Printer Friendly Version ] [ Report Abuse ]
Back Next

Badgers, Blushing and Gods of Lurve by LaylaBethJagger
Chapter 17 : Can You Say Dramatic Codswallop?
Rating: MatureChapter Reviews: 16

Background:   Font color:

17. Can Anyone Say Dramatic Codswallop?

“Okay. I’ve got clothes for the entire time, one set per day. I’ve got my toothbrush, my hair brush, my shampoo, my conditioner, my razor, a set of towels, my bikini, my deodorant, my time of the month equipment, Scrub’s cage, Scrub’s cleaning gear, Scrub’s food, a couple of hats, a scarf, because you know snow, my jackets—”

“—Bloody hell, I don’t even own that much clothing.”

I stopped in the middle of my list to glower at Fred.

“I’m not near finished.” I told him with narrowed eyes. “And in less than three hours, I’m going to meet Harry Potter, Ron Weasley and Hermione Weasley. That requires intense preparation.”

Fred rolled his eyes, while Scorpius snorted.

“I’m really having seconde thoughts on inviting you over, Katie…” Albus warned me.

For a moment, my heart clenched and dropped at the concept of my losing the chance to meet the iconic people who had perhaps shaped life today as we know.

Then I realised it was Rosie who had invited me to stay at her house, not Albus and neither was it his house.

So… I just smirked at him.

“I don’t care if you’re having second thoughts.” I told him, smirking. “You’re not the one who invited me to your house over the holidays. I am, in fact, staying at your wonderful, intelligent, beautiful cousin who I both admire and aspire to be like.”

Rose surveyed me with a dark look.

“Stow it, Kathryn.”

All three boys laughed as I bowed my head, but I was the only one to take into point that Rose hadn’t yet revoked her invitation. Also, she was smiling slightly as she looked down to read her book.

“Whatcha reading, Posie?” Scorpius asked curiously.

Rose looked up and smiled, brightly—probably from someone taking interest in her book.

“It’s called The Magic Reality” She told us. “It’s all about what would happen if the reality of magic was let out into the muggle world. I’m not quite sure where the author got her information but it’s really interesting.”

“It’s by the woman named Hannah Tompkins,” I informed the table casually. “She went to Hogwarts with your parents; I think her last name was Abbot… She’s married to this muggle and she basically based what would happen on his reaction to her telling him. He helped her write it, so it’s all pretty accurate and stuff…”

I continued to eat, staring at this really interesting little pattern on the table, while I ate my pancakes. Only a couple of minutes later did I realised that conversation had stopped entirely.

Well, not entirely. The hall was still buzzing with conversation, which is probably why it took my so long to notice the lack of conversation between the friends who I had once thought were so talkative.

I looked up—they were all staring at me.


Scorpius was staring at me as though I was some sort of traitor, who he would never look at again in the same way. Fred was holding in what looked to be hysterical laughter and Albus had a half shocked half amused expression plastered on his features. As for Rose, she was staring at me as though Christmas had come early, hugging the book to her chest and looking almost ready to give an ‘Oscar’ speech.

“What?” I repeated.

“How the hell do you know that about the book?” Scorpius demanded.

Fred let out his once held in laughter, proceeding to scare the life out of the small third years that were sitting timidly beside him. Rose, who was sitting on his other side, sandwiched between him and Scorpius elbowed him.

I, however, wasn’t taking much notice of Fred. I was glowering at Scorpius, a little affronted by the assumption that I couldn’t know that.

“Hey.” I said glaring at him. “I read.”

Scorpius raised his eyebrow at me. I glared at him some more.

“Seriously,” I continued. “I read that, voluntarily…”

Scorpius shrugged. “Whatever. Doesn’t matter if you’ve gone to the dark side—oomph!”

I smirked, satisfied, and Rose thwacked him one in the stomach and he bent over a little winded. “Bloody hell, Rose…” he gasped. Rose ignored him.

Instead, she reached for his plate of assorted breakfast foods.

“Come to the Dark side, Katie.” She said brightly. “We have Scor’s breakfast.”

Scorpius, unable to do anything, because A) Rose was a girl, and B) he was totally and completely in love with her just glowered helplessly as his plate was passed to me, where I began munching on his buttered bagel.

“So,” Rose said, starting up the conversation again. “When did you read this book?” She motioned to the text in her hands. The cover was a wand, in the hand of a man who was obviously muggle.

In fact, the man was the husband of the author, who helped write the book that was published in the wizarding world as authored by Hannah Abbot.

