Chapter 1 : The Letter
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“For god sake Potter!” the red head shouted. “You were doing so well and you just had to go and ruin it! I don’t want to go out with you!” Lily Evans ran up the stairs to the Heads dorms and James Potter watched her back, pain flooding his face. Well done Potter. You’re amazing at ruining things, James thought.
But will she ever see what he’s feeling for her? Since the first time he ever saw her in First Year, he has been madly in love with her. He would watch her every step. He would dream about her constantly. She would never leave his mind. She always thought he was an insolent little toe-rag. He always thought she was the most amazing and beautiful girl in the world. To him she was the only one…
James sat down on the sofa in front of the fireplace and stared into the hot flames, burning…
That was what he felt whenever she rejected him. His heart would burn, trying to kill him, suffocate him… He felt like this right now. Falling apart slowly.
She never knew just how bad her words hurt him. They had become friends, being the Heads they really had to, and James was more than thrilled. He went as far as asking her best friends for help to make Lily see that he wasn’t that total jerk anymore. But she wouldn’t see it, just say no and tear another little piece of his heart away from him. And now it was almost the end of 7th Year and James’ time was running out.
That’s it… James thought. This is the last time.
He would stop asking her out.
He would stop trying to talk to her.
He would stop complimenting her.
He would stop… She just needed to know a few things first.
He stood up and walked over to the desk near the window. He pulled out a piece of parchment from the drawer, picked up a quill and started to write a painstaking letter…
Lily sat on her bed fuming. How does he not get bored of asking her out? God, just go find someone else to bother, she thought. It’s not like she was anything special. He just wanted her so he could then later show her off as a price. He would have finally gotten the girl who had rejected him for years. He would love the attention he would get from that.
She picked up a book and was about to open it to the page she last left it on, but a small knock stopped her. She walked over to the door, opened it slowly and found no one there. She looked around and just as she was about to close the door, she glanced down and found a lone lily on the floor. Under it was an envelope. She picked up the flower and the letter and went back to sit on her bed.
She looked at the envelope. On it, in a neat, fancy script was written ‘To Lily’. She ripped it open, took out the letter and began to read.
You will be happy to know that I am done. Done with asking you out. Finished with my stupid fantasy… But I just wanted you to know a couple of things.
First, I know that you think that I am an insolent little toe-rag, but I’m also a human. I have feelings… You do not realise what you do to me when you reject me every time. Those words that should mean absolutely nothing to you, break my heart. Your words hurt me more than anything you could ever do to me physically.
I may put on a good act, but I’m fading slowly…
Have you ever stuck you finger in the fire? You know that pain that doesn’t seem to stop? Times that by a hundred and you’ll know what my heart feels.
Every time you say no and walk away from me like I'm not really there, you take a little piece of my heart with you. Soon you would have all the shattered little pieces of my heart. That’s why I’m stopping while I still have a few of those pieces left.
The second thing I wanted to let you know is that I love you. The love is what I will never show anymore and what you will now not find. It’s something I will have to cope with from now on. You will never know how madly in love with you I am. You are the most amazing girl I’ve met. The most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen. My one and only love…
I hope one day you find someone who you will fall in love with, marry and have a beautiful life. But I know that that will not be me, even though many times I have imagined you walking down the aisle toward me and us having that beautiful life.
But now it’s done, I’m done and I’ll be all right. (Tear stains had smudged this part of the letter, but they were not Lily’s tears… well not yet…)
Bye Bye Beautiful,
Lily’s tears started to flood freely now and they mixed with the tear stains on the parchment. It smudged the writing and she quickly brushed them away, trying to save the precious letter.
She never had any idea of how he actually felt. He loved her… and she was always awful to him and now it was over.
That night, Lily clutched the letter to her and cried herself to sleep.
The next week or so was horrible. James didn’t look at her, didn’t talk to her, and he looked utterly miserable. He didn’t eat properly, he wasn’t focused on his school work and his friends were getting very worried. They’ve never seen James act like that. It was so unlike him…
Things weren’t terrific for Lily either. She, like James, was less focused on her work and most of the nights she cried herself to sleep. She never came down to dinner, and her best friends Ivie and Alice always brought her some food.
Seeing James in lessons and just thinking about him, made her want to cry harder than ever, and she now realised that she never hated him. She now realised that she loved him… but it was now too late. The letter said he was giving up.
One night, while lying in bed, she got up and went over to her desk, pulled out a piece of parchment and picked up a quill. She didn’t know what she was doing, she didn’t know what she would say to him but she needed something. She quickly scrawled ‘I’m in the common room. Please come down, Lily.’
Lily folded it, grabbed a blanket and went out of her dorm. She went up a short flight of stairs where James’ room lay, and pushed the parchment under the door. Then she walked down and sat on the sofa, looking into the flames, hugging her knees and blanket closer to her. She waited there for what seemed like hours, and then she saw someone sit down on the armchair to the right of her.
“Thanks for coming down,” she said quietly but did not receive an answer. She turned her head to the side and rested it on her knees.
“James I—” she began but had no idea of what to say next. Just say what you feel… a small voice in her head whispered. “James, I’m sorry… I know it’s late to say that now but I am truly sorry… I-I never knew you felt that way about me.”
James just stared at the flames. A silence fell about the room.
Just say it Lily… even if it is too late. Say how you feel about him. The voice whispered again.
Lily stood up and draped the blanket around her shoulders.
“Listen, James… I know now is way too late, and these words may mean nothing to you anymore, but I think I know how you feel… or felt I should say…” she hesitated and walked to the stairs. She turned her back on the fire place and James. “I’ve never felt like this before and it hurts. Your letter was right.” she started to walk up the stairs and whispered “I love you…” and then a hand grabbed her wrist and her heart stopped. She turned around slowly and looked at James. His face looked grave but there was something in his eyes, some emotion playing behind the façade.
“Lily…” he whispered.
“It’s too late now; I know… you’re over me.” She looked down at his hand holding her wrist. “I'm sorry,” she whispered and gave him a tiny kiss on the cheek but before she could turn away, James grabbed her other hand and pulled her down the few steps she had climbed, towered over her and stared into her eyes. He let go of one of her hands and stroked her cheek. Then he leaned down and kissed her, his hand still holding her face. It was a slow passionate kiss, full of deeper meaning than any words could express. When they broke apart, James ran his hands through her hair and kissed her forehead and whispered,
“It’s okay my love.” Lily hugged him tight, holding on for dear life.
“Please, don’t ever leave me…” she whispered, tears flooding down her cheeks. He pulled away from her far enough to stare into her emerald green eyes and spoke in a very firm voice, brushing away her tears.
“Never, love. Never…”
A/N: Meh... -_-' not great... Never mind, it was 2am ;D
Thanks for reading,
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