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Chapter 27 : Of Words and Loyalties.
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Hello, all! How much have you missed me? Updates are back, and I would like to let you all know that I have planned out the rest of Ladylike. I know how it will end and who Dom will end up with, and I believe I will execute that in 41 to 42 chapters. I'm, of course, not going to tell you those two major things, but I will leave you with a sneak peak of the next chapter at the end of this chapter. After this, all chapters will contain small sneak peaks- they may not give you much information, of course. But who cares, if it's a sneak peak!? :)
Alright, for those of you that don't care about my personal life, feel free to skip this following paragraph.
Pennsylvania was a hellish place. There're hills everywhere and the curves on the roads will make you sick even if you have a strong stomach. My family is exasperating, as always, and I slept past one in the afternoon every day. I was so bored that I busied myself washing my dad's clothes, cleaning his house, and baking cakes and cookies. If you knew me, you'd understand how serious that makes my boredom.
As you all know, there was NO internet connection. The first time I got internet, I was sitting in the airport with my iPod touch yesterday. And I'm sure you're thinking: if she was in the airport yesterday, why is she just now updating!? Well, funny story about that. The airport is a cruel place, you see. A place where they cancel the flights of 16 year old girls whose mother, stepfather, AND boyfriend are waiting in Raleigh for her. It's a place where they refuse the demands of said 16 year old girls to get a direct flight that evening, and make her wait an entire day in that hellhole before she can leave. So, I apologize, my dear sweet readers.
Done with personal life blabber! On to the chapter!
All proper young ladies are always loyal to one man, and they do not allow themselves to maintain feelings for more than just him.
“I’m still working on getting rid of those feelings,” I tell Lorcan Scamander truthfully, still refusing to look in his direction. One look, and I’ll be lost again. “Give me a little time and we won’t have anything to worry about anymore.”
“Oh, come on, Dom,” Lorcan laughs rather rudely at me.
I frown, staring off in the opposite direction. I hate when people laugh like that at the things I say. He was never like that before. He respected the things I said. He listened. He understood. Now, he just laughs. I miss Holden now. He never laughs at me when I’m trying my hardest to be serious and make a point.
“You can’t possibly think you’ll ever care more for that Wood bloke than you do for me.”
I shrug my shoulders, turning towards him now. I don’t fear looking at him and feeling anything for him anymore. No, all I want now is Holden. I don’t care how handsome Lorcan Scamander is. I miss my boyfriend.
“I already do.”
Do I? Before, I wasn’t really sure. I care about Holden and Lorcan- both of them. Scamander… I’ve known him for fifteen years. He’s always been unconventional and sweet, he’s always known exactly what to say to make me smile, and he infuriates my mother. However, on the other hand, there’s Holden. He’s a gentleman and the least boring one I’ve ever met, he seems to blend into my life perfectly, he and I seem to fit together flawlessly, and my mother loves him. He was there when Lorcan wasn’t. And he is the only person I want to see right now. I suppose I do care about him more.
Lorcan frowns at me. “You couldn’t-”
“No, I could. I do.”
“He’s not right for you. He’s such a pretty boy, he matches all of his clothes, he thought everyone loved him throughout first year just because his father is Oliver Wood, he’s the most arrogant person on our Quidditch team, you’re dating him just to make me jealous, and your mother loves him,” Lorcan’s face is growing more and more confused and pained with every word. He seems dead set on convincing me that Holden is wrong for me, but with each and every word, I only seem to disagree with him more.
Holden is different from me. He isn’t like me, and he doesn’t belong in my world. Our differences, however, make us a couple everyone is jealous of. No, we’re not as perfect for each other as Penelope and James, and we might never have one of those sickeningly sweet relationships like my sister and her fiancé- for that I am grateful, by the way- but we are good for each other. We tell each other the truth. We don’t hide major things from each other- except for the Lorcan thing, but I wasn’t even entirely aware of that myself. Fifteen years won’t go by with some major secret between Holden and I. That alone makes him ten times more right for me than Lorcan ever will be.
“You’ve settled into a routine with him, and I know you hate routines,” Lorcan continues, trying to slide closer to me, although I slide away in the opposite direction. “There’s no way you can possibly be happy with that. Nothing is spontaneous with him around. You can predict everything- you’re bored, aren’t you? You’ve become the kind of girl you never wanted to be, Dom. You never wanted to be a routine kind of girl, a girl who dates the predictable ‘perfect’ bloke her mum loves. You’ve always wanted to be my kind of girl. Ever since we were babies. You don’t want him, you want me!”
“You don’t know what I want anymore, Lorcan,” I tell him quietly, looking down at the scuffed toes of my trainers.
This is a difficult conversation to have, especially with everything else on my mind. I’m telling the only bloke I’ve ever wanted in the past fifteen years that he is no longer my only wish and the only person on my mind. He's changed. It's too late. He and I both waited too long to say a single word. Holden stepped in when Lorcan stepped out, and that seems to have changed everything.
“It isn’t you anymore. I don’t want you anymore.”
