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I Cut Like A Buffalo by NobodyKnowsHowToTalkToChildren
Chapter 1 : I Cut Like A Buffalo
 
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DISCLAIMER: I don't own the characters. JK Rowling does. I also don't own the lyrics, which belong to The Dead Weather, and more specifically, Jack White, who wrote the song.




I don't enjoy rejection. I don't enjoy being the fool. I don't enjoy having her think she hates me. So why do I keep doing it? Why do I keep asking her out? Am I just stupid? Probably. But I love her. And you do what you have to do right?

I know she thinks I'm weak. I know that deep in my bones and it hurts. But it's only because she doesn't realise. She doesn't realise how much it costs me to put myself on the line every time.


You know I look like a woman but I
Cut like a buffalo
Stand up like a tower, tall
Then I fall just like a domino 


I can see how you might think it's ridiculous. Why would someone keep on trying only to get knocked back and clobbered? Surely by now they've realised it's hopeless.

It's because I know she will give in eventually. Because she loves me. She just doesn't know it yet. The only reason for that is she see's me acting like an idiot. She doesn't see that it pains me when she narrows her eyes in that special Lily way of hers. Those beautiful green eyes...

I'm not really an idiot, you see. There is some rhyme and reason to it. As I look around the dormitory, empty, with the sun streaming through the window, Sirius walks in. He glances carelessly my way before walking to the mirror, combing his hair. I roll my eyes at this.

"You're such a girl." I tell him.

"So you've said before." He retorts.

"Because it's true." I answer.

"Sure, whatever. Stop thinking about her, Prongs." He advises me suddenly. I stare. I don't really know how he can tell exactly what I'm thinking, but he explains that two seconds later, noticing my confusion, "Just from your expression. You know I could never do what you do."

"You'd never have to. You can get any girl to date you." I point out.

"Yeah, any girl. But she's not just any girl, mate." Sirius reminds me. "Besides, Lily wouldn't date me, either. Not that I'd consider asking her."

"Thanks mate." I'm actually grateful. Sirius is very much a 'lock up your daughters' kind of guy.

"No problem. But seriously. I'm starting to wonder if she'll ever say yes. Actually, I think if you ask her one more time, she'll probably slap you round the face." He grins.

"Already been there and done that." My cheek stings at the memory of earlier that day, at lunchtime.

You can hit me if you want to
Do whatever makes you happy
But don't take it easy on me
'Cause I don't know how to take it 

I didn't mind that she'd hit me round the face. In some respects I definitely deserved it. Actually, just that I could still get any response from her was a good thing. Only when she just ignored me would I start to worry. Because if she was still angry when I asked her out, that meant she still cared. It still bothered her, so she still cared. That's another reason I continue to ask her out despite knowing she's going to say no: just to make sure she still gets pissed off when she does so. Otherwise it'd be a complete waste of time and I would be the complete idiot everyone thought I was.

Everyone who didn't know me anyway.

"Tough luck, mate." Sirius sympathises. "Know what I'd do?"

"What?" I ask.

"Get another girl. Show her off, make Lily jealous." He winks one grey eye. I think it over, but sigh.

"Nah. It wouldn't work. I don't notice the other girls." I admit.

"Does it matter? The other girls notice you." Sirius reasons.

"Yeah but at this stage I wouldn't even know where to start." I inform him.

"Fair enough, suit yourself. She loves you, anyway." I grin widely at his words.

"Yeah," I say. "Yeah I know." I get up off the bed and head to the dormitory door.

"Where are you going?" Sirius demands, calling after me.

"To find Lily!" I yell over my shoulder.

I bound down to the common room but she's not there. It's a summery saturday afternoon of sixth year. Outside, the scene is almost identical to that day last year when Snivellous had called Lily a mudblood. Anger boiled through me at the memory, but I shake it aside. I'm in a good mood. Although I know from today Lily still cares, I have to ask her out again just to annoy her now. She's so damn cute when she's angry.

You're a prick with a pin woman

Outside, surrounding the girl with the red hair that I can always pick out immediately no matter the size of the crowd, is a group of other girls. Two of them are in Gryffindor with us and will know what's coming. Then again, so will the boys with them. They appear to be three Hufflepuff seventh years.

Lily spots me as I approach confidently, giving no sign of the slight prickle of fear and sadness inside as I prepare myself for the umpteenth rejection. She braces herself.
"What do you want, Potter?" She spits. I smile easily.

"Have you missed me?" I ask her. I know I'm being an idiot but I have to act the idiot so that when I'm rejected people will laugh and not in a patronising way where they pity me, like they will if I go into it in all seriousness and gusto.

"Ha. Give me a chance to miss you, first, Potter. Then ask me that again." She suggests.

"Hmm. How long shall I give you next time?" I want to know.

"Roughly fifty years. Long enough for me to forget how much of an arse you are." Lily replies. I smile.

"Okay. Deal." She looks surprised. Surprised that she can't think of a smart enough response in time to put me off. "So, how about it?"

"What?" Lily still hasn't caught up, I realise to my amazing luck.

"You and me, Hogsmeade next weekend." I say.

"No way." She says straight away.

"You didn't even think about it this time." I pout. Everyone is watching, looking unsure whether to laugh or not.
Lily taps her foot on the floor and puts a hand on her hip.

