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Whoops? by Rose Red
Chapter 6 : Of Hen's Nights, Potions and Detention
Rating: MatureChapter Reviews: 49

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Hi! So if you think you’ve read this chapter already I promise you haven’t so keep on chugging!

Ahem. I might be in a bit of a weird mood right now….

Right, but keep reading because the chapter is super different at the end and you will be very confused if you don’t!

Enjoy, and sorry for the wait!

“Rose! Put down the transfigs and find Alice! We’re having a girls night! Pronto! I need cake and complaining now! Also, a free pedicure would be nice.”

Why does she always look at me like that? I’m not crazy!

“Firstly Mara, quiet down. This is the Library. You’re going to get us kicked out. And secondly, what the hell are you talking about? Girly night? Cake? What did Albus do now?” How does she know it was Albus?

Maybe I wanted to complain about being mauled in a hallway! Not that she knows about that, but still. She doesn’t know about the Albus Fiasco of Epic Proportions either! Why does it always have to be about stupid Potter, hmm?

I hate that boy. Stupid arse. Wanting to ditch me for some girl. Why did he even agree to the plan in the first place then?

Aargh. No wonder he was being so nice, he was just trying to get me all buttered up so he could completely and utterly abandon me. And I fell for it just like any of those ditzy girls would. He looked at me with those stupidly hypnotic eyes and I believed every story he fed me! I even said he was cute! I’m such an idiot!

We are enemies after all. What does he care about my problems? He can just use his new girlfriend to get rid of the stupid swarming slags.

Do you see how furious I am right now? I’m turning into freaking Dr. Seuss!


“Mara. Mara, come back to the land of living. What is going on? Are you going to explain or just stare blankly off into space? You look fit to kill.” Why yes Rose, of course I’ll explain. I’ll explain exactly how your stupid arse of a cousin betrayed me for some slag!

It was probably one of those bimbos that throw themselves at him all the time! I mean he’s not getting any from me, so he might as well right? How could I have been so dumb? AAHH!

“Okay so apparently it’s going to be the staring off into space muttering option then. Let’s just get you up to Gryffindor tower before you start launching books at innocent first years or something.”

Stupid, stupid, stupid! I am seriously stupid. I should just be kicked out of school for having zero intelligence. How could I have trusted him? I mean it’s not like he doesn’t have a reputation! He’s a Potter! He has girls hanging off him left and right! And now he’s going to ‘dump’ me and I told McGonagall not to punish the Creeper and I have no Plan! What am I going to do?

“Alice! Alice help me! I think Mara’s gone mental. Plus she really needs a shower.” Hey! Just because I’m not speaking clearly doesn’t mean I can’t hear you!

Who needs enemies with these two as friends, huh? Except I have an enemy, don’t I? And who’s brilliant idea was it for me to put all of my trust in said enemy? That would be my BEST FRIEND! ROSE IS GOING DOWN!

“AAAAAAH! Mara what the hell! Stop bludgeoning me with your pillow! What did I do?”

“Stupid Plan—trust Albus—your idea—stupid, stupid, STUPID!”

Ah the fetal position.

Why is it that this is every humans natural reaction in times of great stress?

It is quite comfortable though.

Mmm. Rosie is the bestest friend ever. Even though I just violently attacked her with sleeping implements, she is still sitting right next to me rubbing soothing patterns into my back.

Have I told you how dearly I love my best friend? Well I do. She’s amazingly, wonderfully great. The best.

“Oh honey, what happened?” Seriously. The best.

“Stupid Albus and his stupid girlfriend.” Okay so that really wasn’t an explanation. At all. In fact I’m quite sure that I’ve just thoroughly confused both Alice, who is currently sitting cross-legged on my bed watching us intently (I am collapsed on the floor in front of my bed, just so you know), and Rosie who is sitting right next to me leaning against her bed.

“But wait Mara, aren’t you technically Albus’s ‘girlfriend’?” Oh Alice, how I love you and your strategic uses of air quotes.

“So I thought, but apparently he likes someone, so basically they’re dating because the only girl who would say no to Al is...well, me and I’m obviously not the object of his secret affections. So now he’s just going to abandon me and go date that other girl! How sad is that? I can’t even keep a fake boyfriend!” I am so sad. The saddest girl on the planet. There is no one with worse boy luck than me.

Okay so maybe that little titchy Ravenclaw girl who sits in the corner and glares evilly at anyone who comes within two feet of her, but she doesn’t really count.

Wait, what was that look? Why did Rosie and Alice just share a look? Why can’t I decode girl speak? Isn’t that supposed to be an inherit girl trait or something? Not only am I sad but I’m genetically deformed!

“What was that look for? You guys know I’m no good at speaking girl.” Which is exactly why they shared such a look. Stupid secretive girl fluent best friends.

“Nothing Mara. Why don’t you take a shower and calm down a little. Then we can figure this all out, okay?” That sounds like a wonderful idea. No one should have to suffer a complete mental breakdown in addition to being smelly and very, very sore.

I love magic. Endless hot water does wonders for the soul. And the complexion. Big fluffy red and gold towels are right up there with the hot water. It’s like being engulfed in a marshmallow. Without the whole stickiness thing. So really it’s not like a marshmallow at all, but you know what I mean.

