“Voldy!” Bellatrix calls. “Oh, Voldemort!” I run up to her and sweep her into my arms. I spin her around and then plant a kiss on her lips, both of us conveniently forgetting about her husband for the time being. Ah, Rudolphus. He is a loyal servant, but this sneaking around will just not do. I tell my Bella this.
“The Dark Lord does not sneak!” I announce, deciding not to mention the fact that I’ve been sneaking around, not showing myself to the Ministry of Magic, for the past fifteen years. “Now that the stupid hormonal Potter boy and his friends have so rudely informed the wizarding world of my return, I feel no need to hide from anyone or anything, and this includes your husband!”
“But, but, my Lord, if we tell him he would try to kill you!” Seeing the look in my eyes she backtracks, saying, “Not that he would succeed, of course, but he would try! And I don’t want you to kill him because I... I like him very much, okay? And if something happened to him, I would be upset! Kind of.”
I’ve had enough of this. I consider pressing my Dark Mark, but notice Avery walking through the trees towards us, so I call him over. “Avery!” I shout. “Summon Rudolphus Lestrange, would you? I am in dire need of seeing him. Immediately! For very important reasons that you in no way need to be informed of. As you are just not important enough.”
Avery glares at me for the smallest fraction of a second, and then says, voice dripping with sarcasm, “of COURSE, my Lord. I would love to, my Lord. Whatever you want.” Then he whips out his cell phone and presses speed dial “3”. I wonder what number I am...
“Yo, Dolph. Come meet me, okay?” I roll my eyes, but he keeps talking. “I’ve got some insider info for you. Yeah. You know what I mean. Yeah, that. The Forbidden Forest. The usual spot. No, not the tree hollow one; the one where You-Know-Who left that unicorn five years ago. Alright, see you soon.”
No sooner than Avery had hung up the phone, Rudolphus Apparates a few feet away from Bellatrix and I. Realizing that she’s still in my arms, I consider dropping her, but instead kiss her once more.
“Volde- Dark Lo- Tom- HEY! What do you think you’re doing?!” Rudolphus shouts. I laugh in his face, and after a second of hesitation, beautiful Bella laughs too. This changes my plans; I was only going to give ol’ Dolph a stern talking to, and then inform him that he and Trixie were to split immediately, but hearing her laugh makes up my mind: of course she was lying about not wanting me to kill her husband! So I’m going to anyway.
“Hey, Rudufus. Sucks to be you! AVADA KEDAVRA!” A green beam of light shoots at him, and then he collapses. I turn around and bow to my audience.
“And that, ladies and gents, is how you deal with a problem, Voldy style.” For some reason, they both storm off. I’m distraught with this. “Aww... Now two people are mad at me!” I mumble, and Apparate myself away from here.