hands, by the time you took me to bed I was hard pressed remember to my own name.
As Harry cries again, I shush him desperately, my hands shaking as I smooth the thick tuffs of black hair on his head. His hair is so like yours.
The handle of the door rattles. He’s here. He’s coming for us.
I should hate you for leaving me in the dark; for leaving me. But I can't.
I'll be with you soon.
A/N: Big thanks to Molly (SnitchSnatcher) and Melanie (RonsGirlFriday) for looking this over for me and giving me some suggestions! Thanks to you, too, for reading!
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