“There you go, much better hmm? Why don’t you sit down and Alice’ll brush your hair while you tell us what happened.” Aww I feel like a little kid. Don’t you wish you had amazing friends like mine?

“Um, okay well McGonagall asked if I wanted to get the Creeper thrown out of school or something and I said no and Albus got pissed so I asked him why and somewhere in there I said it wasn’t the Creepers fault that he liked me and then Al said ‘you’re telling me’ and then I think I yelled at him and ran away.” Hehe. Have I ever told you how extremely awkward I am? No? Well I am. Me and difficult social situations do not go hand in hand. Well actually, we do go hand in hand and that is the root of the problem.

“What the hell have you been doing today? Why don’t I know anything that goes on in this school?” Oh Alice don’t worry, apparently I’m just as oblivious as you are.

“Yeah Mara, I think you better start at the beginning with this one. I am really confused. Where did McGonagall come from?”

They want me to tell the story? Oh no, no. I am not going through that. Way too many ridiculous arguments about nothing.

Ahhh! Okay, Rose is resorting to the ‘Death Glare.’ I better start talking.

“All right, all right, don’t get your knickers in a twist. Earlier today I was walking down the hallway minding my own business when the Creeper spotted me. Instead of hiding behind some random people I just kept walking because I thought the Plan would serve it’s purpose and protect me from his creeping tendencies. I obviously thought wrong. He pushed me against a wall and took hold of my wrist. He kept telling me he knew I was just using Al to make him jealous and other shit like that, so I stunned him because he was seriously starting to creep me out. Right then, Albus popped out of nowhere. Legitimately, nowhere! The hallway was completely empty I swear, and then he just appeared! He looked so pissed too. It was a little scary actually, and then he levicorpused the Creeper all the way to the Entrance Hall, stole his clothes and permanently stuck him to the chandelier. It was crazy! So I ran away, which was when Alice saw me and told me it was quidditch practice time.”

“He pushed you against a wall? That bastard! He’s going down!”

“Aww, Al protected you? That’s so cute!”

I bet you can guess who said what can’t you?

“Rosie I’m pretty sure he’s as far down as he can get. There was a troupe of third year girls that pranced through the Entrance Hall just as I left. I’m quite positive that he’ll be mentally scarred for a long time. And Alice, no it was not cute it was ridiculous and unnecessary. I had the situation completely under control. There was no reason for him to react so unreasonably.” Okay really, what is with the girl looks? This is getting a tad ridiculous. Could they please enlighten me as to what is going on that requires so many girl code maneuvers? Honestly, it is my life after all.

“Albus acted like a jealous boyfriend and hexed the Creeper. That’s pretty much in accordance with the Plan and all it’s previously stated components. It isn’t that unreasonable. Speaking of, we really need to get on it with putting this Plan into action. I mean yeah, your Dinner Snog was a great start, but people are going to get suspicious if you two don’t get caught in a broom cupboard soon or something.”

And they say she’s the only logical choice for head girl. Pfft. Rule abiding my arse.

And, what? Broom cupboard? Me? Albus? Is she not listening to anything I’m saying? I’m trying to tell her that the Plan is probably over. AGAIN (This is possibly the least reliable plan of All Time. Seriously. Or maybe it’s just me and Albus), and she wants to trap us in a broom closet?!


“Okay Mara, deep breaths. No need to hyperventilate. You’re no use to us if you’re out cold.” Oh thanks guys. Aren’t my friends just the best? So caring.

I’m really hoping you’ve cottoned on to my sarcasm at this point, but frankly I can see how it would be a bit confusing with the amount of times I’ve changed my mind between having lovely friends and terrible ones in the last few minutes, so I figured I would clarify just in case.

Wow, I really think that boy legitimately leeches at my brain. Albus Potter stop stealing my mental acuity! I need this brain!

Right. Calming down now.

What am I going to do if Al just up and leaves?

I can’t handle the Creeper on my own! That’s why we developed this whole intricate, crazy, unbelievable Plan in the first place. I have to say though, picking Al as the ‘fake boyfriend’ was probably a good choice (minus the fact that he’s probably going to ABANDON me). Seriously, it’s so outlandish that people’ve got to believe it’s true, right?

“Okay so after the hexing part you ended up talking with Al and he said he liked another girl?” Yes, Alice! That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you this whole time!

Well, he sort of said he liked another girl.

Okay, so he didn’t say it in those words exactly, but it was definitely implied!

“Mara, I know that face. He didn’t say that at all did he? Did you even let Al explain himself or did you just flip out and run like you usually do?” So what if I have a standard operating procedure for difficult situations Alice? It’s called being prepared people!

