Remus was waiting for it. You couldn’t put Jessabelle Spring and Sirius Black in a confined space for long before tempers would rise and combust. He was waiting for it. There had been minor incidents since Jessie had moved in. Frogs had found their way into Jessie’s bed. Sirius’ hair care products had mysteriously disappeared one morning (the years in Azkaban had made him even more devoted to his locks.)He was just waiting for it- for the morning he would wake up to the ceiling blown off and the walls charred. For the morning he would wake up to Jessie laughing manically and Sirius’ blood smeared on the walls and ceiling. For the morning when…
A high pitched scream rang through the halls. Sirius threw Remus’ door open screaming like a girl.
His hair was pink.
“He sent Satan to live with us Remus. Satan!” Sirius jumped on top of Remus, who was currently lying in his bed, half awake. It was seven o’clock in the morning and he had been hoping for a bit of a lie in.
“Get off Padfoot,” He shoved Sirius, who landed on the floor with a thump, and rubbed his eyes. Sirius peeked up over the edge at Remus, “SATAN!”
“Sirius, you said she sang like a cow giving birth and her face looked like the backside of a homeless man last night. Did you really think she’d do nothing about it?”
Sirius pouted, “She’s supposed to be a superstar world singer person. One would think that acting like a lady would be in her resume. And attacking innocents is not a very world singing superstar lady thing to do!” he screamed the last part at the open doorway.
“Pads, you haven’t been innocent since you could walk,” Remus said tiredly, “What did she do this time?”
Sirius looked at his friend incredulously and motioned to his hair, “Umm hello?!? Do you not see this? I look like an Easter egg… a very fine Easter egg if I do say so myself, however…”
“Padfoot,” Remus interrupted him, “You woke me up at seven a.m. screaming like a girl because she charmed your hair pink?”
“It won’t change back!” Sirius cried dramatically, his voice rising three octaves. Remus groaned and flopped back into his pillows, “Celestinaaaa!”
A very guilty looking Jessie slowly slinked into the room, she bit her lip, “Morning Remus?”
“Change it back.”
“But Remus!,” she whined, “ He… He… he called me a cow! And a homeless dude!” Jessie glared at Sirius. Remus groaned again.
“Sirius apologize for being an arse.”
“But Remus!” he whined.
“Sirius!” Remus warned. Sirius pouted, “Fine… Sorry,” he said half heartedly.
“Now Celestina, change it back and apologize.”
Jessie rolled her eyes and half-heartedly flicked her wand, “Sorry,” Sirius’ hair turned back to its natural dark brown. She flounced out of the room.
Sirius inspected a piece of his hair, “She’s Satan Remus. Dumbledore sent Satan to live with us.”
Albus Dumbledore strolled into his office that afternoon at quarter after two. He rubbed his stomach as he creaked open the wooden door (that afternoon’s chicken pie had been remarkably delicious, and he over indulged and was now facing the consequences.)
When he had walked into his office he had expected to find a silent room and a sleeping Fawks. He did not expect to find Remus Lupin sitting in one of the plush armchairs in front of his desk, head in hands.
“Remus?” he asked as he sat down behind his desk, the younger man slowly picked his head up, “I can’t do this anymore,” he stated simply. Dumbledore simply raised an eyebrow as he took in Remus’ grey, stressed face.
“They’re going to kill one another any day now. I was woken up seven a.m. because the two of them can go more than two hours without antagonizing the other. I feel like we’re sixteen again!” Remus exclaimed.
Dumbledore began to chuckle, but quickly hushed as Remus let his emotions get the best of him and allowed his eyes to narrow, “Remus, I am sorry but he cannot know, not yet.”
“Albus, they’re going to kill one another before he ever knows. Can’t he just know and they can go be happy and lovey dovey. I want to sleep damnit!”
“Albus he needs to know,” begged Remus. Dumbledore felt guilt flood into his veins as the werewolf looked at him pleadingly. Remus was the calmest, most patient, most reserved person he knew. He knew that the events of the past few months had taken their toll on him. Albus refrained from putting his head in his hands; Remus was looking at him pleadingly. Sirius could not know, not now, not yet. Minerva’s disapproving face flashed into his mind mentally. Minerva, his dearest and one of his oldest friends had still not quite forgiven him for the circumstances he had placed upon Jessie… Remus’ reaction to the truth would be even worse. Minerva had only been their teacher. Remus was a dear friend, a best friend. Remus’ reaction would be much worse. No, he refused to place this burden upon Remus’ shoulders now. This was his (and recently, Minerva’s) burden to bear. Remus had already sacrificed so much, he would not tell him.