Lorcan reaches out to grab my hand, and out of politeness, I don’t pull it back. “You don’t mean that,” he says somberly. “We’re meant for-”
“We waited too long, Lorcan,” I shake my head. My hair, already freed of its tameness from the night before, bounces energetically around my face with the gesture. “Ever since I met you, I fancied you. That was nearly all of my life- but I never told you about it, and you never told me that the feelings were mutual. People that can’t even tell each other how they feel aren’t meant for each other.”
“No,” I say firmly, standing up and turning to face James, who is obliviously flying in tight circles around the pitch like a five-year-old child. Smiling inwardly despite the serious conversation at hand, I watch him for a few seconds. He’s found a way to distract himself for a moment, and hopefully, I’ll be able to do that too. After watching James for a few more moments, I turn towards Lorcan and look closely at his face for the first time all day.
His grey eyes are wide and hurt, but they don’t pull on my heartstrings like they once did. I will always care about Lorcan Newt Scamander. No matter what, I will have feelings for him in the back of my heart. Never will I forget about him- I would never let myself forget something like that. However, I know we can’t possibly be right for each other now. It’s been far too long without anything done by either of us. I’ve found Holden Wood, someone who really fits nicely next to me, and Lorcan can find someone too. That’s all there is to it.
“No. I can’t split myself in half anymore, Lorcan,” I tell him, shaking my head again. “I can’t be happy with Holden and hold back such strong feelings for you in my heart at the same time. It won’t work that way. I don’t want it to work that way.”
Lorcan stands up to face me and reaches out for my hands again, grabbing them both tightly in his and pulling me a little closer to him. Not too close, but close enough.
“It doesn’t have to work that way, Dom. You can leave him and be with me, and you won’t have to be split anymore,” he says sincerely, frowning.
His posture has changed now; his shoulders have fallen, and he appears to have sunken into himself dejectedly. He is so different from the boy I encountered down by the lake on the afternoon of my very first date with Holden. He is no longer spiteful and cold when he speaks; he’s the original Lorcan Scamander again, albeit more melancholy, but his return to normal doesn’t seem to change my feelings much either.
“You can be with me now, Dom. I know how you feel, and you know how I feel. Please, Dom.”
I can see how badly my every word is hurting him as his eyes widen and his face falls, and while I feel guilty for causing him any pain, I don’t regret what I’m saying. Not one tiny bit. It’s the truth, and it’s what the both of us really need.
“We can’t hold on any longer.”
“I don’t want to hold on, Lorcan,” I shake my hands away from his again, taking a step back.
I hate being in such close proximity to anyone but Holden. Holden is who should be pulling me close and holding my hands. Holden is who I should be with right now, stealing kisses over Arithmancy homework and pieces of Honeydukes fudge. Instead, I’m standing in the teacher’s Quidditch box arguing with Lorcan Scamander about how much I want to give up on him now, so many years later. Something isn’t right with this picture. I miss Holden.
“I don’t want to be with you. I fancied you for most of my life, but I never told you. You never told me either. I don’t want to try to make something like that work between us. There’s a reason it’s never worked before.”
“You don’t want to be with me?”
Normally, I would have a horribly sarcastic response to that. After all, I’ve only said that what- twenty thousand times now? I think something like that. Maybe a little bit more. Either way, I should have a snarky comment to throw at him. That’s the normal Dominique, isn’t it? Today, however, I’ve already hurt Lorcan enough. I don’t want to make it any worse. As strange as that is for me.
“No, Lorcan. I don’t.”
Lorcan bends down to pick his broomstick up off the ground. Slowly, he straightens back up, throwing one leg over it and pushing himself a few centimeters off the ground. He looks at me closely, as if examining my face for a sign of humor, a sign that I’m teasing him so cruelly by saying such a thing. When he realizes that my blue eyes are completely somber, he blinks rapidly and looks away from me. I could’ve sworn I saw a tiny teardrop form in the corner of his eye.
“Dom, I think I might love you,” he says, voice breaking, as he pushes off the ground completely and flying away from the box. He soars around the boxes and towards the lake, and within a few seconds, he’s completely gone from my sight.
I stare at the air that had held him a few moments before. Once upon a time, those words would have an immense effect on me. I feel nothing now, really. No butterflies in my stomach, no queasiness, no floating a few centimeters off the ground without even a speck of magic. With the old Dom, those words might knock me over- if I was still who I had once been. I would have squealed, screamed, and possibly fainted. However, when Lorcan said that to me, the first thing that came to my mind was Holden. As I gaze at the empty space in front of me, Holden’s face is the only thing remaining in my mind. I choose him. And since I choose him, the words mean nothing to me.
I, Dominique Weasley, a young, stupid girl of fifteen, would choose her mother's choice over the first boy to say he loves her.
This had better work out.
Sneak peak of Chapter Twenty-Eight: Of Walking In and Walking Out-
You see, when two of your players aren’t talking to you, even though you’re the captain, one of them spontaneously bursts into tears whenever he gets exceptionally upset, and a fourth player refuses to communicate with one of his fellow Chasers, it makes Quidditch almost impossible. The only people on my team who aren’t a part of the turmoil are Owen Finnegan and Albus, who both stand by and watch when James is wiping tears off his cheeks and I’m waving my arms in the air like a crazy person, trying to get a response from at least one of the four blokes.
As always, read and review! :)
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