“Erm, no I didn’t wait for him to continue, but nothing needed explanation! I was talking about liking people and he said ‘you’re telling me’ so obviously he’s interested in someone, which means he’ll ask them to Hogsmeade instead of going with me as the Plan suggested, and then everything will go to hell, and I’ll spend the entire weekend fending off attacks by the Creeper who will be trying to take advantage of my ‘delicate state,’ after my horrific break up with The Albus Potter and I’ll be even worse off than when I started!” I seriously need to stop with the run on sentences. Or get some better breath support. But if I pass out from lack of oxygen, it’s really Potter’s fault. If he wasn’t such a two-faced Plan ruiner I wouldn't be so distraught and then I wouldn’t need to have enormous rants sans breathing.

“You my friend are an idiot.” Well thanks Rose. Everyone is an idiot compared to you, but you don’t need to point it out. It’s bad taste.

“Stop pouting Mara. You do realize that this entire situation was contrived in your head because Al thinks out loud?” What? I did not contrive anything! He said he was going to abandon me!


Okay so maybe I did exaggerate a little but he’s still an arse who likes another girl!

“Mara, are you jealous?” That is completely ridiculous Alice. Why would I be jealous of Potter?

“Why would I be jealous of Al? That doesn’t make sense.” Silly girl. Her head is in the clouds.

“Not jealous of Al, jealous of ‘The Girl.’” Hmm. It must be Alice who started that whole air quotes thing that’s been going around. She sure uses them a lot.

Hold the phone! She thinks I’m jealous of ‘The Girl’ that Al likes? Hahahahha yeah right. That’s ridiculous. I hate Al. He’s the scum of the earth. Who I’m pretending to date. Who is doing me an enormous favor and in the process putting his own love life at stake.

Okay so maybe ‘Scum of the Earth’ was a bit harsh. But that doesn’t mean I’m jealous. I’m just worried about the success of the Plan if he’s going off pining for some other girl.

Yeah. That’s it. Now I just have to set the record straight with my friends because they’ve apparently been inhaling amortentia fumes all evening or something. Speaking of, we’ll be getting to that in Potions soon won’t we? Oh that’ll just be buckets of fun...

“Guys are you serious? Why would I ever be jealous of ‘The Girl’? I just want to make sure he is going to stick with the Plan because I can’t deal with the elevated stalking levels on my own.” There, that should set them straight.

“Alright Mara, we’ll buy that. For now.” Alice, you are not threatening. Even a skillfully raised eyebrow (which I taught her how to do, by the way) does not increase your fear-factor. You are not even mildly scary looking, in fact I think it’s genetically impossible for Longbottoms to be badass.

Oh wait. There was that time during the war that Prof. Longbottom became a crazy hero and went around chopping heads of snakes wasn’t there?

Well then I’ll rephrase.

Longbottoms are only badass in times of Great Terror, and when those rare occasions do occur, they sure do go all out.

Yes that’s much better. But since trying to threaten me so I will ‘crack’ and divulge my imaginary ‘intense feelings’ for Albus Git-Face Potter does not count as a State of Emergency, Alice just looks like a cute little girl who is trying (and failing) to interrogate someone. But she has apparently succeeded in making me, along with basically everyone else in this crazy school, pick up her ‘air quotes’ habit.

Anyway, enough with Alice trying to be threatening. It’s time to recruit my friends into some Plan Reinforcement by way of eliminating the distraction.

“Right so what are we going to do to make Al stop liking ‘The Girl?’” What? It’s a legitimate question. He can’t just be going around liking some other girl while we’re ‘dating’ can he?

“You are kidding, right Mara? Al’s loyal he’s not going to go chasing after some girl when he said he’d help you and you can’t just make him stop liking someone for your own personal sense of comfort or twisted satisfaction.” And why not Rose? This blasphemy is not in accordance with the Plan. In fact, it’s a slap in the face to Weasleys everywhere.

“Don’t raise that eyebrow at me girly. You can work this one out on your own. I don’t have time for stalking potential crushes of my cousin. Plus we don’t even really know if he likes someone and I need to learn about partial human transfiguration before Tuesday!” Wow that girl gets way too excited about school. Well, about beating Malfoy really. But we’ll call it ‘school’ for all the Weasleys (Rose included) who are still in denial.

Denial of what you ask? Oh just her eventual induction into said family and of course the six million little blonde/ginger babies they’ll have running around (really I wonder which would win, the wild Weasley red or the sleek Malfoy blonde?). But she doesn’t know about that yet so I’ll just keep my wild theories to myself, yeah?

Hmm, maybe Alice will help me?

“Not the puppy dog eyes Mara. You know I can’t resist them! This is so not fair. Okay fine, I’ll help you stalk Albus but I just want to make sure you see the whole ‘dramatic irony’ thing going on right now.” What is that girl talking about? I know exactly what is going on in my life. There’s nothing you know that I don’t because I’m the one telling you what is going on, therefore no dramatic irony. So there Alice.

Now to figure out who The Girl is and take her out. In a totally non-physical-violence kind of way. Yeah.

“Whatever Alice, it’ll be great. We’ll have to pull out our spy gear of course. Don’t roll your eyes at me Longbottom. This is an emergency! But before we get into the details of our subterfuge, I think after my ridiculously long and crazy day I deserve a nice long lie in. I’ll talk to you guys tomorrow. Good night!”