“Remus, he can’t. Sirius knowing will be the undoing of it all,” Dumbledore sighed. He felt awful doing this, he really did; but Sirius could not know, not yet.
Remus rubbed his eyes, he knew those were Dumbledore’s final words on the subject.
“Since you are here I suppose I should discuss Celestina’s upcoming press conference with you.”
“Press conference?” Remus internally groaned.
“Although, I do believe it is far too dangerous to let Celestina have one, it is imperative that she keeps her public influence alive. She cannot burn any bridges. Our contacts at the Ministry have informed me that the Ministry is beginning to take an interest in her whereabouts. They have started to doubt her excuses about a new album. Monroe and I have discussed it extensively and it is the safest way to keep her safe.”
Remus frowned, “I don’t like this. You said it yourself, Voldemort is after her. Are you sure that he does not know who she really is yet?”
“I have asked Severus…”
“You told Snape who she is and you won’t tell Sirius!” Remus yelled as he stood up and slammed his fist against Dumbledore’s desk top.
“I did not tell Severus who she is Remus, I merely asked him to keep his ears open,” Dumbledore calmly stated.
Remus took a deep breath and sat down, “I apologize Professor, the two of them have been grating on my patience…”
“Quite alright Mr. Lupin… now in regards to the press conference…”
Remus soon found his biggest beef with this press conference was not the fact that it put Jessie in mortal danger, but the fact that he would again be masquerading as her friend Lulu. Images of fuchsia robes and pastel heeled boots began to float into his mind as he spun through the floo network.
Home sweet home, Remus groaned as he crossed the kitchen floor.
“Black I’m going to kill you!”
Remus closed his eyes as he opened the door to the living area. The plush sofa was over turned and the china cabinet was in ruins on the floor. The floor was littered with broken china, dust and what appeared to be charred wood. Jessie and Sirius were standing in the center of all the wreckage wands pointed at one another. Remus cleared his throat and they both turned their heads to face Remus.
“Children,” Remus said quietly, “I am going to turn around, count to ten and the by the time I am done this room better look exactly the way it did when I left.”
Remus closed his eyes as he turned his back to the two.
Remus kept his back turned and his eyes closed, “Is it all fixed?”
“Yes mum,” the Terror Twins answered in unison. Remus turned back to the two and slowly opened one eye, it seemed the living room was back in order. Sirius and Jessie looked at him guiltily. Yes, Remus mentally decided, it was Hogwarts all over again. Visions of flying bludgers, broken noses, and shattering china swirled about in his mind; surely if they could survive seven years of close living at Hogwarts they could survive a few months together?
“Now, Dumbledore will be arriving in an hour…”
Remus was instantly drowned out as Jessie and Sirius began vocalizing their opinions about Albus Dumbledore.
“Oh good then I can tell him we’re babysitting Satan for him!”
“Satan? Oh please Black, I’m telling him he’s sent me to live with the most egotistical, bigoted jerk in existence! I am Celestia Warbeck I will not live like this!”
“Would you two shut up!” Remus yelled; they shut up. Remus rarely yelled and when he did you knew you were in for it.
He pointed a finger at the two, “I am so bloody sick of you two fighting all the bloody time! You two are adults! You are not twelve year old schoolchildren! Sirius Black I don’t care that Azkaban has clearly demolished half your brain! You will be nice to Celestina! She is living here whether you or her like it or not! Celestina!,” he rounded on Jessie who looked at the floor, “You may hate it but this is the way things are going to be around here for a long time! You’re just going to have to deal with it! I know these aren’t ideal circumstances for you and I know what you want changed, but it’s not going to happen anytime soon,” he finished. Sirius looked at Remus curiously, Celestina had never complained about the living arrangements in front of him. In fact the only thing she ever complained about was him.
“Now, Albus will be here in an hour. Make yourselves presentable and I swear on my mother’s grave if I hear one more damn explosion, so help me Merlin…” Remus sent a warning glare their way. Sirius dragged his feet out the door. Jessie stopped and put a hand on his shoulder, “I’m sorry Moony, I really am…”
Sirius stopped and cocked his head to the side, did she just call him Moony?
Remus pulled her into a hug, “I know it’s hard living with him, but for the sake of all our sanity, try to not kill him?”
Sirius bit his lip as he began climbing the stairs. Something was going on between Remus and that Warbeck bint, and he’d be damned if he didn’t figure out what it was.
Yay new chapter. Sorry about the wait, I’ll try to do better next time, pinky promise! And I know it’s short but I like how it ended there…
Thanks for reading + hope you’re still enjoying the story!