“Uhmm… my parent’s showed it to me a couple of times last summer.” I told her. “But I read it in the summer between first and second year. I was curious about my parents, so I figured that it might, you know, illuminate some stuff.”

I shrugged again.

Albus frowned, leaning forward and staring at me calculatingly. “I don’t quite get your parents.” He told me. “They’re magic right?” He asked. “The both of them?”

I didn’t mind explaining about my parents and their choices. It wasn’t one made often, so it wasn’t like people hadn’t already asked. Not to mention it confused the hell out of me most times as well.

“Yeah, my dad went to Hogwarts.” I told them. “I think my Dad was a third year in your parent’s seventh year. So he was evacuated out of the castle straight away—as soon as your parents all arrived.”

They all nodded.

“What about your mum?” Fred asked.

“She went to an Australian school.” I told him. “Uncle Andy’s her brother, and that’s where they’re staying over Christmas. The school’s called ‘Courtesans.’” I said shrugging.

At hearing the name, everyone looked confused, save for Rosie who obviously already knew about said school.

“‘Courtesan’ means prostitute right?”

It did mean that. But that didn’t reflect on any of the students.

Well, at least not my mother.

“It was started in the fifteenth century, in honour of Maria Lavelle,” I told them, proud of myself for knowing all this stuff that these geniuses didn’t. “In England. She was a Courtesan and she was proud of it, and she wanted to emphasise that they were functioning members of society.”

Scorpius, Albus and Fred were grinning openly at this.

Then…” Getting their information back to the information I was giving them, I emphasised my words—by then they were very happy to sit and think about prostitutes. “…By the eighteenth century they realised that more people were opting for Hogwarts instead, and they decided to move the school to Australia, which had just been discovered.”

Rose looked so impressed with me that I nearly burst with pride.

“Anyway,” I continued to explain my parents. “Once my parent’s finished their respective schools they both started working in England, and they met at St. Mungos—they both used to be healers—and they realised that they both hated the magic that ruled their lives. So they just quit, I guess. Decided that the way muggles did things was smarter. So they took up the Muggle way of life.”

That spurred on a conversation about what we would miss as wizards in a muggle world.

“The food.” Fred said straight away. “It takes so long to make in the wizard world.”

Albus agreed heartily.

Rose took a more educated approach. “I couldn’t stand being so out of touch. The things that Muggles don’t know, that Wizards do know about is just endless.” She said, “Like, did you know that 63 percent of the unsolved murders in the muggle world are wizard caused?”

I pretended that I did know this, and did the concerned, ”Oh my god, I did know that… it’s so sad.” thing.

“Imagine having to walk everywhere.” Scorpius said. “Or fly in one of those planes…”

I shuddered at that. I had flown in a plane only once in my life, when my parents wanted to show me the experience. I had spent the flight hanging onto the armrests for dear life.

Heights and I, need I remind you, do not mix.

I looked back to my list of things I had already packed.

“Speaking of travelling.” I said slowly. “I have to go and double check everything I’ve packed.” I told them all. I looked to Rose, “remember where we were up to?”

Rose shook her head. I sighed and looked back to the list, seeing if I could remember.

“We don’t leave for four hours, you twat.” Scorpius informed me.

Rose stared at him.

I stared at him.

Albus and Fred both nodded as though he was the wisest person in the world—idiots.

“Do you mean to tell me, that none of you have packed, or organised yourselves, or… anything?” Rose demanded.

All the boys stared at her shrugging. “Yeah, so?” Albus asked.

I frowned and went back to scanning my list.

“You stupid idiots.” Rose reprimanded them. “Not only should you have packed FAR before four hours prior to the train departure, but the train is leaving two hours earlier than last year. It’s part of this new regime McGonagall’s got, so we’re not on the train when it gets dark—it’s because of those escaped Death Eaters.”

I shuddered, once again letting out a little noise like, “nngh…” and Albus decided that it would be comforting to rub my back a little. Rose smirked at me, while I focused on not swooning.

My gaze swung back to my list.

Fred shrugged again. “We still got two hours to pack. It doesn’t take that long. Plus, this bacon is really good.” He motioned to the crispy meat on the plate in front of him.

“Dammit!” I declared loudly. “I have officially lost my spot.” I scanned my list. “I’m gonna have to start again.”

“On the other hand,” Scorpius said, pushing Fred’s bacon away from Fred’s mouth—where it had frozen, by the way. “We can always have the bacon in our dorms.”

I frowned. “But I need your help listening to my list.” I pouted.