Bloody—ow! Who puts things with sharp corners underneath my blankets? Don’t they know that edges and beds are quite a hazardous combination? Especially if owner of said bed (namely, me) takes weird pleasure in jumping haphazardly into it and covering herself in a messy pile of blankets?

But really, what is in my bed?

Oh. Oh shit. I forgot about her. You were probably just waiting for something like this to happen weren’t you? Thanks for the warning there friend. You're such a pal.

What was lying discreetly in my bed waiting to impale me? Oh, just a picture. Of the entire Weasley Clan filing down the hallway towards the Room of Requirement (which luckily hadn’t appeared yet when the photo was taken) in which Al and I are being manually restrained from physically assaulting each other.

Why is that so bad? Well you see, this particular picture happened to be from the day we made the Plan. Three guesses who it’s from.

Wow you’re good. Vesta Zabini it is. Would you like to know what she scripted across the back?

It says:

“I know you’re up to something and I will figure it out.”

Damn. I knew I should have had Rose interpret the eyebrow gestures for me before I tried to sleep. Then I would have avoided potential death by paper-cut. Well, hopefully anyway. I’m not sure anyone could predict that by manipulating her eyebrows into a particularly threatening positioning across her perfectly pampered face she could have implied that she was planning on hiding incriminating photos in my sheets.

But wait, how did she get up here? Vesta’s a Slytherin! This is a job for the future head girl!

“ROSE! HELP! I was almost murdered via paper cut!” Okay so I’m a little dramatic at times. I’m a teenage girl, deal with it.

“Mara what are you on about? You look dead on your feet. Go to b—oh. Oh, that is not good. Not at all.” Well thanks for that Rose. Especially the part where you discretely told me that I look like shit. I really needed the clarification.

“Seriously Mara how much trouble can one person get into in a day? I leave you alone for three hours and you have a complete mental breakdown! What are we going to do with you?” You know you love it Rosie. There’s a reason I’m your best friend. You thrive off my craziness, even if you deny it. I know the truth.

Plus as hard as she tries she can never quite keep that little smirky little grin off her face whenever she’s telling me off for getting in to my crazy conundrums.

“Oh great, what’s she done now?” Why is it always my fault, huh? This time I seriously didn’t do anything! I was attacked! Maimed! I could have died!! Okay, so the likelihood of being murdered by the sharp edges of a picture are quite slim but I’m sure Zabini could have orchestrated it. She is a Slytherin after all. There’s got to be some cunning running around in her brain trying to avoid the Encyclopedia of Nail Varnish or something.

“Well on top of turning my dearest brother into a pile of crazy, I have no idea. Now Mara would you please tell me why Albus is currently trying to commit suicide via Wronksi Feint down at the pitch? Preferably before he crashes his skull in.” Woah, where did Lily come from? No more company! I want to sleep now, please!

And I have no idea what Albus is doing and why. I’m not his keeper! I’m not even his friend! I’m just his fake girlfriend who he’s about to dump for another girl leaving me with the shreds of my life and a crazed stalker! Arsehole.

“Woah, a little touchy there Mara? Reign in the glare please I just wanted to make sure everything was going to be alright with the Plan.”

Is muttering to yourself a sign of insanity? Because frankly it’s become my Pavlovian reaction to start muttering about arseholes every time someone says the words ‘Plan’ or ‘Albus Potter.’ I think I have a problem.

“Er, Lils? Probably not the best topic to bring up right now. Just saying.” Stupid Potter. Stupid Plan. Stupid ‘the Girl.’ Stupid Rosie for not helping me. Stupid—no, Lovely Alice for being a wonderful friend that changes subjects from evil Plan ruiners and helps me with my recon mission against ‘the Girl.’

“You two are seriously the most ridiculously dramatic people I know. Really Mara, if you and Al had children they’d probably have their own melodrama at age six!” Hey, that was mean Rosie. But don’t worry, that’s never going to happen so we don’t have to worry about the legality of a six year old starring in a melodrama.

“Hey! I’m not that bad!” I just like to inform the world of my plight. It’s not my fault that Albus makes my life so crazy that I seem overly dramatic. Yeah. It just seems that way, I’m usually the epitome of cool, calm and collected.

“Yes Mara you are. Now go down to the pitch right now and clear this all up. Also, make a ‘date’ with Al for some time this week. We really need to get Zabini off your back before she ruins everything.” No! I won’t! You can’t make me! I’ll never talk to him again!

Okay so maybe I lied about the whole ‘not being a drama Queen’ thing…

“But Rosie, I’m so sleepy. Can’t I talk to him tomorrow?” Plus now he can wallow in his guilt. Then maybe he won’t be so eager to abandon me and Alice and I can get our Plan into action.

And I am genuinely about to collapse from exhaustion. It’s been a really long day.

“Fine Mara, but just know that I’m only agreeing to this because you look dead on your feet, not because I’m supporting you and Alice’s crazy scheme to end Al’s supposed crush okay? Your talking to him tomorrow. At breakfast.” Yeah sure Rose. When was the last time the three of us made it down to the Great Hall in time to actually sit and eat breakfast, not to mention hold a conversation?

Never is when. Okay so maybe our first day of classes first year.

