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Crookshanks's Opinion by Haniewall87
Chapter 1 : Crookshanks' Opinion
Rating: 15+Chapter Reviews: 2

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The spiders and I have decided to play a little game together. I haven’t yet given the game a name because I didn’t want to ruin its essence. This is the punishment they got for taunting me. Dangling their puny bodies on strings just screamed come and get us Crookshanks. In one leap, my paws hit the ground catching three in one move. I was getting adept at this game. It wasn’t Quidditch. I let them go. I had no plans of eating them or anything. Like I said, it was a game, and I have to free the playthings, for I wanted to play tomorrow too.

“Crookshanks,” Hermione calls.

Coming Hermione that is weird, since the two of us have never conversed. I loved Hermione, but I have tried to communicate with her for a while now. She still cannot hear me. She’s the cleverest witch of her time, and the only thing she hears from me are incoherent sounds. The world is unfair.

Meow. I’ve constructed whole sentences here: yes I have heard you plus I’m on my way and if that is Ron Weasley at the door, I will scratch his eyes out.

I wish I could say that last part out loud. I never bottled up my frustrations. I heard it gives you indigestion. I’m lucky I’m not human. I make my way to the kitchen and true to my instincts there was Ronald standing in the middle of the room, kissing my mistress.

There is a cat in the room, people. Are humans insensitive? I know I’m a cuddly, furry creature, but this also means I own a pair of exceptionally sharp eyes. I could see Ron sticking his tongue down Hermione’s throat. I can feel my claws growing out of my paws.

One, two, three… I start counting. Hermione does it all the time. You would do it too if your line of work involved talking to centaurs and dwarves. Obstinate creatures, especially the former, who cares about reading the stars, it is not like it’s possible all year round with the weather we receive in England. I forgot the stars do wait for them in the same spot all the time. As if I care. The counting doesn’t help, and I manage to retract my weapons.

“Here you go,” Hermione says after she manages to extricate herself from him. It took them ten minutes to exchange a few germs. It was a lot of time even in cat years.

I wasn’t that hungry. I wish I had eaten the spiders. I stare at the bowl wearily, but I try to get something down my throat. I’m angry at the wizard not my mistress so there is no need to hurt her feelings in this process.

Ron and I have never gotten along especially once Hermione bought me. Then there was that stupid pet rat Scabbers. Thank Merlin the dog came, and we settled the matter quickly. I can’t stand humans when they pretend they are pets except for the dog. If you call having to smell his pets for approval bonding, then we did bond. Honestly, I was thinking of making Pet Smelling a lucrative business, but in the end it held less appeal, perhaps it was the name. So I return to spiders. I can tolerate him these days, when he keeps all his body parts to himself including his eyes.

The war happened. Now they are together. I can see she is happy, but she never did like him. I was present during some of their fights, so most of the words managed to reach my ears. There was no love there, unless that was the universe’s way of getting back at me for eating the canaries. I’m a cat. They are the ones who needed an intervention. I had rooted for someone else, but he’s happily married to his Hogwarts sweetheart.

He was going to make this night uncomfortable like yesterday, and the day before and... Apparently Ron had not yet picked up the cooking bug. It would have helped a lot of creatures; me, if he would have learnt to cook. This way there wouldn’t be any more Crookshanks, guess who’s coming for dinner tonight. Let me guess, Ron’s coming. See this game has lost its appeal not that it had any, but having another man eat at your place for seven straight days, hiss.

“Crookshanks, what’s wrong?”

Catnap, I think loudly. I have to use a little subtleness I remind myself. The culprit was sitting a few feet away from me in what I assume are his best robes. What an improvement.

“Come here,” Hermione scoops me up in her arms. “I know you hate living in the city, but I promise we will move soon.”

I wasn’t paying much attention to her words because the hand petting my back is gentle. It is making me sleepy. Nonetheless, my eyes stay on the Auror. He is comically explaining how he and Harry ambushed some nameless evil wizard.

Yawn… it was one boring story. Personally, I think he wants to trade places. I’m not planning to relinquish this cosy place in the next hour. I wonder if he will be around.

“Ron,” Hermione admonishes gently. “That was very careless. You could have gotten hurt.”

It would have served my mission. What else was new? I’ve never met any human who messed up as much as this one does; talk about having two left feet. Amazingly, it doesn’t affect his dancing not that I wanted to dance with him. It has been a while since he drunk Felix Felicis and I was sure he hadn’t thought of brewing another cauldron. Oh well, I’d rejoice if he breaks a leg.

Hermione settles me down on my favourite sofa with a loving kiss on my head. I fell asleep immediately. Hours or minutes later I wake up to the sound of pacing. I wonder what he’s nervous about

“Can I run something by you?” he asks. “I’ve done this with Harry. He says its fine, but I have to make sure.”

Then why are you bothering me?

“Hermione, we’ve been friends forever. Well, it seems like forever. I want to change that because our relationship has been unique in so many ways… what I’m trying to say…” He proceeds to wipe imaginary perspiration off his face. “What do you think Crookshanks?”

What do I think? For starters, Hermione does not need the likes of you. That opening is atrocious, and if I were her, I would have cursed you to oblivion. Another thing I want to throw up… wait I can feel a hairball coming. I push the annoying ball of fur in one fluid movement from my stomach and it lands on his shoes. That is how I feel about your little speech.

He whips outs his wand and cleans the mess. It still doesn’t change how I feel. He waves that stupid stick around and the room fills with twinkling lights and floating clouds.

What the…

He fumbles into his pockets and out comes the most random things, a sneakoscope, some galleons and a tiny glass box. My eyes immediately zoom in on the sparkling stone. I can feel my pulse rising. This is not happening. I stretched my back and snarl.

“Crookshanks,” he exclaims, pocketing the things. He is giving me one of those weird looks.

Seconds later Hermione comes rushing through the doors. “Crookshanks you promised not to hurt Ron.”

I did!

“I think he is mad at me.”

“Unless you were planning to harm me in some way that’s the only time he gets defensive.”

“Relax Granger, I wasn’t trying anything sneaky.”

Hermione raises her eyebrows a little. “Nice conjuring spells, it looks like the ceiling of the Great Hall.”

“I was trying to entertain the cat,” he shrugs, undoing the mess. “Thanks for dinner I have to go.”

He quickly drops a kiss on her cheeks and retreats out of the door.

Finally, some peace plus I’d averted a serious disaster. In my opinion, that speech was lame. This is Hermione he is proposing to not that silly Won-Won girl.


~Several Years Later~

I jump on the table.

“Crookshanks, no playing with the chess pieces,” Ron says.

I was in the mood for spiders, but that Knight would do. I knock the piece down deliberately.

“He is trying to tell you something, Ron,” Hermione says from the other side of the table.

“Like what… knight to F6,” the unhappy chap picks himself up and makes the move. “Crookshanks, you are ruining the game.”

If you’d placed the Knight on B6, you’d have easily taken her queen in the next three moves. The sound of a wailing baby rings through the room.

Well, my work here is over, I jump off the table and head to my favourite sofa. All this exercise has made me dreadfully tired.

AN: I hope you enjoyed Crookshanks’s opinion. Please review. Thanks









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