Fred and Scorpius were out of there before I could even blink. My eyes narrowed and both Rose and I looked to Albus.

“Thanks for hanging around,” Rose said to her cousin.

Albus laughed nervously, swallowing the food he had. “Well,” He said cautiously. “You know what packing’s like… best get a head start on my own...”

Then he too had vanished, his plate either suddenly invisible or clutched firmly in his hand as he raced to catch up with Fred and Scorpius.

Rose glowered at the slowly closing door, through which all the boys had vanished.

“Boys are pigs.” She concluded.

I grabbed a piece of bacon of Fred’s discarded plate.

“Amen to that, sister.” I said, pouting.

I sat on my bed staring at the suitcase that I know I should have packed earlier. Well, I kind of had packed. But I should have verified what I was bringing with Rosie first.

I now had a tear this room apart to find the only clutch purse I owned, as apparently we would be attending some special Christmas event—they are famous, keep in mind.

“Merlin…” I muttered as I pulled myself under my bed. “How come… what… this is—ooh!”

I spotted something that looked like my leather wallet new from last summer. I managed to spin around beneath the bed so I could get out the other way. I began to army crawl out and upon pulling my torso from beneath the bed realised I had an audience.

Natalie, Shirley, Lauren and Charmaine were all watching amusedly, leaning on the wall near the door, all looking very interested in my pain.

“Are you enjoying this?” I asked simply from my position on the floor.

They all nodded enthusiastically.

I glowered at them from my position, but said nothing else, as I had inadvertently got my bum stuck as I struggled to get out. I decided not to alert them to this idea, because of the humiliation factor if anything.

“Are you stuck?” Natalie asked.

Of course, my not telling them had no effect what so ever on their seemingly excellent perception skills.

“Perhaps,” I answered evenly, not willing to tell a lie.

They all burst into laughter.

Bursting with indignation, I struggled some more to pull myself out from under the bed. By clenching my butt muscles in some way I didn’t even know was possible, I managed to pull myself up, and by the time they had finished laughing, I was standing at their height glaring at them, with my arms across my chest.

“Not. Cool.” I told them all frowning.

Once again they all snorted. “Because you’d know about cool?” Charmaine said sarcastically.

And it stung.

I glared at Charmaine now. Of course, she was superwoman, and therefore impervious to my death glare of hate—and instead of dying she stood evenly, giggling slightly.

“Fine.” I said, “As I am unwilling to let my pride be shattered by your cruel taunting, I will continue my way without you.” I then continued in search of the purse.

That sent them into another round of laughter—probably because I mentioned something called ‘pride’ and myself in the same sentence.

I huffed a little, but continued to look for the wallet. I walked around the three other beds—Nat’s, Shirley’s and Lauren’s before reaching what I had thought was my wallet.

It was a leather shoe.

A very nice leather shoe.

But a leather shoe.

“Okay. That’s not it.” I said holding up the shoe. “But whoever these belong to, can I have them?” I stared at the pretty purple heel. That snapped Natalie out of her little giggling fit. She walked forward and snatched the shoe out of her hand.

“I only bought them last weekend.”

I shrugged. No loss, No Gain.

I had however, lost this bloody purse.

“Where the hell could it be?” I asked the entire room. “I mean, its not such a big room.” I got on my knees again and bent over, looking under the beds from this new angle. I couldn’t see much, but there were small things that resembled a clutch purse under every bed.

I was once again army crawling under the bed.

They were all laughing as I did this.

“You know,” I said informatively as I struggled under the first bed, the only new thing in my hand was the other purple stiletto that belonged to Natalie. “You are all being quite immature about this.”

I think my voice got muffled against at about ‘quite’ because I disappeared under the next bed. So they all giggled a little again, totally ignoring what I was actually saying.

I reached for the next small object that could have been my wallet.

I grumbled as I threw the small discarded container of owl treats out from under the bed. I was satisfied to watch it collide with Shirley’s hippie slippered foot.

“Or,” I continued to talk as I made my slow way to the next bed, clenching and unclenching my butt muscles when necessary to get past a bed. “You could be, you know, good people and, you know, help…”

No such luck.

“This is so much more fun,” Lauren said simply. “So I’m going to have to decline.”

The others all agreed with her quickly enough, so it was to be expected that for the next couple of minutes and I crawled from bed to bed, they all stood giggling like mad things, at my misfortune.

I was completely underneath my own bed when I heard the last set of footsteps on the stairs.

And since every occupant of this room was already in here, save for one, I knew exactly who those high and impractical sounding shoes belonged to.