We aren’t known for being very timely in the morning, we’re usually lucky to snag a bit of toast before class (only to stuff it in our faces as we sprint through the corridors, of course).

“Mara hurry up! We’re going to be late! We have Potions in twenty minutes!” See? What’d I tell you?

Crap! Where the hell did I put my uniform?!

“Rosie have you seen my tie?” Ugh seriously, why can I only ever find one of my shoes? It’s like I walk around as I’m taking them off or something. Really, why are your shoes never next to each other?

And what is with the ties? Firstly, they’re for boys! Secondly, they are specifically made to make people spend money and be late for class, I swear! I’ve had to buy so many because I misplaced them through the years. If I saved that money I’d be a billionaire by now! Okay so not really, but you get the idea.

“How the hell should I know where your tie is Mara? Now would you please help me with this hair? Stupid mum and her crazy frizziness!” Ugh Rose. Seriously of all the spells that she couldn’t master it had to be the hair one?

Merlin, you’d think a genius would have a better hold on these things, especially since I have to do this for her every day! That Granger frizz is no joke.

Not that we completely alter her hair or anything. We just tame it a bit to make it look like carefree waves instead of a crazy red mass intent on overtaking the universe.

Of course Alice is completely dressed sitting on her bed watching us like we’re a bloody television show or something. Thanks a lot! She could have at least woke us up.

Although we are known to get a bit violent in our half sleep. I once accidentally punched her in the arm. Hard. It left a bruise. I don’t remember it at all.

“Come on! We’re going to be late!” And, run run run!

Seriously, those laps should have been no problem yesterday with the amount of sprinting around this school I do!

Yes! Breakfast is still being served! Maybe I can have a bit of pumpkin juice with my toast this morning! Score!

“Come on! Three minutes!” AAAAGHHH! It’s lucky my arms are still contained in my shoulder sockets at this rate. I am currently being pulled by Rose who is flat out running to the dungeons. Did I mention that Alice is holding my other hand? Yeah. Basically I’m being used as a human tug-o-war rope right now. Not so fun.

We are so delightfully undignified. Really, we must be a sight to see. Three sixteen year old girls skidding through our classroom door just as it begins to close, skirts askew, huffing and puffing from our sprint.

Oh shit. In my haste to find the random pieces of my uniform littered across our dorm I totally forgot the implications of Potions class.

Namely the fact that we have it with the Slytherins. And we are seated by skill level, which is frankly very unfair if I do say so myself. Putting all the smart people together and leaving the numpties to fail?

Oh well, at least I don’t have to deal with them. Of course this does mean that I have to work with my Git-face ‘boyfriend,’ but I suppose I should pretend to be happy. I might as well keep up the farce for as long as it lasts. Plus Rosie is making weird eye gestures at me. Oh. And there’s the glare. Okay so I guess I’ll be talking to Potter after all.

“Hey Al, how was your night?” Who knew someones back could be so muscly and gorgeous? Not fair. That boy is just too attractive. All I did was skim a finger across him as I walked by and I’m already a puddle of hormones. Although apparently it’s not just me, I definitely felt him shiver when I kissed him on the cheek.

“Uh...err...m-morning Mara. Um, I’m g-good. Yeah.” Hmm, apparently by leaching my brain he’s also managed to gain the eloquence of my last two days. That’s good, maybe I’ll actually be the one carrying out the conversation today instead of muttering away like an idiot.

What is that boy staring at? Did I get pumpkin juice on my shir—oh. Hehe. Whoops?

How is it that neither of my friends noticed this? Although it is quite reassuring that my two best friends don’t have a habit of staring at my chest. But really, this is quite obvious. You’d think someone would have said something. I’m sure we sprinted passed McG on our way to Potions. I’m surprised I didn’t get like seventeen uniform violations! Maybe she still feels bad about not noticing the whole stalker situation...

What have I done, you ask? Well you see, whilst in my mad dash for clothing options this morning I couldn't seem to find my sweater so I wore my button up vest instead.

Sadly, I apparently didn’t finish doing up the buttons on my shirt underneath and the only bra I could find was the one Alice made me buy when we were shopping for Greece last summer. It’s covered in lace and definitely makes me look a bit bustier than my other ones.

So yes, my lacy bra happens to be peeking out the top of my shirt a bit, along with my ample cleavage (well I think it’s ample at least. I don’t really make a habit of comparing my breastage with that of other girls, but it sure seems ample when I’m trying to get my quidditch kit on. What a funny word, ample. Ample, ample, ample).

Right, I swear I’m not as crazy as I seem. Back to my ample (hehe) breastage.

So apparently Al noticed. He definitely noticed. Seriously if he was staring a bit more intently his eyes would burn a hole right through my chest. Thank Merlin that’s not possible because it sounds really painful.

But now what do I do? If I just start buttoning up my shirt he’ll definitely know I’ve caught him, but I don’t want to just leave it hanging open! Although his reaction does make me feel a bit pretty.

Not that I need to be ogled to feel pretty or anything!

But it is nice to know that someone thinks you are attractive. Even if said someone is your enemy who is pretending to be your boyfriend…

Really though, we’re going to have to start potion making soon and I can’t just do the whole thing myself while he stares avidly at my chest. It’s a bit distracting, after all.

