'Cause everytime I breathe
I take you in
And my heart beats again
I was hurting. I was hurting really badly. God damn! Is this what death is like? To float in this dark abyss of black with the pain of your death? Next time I die, I’m going to make sure I die from a sugar high or laughter.
I thought my eyes were open, though I could be wrong because nothing was in front of me. I tried to feel around, but it felt like I was moving though sand, if not, not moving at all. I couldn’t believe this! I could actually be dead!
Then, suddenly, I felt something being pressed down on my chest. One, two, three, four, five, I counted. Then I felt something against my lips and air was forced down my throat. I felt a tingling sensation throughout my body. The sensation felt nice, like living again. It repeated. One, two, three, four, five. Then the pressure against my lips and the air was forced into my lungs again. The tingling feeling was back again.
After the fifth time, it started to make me feel like I was alive. On second thought, I think I am alive! I tried to open my eyes again. I felt the mussels work and they opened! Success!
The bad thing is that I was coughing up something that burned my throat badly. It was like hacking up toxins or something along those lines. I blinked a few times to get the burliness out of my eyes. When things came to focus I looked up into the blue sky, er, well grey clouded sky. A head appeared over mine and I looked into the gold eyes of Carlisle.
“Sweet Poison! Oh thank the heavens!” he said to me with a smile on his face.
“What happened?” I questioned in a raspy voice. It hurt to speak, my head was becoming dizzy…
“…drowned after…spell,” he said. He was talking? I tried to focus in but my head was too dizzy. “… run you…friends…okay sweetheart?” he told me, brushing hair from my eyes.
“Yep,” I said. I thought it would be a good thing to answer with as I only heard a quarter of what he was saying.
I closed my heavy eyes for a minute as I felt a pair of two strong and cold arms pick me up off the sand. I felt myself immediately relax and curl myself into his chest. I opened my eyes to see a pair of golden eyes that shocked my core and sent shivers down my spine.
“Jasper?” I rasped out.
“Shh, Poison,” he murmured to me as he ran over the sand holding me still against his chest. It felt as if I was floating in mid air, almost like when I was in the black abyss.
My throat was hurting me very badly that I couldn’t talk anymore and that darkness started closing in on me, making my eyes all blurry.
“Poison? Poison stay…” he started to say but the blackness took over again.
I woke up to see the black ceiling of my bedroom. Little stars flickered over the charmed ceiling as I laid there on my bed under my gold comforter. I knew my room by heart. In the corner sat two bookshelves with tons of books and a few manuscripts of some of my writing. The dark red color that painted the walls surrounded the room breaking for the windows. The floor was a black fluffy carpet. On the walls were a few posters scattered around, a few pictures plus two banners. The posters were of Alakazam, Hocus Pocus and Open Sesame. Three of my favorite bands in the world!! There were pictures of me and my friends—The Marauders and The Girls—in every space imaginable. The one banner was a giant Gryffindor banner that I got in first year and the other was a gift from the boys that read Marauders for Life.
As I tuned back into my body, I realized that my chest hurt very badly as I took breath after breath. I slowly sat up only to be pushed back down by a cold touch. I looked to the side to be confronted with Jasper’s warms gold eyes. He smiled a bit as I laid back down.
“You’re awake,” he says in a hushed whisper.
“How long have I been asleep then?” I ask him, my voice horse.
“From the last time you officially woke up, eight hours. There have been some calls in between there though.”
“I normally talk in my sleep apparently.” It was true. In my first year of Hoggy Hogwarts, Lily informed me that I did, in fact, sleep talk. And it was about the most random stuff too. “Why are you here?”
“Well, Carlisle told me to tell you that your not allowed out of bed for a couple days and then to take it very easy. And also, I was worried about you,” he told me sheepishly, looking away from my eyes before flickering back again.
“Why would you be worried?” I ask sitting up, ignoring the pain in my chest and him trying to push me back down. “I’m sitting up if you like it or not.”
Finally sitting back and allowing me to sit up he answered me. Barely. “Umm, I, umm…”
“Did you know ‘umm’ is neither a word nor an answer?” I question sarcastically.
“I think in my time, I would know that ‘umm’ is not a word,” he said trying to defend himself.
“You can defend yourself all you want,” I sing-song say as I swing my legs over the side of the bed. If he wasn’t going to tell me why he was here besides for telling me what Carlisle told him to, I was going to sit up.
“What are you doing? Lay back down, Poison!” he said flashing to my side.
“Don’t think I will,” I say going to get up. “Tell me why you were worried or I will get up.”
“You aren’t getting up,” he growled at me, eyes debating on what to do.
“Then tell me,” I say, crossing my arms over my chest. Oww.
“POISON!” a voice screams from down stairs I could hear the feet pounding up the stairs as my ‘father’
“Oh fuck!” I whispered. I looked to Jasper with worried eyes before getting up and pushing him to my window. He resisted a bit, a worried look in his beautiful eyes. I couldn’t let him see what my father might do. “Jasper, go, please. Do not come back here for anything he does for me! Go home. I’ll find you.”
He nodded hardly and jumped out into the night. I do hope he goes home, I couldn’t bare for him to see me in the near future. I quickly ran across the room, grabbed a random book ran back to my bed and flipped to a random page. I tried to get my breathing back to normal and the pain under the control.
My door flew open to reveal my ‘father’. A mean looking man with dark black hair and cold blue eyes. The blue eye I inherited. He was a buff, broad man, and by the look in his eyes, he was drunk. He was cruel and I hated him with all my heart.
“POISON!” he yelled again.
“Yeah, dad?” I say roughly. I wonder what he was going to say this time.
“HOW COULD YOU BE SO RUDE TO YOUR MOTHER THIS MORNING! HOW COULD YOU LEAVE THIS HOUSE WITHOUT HER PERMISSION! HOW DARE YOU TALK BADLY OF THE DARK LORD!” he slurred to me walking, pounding over to my bed. He told me the dark lord one every time he yelled or even talked to me.
“I do not believe I did anything wrong.”
“I’ll teach you to talk smart to you mother! We gave you life! And this is how you repay us?!” he slurred again, punching me in the face. I cried out a bit as his fist knocked into my face. It, of course, hurt.
It was only the beginning.
That night, I though I might have died again. For real this time. My so called father beat the bloody shit out of me, and by the end I was very bloody. The pain... the pain was very painful throughout my body as bones broke and my skin split. At each punch, kick, slap, I would cry out. It hurt so much on top of my drowning today. And it wasn’t the end.
Hours into the beating, he raped me. It wasn’t the first time, but it still hurt like hell. I wanted to die. I wanted to die every time he touched me. His hands brought anger, pain and darkness to my mind. I was crying. The tears didn’t stop, not even when he did.
I cried myself to sleep again. I didn’t want this. Never asked for it. The only thing I could as for right now is for Jasper.
I wanted to be with Jasper. I didn’t know why. I just met him today, but I felt a connection, a pull, to him. It was like, he knew me, understood me in ways no one else could. Like he could push away my fears was a single touch or word. I wanted to be in his arms, to have him hold me and kiss away the horrible things in my mind.
And I think, I think I was falling in love with him.