“Hey guys,” Emily said happily enough. “What are you laughing about?”

There was a tense silence, in which I debated whether or not it would be a good tactical move for me to show myself, or, if I could come up with a spell that could make me invisible within three milliseconds.

The others seemed to make my mind up for me, however, when Shirley said offhandedly, “Natalie lost one of her shoes. She was whining about it.”

Since I couldn’t bloody see anything from my strategic place underneath the bed, I could only assume that Emily then proceeded to look at Natalie with a weird expression on her face.

“Natalie? You never get upset about shoes.”

This time I knew the look that was now plastered on Natalie’s face. She would be torn between telling the truth—because she’s a good person and that’s the sort of things she does—or ratting out me, and now Shirley for lying for me.

She chose the one that would end in less bloodshed and it just so happened to go completely against her moral code.

“These were expensive shoes.” Natalie said shrugging.

This brought on a more natural course of conversation, as Lauren automatically snapped, “You know, Nat, it’s people like you who are slowly giving this world over to consumerism and killing individual thought.”

As with any time Lauren or Shirley accused Natalie of something anti-environment, Nat (probably) gave Lauren a dry look that she had down pat.

You see, Nat is almost the most intelligent Hufflepuff student to have ever lived. She, therefore, knows how to recycle and buy things without slowly killing the universe, and wouldn’t go for a day without letting everyone know that.

I however, could not focus on the comical side of this conversation, as I couldn’t bring myself to look away from the two inch black heels that were strapped to Emily’s stylish feet. They were so Emily that I felt a pang of sadness course through me even looking at them. I could just imagine the conversation we should have had about them when she put them on this morning.

It should have gone along the lines of:

“You’re an idiot.”

“And you’re a doofus. Now that we’ve finished stating the obvious, do you want to compliment me on my wonderful and stylish shoes.”

“I would like to reinforce my previous statement. You are—”

“—unbelievably sexy, I know. Stop bringing it up Katie, now, let us go to breakfast.”

Emily was chuckling now, probably at something sarcastic which Nat had said-and I had missed being far to busy reminiscing. I casually glanced around under my bed and frowned at the darkness.

I hate the under side of beds.

Em then proceeded to sigh slowly, “We’ve got another Code Three in the Boys Dormitories again.”

Code three in the Boys dormitories?

Everyone else nodded knowingly.

God, I miss being in the loop.

I slowly shifted my last foot under the bed so that Emily couldn’t see me at all.

Emily sighed again and I tensed. “He’s not doing so good, you guys…” She said quietly. “He’s really cut up and I don’t know how to fix it.”

Oh, my god, who!? I can help!

I’m good at making people laugh!!

“This thing with Katie’s really tearing him apart. He’s not even the same guy any more. I mean, Eric and Katie used to be really close you know? And Penny’s no replacement for Katie. And Eric’s beginning to realise that. I don’t know what to do…”

Holy Poo.

Charmaine cleared her throat, rather awkwardly.

“So, he’s in the boy’s dorm at the moment?” She asked.

Em must have nodded, because she then proceeded to say, “Yeah, he’s up there now. He’s with Oz, and Penny—who is getting really hard to deal with. I mean, I coped for a while, but the bitching about Katie’s getting kind of old.”

It is?

“It is?” Natalie asked cautiously, either for her own benefit, or mine.

“Of course it is,” Emily said to Natalie, as though it was obvious—trust me, when I say it wasn’t— “It may not look like it right now, but Katie is…” She hesitated, and I flinched at what I knew was coming, “Well, was, my best friend. And it’s really irritating that Penny thinks she can just date Eric and then expect everyone to bitch along with her.”

Shirley frowned. “I thought you were really angry at Katie…?” She said.

This time, I knew Shirley was saying that for my benefit. She already knew the answer to the question, because she had told me at breakfast a couple of mornings ago.

“What are you talking about Shirley?” Emily asked, confused. “You know that.”

Shirley shrugged, “I dunno, Em…” She said slowly, and very convincingly. “You and Katie and your drama gets a little confusing at places, and quite frankly, I’m having issues keeping up.”

I thought about Shirley and the way she could talk at a million miles per hour.

As if she’d have any issues keeping up with anything…

Em, however, bought it.

She sighed again, and then I watched her weight shift onto the other stylish black heel. “I don’t know. I guess it is a little confusing,” She sighed, sounding tired and confused. I resisted the urge to race to her side and pull her into a bear hug.