“Erm, Al? My face is up here. Thanks.” What? Don’t look at me like that! I’ve never been in this situation before! What was I supposed to say?

Hehe, but I did make him turn quite the shade of crimson. That was fun.

“Uh. Erm. I wasn’t—okay so I was wasn’t….I mean—sorry—erm...could you….uh...button up a bit? Only I don’t think I’ll be able to—” Hehe, won’t be able to what Al? He’s just turned even redder (which I didn’t think was possible. He was already rivaling the reddest of tomatoes, now all he’s got to beat is Rosie’s hair).

“Alright class, settle down. Today we’ll be making an exciting potion I know you’ve all been waiting for.” Oh no. No, no, no! Not today! Please, please, please if you love me at all we will not be brewing—

“Amortentia.” Damn it. Why does this world hate me?

“Now can anyone tell me what this potion is? Yes, Miss Weasley?” Really Rose? Be a bit more eager. She’s on the edge of her seat and I’m pretty sure she just purposefully smashed her chair leg onto Scorpius’s foot so she could get her hand up faster. Merlin if they don’t start snogging soon someone’s going to get seriously injured.

Probably Scorp.

Just saying.

“Amortentia is the most powerful love potion in existence. Although it does not create real love, it does cause a powerful infatuation in the drinker and is therefore extremely dangerous. I’ve never smelled it personally, but according to Advanced Potion Making it smells different to everyone.” Thank you textbook. That was very helpful, I’ll be sure to remember that.

That girl really needs to realize that she’s head over heels with the boy sitting next to her and stop her library binges. She’s going to have the whole thing memorized soon and then what’s her distraction going to be?

And is he—? No it can’t be. Is Scorpius Malfoy sneaking peeks at Rosie’s legs? It is true that in our haste this morning she couldn’t find one of her own skirts so she’s borrowing mine, and I do happen to be substantially shorter for being the same size.

Man, waking up late turns us into regular slags doesn’t it? We’ve really got to work on that…

Now back to Scorp and his discreet glances at Rosie’s leggies. This is new, I’ll have to ask Al about it. So long as he’s regained normal brain function and isn’t still ogling me, that is.

“Al! Psst! Is Scorpius eyeing up Rose? Does he like her?” Woah there. No need to be so startled Al.

Seriously all I did was whisper in his ear. There was no reason for him to hit the ceiling. Or start furiously blushing. Again. What is wrong with that boy?

What? NO! He does not! I swear! I mean, yeah, so he keeps a picture of her under his mattress, but that doesn’t mean anything!—Oh shit.” What?

“WHAT?!?” Don’t look at me like that! It’s not every day that you figure out that Scorpius Malfoy is harboring excessive lust for your best friend. Or assume such, since he keeps a bloody picture of her under his bed for Merlin’s sake!

It better not be a dirty picture. Although I don’t know how he could have gotten one, it’s not like Rose makes a habit of going around and taking pictures of herself sans knickers or something.

“Miss Leonidas, I understand that this may seem trivial to one with such extraordinary potions talent but please keep quiet, at least for the sake of the other students.” I love being a Potions prodigy. I can get away with anything in this class.

“No. No I didn’t tell you that. I was just kidding. Hahah?” Oh Al. You are possibly the worst liar of all time.

And you still can’t raise one eyebrow. I love winning.

“Fine. You win. I’m not sure. I mean we talked about it a bit the other day but I dunno. Wait, what do you mean eyeing her up? He better not be! I’ll have his eyes out!” Um, is he being serious right now?

“Wow, hypocrite much there Al?” Okay I’d just like to say that making Al blush is almost as fun as making Rosie blush. Maybe it’s just a Weasley thing.

“Yeah, yeah. So Albus Potter is a supreme perv that can’t tear his eyes away from your...your...well anyway, can’t we just pretend that never happened? Please? We have a potion to make anyway...” Really he could at least look at me while he speaks.

Yeah, so he’s embarrassed about being caught blatantly ogling my chest but I would still rather he address me than the cauldron. And there’s no way I’m just letting this go. It’s way too funny.

“Oh no, no. I won’t be forgetting this for a looong time. Now, why don’t you go get the Ashwinder eggs while I light the flame?” No I haven’t been paying a bit of attention, and yes I do already know the ingredients. What? I told you, Potions prodigy here!

“Erm, how about you get the ingredients. I’m just going to sit for a moment longer. Yep sitting. With my legs safely under my desk. Away from prying eyes. Well anyones eyes really. It’s pretty nice. And...nice…Yeah, so I’ll just light this fire and you can go get those eggs?” Why doesn’t he want to get up? And, really? What is with everyone and the eyebrow gesturing lately?

Although his seems more frantic. And flushed. Like he’s trying to look anywhere but me. If that boy blushes any more today he’s not going to have any more blood for the rest of his body. I don’t understand. Usually he’s running to get away from me—oh.

Ewww! Albus Potter you are gross!

Yep. Definitely time to leave this desk now. I think I’ll just walk over to the cabinet—oh there’s a table there. Running into solid objects is bad. Yep.