"Let me think, then."

Wake me up when it's broke
Only if it's broken
You know I treat you like a joke but you
Can't tell when I'm joking 


This isn't really me asking her out, I think to myself smugly. This is me annoying her because she's cute when she's angry. Heh.

"How about.... never?" She says coldly. She doesn't know that the only time I've asked her out seriously is the very first time I ever asked her out, back in fourth year, when I finally felt confident enough to admit I actually really liked her. She'd gone bright red and gapsed 'no!' in horror. Ever since then, I'd lost count of the times I'd asked her. But I didn't expect her to say yes. Not to these jokey-type dates I didn't intend to be real. She'd never say yes to one of those.

You cut a record on my throat
But the record's not broken


"Lily, you break my heart." I tell her. No, she doesn't. Well-

"I don't care." Now she's breaking my heart.

"Oh you do care." I inform her.

"In your dreams." She snaps.

"Frequently." I wink. She looks at me disgustedly, like I'm something stuck to the bottom of her shoe. That's the kind of thing that hurts. Not so much the rejection. That does hurt me, but it can't really add anymore to the hurt I feel knowing she thinks she hates me. It mainly just makes the wound throb a little. Hey ho. One day she wont think she hates me. When I finally get around to asking her out for real this time.

Is that you choking?
Is that you choking?
Is that you choking?
Or are you just joking?


"Lily, Lily, Lily..." I say.

"Whatty whatty whatty?" She doesn't skip a beat in the sarcastic grimace she throws in my direction. The girls titter. The guys have split off into their own group and are talking about Quiddich. Good.

"If I serenaded you and gave you roses would you say yes then?" I want to know.

"Maybe." I actually expected her to say no. She's messing with me now.

"Seriously?" I check.

"Seriously. Except you'd never put that much effort into making my life a total misery. So I don't have to worry. Right?"

"Right." I turn away and start walking back towards the castle.

"Where are you going?" She calls after me. I turn. She looks completely bemused. How sweet.

"Do you care?" I question. She quickly rearranges her features into a scowl that is more sexy than scary.

"HAH, no." She says savagely. I shrug back at her, grin one more time and then continue on my way back up to the castle.

I definitely have to remember that conversation. I can only hope she remembers it too.

You know I look like a woman but I
Cut like a buffalo 


I'm so busy grinning to myself over my evil genius that I don't notice I walk into someone. I am about to swear loudly when I realise it's just Remus.
"What did you do?" He is immediately suspicious of my grin.

"Nothing." I say as innocently as I can.

"What did you do?" He repeats, with an eye roll for dramatic effect.

"Got Lily to go out with me." I reply. He stares at me as if I just grew antlers. But then again, I grow antlers at least once a month anyway because of him. Maybe he stares at me as if I spoke to him in Mermish.

"What? How?" He asks. "Wait. No you didn't."

"Well, I did, sort of. She said if I serenade her and give her roses she will go out with me." I say proudly.

"James Potter, you perfect idiot." Remus pokes me in the chest.

"Ow. What was that for?" I demand of him.

"You're onto something." He smiles. "As long as you do it right. And don't do it right away."

"Yeps." I agree.

"She loves you." Remus smiles more.

"She does."

"See you, James." Remus waves, walking out the castle.

"Later, Moony."

Wake me up when it's broke
Just like a woman
You cut a record on my throat then you
Break me wide open 


Later on I'm sitting in the common room. It's dark outside. I'm back to daydreaming and wallowing, but there is more a happier twinge to it this time.

Again I think: I don't enjoy rejection. I don't enjoy being the fool. I don't enjoy having her think she hates me.

She thinks I'm weak. We all know that. Because I act pathetic and immature around her.

But that's the thing. It's all an act. All a big build up to next year. That's when I'm going to do it. And that's when she will say yes. Isn't it funny how I've trapped her in her words? You could call me mean. But she loves me and she will know that when I put my neck on the line in all seriousness. I am stronger than that, and soon, Lily Evans is going to know it.

You're a prick with a pin woman
Push it into my skin girl 


Until then, I was still going to act like an imbecile and ask her out fully knowing she was going to knock me back. Hey, that's what I do to make sure she cares. All in a days work.

I will let her hurt me. I think somehow she enjoys my pain, but pretty soon, my pain will be her pain and she'll take it all back. It wont matter anymore, it'll cancel out and be perfect.

I'm a prick when I sin and I
Know I can't win


Sure, I piss her off when I ask her out. But a boy's gotta have some fun right? I find her attractive when she's mad. That's no crime. Especially when I know I'm perfect for her. Even if she doesn't know it. Even if I was to stop asking her out left right and centre, she'd find a reason to be annoyed with me. It's just nice to have reassurance. I have to give her that outlet.

You know I look like a woman but I
Cut like a buffalo
Stand up tall like a tower then I
Fall like a domino


I'll show you Lily. You will see what I see. I am a good person and you love me dearly, my darling.

If everyone else knows this, which they do, I know this too.

I have one hell of a muscular soul. But that's what love does to ya.

A/N: Hi, how did you find it? Let me know via a review :)
By the way, if you know the song, good for you, if you don't look it up, it's 'I Cut Like A Buffalo' by The Dead Weather. It also has an amazing video.




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