Then I remembered that the only reason I knew how to bear hug, was because Scorpius did it to me so often, so that would be a little redundant.

“I’m not angry with her.” Emily finally said. “I just don’t understand how she can desert all her friends so quickly, for the people who hurt Eric so much. And she knows what happened to Eric now—I just don’t get it.”

What was she talking about? She deserted me.

I wasn’t deserting anyone.

“Anyway,” She continued. “I don’t want Oz talking Eric into jumping out a window, so I’d best be back. I just need my wand—Eric had a bit of a hissy fit and I need to clean up the boy’s room.”

Well, that’s terribly upsetting.

“Has anyone seen my wand?” Em asked.

My stomach lurched.

The small object I had been crawling towards, in the hopes of finding my cute little clutch purse, that was sitting motionless only a couple of inches away from me?

Yeah—Emily’s wand.


I watched with a held breath as Emily’s heels rounded to one side of the bed. I managed to silently wriggle over to the opposite side, so there was more of a space between me and her discarded wand.

What was her wand doing down here anyway?


Emily’s knees were now visible to me. All she had to do was lean forward and she would see that I had just witnessed her bear all to our dorm mates. Not to mention her guilt-inspiring confession about Eric’s state, and her not-quite-so-hatred of me.

Her manicured hand reached under the bed, her hot pink nails crawling slowly towards me.

I couldn’t hear a thing. Everyone in the room seemed to be holding their breath.

Well, except for Emily, who was humming In Your Warlock Way by Corrine Flyer to herself.

It wasn’t the dramatic back ground music I had expected, but somehow it did the trick. The humming got louder as she reached further under the bed. She wasn’t heading in the direction of the wand. Instead, she was getting closer and closer to me—her hand about two inches away from my stomach.

I made the hasty decision subconsciously.

I managed to manoeuvre my body so that I could grab her wand in my own hand, and then I rolled a little, so that my body was visible form the other side of the bed. Then I placed the wand where my body had been and watched with held breath as her fingers curled around it.

“Got it.”

She stood.

In milliseconds I had rolled silently back under the bed—far to preoccupied with saving my own skin to operate the functional butt muscles—and suddenly stuck again.

“Alright guys. See you. If I don’t see you before—oh hey…” Emily trailed off as she stopped in her path to leave the room. She turned around again. Then she made her way to her dresser.

“I found this yesterday morning.” She said informatively. “Katie lent me her purse before… everything. And I figure she’ll want it back. Is she staying here over the holidays?” She asked.

I could clearly see the faces of everyone now. The good news was that I could follow the conversation without guessing. The bad news was if I moved Emily would notice me. But I was far to tense to move now.

As was everyone else. No one seemed to want to be the one who delivered the bad news.

Finally, Charmaine took a deep breath and plunged.

“She’s going to the Weasley’s for Christmas.”

The look of shattered hope on Emily’s face was enough to make me inhale sharply. Luckily enough, Emily’s slight exclamation of horror covered the gasp, but did nothing to improve the sudden guilt that was practically squashing me into the floor.

“Oh.” Emily said stiffly, her throat sounding dry. “Right. Well. If you could… give it to her…” then she threw the purse down on my bed—the one I was strategically stuck under—and scarpered.

Natalie slowly closed the door after her. Then everyone turned their gaze to me.

“Katie?” They asked cautiously.

I stared at the half of the ceiling I could see, and the half of the underside of the bed.

“Katie, are you stuck again?”

This time I couldn’t even move. So Natalie and Charmaine both had to pull, while Shirley and Lauren pushed—and I sobbed hysterically at what I had just put my friend through.

Well. That’s dramatic isn’t it. I just thought you guys should hear a little of the ‘enemy’s’ side. I do like Emily’s character, as well as Eric and Oz. I don’t like Penny, but I guess that much was obvious :P

Oh, and also, concerning Hannah Abbot—the author of the book that Katie knows about—I know that in the canon she was supposed to marry Neville. But clearly, I have put Neville and Luna together. Luna’s canon kids (Lysander and Lorcan or something to that effect) have also not been included in this story for these reasons. Hope that doesn’t put you off. :P

Anyway, I hope you liked this chapter and please review. It doesn’t take much. Your reviews til now have been overwhelming and I may just love you all (btw)


Ps. I know that the chapter picture is of a character who doesn’t actually feature, but I thought you should all know what Hilary looks like, because—well, everyone who did feature this chapter has already been seen. :P

Previous Chapter Next Chapter

Favorite |Reading List |Currently Reading

Back Next

Other Similar Stories

No similar stories found!