Man, who’s dazed now? This is going to be one crazy day.

And we haven’t even started brewing the Love Potion yet. Great.

Okay when I get back over there I am not going to look down. I am not going to look down. I am going to look straight ahead, into the cauldron, or at our cutting board the entire time. No looking down. Don’t do it. Don’t do it—ARGH!

Okay, so not looking down whilst walking is a terrible plan. It involves quite a lot of tripping. And—HOLY MERLIN!

Is that? No way. It’s got to be his—but no. His wand’s on the desk. Am I seriously sitting under our desk ogling Potter’s—his—I can’t even say it!

Why do you hate me fate? Couldn’t I have fallen down anywhere else?

Apparently not.

But holy crap! I mean I know about...ahem...boy part...sizes about as much as I know about ample boob sizage, but woah!

Okay, so now that I’ve been sitting awkwardly under this desk for a good thirty seconds ogling Potter’s...his…

You know what? I’m just going to get up now. This probably looks a bit creepy to the average bystander. Not to mention Potter. Oh Merlin, Potter! I hope he didn’t notice that I was—oh shit.

I hate my life.

Rose? Of all people to catch me it had to be Rose? Great.

“Erm, Mara? My face is up here. Thanks.” Okay so I was wrong. At least Rose is better than Al. She’s just smirking, not making snarky comments. I’m sure I’m quite the flattering shade of magenta right now. Wonderful.

“Uh. Erm. I wasn’t—okay so I was wasn’t….I mean—sorry—erm…I fell?” Is this starting to sound a bit familiar to anyone else? I think I liked it much better when I was the oglee, not the ogler.

This Amortentia stuff must be getting to our heads. How about we just concentrate on the potion for the rest of class, yeah?

“So Mara, what were you doing under Al’s desk?” Stop smirking at me Malfoy. Everyone is so smirky today! I can’t take it any more!

“Don’t waggle your eyebrows at me Malfoy! At least I don’t keep a picture of the person I like under my mattress!” Ugh. I seriously have the biggest gob on the planet. And now I’m smack dab in the middle of an honest to Merlin glare fest.

No seriously. Al is glaring at me with all his might. Scorp is glaring at Al. Rose is glaring at Scor. I feel so left out with no one to glare at! Wait, why is Rosie glaring at Scorpius? We’ll have to analyze these implications later.

“I’m going to kill you Potter!” Holy shit! Who brawls in the potions room? You idiot, Malfoy! There’s fire all over the place!

“Boys! Break it up, break it up! What are you two thinking? Fighting in the middle of a class? And students of my own house at that! Fifty points from Slytherin and a weeks worth of detention, each of you! How are we going to continue in this mess? Class is dismissed. You four, stay behind please.” Oh great. I hate my life.

And that is a huge black eye. I hope Al is okay.

And Scorpius too, obviously. Yeah.

I better not get in trouble. Although I probably deserve it. This is all my fault, after all.

Hold on a sec. Did that ‘each of you’ mean all of us, or just Scor and Al? I really hope it was just them, because if I made Rose get a detention she’ll kill me!

“Now, I have no idea what is going on or how it started but it’s obvious that you four were the root of the problem. You will report to me for your detentions tonight at seven o’clock. Don’t be late. And clean up this mess before you leave.” Oh no. Another glare fest? Really? Is that totally necessary? I didn’t mean it! It just slipped out?

Ouch! What is with dragging me around today? Seriously people I need these arms!

“What the hell Rose? I do know how to walk you know!” Merlin. I knew she looked pissed but that doesn’t mean she can just dislocate my shoulder like that!

“What do you know?” Uh what?

“What are you talking about Rosie?” Merlin this girl looks crazed. Especially since we’re currently crouched behind a table that Al and Scor tipped over in their epic battle and she’s shaking a ladle quite threateningly at my cranium.

“Put the ladle down before you bash me in the head or something! I need this brain!” Gosh, I’ve had to do some serious cranial protection lately haven’t I? Maybe I should just carry around a helmet...

“What do you know about Scorpius?” Oh. So that’s what this is about. Has she finally figured it out yet?

“Why do you care who Scorp likes Rosie? I thought he was just your ‘school rival’?” Hehe. This is so much fun. Does that make me a bad person?

“I don’t! I mean I do, but...well...I mean—it’s purely academic!” Yeah. Sure. That’s why you aren’t looking me in the eye and you’re approximately the color of a strawberry.

“Rose, seriously? I know you better than that.” That girl is so oblivious. Seriously you can’t hate someone that much and not feel something for them.


Unless you’re Potter and I of course. That’s pure hatred right there. Yeah.

Ahem, let’s move on shall we? This is Rosie’s interrogation not mine.

“No really. If he’s distracted by some girl he won’t be able to pay full attention in class and I might finally be able to pull ahead!” She looks so determined. It’s sort of cute in a completely deranged sort of way. Really what kind of substitute for sexual frustration is homework?

Oh Rosie. You are such a crazy child. I can’t even pretend to understand you.

“Well then I’m not telling you. Love is not a means to a higher GPA Rose. And you can’t just play with someones love life for your own ‘twisted satisfaction,’ right Rosie?” Ha. What now genius? You can’t argue with yourself can you?

“Fine Mara, okay? You win. I will help you stalk Albus or ‘The Girl’ or whoever you want so long as you help me figure out what is going on with Malfoy. I MUST WIN!” YES! I always win. I’m so great.

Yay, yay yay! Hehe. Okay so I’m going to stop cheering now. What have I gotten myself into? And when did my best friend go legitimately insane? She is seriously shaking an angered fist to the heavens right now.

Poor, poor Rose. All that talent wasted in a padded room in St. Mungo’s.

She better figure this out quick.

“Deal.” Rose is such a great spy. Plus Alice and I couldn’t have planned an entire reconnaissance mission while missing a third of our team!

“Oh, but you do still have to talk to him about yesterday. I will not have my cousin taking out his frustrations on crazy quidditch dives multiple days in a row. You know how those boys get.” Ugh. That’s what I get for accepting a deal with a genius without reading the fine print. Oh well, at least this way Al’ll stop practicing so much and I’ll actually have a chance of catching the snitch…

Plus we should probably save those two about now, Scorpius and Albus I mean, before they start brawling. Again. I really don’t need another detention.

“Oi Scorpius, come help me get this table straight!” So I’m not that subtle. It got the job done didn’t it?

Although I’m kind of feeling like I’m sitting in the middle of a glare sandwich. Again.

Really people, would you mind directing your anger elsewhere? Please? Just for a little bit?

“What did you tell her?” Oh my freaking Merlin! Ow! No wonder Al always catches the snitch before me! No one drags him around by the arm, but apparently its standard operating procedure when discussing things with me!

“What the bloody hell are you talking about Malfoy? Let go of me before I dye your hair purple!” Bastard. That hurt!

“Mara this is serious. What did you tell Rose? I’m going to murder Al! I can’t believe he told you! In fact I can’t believe he actually got a legitimate sentence out considering the state of your shirt this morning.” Hey! If you noticed you could have given me a heads up! Thanks a lot Scorpius. Although that would have been a tad awkward. Not going to lie. Also Rose would have probably killed me.

“I didn’t tell her anything Malfoy, however I did agree to help her.” Oh shit! How am I going to ‘help’ Rose figure out who Scor likes if I already know?

I can’t just tell her! Al would kill me! Not to mention Scorpius. He does look pretty peeved right now. Thank Merlin I’m not Al right now.
“Help her? Help her with what? Mara you can’t tell her! She’ll laugh at me! She hates me! I can’t deal with this!” Oh that poor boy. He’s having a legit mental breakdown. Once again, what a waste of talent.

Maybe him and Rose can share a padded cell at St. Mungo’s. I’m sure that would make him happy.

“But I promised! Plus I need her help to figure out who ‘the Girl’ is!” Oh damn. Seriously why can’t I keep my mouth shut today? It’s like someone slipped me babbling beverage or some such crazy thing!

“Wait, what? Mara who is ‘the Girl’?” Stupid mouth.

“Um. Erm. No one?” He’ll never get it out of me!

“Mara you just yelled that I keep a picture of the girl I like under my mattress to the entire potions class. Including said girl. I think you owe me.” Damn. The boy speaks sense.

“Fine. Ugh. So Al is in love with some girl and he’s going to abandon me and the Plan and my life is going to be over!” It doesn’t matter how many times I say that. It still makes me so mad. Arse.

Wait! Why is Scorpius laughing at me? It’s not funny! I’m going to be stuck evading the Creeper forever and he thinks its funny? That bastard. He deserves me yelling his secret. In fact I might just announce it again at dinner just to spite him.

“Haha..s—sorry Mara. It’s just—hahahha—you think—heehee— that Al likes—another...haha...girl?” Really that boy giggles more than a third year with a cheering charm. Merlin. And it’s not funny! We’re talking about my wellbeing here!

“It’s not funny Malfoy! What am I going to do?” Maybe he can use his status as ‘best friend’ to convince Potter not to abandon me!

Although I think I may have just murdered any chance of that happening. You know, making them have an all out brawl in the middle of potions and all…

“Mara, don’t worry. There is no other girl. I swear. Albus wouldn’t give up on this plan for the world.” What a weird thing to say. Not that I believe him. I guess I’ll just have to figure out who ‘the Girl’ is on my own.

Well with Alice and Rose, of course.

A/N: Hello, hello, hello!!! Sorry everyone for the wait...also for putting up this chapter (sort of) for like ten minutes and then taking it down and completely changing it…

I felt like I hadn’t spent any time showing Hogwarts Mara and Al’s ‘relationship.’ For everyone that read the other part, we’ll see if it comes into play in the future...I haven’t decided yet.

Anyway, I realize that this chapter is a bit more, shall we say graphic (?), with the ogling but it made me laugh. Poor everyone in this chapter! It was all just a crazy mess, huh?

Do you think Al should just keep a gag with him? Really that boy can’t keep his mouth shut can he?

Detention at 7, be there or be square!

Leave me lots of reviews because I love them!!!!!

Rose Red :)

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